Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Today I am giving myself points for consistency. I did another 2.6 miles, and I pretty consistently turn in 2.6-3.1 miles, though lately it has been on the low end. My heart really wasn't in it today, nor was my head, and the first block I really thought about just going back home. (I had a weird message from my parents last night to call home, and the phone call was looming, and I knew it was for unpleasant news.) But I was there and running, so I just kept going til I felt like turning around. Then I walked a block to bring my heart rate down, then ran home again. I know I should feel good about this, and I am so grateful I can move my body and run at all. And my body has never been pushed this hard physically before. But part of me feels like I am failing. My friend doing the 5 k with me next weekend just started running a few months ago, with less regularity than I have, and she is up to 20 minutes as of Friday. I have been doing this almost a year, and 30 minutes takes brute will power. And I'm running on a flat island; she has all hills at her house. Shouldn't I be able to do better? Faster or longer or something? Yet this is me and my body, and I'm still learning. And I'm tired. I've got work and a life, and a tight time frame to fit all this exercise in. And as of June 18 my office is moving and I have to fit a commute in too. That is unbelievably depressing and I think I may send my resume out. All these things together make me think I should say that really I am doing just fine for me and my body. Still, am I too hard on myself or too easy on myself? Oh, and the news was that my grandmother had a minor heart attack. I was braced to hear she had died, so that was actually a relief.
In other exciting & good news, DH is becoming a bicycling fiend; he circumnavigated the island yesterday, 14 miles! And the rest of the parts to fix my bike should be here this weekend, so soon I will have a bike to cross train on, and maybe that will help with the running.