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Here we go again...

Sunday, June 23, 2013

So... after a long hiatus, I decided that it's a good time for me to come back to this site.

Why did I leave in the first place, since I've been doing so good? Needless to say, I fell off the wagon. It all started with some baking experiments with my mother.

Before I go on, I'll mention why I came to SparkPeople in the first place. Before I started this weight loss journey, my drug of choice was junk food. That meant burgers, fries, steaks, fried chicken... you name it. I liked the taste of it all, and I liked eating it. But after a while, I grew tired of eating this stuff. So... while it was a bit hard in the beginning, I was still able to make the switch from junk food to healthier food fairly quickly. In my initial weight loss phase, I was able to go from 240 to 135... and I felt good.

Now, back to the baking experiments... it was at that point that everything started to unravel, basically. While I did not have a problem with sweets before, and was able to be around them without much trouble, it was at that point that my sweet tooth developed, and to a very serious degree. It was innocent at first... a single croissant here, a cinnamon roll there... before I knew it, I developed a strong craving for all things sweet. And my family in general likes to keep a lot of sweet things around the house. Even when I attempted to communicate with my parents (with whom I live) that this is becoming a problem for me, things remained the same despite the apparent acknowledgement of the issue. In fact, the presence of the sweets in the house appeared to have increased. Or it has appeared so to me...

Things started to go downhill from that point pretty quickly. As much as I attempted to resist the temptation of sweets, I just kept on going back... while also developing a craving for carbs along the way. This led to a VERY unhealthy cycle of stuffing myself to the point of discomfort, followed by a VERY long time spent on an eliptical to try to burn off the excess. However, no matter how hard I tried to keep my calorie gain under control, the weight just kept creeping up... and it got me to where I am today, now weighing 160 pounds. During that time I also decided to disappear from SP... it just became too shameful to come back, seeing what has become of me.

The reason I came back... well, two reasons actually... are both external in nature. The first one is because of a challenge proposed by my addictions class professor in grad school, who wanted us to try to give up something for one week while documenting how we felt along the way. So... I decided to try to give up sugar. And let me tell you, it's hard. It's SO, SO hard to not feel like grabbing something loaded with sugar and devouring it. However, it's my 5th day so far without touching sugar, and while I experienced some very uncomfortable side effects of this withdrawal (jitteriness, irritability, headaches... certainly signs of an addiction), I find myself starting to feel better and in control, bit by bit.

My second reason... it acts as a booster to the first one. I am going to Cancun for vacation, so... I want to look good. I am planning to have this second reason to replace my first one, since that one will end in two days... and seeing that I'm handling myself pretty good in terms of my sugar cravings so far, maybe that second motivator will keep me afloat and stave my cravings off long enough that they will eventually dissipate. It's still a battle, since my willpower is still fairly weak, but I'm trying my hardest to not give in.

And I hope it stays that way...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FITNESSGONNABE 6/24/2013 10:02AM

  Sometimes I think it is harder to come back than it is to join in the first place. I've recently come back myself, and I know it was harder for me the second time around. Anyway, I think you are doing a great job of knowing yourself and working toward bettering yourself. I'm proud of you! I went to Cancun last December and it was fabulous. Enjoy your vacation!

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BF20PERCENT 6/24/2013 4:18AM

    I know it's hard but you did it before and I'm sure you'll do it again.
Just think about how good you'll look in Cancun emoticon


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Ugh... (long)

Monday, April 02, 2012

Horrible week, diet-wise; sweet tooth monster reared its ugly head again not once, not twice, but thrice. Including this morning. Feeling extremely lethargic as a result now. It would be an understatement to say that I'm very much disappointed in myself.

I believe I mentioned previously (too lazy to check) that I have an extreme weakness for my mom's baked goods. Whenever she makes them, you can bet that they'll be gone extremely quickly, thanks to yours truly. It's weird, though... it's only her pastries that I have absolutely no willpower against. When my aunts or grandmother bake their pastries, I can ignore them just fine, or can limit myself to one or two if I'm REALLY craving something sweet. Same goes for store-bought sweets. However... when it comes to my mom's pastries, I just can't control myself. Even if I'm full, I find myself coming back for more.

This was the case this week, when we (mom and I) were experimenting with new recipes. At the beginning of the week, we came across a few that we wanted to try out, and since we had a surplus of ingredients, we made plenty of pastries. I don't need to tell you where half of them went. Yesterday was the same deal, but with different recipes. Once again, most of them got consumed by me. Finished off the rest this morning.

I know. I'm absolutely disgusting. HOWEVER...

I realized that I had a problem. So yesterday I had a chat with mom in regards to baking. She is very well aware that I can't control myself around her baked goods, and baked them most of the time I asked for them. However, I don't blame her. It's not like I was stopping her. Hey, I was the reason she was making the majority of them. So, for my own good, I talked to her about limiting these things. Anyway, I told her all that was mentioned above, and we agreed to making this an occasional thing, even if we had a surplus of ingredients. Until I feel like I can control myself around her pastries, I'll have to limit them severely (seriously, it's that bad).

So today, I'm starting with a semi-clean slate. I can't reverse what I did this week and this morning, but I can start making better choices once again. I know I'll pay dearly in terms of weight gain on my next weigh-in day (tomorrow), but oh well. Can't do anything about it. That weight will come off eventually. Besides, in comparison to how much I have lost up to date, this is just a minor bump in the road.

Here we go... emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TAMIPCHICAGO 4/3/2012 9:57AM

    There's nothing at all wrong with asking your mom to limit (or better yet, eliminate) baking. Even if she's reed thin, neither of you need that stuff, so especially while you are struggling, it should be GONE. It's a part of the problem, probably a BIG part. It's a weakness, yes, and some may say you should learn to control that, BUT I'm not one of those people. I know exactly what its like to have certain trigger foods you can't control. I have them and they do NOT enter this house!!!! My hubby and son can live without them too, it's not like they're good foods. haha. When I first started reading your post, the only thing running through my mind was WHY are those foods around to tempt you in the first place. I was relieved to see you had a talk with your mom about doing away with that stuff.

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BABBINA 4/3/2012 9:42AM

    Ugh... (this wasn't long!) lol Ain't nothing like mommy's delicious ummy fdoods &^ baked goods! As long as yr back on track, you should be fine. Are you in maintenance mode? Perhaps u can make healthy swaps & substitutions on the baking recipes to cut the cals, fat & fat down 1/2 so that u can still enjoy & nosh on them?? :) They do it in the Dr. Oz show & many other shows often.... like milled flax seed instead of eggs, Stevia instead of sugar, etc

Comment edited on: 4/3/2012 9:45:10 AM

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BLC #13 - Spark Recipe Review

Saturday, March 03, 2012

This week I tried out "Three-Minute Microwave Black Beans, Brown Rice, and Salsa", which you can find at this link:

This is a very simple recipe that only uses 3 ingredients: cooked brown rice, black beans (canned), and mild salsa. This recipe is perfect for someone like me who can't cook well (I should learn, lol...), doesn't like complicated directions, and can find all the ingredients at her local walmart. The longest step in this recipe is cooking the rice, which takes just half an hour. The rest is pretty self-explanatory.

Anyway, onto the review. I enjoyed eating this meal, and it is perfect for those lazy nights where you don't feel like cooking anything more elaborate. The rice and beans fill work well together, and the salsa gives it a nice spicy touch, if you use the mild variety. This meal also provides you with plenty of fiber and protein, though the sodium level is fairly high. This dish is also pretty versatile in that you can add different ingredients onto it, like some shredded cheese and/or chicken.

I give this recipe 4 stars out of 5. Recommended. :)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BABBINA 3/8/2012 6:16PM

    Wow, nice so simple! And to think I didn't complete this challenge b/c I thought I had to find a bunch of rare ingredients to create some sort of weird, but yummy concoction lol So simple, I'm definitely gonna try that very soon.

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Week 6 Reflection

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Oh my, I can't believe it's week 6 already... how time flies.

So, I have reflected upon those past few weeks, and to be honest... I'm not happy with my progress, at least weight-wise. Then again, I only have myself to blame for it. Ever since the beginning of BLC, my weight loss has been slowed down through several factors, starting with TOM and involving food weaknesses. Case in point, this week has been less than stellar, marked with indulgences and a binge. It doesn't help that my scale broke down at the beginning of the week and my new one is supposed to be coming tomorrow, so there was no way for me to track my progress for this week. For someone who weighs herself daily (once in the morning and again in the evening), it's been rather bothersome to not know just how I am progressing. You can preach all you want about weighing in only once a week, but for me, the scale keeps me accountable. I am sort of blaming my indulgences on it as well, because without the scale, I have no way of going "Remember yesterday? You really don't want that donut... put it down"; the scale is my willpower booster in a sense. It's especially bothersome given my recent binge, and for all I know, I have gained plenty and have to work toward my 100 pound goal again. I have no way of knowing, and it's awfully annoying.

On the bright side of things, I have lost quite a bit in inches; it has been fairly proportional in that I lost in all areas of my body (except my bust... ugh. I wish I would lose the most there, I hate having a big bust.), mostly in my waist (2 inches) and hips (1.5 inches). In total, I lost 5.5 inches. Not too shabby, if I say so myself. Furthermore, I have noticed my fitness level improving, and my water intake slowly increasing over time. I am planning on further working on these two things for the remainder of the BLC, even if I don't get down to the weight I want to by the end of it. Furthermore, ever since I started BLC I have been considering doing the "couch to 5k" program once it warms up a bit. As such, even if I don't lose, at least I'll come out of it with an increased level of activity.

Now that this week has ended, I can dust myself off, refocus on my goal, and go back to going strong. I might not be the biggest loser, but participating in BLC has been a learning experience, and the lessons I take from it is what really counts in the end.

Here's to the remaining 6 weeks! emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EVELYN208 2/20/2012 5:49AM

    I think everyone there expects big from the scale and it just doesn't happen. Don't worry too much about the number, looking better (i.e. your "inches lost!") and feeling better is much more important. :)

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    Wish I was losing it everywhere but the bust! If it weren't for my hips, I'd be indistinguishable from a teenage boy!

Congrats on your progress!


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Yesterday's Great Binge (long)

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Yesterday was a special day. It was special in that I went through my first, as well as one of the greatest binges I have ever went through in my life. Here's how it came to be (if you want skip to the moral of the story, scroll to the bottom):

The day started out innocently enough; I woke up, ate my usual breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and still had a whole day ahead of me. However, this normalcy started unraveling quickly as evening approached. Before I progress any further with the story, I'd like you, my dear reader, to know that I have a very, VERY big sweet tooth. I am usually able to control it pretty well, but I go through moments in which my desire for sweets overtakes me. Yesterday was one of these days.

You see, my mom is (in)famous (at least with me) for her baked goods; she knows very well that I can rarely, if ever, resist her desserts. It wouldn't be farfetched to say that they're basically my drug. That day, she made donuts and croissants with jelly and chocolate fillings. She also enlisted my help in making them. At this point, my resolve was nonexistent; I helped myself to one donut, then another one, and another one... before I knew it, I consumed over 8 donuts, and I still wanted more! Then came the croissants. Naturally, I helped myself to those as well. Needless to say, I have consumed more than I should have. I am fairly certain that my total consumption was way above 3500 calories as well.

The thing is, I knew that I was consuming that much; I also knew that I had the power to stop at that very second. However, I didn't want to. I ate until my stomach started hurting, and then I ate some more! I even ate when I thought that I would be sick.

You might wonder, my dear reader, why is it that I am telling you all of this. Truth be told, I am writing this as a form of self reflection. Ever since I started my weight loss journey, it was rare for me to stray from my plan. Once I set up my routine, I began to follow it faithfully. These past few days I allowed myself to indulge in anything containing sugar. However, it was nothing compared to yesterday. Here's where the reflection comes in: I believe that yesterday was a sort of compensation that my body wanted after nearly a year of my weight loss journey. My body went through a relapse in a sense, reverting back to the way that old me would behave. That old me liked the feeling of being stuffed to the point of being uncomfortable, stuffing her face without a care in the world and just enjoying the food that was present. That old me came back to life yesterday, and I allowed that part of me to go unrestrained.

In a way, yesterday's binge was cathartic to me; it allowed me to satisfy that part of me that almost never comes out. It's kind of like hitting a reset/restart button on a machine; now that the needs of the old me were satisfied, I can once again store that part of me somewhere in the back of my mind, take a deep breath, and resume my weight loss journey.

Do I regret my binge? Yes and no. I somewhat regret it in that it'll set me back from reaching my weight loss goal sooner, but it also felt good and purging to let myself abandon my controls, just this once. Now that the slate has been wiped clear, I can continue onward.

Moral of the story: in my case, having a massive binge day was good. Apart from satisfying an old part of me, it allowed me to clear my head and renewed my resolve to continue pursuing a healthier lifestyle. This is my first binge ever (and I doubt it'll be my last), but I have the determination to not let it re-emerge for a long, long time... after all, I managed to control myself pretty well for nearly a year! Now it's time to get back to my routine! emoticon

Thank you for taking the time to read this entry :) (although I won't be mad if you were to fall asleep in the middle of it, lol)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BETHEUNICORN 2/17/2012 12:34AM

    I definitely think days like this are going to happen for everyone. The difference is in how you handled it & how you thought it through. I think the way you're looking at & approaching it is the right way to look at it. Good for you! Keep up the great work!

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MOMTO2GR8KIDDOS 2/15/2012 7:56PM

    I have a huge sweet tooth as well and being a teacher, V-day (or any food filled holiday) is horrible since my students bring me all sorts of goodies! I commend you for allowing yourself a day of binging and not killing yourself because of it. We all faulter but each day is a new day. Congrats on wiping the slate clean!

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PAULINESTOWELL 2/15/2012 11:16AM

    Wow! At least I'm not the only one who struggles with a sweet tooth!

At least you payed attention to what you did and you know what you need to do now to "earn" your bad day. Hopefully you don't have the urge any time soon! emoticon

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    Sounds like you are in control about being out of control on occasion so hey I think it is a good attitude and you are heading in the right direction even if you take a pit stop once in awhile

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