Iím finding it hard to get going here again and I had promised myself January would be the month when I started to re-group and lose some of my regained pounds. I know Iím too easily diverted and de-focused and the work involved in having fun over the Christmas/New Year period , plus the family rows that came from nowhere (which have really brought me down) and working away from home for the first week of January followed by a kidney infection that was a lot worse than it needed to be because I ignored it in favour of all the above have combined to set me back before Iíve even got going.
I have to make a decision about all this Ė certainly thatís whatís needed if Iím ever to achieve a healthier state of both mind and body. So, regardless of the fact that Iím not really ready, Iím going for it Ė just have to see what happens Ė no real plan although Iíve been searching around for the inspiration that is always available here if I just look for it and beginning to formulate a way forward. Iíve been around on Spark long enough to know the HOW of doing it Ė I just need to find the positivity Ė and gumption - to follow that through. Truly hoping that this will be the year.
There was quite a lot on Spark yesterday about the support, encouragement and understanding that all of us give each other. Where Ė as someone asked Ė would we all be without each other? Indeed! I - for one - would be long gone. As it is, I simply canít bring myself to let down all of those who have kept me going Ė all of them with far too generous souls to hold departure against me but still I just canít do that. For me that kind of friendship is the essence of Spark.
Itís a while since I blogged. I have not given up, but have been focusing on other things. Iíve been in Dorset finishing the renovation of my tiny country cottage. It went well Ė and there are only a few final things to do. It has taken the best part of five years but I wanted a project and have done most of it myself Ė tiling floors and walls, painting everywhere, putting up shelves and making curtains and lose covers. Oh Ė and digging most of the garden over. Of course Iíve had help with the technical or really heavy stuff Ė some paid Ė a lot from my sons. The work has certainly been good for calorie burning but even so Ė in these last few weeks I totally lost focus and ate (and drank!) what was easy. I tried to plan but not enough Iím afraid. I tracked nothing. Typical!! And frightening that habits that I thought I had put in place forever just slithered out of my grasp. *TRY HARDER* as my school reports used to say.
I am actually slightly horrified at how close I am to the end of all my renovations. What am I going to do with myself NOW? Iím a person who needs to have a project on the go. SO Ė my next project is going to be - - - ME!! I donít weigh more than once a month Ė on the 25th - so I donít actually know for certain at the moment, but Iím more likely to have gained rather than lost this month despite all the hard work I have put into the house. What Iím really doing here is owning up to the fact that Iíve been B-A-AD Ė big-time. Having no time is my excuse but I could have been better if Iíd wanted to Ė there was a great blog to this effect recently Ė Ďif you truly want to then you can find the the timeí was the message. Iím engraving that on my brain! What I really need to do is get back the discipline that I had acquired and that was really helping me to shed pounds Ė FINALLY - after several years of stop-start here on Spark.
So thatís my aim for the next six weeks Ė eat better Ė certainly drink less wine Ė and re-launch some formal exercise Ė before my most recent efforts are wasted. It would be terrible to let go of the progress I have made. l have to REALLY train my bad habits out of myself so I donít fall back on them when stress or other things occur in my lifeĖ but itís harder than I expected. Shouldnít they have gone by now? Well Ė apparently not. Today I read another blog by another Sparker Ė the essence of which was Ė when tempted in whatever way Ė take deep breaths and think it out rather than giving in..
So many words of wisdom here on Spark which I store in an ĎInspirationí file on my laptop.
So dear Spark friends Ė I thank you for all the times you have inspired me and even me. I will happily do the same for you
My younger grandson has just reached three years old almost without my noticing - time flies when you're having fun!
He went to his Pre-school for the first time this week having been prepared by his parents plus a home visit from his teacher AND a preparatory visit to the nursery where he spent an hour without his Mother.
Despite all he was apparently OK but quiet whilst he was there for his first 'proper' morning and had a rather puzzled look.
When my daughter-in-law arrived to pick him up his face lit up and he squealed: 'Mummy!!! You found me! Well done!'
Brought a tear to my eye when my son recounted it!
Iím having a bad day today - foodwise - which I canít really understand. Iíve been doing OK with food and exercise and was thinking yesterday that itís getting easier to be judicious about what I put in my mouth. (See my last blog about having willpower - HUH!!)
I am committed to continuing this effort until I reach my goal and I guess we all hit bumps. Last night I woke up feeling ravenous Ė but also too sleepy to resist the call for food. I was in the kitchen before I knew it and made 2 ricecakes plus low-fat cream cheese with cucumber + Juice. Not bad in itself but I canít remember the last time I had what my partner calls Ďa midnight feastí.
This morning I thought two things: Firstly - where do I enter those extra calories? If I set up an extra meal category ĎMidnight Feastí Iíll be setting a precedent I donít want to establish. So Iíll have to find somewhere. My second thought was: I must put it behind me and get on with a normal day. So Ė smallish but adequate breakfast Ė 1 egg spinach omelette(no fat in the pan - no cheese) and coffee. By mid-morning I was eating toast and marmite (3 slices I blush to admit) Ė and coffees (two). How does this happen when Iíve got so many well-moderated days behind me? STILL I have not established better habits properly. Scary! I know I can balance the calories out for the week but eating less doesn't seem to be an option right now.
Hey ho! Am now going for a walk in the sunshine by the sea Ė a long long walk and hoping to come back in better balance. I already feel better for letting it all out.
Where else could I say all this and know there would be acceptance?
Had intended to be blogging every day for a while to keep myself from the slippage I could feel coming on after a pretty good couple of months Ė but things go awry donít they? My partner wanted to take some friends (whom I donít even get on with particularly) down to my little cottage in the country and much as I didnít wish for any of it we all do things we donít want to for our partners donít we? Thatís the nature of being with someone. I actually wanted to scream Ė ĎDonít you realise how much harder itíll be to stick in my calorie range with all that food Iíll have to cook and serve Ė worse, sit at the table looking at it Ė and all that wine flowing that will be so hard to resist?í So Ė Iíve been struggling this week but it could have been worse
There was no time to Spark much Ė apart from tracking Ė but I just thought: ĎOK - Iíll have to be big and brave and get on with it on my own without support from SPfriends.í Actually my food and wine consumption have been better than they might have been. Lesson learned about determination Ė if I REALLY want it to work then itís up to ME Ė and no one else Ė get on with it.
I managed to resist most of those bright signs beckoning me to the cheeseboard and wine bottle in the knowledge that I would then avoid the disappointment that would otherwise await me on the scales later. I exercised when I could make the time and walked a lot Ė tho not as much as Iíd hoped. However Ė good enough - and although I am saying this in a tentative whisper Ė I really think I may have learned some more good Spark lessons Ė FINALLY!
Now I'm home and have a week ahead with no temptations so I can apply myself with renewed vigour. Hereís hoping . . .