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Making a salad and not eating it

Monday, February 18, 2013

No, this isn’t a case of good intentions gone awry down McDonald’s way. I just finally got off my duff and volunteered at a food pantry’s community kitchen, here in the Ann Arbor area. Got to make a salad, during the process of which I realized there a tiny bit of my wrist that hurts from playing volleyball on the weekend. It’s very much a “not a big deal” type pain, as I didn’t even realize it was hurting in the three days since I’d played. But apparently, the squishiness of a tomato firm enough not to give way immediately before a sharp blade was enough to reveal that adjutant to the radial nerve, and set off its jangled endings.

Of course, I’m more or less blindly blaming volleyball, as it’s the only thing I did on the weekend that caused potential offense to a wrist bone. The previous weekend, I’d played twice, and playing pickleball a couple of days later, I noticed that my wrist was a bit weak when trying to hit a backhand. I figure it’s the same thing here, though it still doesn’t rise to anywhere near the ten lines I just spent explicating the non-issue.

In addition to salad, I also got to mop and sweep the floor and scrub out the massive spaghetti pot wherein the evening’s main course was prepared. I figure I’ll go back, eventually, though I might check out the organization’s warehouse operation the next time I offer them a bit of my time. Or the food runner role, which apparently entails going out on a truck to collect donations. It’s not the same as The River back in Madison, but it’s something to do. Kind of mad at myself for not having done anything of the sort during the two months since I moved.

After leaving the kitchen, I wandered back to my car, which I’d parked at Ann Arbor’s West Park, and decided to honor the sign that said parking was for “park business only.” Took a wander through the park, eventually exiting onto 7th street, walking to its intersection with what I thought was Catherine street, but turned out to be Miller Avenue – I’d forgotten about how Catherine is renamed Miller west of Main – and wandered east until I came to the park’s east gate, a simple arch marking the position of a staircase down to the main park. Descending the wooden steps, skirting the baseball diamond, and hopscotching through the mud bog that transforms into a community garden in the summertime, I returned to my vehicle, and proceeded to go to the gym. The walk was over 20 minutes, so of a distance greater than a mile.

Today’s wog at the gym was 2 miles, in intervals of 3 laps walking/6 running/3R/7R/5W, in a time around 27-28 minutes. I didn’t formally pay attention to the time as I went along, instead trying to run for 5 minutes at a time. I actually ended up jogging 6 minutes at a time, with the first half mile proceeding at a slower clip (6 laps/6 minutes), and the second jog squeezing in an extra 1/12th mile lap into the same 6 minute time frame. I didn’t stop jogging the second time due to tiredness; instead, my feet just started whinging, demanding that I slow to a walk. So I did, finishing out the second mile, and, if you included the stroll in the park, the remainder of a 5k distance.

I kind of hate the fact that I’m actually thinking in those terms, even as I stumble towards making that sort of thing (running a 5k) an actual goal of mine as opposed to this amorphous, “wouldn’t it be nice” pondering.

And on that note, here’s the Beach Boys for your listening pleasure.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

1CRAZYDOG 2/20/2013 9:51AM

    Keep it up! And that 's good you "honored" the park's "Park Business Only" sign and did the wog!

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CLPURNELL 2/19/2013 5:25PM

    You could definitely do a 5k you actually are a very good wogger!

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KMM1123 2/19/2013 12:18PM

    Sounds like it's time for you to pick an official 5k race to run. Establishing a goal end date might make your wogging a more regular activity and give it a little purpose and direction. You could kill two birds with one stone if it happened to be a benefit kind of race that raises money towards a worthy cause. Maybe a race called "Help Rescue the Bird Population from People Who Throw Stones 5K". I bet it exists out there somewhere.

An added benefit to racing is that some 5k's also come with their own ugly t-shirt. You've been known to go above and beyond for those kinds of prizes before so maybe collecting race t-shirts could be the your "thang".

Comment edited on: 2/19/2013 12:19:37 PM

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MARTY728 2/19/2013 12:10PM

    emoticon emoticon Hope the wrist feels better soon!

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Falling to Pisces

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Spied Reese's Pieces at the gas station and resisted, just punning on the fact that the fishy astrological sign kicks into gear in a couple of days, rather than any precipitous fall off any bandwagon. Either that or referring to the fish I had at dinner, some whitefish that wasn't so white by the time I got done frying it. 'twas delicious, even in spite of the bone that tried to spear me in the gums. I suppose I can't blame it, as I was chewing on its home at the time.

In a old school mode tonight, looking at photo albums of days long gone, brought on by the blc "high school pic as profile" request. Hence the new profile pic (assuming I've managed to upload it by the time you read this). Also liked the pic below of me with my mom from some time in 1976

Skipped the gym today, will hop on the exercise bike at some point between now and midnight. Just finished up watching The West Wing on Netflix, and it seems like the next series is Star Trek: the Next Generation, which I've been dabbling in for a bit. In the middle of the second season now, and I can't wait until Dr. Crusher gets back.

Though the blog title recalls a Faith No More song, I'll save that band for another day, and instead share a track from a band I've been spinning today, Paradise Lost. With their album "Gothic", they gave a name to a metal subgenre, one they are still practicing these days. But their road took a couple of twists and turns before settling back into the groove they invented. One of the detours took them into a electronic direction influenced heavily by Depeche Mode, and it produced one of my all time favorite songs, the title cut on their "One Second" album. For me, "One Second" is just a perfect track, with its memorable melody driving a visceral mood, a hint of menace and an abundance of sadness combining hauntingly to pack an emotional wallop into its three and a half minutes.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

1CRAZYDOG 2/20/2013 9:45AM

    Awesome trip down memory land and the picture of your Mom and you is priceless!

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CLPURNELL 2/19/2013 4:58PM

    Like the trip down memory lane

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MARTY728 2/19/2013 12:11PM


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CAMAEL100 2/18/2013 5:50AM

    Very cute picture with your blog. Your headline just reminded me my birthday is coming up!!

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JENNYD97 2/18/2013 1:32AM

    I was looking forward to the relation to the FNM song! I prefer FNM myself, never really got into Depeche Mode. Like the trip down memory lane photos, I was doing that recently.

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ADARKARA 2/17/2013 10:42PM

    but Faith No More is awesome! ;)

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We are finding who we are

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Isn't that what this trip is about, anyway? Figuring out who and what we are, where we belong, physically, mentally? Yeah, I'm stumbling and bumbling now, but eventually I'll be rumbling, just a matter of fine tuning the engine of my life, finding the right fuel.

In the meantime, I suppose I'll just keep heading to the gym, eating more or less decently, trying to keep the physical side, which I do feel like I have some semblance of control over these days, in check. Today's trip to the gym was for volleyball, and accordingly, my forearms are sore tonight. Didn't wog, haven't done any of that since Tuesday, but perhaps tomorrow. Looking at the descriptions of C25K programs, they seem to feature intervals of running and walking, with increasing stretches of running. Other than the one occasion I went 9 laps (3/4th mile), I haven't run more than 6 laps in a row, so it's possible that I've only done a continuous 5 minutes on that one occasion. I think I'll try that, whenever the next time is.

For the record, the blog title is courtesy of the band King's X, it's a song from the "Faith Hope Love" album.

If you're not already familiar with this band, you owe yourself the favor of checking them out. A few links are below. As tough as it was to choose which ones to share, I just spent the last two hours listening to King's X and watching Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. Pretty solid evening, I'd say.

From their softer side, the gorgeous "Goldilox":

"The Difference": www.youtube.com/watch?v=3bxF3

On their rocking edge, "Over My Head", Went with sharing the fun official vid of the song, but if you like it, definitely check out a live version or two.

"Pray": www.youtube.com/watch?v=mg3mU

"It's Love" - ultra cheesy video, but in my book, it's between this and "Out of the Silent Planet" for the quintessential KX song, the best merger of their various facets

My two faves of theirs hail from the introspective end of the spectrum, with the tortured "Cigarettes" standing alongside the psychedelic "A Box" atop my rankings:


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CLPURNELL 2/19/2013 4:41PM

    Nice band!

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MARTY728 2/19/2013 12:11PM


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I look at my reflection and I see an enemy

Friday, February 15, 2013

I’m sick of myself. For a whole host of reasons that I typed out and then erased because I don’t feel like sharing (yes, an inability to ask for help is on that list).

The job thing, that probably plays a huge role in why this is bubbling out now. Third time mentioning it in a blog this week. You know, I’m looking back over those blogs and it feels like I put something up every day, and not just a pic or a single link or one line, at least a few thoughts strung together, and I manage to never say anything useful.

This, despite striking out 90% of what I’ve typed, despite how redundantly pissed off I got while typing it out…this was almost useful. Almost. But not quite.

First three songs below illustrate and fit the thoughts described above. In the process of listening through them when I jumped onto youtube to get the links, the wretched mood of the day started dissipating.

Songs 4-7 don’t necessarily fit the theme of this blog, they’re just dark, aggressive tracks that I like, that it occurred to me to listen to while re-editing this. They’re not wrong when they say listening to music you enjoy can help alleviate bad moods. Doesn’t really alter the underlying dissatisfaction with who I am, what I am, where I am. But for the moment, at least, I feel more like curling the dumbbell I see on the floor rather than kicking it. And that’s a good thing, because I don’t think my toes would win the fight with 20 pounds of iron.

Clawfinger, “I love to hate myself”(title lyric is from this track) www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y3DLK

Clawfinger, “Sick of Myself” www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xrptv

Pantera, “War Nerve”, www.youtube.com/watch?v=j2wge

Meshuggah, “Autonomy lost/imprint of the unsaved/disenchantment” www.youtube.com/watch?v=OXoLL

Nevermore, “Engines of Hate” www.youtube.com/watch?v=pMYwP

Emperor, “I am the Black Wizards” www.youtube.com/watch?v=YgQRR

Entombed “Left hand Path” www.youtube.com/watch?v=D6exw

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CASEYTALK 2/20/2013 10:11AM

    Life will quite happily bash you all the time. The things we say to ourselves we would NEVER put up with if someone else said them, or if someone said them to a friend of ours.

I used to beat up on myself, too, but it never did any good.

What DID do some good was to look at that person in the mirror and say, "right now, this moment, I will do something good for my health or life." You can't change the past and the future isn't here, but right now, this moment, what can you do to improve your health or life?



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1CRAZYDOG 2/20/2013 9:55AM

    BTDT too. Gotta edit out those negative self-bashing thoughts, though, like splicing a bad "B" movie.

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MARTY728 2/19/2013 12:13PM

    Most of us have "Been there, done that"! emoticon emoticon

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ADARKARA 2/16/2013 7:55AM

    A few years back I was jobless, and so was my husband. It royally sucked, we started to strongly dislike each other and also ourselves. As Americans (I'm making an assumption here) we tend to wrap ourselves up in our jobs. We're not important unless we're working our best at a great job. And it hurts when we can't show the world how awesome we are. I was unemployed for 10 months and my husband was over a year (part of this he was not legally able to work as an immigrant but that doesn't change the emotional aspect of it). All I can say is keep yourself as active as possible, keep looking and hopefully sometime soon something will fall in your lap and you'll love it. =)

About the traveling work - remember, it's always easier to find jobs if you already have one. emoticon

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CAMAEL100 2/16/2013 5:37AM

    It is strange hearing that from a man! What is perfection anyway? Don't try to attain the perfect body, unless you are good at airbrushing. The rest of us have flaws, many of them, but also good parts.

Job satisfaction is tied to our confidence as well and mine also at the moment stinks, totally lacking in direction or even much work. People tell me I am lucky my job is quiet and not stressful. I usually just say - 'be careful what you wish for'!

try not to be too hard on yourself -easier said than done I know!!

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2BDYNAMIC 2/16/2013 12:44AM

    Ok ............... Once again, I have to throw my 2 Cents in ............... First ......... You are never alone (w/ self criticism) however, they are found to be self destructive ....
Now I will share ......... (& I try to stay positive) but you have caught me in a really HONEST vulnerable moment ................... Just today, I get on a decent outfit to go do some stuff ................... What do I say to myself when I catch myself in a bathroom full length mirror? ................... I quote ................
"Either that top is just too small or you are TOO pudgy in the middle--STILL!!!"
Then I caught that nasty critical person who raises up within and said: emoticon ..............
Then I made myself look a moment longer and then the nicer person within said:
NOW LOOK at how good your legs are and the curves!!!" ................
We really have to be kind to ourselves, cos our good spark buddies can't follow us around saying, 'Hey--Look at far you have come and it is NOT over .......... so give yourself a break ............... We are all pressing ahead daily ......... (or lets' say often) ................... emoticon
LAST .............. The other night I had been listening to a Bob Marley CD .......... "Please don't call me OLD cause he remains a legend and all ages still love him) ..................... Geez--I can sure go off sometimes!! lol
ANYWAY, I could not get one of his "Love each other and we'll be alright" songs out of my head so I put on James Blunt while I read blogs and before I knew it, I was feeling melancholy and really crappy!!! ....................
No Question about it ................... What we listen to .......... sound and lyrics feeds our soul and we find ourselves feeling just what the music INTENDED to do ..........
So maybe try '...........' changing your tune' ................ (no pun intended) and see if your feeling improves? .................. Just sayin ................... Not tryin to lecture ............ emoticon

Comment edited on: 2/16/2013 12:46:58 AM

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CLPURNELL 2/15/2013 9:43PM

    We all feel the way you are. i know I have felt that way more than I care to admit over the course of my life. Once you figure out who you are and that isn't tied to obligatory title or job description. i tell you it will be life changing!You will get there soon!

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Catch the VD fever!

Thursday, February 14, 2013

No, I’m not bitter. That’s only been the case once, really, even though I’ve been unattached far more than not on Valentine’s Day, a celebration of a guy getting lynched and beheaded. Okay, maybe twice on the bitterness front. One year I got dumped just three weeks prior, so that one was a given, and the year after, there was residual angst. Anyway, I get to spend a cheap day doing nothing while other guys lay out a pretty penny on flowers (with prices jacked up 2 or 3 times) and candy and various other sundries.

I’m always amused by the tales of huge workouts and careful eating resulting in weight gains, as contrasted to laissez faire food choices and minimal exercise leading to losses. I’m pretty sure we’ve all been there, at one point or another. I’d like to think it all evens out in the end, leaving the real scale movement to the combinations that make sense (ie better food and exercise equals losses, and, I suppose, vice versa).

Today’s a “I just don’t wanna” day, in terms of exercise, or getting to the gym. Still have 4-5 hours to remedy that before the gym closes, see if I can roust myself. If I need an excuse, I’ll point to my right eye. I poked myself in it yesterday, and while no damage was incurred upon the eyeball itself, I somehow managed to scratch the outside of the eyelid in three spots. One of those, “You don’t realize how often you touch your face until you cause (very minor) injury to one of the spots that gets hit over and over and over again” incidents.

Going to the favorites well with music today, the last couple hours spent listening to Rush. Thought I’d share an instrumental with you folks, “La Villa Strangiato”. It’s subtitled “An Exercise in Self-Indulgence”, which might cause eye rolls amongst non fans who already view these Canadians’ work as self-indulgent. To which I have a 6 word rejoinder: Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. And that might be the last time you see me reference that institution positively. Although, if I ever make it down to Cleveland to check it out, I reserve the right to repeat that statement.

Last thought, it was 9 years and 1 day ago, 2/13/04, that I went skiing for the first and only time in my life. I bring this up because a couple of years ago, I found a receipt from that day, as well as liability waiver I’d signed, on which I listed my weight as 165 lbs. That’s my goal for the end of the year. Ten years after that day, 2/13/2014, I want to weigh the same as I did on 2/13/2004. Or less. I guess I wouldn’t mind that, either.

And now I’m having flashbacks to the year 2000, during physical therapy after ACL surgery, when I hopped on a scale with my withered leg, and it showed 158 lbs, and the nurse expressed surprise, saying she never would have guessed I weighed that much just looking at me. The whole skinny fatness thing, pounds hidden in the trunk while the arms/legs/face looked ok. Years later, the face, at least, had caught up with the reality, leading, in part, to my popping in here.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CLPURNELL 2/15/2013 9:38PM

    hey only two spiteful VD's? That must be a world record!

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2BDYNAMIC 2/15/2013 11:21AM

    I felt for you with the poke in the eye ................ (or multi scratches) ......... My little nephew (whe two) poked me in the eye and lacerated my cornea ........ and I had to be driven all the way home (250 miles) ........... in which I held a cloth over my eye that was screaming in pain!! Went to the ER once home and the Dr. had me stay IN BED the following day in total dark and eye patched ............... Miserable pain ............ and I know .......... sometimes Valentines day can be painful ................... so know ........... we love ya here and enjoy your blogs and posts! ....... You rock!! 2B emoticon

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BOPPY_ 2/14/2013 8:54PM

    My goal is 180. I started at 306, 88 weeks ago. I weighed 199.8 this AM, up 1.8 lbs from yesterday AM.

Yesterday ,I was well-under my calories and I worked out. Today I was over and worked out less. As they say, ''stuff' happens'.

When I reach 180, I will have achieved a weight, I have not seen since college, when I was a wrestler at 165 lbs. I've been married for 42 years, and my wife has never seen me at anything under 195.

My point? It's doable by you. And, you don't have to buy all the Pollyanna dogma and propaganda. You do have do be consistent, and exercise at least a little every day.


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KING_SLAYER 2/14/2013 6:06PM

    Everyone should enjoy VD once a year! I, like you, have only been skiing once in my life (downhill anyway). It was in 1989 and I did it in a blizzard! I had no idea that it was a blizzard mind you (California blizzard by the way, not full blown, people dying blizzard) because I had never been up in the mountains when it was snowing! I was at one of the most popular ski resorts in Nor Cal, Dodge Ridge (which is low elevation also) and there were only about 15 people on the slopes. There were about 1,500 in the lodge staying warm and out of the weather!

The take away from that day? Skiing sucks and so does snow!

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MARTY728 2/14/2013 5:11PM

    VD Fever.... emoticon

I am guessing that your year 2000 flashbacks prove you are dense or high density individual. emoticon

I enjoyed this blogs and the others of yours that I have read. You are good!

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