I am very happy to look back on a good week so far. I have woken early, got out of bed immediately and done a 15 minute warm up on the exercise bike – a selection of strength exercises which a Spark friend sent me to help the sciatica that is currently bothering me. Then some yoga stretches, a decent breakfast and I’m good to go.
I was bemoaning the fact – to another Sparkfriend – how much I really dislike the whole business of exercising because I HAVE to even tho I know I should and the gist of her reply was – don’t do stuff that you don’t enjoy because you think you should but rather something you enjoy – however unusual it is.
So I have been going to Brighton Marina this week in what remains of the rather watery sunshine we still have here. I have really enjoyed tramping round looking at the yachts moored there and at the fishing boats back from their working day and all the tackle and pots..
Seems like I’ve found something to make me move at a reasonable rate for an hour or two – Hoorah!
I’m thinking of exploring mall-walking when the weather gets bad if I can get any sort of speed up among the crowds.
SO – a good time at the moment – moving about – eating carefully and actually enjoying it
AND – sneaked onto the scales this morning – yeah I know I shouldn’t! – and they are being kind to me.
HOORAH again – and thanks to those two Sparkfriends – indeed to all of you.
I have been trying to do it for some time – on and off. Firstly I lost heart with myself. Secondly there’s been a bit of hiatus in my life – two weeks working away - which always involves meals out and hotel living generally - and then a collection of pieces of bad news. My longest standing friend, in Cumbria in the north of England, is in the last stages of emphysema, another treasured friend is undergoing chemo at a London hospital. A valued colleague of my partner and good friend to both of us had a stroke in Corfu and had to be transferred to London by air ambulance – an extremely complicated procedure it seems. He and his wife are considerably older than we are and when I hear what his wife had to go through to get him the attention and help he needed I can’t imagine how either of them got through it. Currently he is in hospital in London and is stable. So I’ve been driving around a fair bit visiting these friends, helping with the chemo runs and in the other case saying a definitive goodbye which was, of course, extremely harrowing. But it’s time to kick myself into a frame of mind where I stop complaining and count my blessings. ALSO I have to get on with this weight loss journey which I keep stalling.
In the meantime I have been discharged – finally – by my cancer specialist after the five years it takes to be considered clear. Definitely a plus.
Thanks to the great food tracker here on Spark – the best as far as I have found - I am happy to find that the accountability that it gives means I have lost a few pounds - another plus. In my gratitude for that I am finally finding the motivation to get going on Spark again in the hopes that I can actually lose a serious number of pounds. My current aim is to lose 30lb by my birthday in the first week in March 2012.
I would ask everyone to wish me good luck – but we all know it’s hard work and not luck that gets us to where we need to be.
I seem to have a change of attitude - long may it last!
I was obliged to go out to supper last night – unavoidable – a longstanding arrangement - and I really didn't want to go because I've had a few pretty good Spark days and didn't want that to change.
SO - I gave myself a good talking-to and I actually wrote a note to myself: -
'IF I CAN’T BE CAREFUL EATING AND DRINKING (WATER RULES!!) TONIGHT AFTER ALL THIS EFFORT AND RECENT SUPPORT FROM MY GOOD SPARK FRIENDS, THEN I JUST DON’T DESERVE TO LOSE ANY WEIGHT. JUST DO IT RIGHT!'
i felt rather stupid doing it but I'm pleased to report that it worked and I stayed within calorie range and had only TWO glasses of wine – DEFINITELY a first!!
Further because I have a very bad habit of coming home and diving into the fridge even when I've already eaten - some long ago childhood habit that I can't rid myself of - I left a low-fat yoghourt by my bed with some water and some juice and by-passed the kitchen altogether. That worked too. Ate the yoghourt - drank some water and went straight to sleep.
All in all I'm feeling pretty pleased with progress made in my change of attitude - now I need find ways to keep that new attitude in place.
I had come to a point where I was ashamed to be a member here – I’ve never lost a great deal of weight with Spark through my own most grievous fault, but continued on the basis that slow weightloss was better than no weightloss. However I have put back almost everything I lost in this, the beginning of my third year with Spark and there seemed little reason to keep trying. But I knew I’d be letting myself down and also those who do their best to keep me going here - you all know who you are.
So - with that help and encouragement I have got back into exercising and that – in its turn – has led to better eating again. I can’t bear to own up at the moment exactly where my relapse has got me in terms of ‘poundage’ so my tracker remains the same – a blatant lie in fact – but one of those pounds has gone this week.
On a positive note, the other thing that has kept me here is that despite the numbers on the scale and a certain drop in energy recently, I am feeling better and healthier than I have since before I joined Spark and that, in itself, seems to me to be a reason to stay with this community and NOT give up.
Lately, because I was much engulfed with caring for my grandchildren to give their parents a hand, I’ve lost focus, eaten far too much and pretty well given up exercising – apart from the cardio that young children inevitably provoke. They are delicious like all little children but so-o diverting and I need to find a way to deal with them – and other diversions in life – without damage to myself - and NOT indulge myself in the process
So I’ve been chasing round the site trying to find encouragement and inspiration. There is so much hope here – so many successes – so many people keeping on keeping on despite their own problems and difficulties and I needed to read all of it to change my mindset. I seem to be always busy and then my focus on myself and my health slithers away from me and hides behind the nearest tree. I’m trying to stop the rot.
I know I’ve been sabotaging myself by only picking out the components of the Spark armoury that please me (lean protein/ lots of veggies/water) and abandoning some of the others that please me less (regular exercise/moderate portions/low-fat versions of various foods like cheese and mayo). And DON’T mention the WINE!!! All of which means I’m carrying more excess baggage than usual. I feel heavy and tired from too much food – too exhausted to move around as much as I should - all compounded by an attack of sciatica which I KNOW would be better if I were moving around more and doing plenty of gentle stretches.
I have called myself ‘determined’ here many times – the fact is that tho I WANT to be determined, I haven’t followed that through. Silly me!
Having taken inspiration from all you great Sparkers and heeded the encouragement of my good friends here, I’m starting again – and am pleased to report that yesterday I had a good first day. Moderate quantities of healthy food – some strength exercises and cardio. HOORAH!!It remains to find ways to keep that going – not easy but I HAVE to give it a go.