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Follow on thought from the previous diary

Friday, March 30, 2012

So, when I last left off nattering, I mentioned looking beyond the initial goal I'd set. And that got me thinking about a few other comments I've seen along the way, in the 6 months I've now been perusing SparkPeople. One of my favorite blog entries was Blue42Down's entry on how she DIDN'T have a preset idea of what she wanted to look like at the end of the journey, a thought that, at the time, I agreed with. When I began to try and lose weight, I just wanted there to be less of me, but without a specific notion of where that less would come from.

In the couple of months (?) since I saw that diary, I've had a bit of an evolution on that particular point, however. A little bit of that comes from results that seem to be showing up despite themselves, and a bit more from one particular pet peeve with myself.

The results I'm seeing are largely confined to my legs right now, since, as has been the case all along (and I'm talking since I was in high school, and played soccer), any strength training I'm doing incidentally, as I'm playing ultimate, or I'm playing basketball, are largely confined to my legs. So, I'm seeing that my calves are shaping up decently. Like I said, way back in the day, I played high school soccer, so I had decent legs, and until a couple of years into college, strong quads, that I could flex, and form a non curved surface, that you could eat off, if you happened to lack a plate. I'm thinking that maybe I want to try and recapture that look.

The other thing that I want to try to do is to is try and address the Dunlap Syndrome I suffer from. You know, that horrible malady where your belly dun lapped over your belt? I think that's the key visual indicator that, unbeknownst to myself, I've actually been looking forward to.

Oddly, the focus on working out the lower body, and the possible reduction in my waist (I've never actually taken measurements, but certain jeans and fitting less snugly, so I take that for a good sign) are conspiring to actually make the belly look worse at the moment. Maybe that's illusion, maybe that's just a figment of a body image issue, I'm not sure entirely. But it's something I'm aware of, and something I'm specifically hoping to see change. So I guess my sanguinity about what it is I'm looking for visually from a weight loss has expired, but perhaps giving myself visual cues to focus on will help me in the next phase of this trip? Who knows.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BLUE42DOWN 4/1/2012 1:05AM

    Heh, I don't expect everyone to be the same as me. I'm not particularly visual at all; being more tactile (how things feel under my fingers) and spacial (how things sit around each other). Plus it's more about not having some ideal body vision that I'll be disappointed to not achieve.

So I'm glad you're finding what can give YOU focus and motivation on your journey.

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Over a week since the last post? Here I go again...

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Recurring pattern with my bloggy efforts, I start out somewhat consistent, and then it falls to pieces. I've been oddly reluctant to scribble anything on here this week, and I'm not sure why. Not like I'm attempting to enthrall an audience or anything. I mean, if you're looking to me for entertainment, I really feel sorry for you :)

Got a thrill yesterday, while watching the Detroit Red Wings play at the Columbus Blue jackets, seeing Michigan goalie Shawn Hunwick skating during warmups and on the bench for Columbus, wearing his maize and blue gear in the heart of Buckeye country. It was just last weekend that I saw the end of his incredible Michigan career, when I went up to Green Bay, the third straight year Michigan's season ended in sudden death overtime, in a game featuring a waived off Michigan goal. But enough about that BS.

Got on the digital scale today, and the number was divergent enough from the analog scale that I tried it again - meaning, I took another reading while leaning on the wall, so as to artificially reset its measurement, and then tried again. Sometimes when I do this, it reads higher, sometime lower, so I'm not doing it to gain an advantage, just to get a truer reading (it's a bit squirrely...and I'm not talking about myself :)

When I leaned (heavily) on the wall, the reading was 158.4, and I had a flashback to summer 2000, and rehab for the torn ACL I was doing that summer. Can't recall it if it was before or after the surgery, but I'd hopped up on the scale, and it came up with that exact number, and the nurse was shocked at it, because, apparently, I didn't look like I should weight that much. I had to laugh, because it was the LIGHTEST I'd been in a while, and that was almost entirely due to atrophy in my left leg, the one with the torn ACL.

But it was worth a laugh, a rueful laugh, a dozen years later. And I wonder if it's possible for me to get down to that number again. I mean, I'm off 15-20 lbs from my peak of 205.4, but I've severely plateaued, needing the first couple of months to go from 195 down to 190, and on a similar apparent pace to the goal of 185 by the end of April that I've set for me. Knocking off weight is getting more difficult, and I can imagine it will continue to do so as I shed more. But I started this trip with the goal of getting down to 180, and now I'm wondering if that's just a way station on the road to another goal. Think it's a good sign, that I'm close enough to be looking beyond where I was originally aiming!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AHTRAP 3/30/2012 4:22PM

    It gets really weird when the battery is dying, and since I keep forgetting to hit ebay to look for a replacement...hey, think I'll do that right now.

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BLUE42DOWN 3/30/2012 4:15AM

    I am sorry, but I did have to chuckle at the idea of going through those sorts of contortions just to be sure you get a reasonably accurate reading from the scale.

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Nothin' wrong with these peepers

Monday, March 19, 2012

Got my eyes checked out, and there's nothing wrong save for for some dryness, that should be ok with regular drops, none of those expensive types. Still had headaches for a few days last week, and that was at least partly due to actually getting sick on top of the eye issues. And then, too, they may have coincided with me trying to quit drinking pop entirely. After seeing the optometrist (a doc who had a manner somewhere between a Willem DaFoe character and Lumbergh from office space, except without being annoying in any way), I tried imbibing caffeine again, and the headaches abated. Not entirely gone, but that may be from a horrible sleep pattern I've established recently.

Which can be fixed...although, by scribbling this as the clock creeps towards 2 AM, that won't get fixed tonight. But, you see, I have an excuse...well, not an excuse, but a reason. You see, after being told that I absolutely must have to read the Hunger Games before the movie comes out, and not being able to get my hands on it the last few weeks because everyone I know who has the book(s) has lent them out on the same basis to other people, and I had no interest in actually, you know, purchasing the books myself, I went to visit friends last night who not only had them, but had them handy, because the person they meant to lend them out to rather reluctantly declared that she should rather study. So I got to borrow them. And I've managed to get through half of the first book, and I'm intrigued.

Now, I'm not averse to teen lit, what with being a fan of Harry Potter, the Prydain Chronicles, etc, but I'd rather wondered whether this series was overhyped. And I'm finding myself pretty well interested in what's going on. So I'm thinking, I'll probably finish the first book by tomorrow, and by the time I get done watching the movie with one group of friends or another, likely this weekend, I'll be able to deliver the old canard, "The book was better".

In other news, my head's cold. That's despite the appearance of June weather over the weekend...the last 4 or 5 days really. I played basketball on Thursday, as per usual, but rather than the comfortable haven that elementary school gym had been the previous two months (once a week), the temp in there was 20 degrees warmer than it was previously, and we sweated accordingly. Rather than playing right up until 8 PM, and through it, until the janitor gave us a knowing nod, we were pretty much wiped out by 7:45. And then on Friday, a trip out for ultimate frisbee, again in the heat of March that felt more like the heat of June.

I posted a pic recently of an amusing hair day, taken a month or so ago, or a mop that hadn't been chopped since October, I believe. And that hair was a sweaty mess by the end of both of those exercise periods...so, with hopes that the weather doesn't revert to what March should really behave like, I took electric shearers in hand, and hit the reset button. Back down to more like the pic of me and the boys from Haken, as seen on my spark page. 8th of an inch buzz. Can't stop the slightest breeze. I slept with a winter cap on yesterday, because, seriously, my head was cold. It's ok so far tonight, doesn't take much getting used to, but I guess when you haven't cut your hair for 6 months and then take nearly all of it off, a bit of adjustment might be in store.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

YOITLE 4/2/2012 3:39AM

    Yo! I'm back! Haven't you been busy eyes, hair, sweat, no caffeine? Gosh, I turn my back for a month and look at you! While the USA has gotten spring and summer weather early, we are just getting the cherry blossoms and 70 degree weather today. Dragged the chilluns out for a bike ride to the river where the cherry blossoms are in full roar ahead of the rain predicted for tomorrow. I read the Hunger Games and the two sequels. They were interesting. I read the 5 books that the Game of Thrones HBO is based on. It's not terribly well-written but the politics is addictive, and the dwarf character is wonderful. I see on YouTube that the the actor playing him has really captured him to a T. Back to food and exercise logging. Glad to see you are around and thanks for the note.

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CATHOLICCORGI 3/19/2012 9:06PM

    Glad you had your eyes checked!!!
Hope the headaches resolve themselves... caffeine withdrawal can wreak havoc. I gave up coffee and soda for Lent, and I am now caffeine free. May remain that way, too!
Have a great week!

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BLUE42DOWN 3/19/2012 4:33PM

    I think the cold is better than the result my brother had one year - having shaved his head mid-spring, he spent the weekend hiking with friends and came home with quite the sunburned scalp.

And caffeine withdrawal most definitely includes headaches - something one has to get through in order to break free from caffeine.

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WINNIE1978 3/19/2012 5:44AM

    Cutting back on caffeine can definitely cause headaches. I went through that last summer when I ditched my beloved morning iced tea. Luckily, it only lasted for a couple of days though.

The Hunger Games is on my "must read list"... I doubt I'll get them read before the movie releases though. Sometimes it's better to see the movie and then read the books though because the books are ALWAYS better!

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Soul of a new machine

Monday, March 12, 2012

Got a computer today. Oddly, not particularly excited about it. Part of it may be because I went for value rather than bells and whistles, so I don't get the "check out my muscle machine" thrill. Another part of it may well be that, unlike, say 10 years ago, getting new technology toys isn't all that rare/exciting anymore. Might be something about how by the time a product is on the shelf 6 months, it's pretty much been surpassed by the next three big things. I mean, the iPad 2 came out to great fanfare when? Actually, I just looked it up, and the timeline is even more compressed than I thought. The first iPad came out in April 2010, the iPad 2 last March, and now the iPad 3 has been released. Someone getting an iPad 1 now is still getting a perfectly functional machine...it's just not shiny and new anymore. So maybe I have a couple of thoughts about maybe how I should have spent a bit more, so that I'm not already working an obsolete machine. But then again, for what I use a computer for, for the most part? This is a big leap forward from the desktop I bought three years ago, for half the price of that previous machine. Good enough for me.

Somewhat related thought: for having worked an IT job for 4 + years, I'm still a techno idiot. Maybe not as idiotic as a lot of people out there are, but enough to know I don't really know jack or squat.

Ok, so I planned on starting the new week on Thursday, but that idea failed for a couple of reasons. One, I posted that thought a bit too late on Thursday to really implement it. And then on Friday, my eye hurt. Now, that sounds like a minor complaint, but, really, it was bad. It was "looking like a demon from a Renaissance painting" red eye, the kind of thing where it feels like there something jammed up into the eyelid, and you can't wash it out for the life of you, and light is hurting the eye, and just looking back and forth is painful- bad.

The Friday plans called for computer shopping, and going to a friend's PhD defense, and going to dinner with friends (the same ones I flaked out on Wednesday). I only made it to the third, and a big part of that was because around noon, when it because all too apparent that I wasn't making it to the 1 PM thesis defense (heck, the eye was watering so bad, I couldn't see straight...I grabbed some horribly unfashionable oversized sunglasses, which were really the sun blocking device given my father to protect his eye during his recovery from glaucoma surgery, and walked to Walgreen's to get a thing of Visine) I made up my mind that dagnabit, I was going to dinner, I wasn't standing those guys up again. The Visine helped, though I really don't know if I'd just managed to get the offending speck out in my many washes, or if the active ingredient just got the red out as designed. Either way, I did go to dinner, but my eye was hurting the whole time, and I'm glad no one came up with an after dinner idea, as I was glad to just go home.

Saturday was a relatively lazy day, didn't make it to the gym, but I hadn't planned to. Sunday, though, even though the day began with a minor repeat of Friday's eye issues (and honestly, I've had a minor headache all weekend, can't figure out if that's just carryover from the eye thing, or if something else is going on...will get it checked out if it persists another couple of days, or as soon as I'm sure the health insurance cobra extension is in place), I went out, got a paper, looked up the deals on computers, and with advice from the brother, just went out and got that new machine. Why I couldn't have done this a week ago, or two weeks ago, don't ask. I wouldn't have a good answer if you did. But I went and got that new computer, and then I came home and dropped it off and went to play frisbee.

Boy, was that a disaster. Not necessarily because I threw horribly, or dropped everything (don't think I dropped anything that was actually thrown to me). I just couldn't move. That first time out in the spring is always depressing. Today was no exception, and I moved well for just a point or two before i started laboring. The uneven ground bothered the heck out of my ankle, the lungs just didn't want to fill with air, whatever, I felt even slower than usual (and I'm usually among the slowest people on any given frisbee field). What happened to losing weight and getting faster as a result???

Anyway, I got out there at 2 PM, when people had started playing at noon-ish, so I missed out on the really big crowd. Which was actually a good thing, as I got to play relatively steadily, which was a bad thing, because I needed the breaks. Oh well. All that said, I ran...err...moved around for an hour out there, and then, because it felt like I didn't really get the exercise I was going for, went to the gym and used an elliptical for 45 minutes. It was a struggle, and I'm not sure if that was because I'd already been running around outside and was tired, or if it was because the machines I usually use were occupied, and I was on an elliptical with moving arms, with different action/resistance per level. Either way, I got sweatier than I already was. And then I came home and played with the new toy. It's been a while since I'd used netflix. And it's been a while since I scribbled out a blog post at home without worry that it'd suddenly disappear on me. :)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WINNIE1978 3/13/2012 5:28AM

    I hope your eye feels better soon, but if not... definitely get it checked out!

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CATHOLICCORGI 3/12/2012 6:14PM

    Please go get the eyes checked! We only get one set, and they are more delicate than we think...
I am proud of you for getting out there and moving! ANY movement is better than doing nothing at all!
I'm not too PC savvy, either. I use this laptop for a glorified checkbook and for the internet. PC's and cell phones are obsolete when they leave the store...LOL!
emoticon emoticon

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BLUE42DOWN 3/12/2012 1:22PM

    Hope your eye feels better soon.

Better late than never starting your "new week".

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upside down, inside out

Thursday, March 08, 2012

Rough week. Fighting a huge dose of apathy, failing entirely to sticking to any sort of routine, not particularly caring about anything. Last week, I made it to the gym three times, and played basketball a 4th day. This week, Monday, I thought about going to the gym, Tuesday I thought about going to the gym, Wednesday I thought about going to the gym, and I haven't made it there yet. I'm pretty sure I'll make it to play basketball in a couple of hours, but I make no guarantees.

The week's rhythm, or lack thereof, might have been set on Saturday night, when after I went to the gym, I wandered a bit afield to go see a band play, and didn't get home until 3 AM, and didn't fall asleep until 5 AM. While I haven't been awake quite that late, I find myself insomniac once again, with the only difference being that I don't have anywhere to go in the morning, so it's ok if only in the sense that I'm not necessarily robbing myself of sleep. But, man, waking up at 10/11/12/whenever (ok, it hasn't been past 12, yet) is killing any sense of routine. You get up, putz around for an hour and a half, as was per usual prior to running off to work, but instead of the day still unfolding before you, it's 1 PM, and that day is half gone.

Here's the thing...I'm NOT looking for sympathy here, just scribbling out for posterity's sake that, yes, March 5-9 has been an extraordinarily crappy week, but one that's entirely of my own making, and declaring that the next week will be better (the bar is set very low! :)

I'm typing this from the library, where I've finally dragged my carcass to look up some stuff pertaining to work search. That's a good sign. I think when the weather starts behaving consistently (it went from the 60s yesterday to 35 now), I think I'll walk out here, and keep going on that track.

Low point of the week: completely flaking on remembering to go hang out with friends yesterday - we were to go see a local country band play, featuring the co-worker of one of the friends. I did forget about it, but I also managed, apparently, to not look at my phone at any point between 4 and 10 PM. Not sure how I pulled that off, as I've become one of those "always fiddling with my smartphone" people I used to laugh at before I got the darn thing. Utterly forgetting an event that we'd talked about checking out together, that's not like me. I'm going to chalk it down to the malaise that was this week as a whole.

Another thing: food has been a challenge for me, in that even with all this time, I haven't felt compelled to cook, really. Tuesday was the worst, as it was the day that I woke up after 12 PM, felt a bit queasy, so didn't eat right away, ended up at a buffet, and pretty much did a one meal day. Yes, yes, I know, bad Partha. But there you have it, a week of cans and cereal and what have you.

Next week can't help but be better, but I think I'm going to start next week now, because I'm kinda sick of this one.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JET150 3/11/2012 12:27PM

    From someone old enough to be your mom, and therefore qualified to say with a wagging finger:
Go to the gym, young man!

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BLUE42DOWN 3/9/2012 3:33PM

    New week starting on Thursday - GO!

Yeah, some days, some weeks, just seem like a cosmic disturbance (in the force *COUGH*). Best we can do is get back up, dust off, and start moving forward again.

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    Chalk it up to having a bad week, and get moving! I think everybody has to slack off every once an awhile. Makes you appreciate the "good" weeks...
Need some help getting into routines? Check out FLYLADY.net... now, don't laugh! There are some nuggets of wisdom on her site, and some dynamite ideas for getting into a routine that may help you stay focused as you look for work!
You are in my prayers! Hang in there! Keep SPARKin' even if you do not feel like it!

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WINNIE1978 3/8/2012 8:23PM

    I hope you can get the insomniac thing under control again. Good luck with the work search! It sounds like you've been having an off week this week... hopefully next week will be better.

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