Tuesday, May 08, 2007
I dreamed that I had lost a lot of weight and It must have been the first day of school or something but I went to school and I was walking through the hallway feeling good and fit and sexy and I noticed a few people from my high school in my dream that were walking by and I was thinking "yeah look at me now"and I then waved at them and for some reason I felt real confident in my stride and I was smiling and I was looking at my self in my dream and I notice I had a waist/shape. I know why I had this dream because in high school I wanted so bad to look good and have a shape and I wanted guys to be attracted to me and I wanted to look great in my clothes and you know what !this dream made me feel really good (in the dream) and even when I woke up! I had this sense of "I made it" feeling or something like that then after a while I felt like I missed out on part of my life because of low self esteem and being over weight. I just hate when I have this sense of (un)accomplishment for example like there was something I could have been or done in the past but never got to experience how it felt. I don't mean any thing bad or illegal, I just mean experience what it would have felt like to look good and attract guys more and be looked at when I passed by or be liked by a cute guy. I missed out on that feeling totally! I am still struggling to feel wanted and appealing but like in my last blog "I have to realize" that things were meant to happen and somethings weren't. I hope I regain confidence like I had in my dream whether its to attract a man or to run my own business or anything I chose to do in life.