I’ve been absent for a lot longer than I intended although I have been logging in and tracking as much as I could – not that that saved me from regaining some of my hard lost pounds and I knew that I either had to start again or give up altogether. What I know, however, is that if I don’t stay with Spark then I’m going to be in real trouble and that my intention to get healthier in my later years is lost – road to hell is paved with good intentions, they say, so I need to make my good intentions become a reality.
I’ve been messing around on the edges of Spark for nearly two months now – taking consolation and inspiration from so many who fall – dust themselves off and start again and from various Spark blogs. I knew that eventually something would ‘re-Spark’ me and yesterday it did.
I read a blog by Michelene Cleary in which she said: -
‘Getting out of a rut can be hard work. You get tired of fighting to change yourself or the ''thing'' in your life that needs changing, and you just want to lay down in the rut and give up. Accepting "what is" becomes easier than struggling to get to "what could be." The vision or dream becomes lost in the midst of everyday life.’
This is totally what happened to me – I lost focus because I was very busy with the last stage of renovations to my ‘extra’ little house in the country and blew it all. However – thanks to Micheline and other friends who have been both tolerant and encouraging I am embarking on yet another attempt to lose my excess 50-ish pounds – resetting my ticker and ploughing on. For the moment I’m concentrating on exercise minutes because I’m so bad at being consistent with exercise and in any case the scales are sending me demented so I’m focusing on healthy calories – both in and out - and letting my clothes tell me how I’m getting on.
The weather here is wonderful so I’ve walked by the sea this morning and am embarking on some strength exercises shortly. The only things about the walk by the sea is that there is an open air exercise class (should I join?) and lots of marquees being set up for our annual Brighton (UK) food festival.(should I go?) Endless delicious food and Pimms on top of an open bus!! Oh dear – a test in itself!!
I had loads of cards and really great and unexpected presents, which gave me huge pleasure. Several cookery books among other lovely things – how well my friends know me! Am resolved not to overuse them – won’t help me on the weightloss front! - but once a week – with tweaks – shouldn’t hurt.
Lunch and supper out – in different company. Lunch in a pub with partner and friends on the South Downs behind Brighton – all locally sourced and freshly cooked. Supper with other friends in a restaurant which has it's own field elsewhere - which is left to its own devices - where the resident expert forages for wild greens and they also cook well sourced beautifully cooked meat and fish. All delish!!
Both these places have calorie-counted menus – SO . . . with some considerable restraint on the wine consumption, I managed to scrape in marginally under my calorie allowance
I’ve been so very bad lately
No excuses - 8 pounds up - will do that!
I know better – I just don’t DO better. I intended to be 30 pounds down by this, my birthday week. HUH!!!! I was doing well – more or less on track – and, as always, I blew it! Need to have a serious talk to myself about self-sabotage.
Yesterday I was about to quit and spend some time re-focusing for a while. Had plans for getting in touch with a number of my good and supportive Sparkfriends before I left so they would know what was what. However – a good friend of mine who faded away for a while some time ago re-appeared with a message on my most recent blog and in reading that I also re-read some such kind comments from other friends that I just thought it was mad to leave a site with wonderful people and great facilities both of which are – in fact – my only hope for a healthier life.
All that was compounded this morning by 500 Spark Goodie Points at log-in and 25 Bonus Points. Yeah- I know - but it's easy to get ridiculously excited about that stuff. 'Must be meant’ as my Granny used to say. So here I go – back in the fold and trying to get on track again.
Any will be gratefully received in the spirit in which they are meant.
I seem to have been away from Spark for an age and I’m creeping back with some trepidation. I’ve got a lot of stuff going on in my personal life and I’m not really sure if I can sustain my return because I tend to retreat into myself when life isn't going well, but I miss Spark and my Spark friends a great deal so I’m giving it a go.
I know that being here regularly inspires me to treat myself better – certainly better than I have been recently. I’ve gained back a few of the pounds I lost but they are already disappearing with an effort at less chaotic eating and leaving out the carbs – my recourse when I need comfort. I must get back into some serious movement, strength and stretching too – I didn’t give up completely but it’s always the hardest thing for me – I’d love to find some way to enjoy exercising (Wow! I’d be a better person in so-o many ways!) but I’m still searching for the key to that which so many of you have found. However I know that at my age if I spend too much time motionless on my sofa I’ll seize up altogether – there have been signs of it and if I can find no other motivation then that is what I remind myself of when I’m on the verge of ‘can’t be bothered’.
What I really want is an answer to the question many Sparkers must ask themselves: ‘Why do I find it all so (almost) impossibly hard?’ (‘Self-indulgence’ someone whispers - Oh – that was me whispering actually!)
In the meantime I’m taking on board something that two good friends here have said: ’Don’t worry – be happy’. I am definitely trying for that - and for some positivity - right now.
As it turned out I had a bit of a bad time over the Christmas and New Year holidays. My partner and I both had a dose of flu that neither of us could throw off. I’ve come off best although I am tired all the time STILL – just seems to go on and on!! For my partner it turned into pneumonia and he has been hospitalized for four days. I fetched him home yesterday and all is well. At least he’s back in his own bed now and cheerier for that. Hopefully he will be up tomorrow although he’ll need some care and attention for a few days - if not longer.
So – ‘fraid Sparking has gone by the board. I’m creeping back today and hoping to get back into it. Before Christmas I promised myself to join the January Jumpstart Challenge – and I still may but I’m not up to it just yet. I’ve been doing little or no exercise due to all this so am sad – because I needed a boost to my efforts here and it would have been ideal – however there’s no point in starting something that I know, for the moment, I probably wouldn’t finish.
I have not eaten badly – although hardly at all some days – so the scale is not being unkind to me but I have a lot of catching-up to do in terms of cardio and toning.
So – my Spark New Year starts here and - belatedly - I wish all you Sparkers a happy and successful 2012 and thank you for your goodies. I'll be popping by your pages very soon to thank you personally for your goodies and messages.