Thursday, May 21, 2009
I decided I need to gain weight to lose weight. Yep I said it. When I was almost 350lbs it seems like I was burning calories like it was nothing and consistently dropping weight every week. Now itís like I am stuck in weight loss purgatory. I am to blame of course. My daily stressors have increased tenfold and I am not motivated enough to go to the gym everyday. So what am I going to do? I could sit on the couch and eat the weight of a small child in Mexican food, ice cream and fresh sourdough bread dipped directly into the Country Crock bowl. But guess what? I canít! My body doesnít even crave that stuff anymore let alone be able to tolerate it. Maybe subconsciously I am self sabotaging myself because I put the pressure of my 30th birthday on the line. I am known for that. As realistic as it was in the back of my mind, I have not been doing what I was doing before to get closer to my goal. But of course I havenít gained any weight either. So I have 2 angels (no devils just a angel with a lil dirt on her wings) on my shoulders. A lot of it is attributed to my job, I know this but I canít do anything about that right now. I can only control ME and what I do with ME. Although I could lay around and squeeze Redi Whip into my throat, Iím not because thatís not what I want. I want to get the fire under my heels again. I want to be completely disciplined again. I once read somewhere, proper diet without exercise is like being asked did you want your plane to have wings or an engine. Well seems like Iím not going to be able to gain that weight after all, eh? Drats.