AKELAZ   74,868
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Oh dear - AGAIN!

Monday, March 28, 2011

Well – I’ve dragged my partner kicking and screaming into a more confident state of mind. His extreme worry over his angina diagnosis was due to winter blues, as far as I can see, which he suffers from really badly, exaggerating his fears about his condition. The specialist has told him, after considerable testing, that he is not even in need of a stent as yet – so that’s made us both happy.

I have also attended to various family commitments and responsibilities that took up a lot more time and energy than I expected.

I feared I hadn’t been looking after myself properly - Sparkwise that is - I have certainly exercised – cardio and strength - pretty well every day because now I miss it if I don’t do it. Foodwise hasn’t been so good. It’s always been a problem for me to eat right unless I am completely focused on my diet. Now I’ve faced ‘that moment’ – i.e. getting on the scales again - I find that I have gained back seven pounds – not a small amount and I’m ashamed. I would like to have clung more limpet-like than I have to the improved habits Spark had instilled.
However, I don’t intend to waste the effort that has led to this point. A friend blogged about ‘strugglers and motivators’ a while ago - a blog that really went to my heart. I certainly can’t claim to be a motivator but SHE motivated ME to focus on putting a stop to the struggling and yo-yo-ing that have characterised my journey here and to strive for more consistency. I really need to stop letting things get in my way and make getting healthier no-matter-what a priority.
So here I am – yet another fresh start with yet more resolutions. I just hope I make a better job of it this time despite the fact that I am away on and off working for several weeks to come.

emoticon to all my Spark friends and many thanks for your patience and tolerance.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MEDDYPEDDY 4/17/2011 1:50AM

    I hope it is still going better than when you where down... miss you around!

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TWOTIMESS 3/29/2011 4:57PM

    Sonia, I echo the other's sentiments, and feel I need to add just a little bit to it - when are you going to start being more selfish and say "No, sorry, you've got to sort out your own problem this time?" and focus on yourself? I know you love your kids, but enough is enough. You do so well, then the family needs you and you drop eveything to help them out, neglecting yourself inn the process. Say NO.

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NEW-CAZ 3/28/2011 3:34PM

    Hi Sonia
All that's happened is your priorites shifted for a while and you put others b4 you which is so typical of your good nature emoticon emoticon.

Okay so it's time to refocus and not have a kneejerk reaction and take drastic action. Track, keep active, healthly foods and meals and water and some down time and those 7 pounds will be gone again b4 you know it.

For all that is going on here, remember I am here for you babes.
One step at a time......keep sparking and you'll do it! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MARTY728 3/28/2011 2:09PM

    Everyone (including those DARN skinny I eat whatever I want people) slip and fall. The key is to get up and get back on course. Sliping and falling and NOT getting back on course is what causes all human beings to gain and keep weight.

You are winning because you have gotten back on course. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Wednesday, February 02, 2011

I haven’t blogged for a while and don’t see that changing soon. My partner is having a hard time and I am much pre-occupied with him. He’s been diagnosed with angina – not serious in itself of course – but he’s taken it badly because he’s just not used to being ill in any way and feels his life is changing which I guess it is, though not yet in the big way he fears. All this has coincided with the ‘winter blues’ which affect him very badly. I bought him a daylight lamp a few years ago but as he claims to be too depressed to switch it on (WHAT?!) I have put it on a timer so he’s ‘hit’ by it every day now – presumably too depressed to turn it off again – or so I hope! Anyway – exaggerated though his feelings may be at the moment they are nonetheless valid and I am giving him all of my time in the hopes that all this will pass and he will stop needing me around him so much – time I spend on the laptop - or indeed the phone - just really upsets him. Have to add that this is not the person that I know him to be so I’m doing all I can to help him out of this.
This blog is just to say a quick ‘hallo’ to everyone and a general thank you for comments on my page and for goodies – they are much appreciated but I have little time in my quick sallies round the site to acknowledge them individually.
Guess I don’t have to add that my weight-loss has stalled as it always does when I’m not paying myself as much attention as I need to. Plainly I need better and more entrenched habits – something that I still need to work on. This will all change soon – at least I very much hope so. In the meantime – forgive me until I’m back?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MARTY728 2/9/2011 1:18PM

    I hope your partner gets better as the winter comes to an end. Your partner is lucky to have a partner like you.

Whenever I am depressed, unmotivated on just plain blue, I always repeat 3 lines from a song by Chumbawamba, "I Get Knocked Down (Tubthumping)":

"I get knocked down
But I get up again
You're never going to keep me down"

Sometimes I have to repeat the lines a number of times, however, eventually they sink in and I move on.

In fact, to me the song has always reminded me of a British drinking song, so there is another tie-in.

I believe that the British have the BEST drinking and soccer songs!

emoticon emoticon emoticon,

Comment edited on: 2/9/2011 1:20:03 PM

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NEW-CAZ 2/5/2011 4:21AM

    Hi Sonia
I am really sorry to Gerry is going through it right now and how this is impacting on you. A stressful time I understand.
You're being supportive of him as always and doing what you can but remember you have to take care of you too. You are important hun.

Totally understand you MIA and don't worry your friends on here will be thinking of you and sending positive vibes.
You know where I am if you need to vent/talk emoticon emoticon emoticon

emoticon for Gerry

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TRENTDREAMER 2/3/2011 6:47PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

* Really sorry to hear. Will miss you much.

Hang in as best you can.

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KERSTIN814 2/2/2011 12:19PM

    You are doing the right thing. Angina is serious in that it signals blockages in his coronary arteries, and the pain is usually brought on by activity, when the heart has to work harder. There is some evidence that you can reverse these blockages with a very strict diet, though I am not sure. Send him lots of spark love. There may be a spark team you can join too. I joined a team of people who take care of parents with dementia, Children Caregivers. Good Luck! emoticon

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DRAGONFLYBETH 2/2/2011 11:35AM

    Take care of him and yourself. We'll be here when you return!

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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APPLEADAY2010 2/2/2011 8:30AM

    SEnding lots of hugs, take care my spark freind. I will be thinking of you xx emoticon

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TWOTIMESS 2/2/2011 5:54AM

You go do what you have to do - we'll be here, as always! Don't neglect yourself!

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Wednesday, January 19, 2011

I didn’t feel great yesterday – a migraine - I don’t get them nearly as badly as some but it interfered with a hard-won resolution to exercise not only MORE but more thoroughly – to put more effort into my activities. I was discouraged, cross and miserable on the principle of ‘even when I WANT to try’ something gets in the way of my plan. Boo-hoo! Poor me!
Well of course it does! That’s life and not exclusive to me. I’m so busy trying to make this thing work that I’ve become too self-focused and selfish. Moaning and feeling sorry for myself is just not helpful to me and tedious for others. In the face of the really serious things that can happen to people, a mild migraine is nothing. So many people here on Spark pick themselves up after setbacks and indeed tragedies and limp on until they are strong enough to move forward with their lives in an effective way. Sparkers – you have taught me a lesson. You are all amazing. I need a serious attitude re-vamp – am working on it from today.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AMBERZADE 1/26/2011 10:18AM

    Migraines can be debilitating! We all have different challenges but experience them as challenges just teh same. Don't get down on yourself.

You're such a sweet person with such a sweet personality. I always appreciate the encouragement you give me in my blog.

Don't worry! It will all work out and maybe you just needed a day of rest! emoticon

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MEDDYPEDDY 1/25/2011 8:08AM

    Hey - please DO whine a while, I have had enough of all that "get a haircut and a job"... but after a good whine comes a moment when you feel like "Ok, and now what?" Then the fun begins. To me, before I can let optimism and lust take over again I have to be sure to let myself dwell on the pitypot long enough. Otherwise there will be a part of me that feels neglected and sad because it is not allowed to exist. Sadness, selfpity and passivity is part of my personality I need it as well as I need the strength, hope and courage!

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BUSSMOM 1/19/2011 1:05PM

  I know how a headache.....even a "small" one can make your world come to a screeching halt. Migraines are the pits to say the least. But today is another day and you can pick it back up and move forward....good for you!

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SHELIS10 1/19/2011 10:38AM

    I think what is making us successful this time around, compared to other times that we might have tried and failed to be healthy, is that now we know that bad days, migraines, fights with the boss, head colds and the like are just temporary.

We are learning that you can start over and over and over again and it is okay!

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APPLEADAY2010 1/19/2011 6:33AM

    I loved this blog - I will try and remember this when I am having a whine. I had a bad tummy last week and have been awol ever since lol. Am back now though and I need to catch up. I see you have lost another 3 pounds! That just shows how great you have been working - really proud of you! Sending big hugs and hope you have fab day because you deserve it. emoticon

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TWOTIMESS 1/19/2011 5:12AM

    emoticon emoticon
A crazy smile a day keeps the bleh's at bay!

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NEW-CAZ 1/19/2011 4:19AM

    Life can get in the way Sonia but I think you just had the blues yesterday with your migraine and the frustration of that has got you focusing on the negative.
You are doing well hun! And it's not selfish to want good health- if you don't look after you who will?
You're more positive today emoticon

emoticon emoticon

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A better attitude and 3 more pounds gone

Saturday, January 15, 2011

A loss of 3 pounds has made me very happy – over the commitment of ½ pound per week that I made to the Slowest Loser Team which taught me a very valuable lesson about the merits of slow weightloss - thus avoiding my usual burn-out. This has to slow down soon so I’m not worrying either way.

Following the South Beach plan just gets easier and easier – dunno what’s happened – it’s not like me at all! Still NO cravings for big squashy sandwiches and never hungry. I love the basic plan of vegetables, chicken and fish and the suggested beans are easy to add to any meal. Lettuce rollups are my new best friends. They make a really good light substitute for a sandwich. Great – cos if I don’t eat bread I am general less inclined to overeat and I feel more energetic and less bloated - but rollups mean I can still have the sandwich fillings, which are satisfying and tasty, rolled in lettuce leaves for a snack. So - no hardship to follow the rules when there are good results to show for doing so. Guess I should add that for me the only real hardship is that I haven’t had a glass of wine for two weeks. WHAT!!?? Friends at home who know me well just laugh when I say that but actually it’s worth the sacrifice – particular as it’s not forever. Finally I may have found the answer to my lifelong weight problems – I really do hope so. NO – scrub that! I HAVE found the answer to my lifelong diet problems – positivity rules right?

At the same time there’s the Bootcamp Challenge and that’s getting easier too especially with greater energy. I didn’t find it all that easy when I started, but although I had a bit of a hiccup this week and had to do two videos on Friday to make up for missing the one on Thursday it went OK. I didn’t wake up this week with a sinking feeling - knowing there was a video waiting for me that I had committed to and not wanting to let myself down. Made me feel good.

So – progress made in the most important area – ATTITUDE
emoticon emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MEDDYPEDDY 1/25/2011 8:13AM

    Wow, you almost scare me with all that success! I am very happy for you and hope it continues until you have reached your goal.

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DOWNTOWNJEN 1/15/2011 3:51PM

    Good for you!!! You know I've also noticed that when I eat fewer carbs I have less cravings. Weird, huh.

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NEEBREW 1/15/2011 9:18AM

    I am SOOOO happy for you! South Beach SAVED me, literally. I felt like such a failure before, not realizing that WHAT I was eating was triggering compulsive overeating and causing my weight loss efforts to fail. When I found South Beach, I found empowerment and a new way to live. Last year was the best year of my life thanks to South Beach!

Being a HUGE fan of red wine, I found that as long as my calories were in check, I didn't gain weight when I added it back in. Don't have any worries about that!

Renee :)

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AUNTB63 1/15/2011 8:26AM

    emoticon a three pound loss, a great attitude, moving forward.
What else could a person ask for? Have a great weekend and keep up the great work.

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ROSEWCI 1/15/2011 8:10AM

    emoticon on being down 3 lbs!
LOVE the concept of lettuce rollups! emoticon
emoticon for the positive attitude!
emoticon for Bootcamp Challenge!

Keep up the great work! emoticon Rose

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SHELIS10 1/15/2011 7:33AM

    Good job! Personally, I feel like south beach is a miracle, I'm so glad you're enjoying it too.

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IMEMINE1 1/15/2011 7:29AM

    emoticon and emoticon emoticon on the attitude and weight loss.

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CHARANN3 1/15/2011 6:20AM


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TWOTIMESS 1/15/2011 6:14AM

    emoticon emoticon
This sounds great, Sonia. It's so nice finding your own drumbeat and marching to it!

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CAM2438 1/15/2011 6:04AM

    emoticonWay to go! Keep up the good work. Remember "slow an steady wins the race!"

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NEW-CAZ 1/15/2011 4:47AM

    emoticon on 3 pounds gone Sonia, you're doing so well and sound so much happier, I am truly happy for you emoticon

And no booze! emoticon emoticon emoticon

Keep it up hun, proud of you emoticon emoticon

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Defining moment

Wednesday, January 05, 2011

I have made such slow progress here – I am not consistent by nature – blown by the wind in directions that I shouldn’t really go, in so many respects and therefore not getting results I wish for. I am often ashamed not to do better – here on Spark and in other ways too. Fun is always my overriding motive and I don’t find it easy to reign in my wish to eat (not unhealthily – just too much) drink good wine (almost always more than I intend) in company. I need to convince myself - REALLY convince myself - that lighter, fitter and healthier is also fun. I am starting this New Year with the intention of doing much better – it won’t be perfect but I have joined the South Beach Team and the Boot Camp in the hopes that I will entrench myself in some new habits and find some solid consistency.

My Christmas was a bit of a disaster – following a weight gain at the end of the year, so I reset my ticker NINE POUNDS higher (!!!) Then my grandchildren came to visit and what a workout that was! Apart from the obvious energy needed for visitors and young children in particular, my 5-year old grandson took a very large box that had contained a present, drew wheels on the side and a steering wheel on the inside of the front flap and pushed his young brother up and down my extremely long hall making ‘vroom- vroom’ noises until he decided that they should both be in the ‘car’. “Come on Granny – push us” he shouted – obviously I did that but he turned round to ask his Daddy to take over: “he’s a better engine than you are Granny – you’re not fast enough!” Uh-oh – there’s motivation to get on with this thing!! The truly defining moment came when he looked me up and down and turned round and shouted to his father ‘Gran’ma’s a bit big and fat you know’ Out of the mouths of babes! I don’t know who was more horrified – me or my son!

So I committed to the South Beach Team and to the 28-Day Boot Camp on January 1st and so far it’s going well. It always amazes me how much brighter I feel if I stay away from refined carbs. Loads more energy and no cravings is my current blissful state. So – doing the Boot Camp workouts and eating carefully – even at my partner’s birthday lunch this week – within the South Beach food plan and so NO-O alcohol. Already I feel less bloated and I’m really banking on seeing the new regime out for the month and moving forward with South Beach principles. Watch this space.

Rather dark I'm afraid but I hope you get the idea.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KERSTIN814 1/25/2011 10:17AM

    I love your honesty! Too funny. I too had a shock when I started measuring my wine. Who knew there were so many ounces in my wine glass!? I prefer the looser format of Spark People to South Beach. The whole idea here is that the changes you make fit into your life not vice versa. I think having a bit of wine, so long as you account for the calories, just makes life worth living. emoticon

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MEDDYPEDDY 1/25/2011 8:18AM

    I think it´s wonderful that your grandchildren obviously loves you and wants you to do things with them and although you are "too big and fat" that is just a fact, not a judgement, in their eyes. They want more spped!

I don´t mind at all being called fat by small children who has no judgement in their view. It is a fact and it does not change their love... or mine!

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ROSEWCI 1/8/2011 9:13PM

    emoticon Go for it!

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TRENTDREAMER 1/6/2011 6:58PM

    "Uh-oh – there’s motivation to get on with this thing!! The truly defining moment came when he looked me up and down and turned round and shouted to his father ‘Gran’ma’s a bit big and fat you know’ Out of the mouths of babes! I don’t know who was more ..."

* Ouch! They're your grandchildren so I will not speak ill of them but to say I hope that Daddy "inspires" an honest apology out of them to you.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

Best of fortune to you and thank you for your friendship. :)

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DOWNTOWNJEN 1/5/2011 6:20PM

    Out of the mouth of babes indeed! Keep it up! When you feel strong enough, add back in the "good stuff" (wine) so you don't feel deprived and give up. My "good stuff" is dark chocolate infused with chilies - I make sure I have room in my day to eat one quarter-sized piece. And I make it last 15 to 20 mins or longer. Some days I forget to eat it but I know it's always planned for and available. Feels pretty good!

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APPLEADAY2010 1/5/2011 6:45AM

    Your grandchildren are so cute! Well done on joining the boot camp and south beach team - I think I will look into those too. I think it would be impossible to be a spark hero everyday but what makes us great is the fact that we do come back and keep trying. We will get there and hopefully have some fun along the way. Well done for resetting your trackers too - that's my next task :-) xx emoticon

Comment edited on: 1/5/2011 6:46:02 AM

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NEW-CAZ 1/5/2011 6:36AM

    You're doing great Sonia, you've found your motivation and something that suits you- a sure fire success recipe.
I wish you luck this year getting fit and healthy and feeling amazing and if you need the occasional emoticon you know where to find it emoticon

You've made an emoticon starrt! Stick with it! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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