Saturday, February 16, 2013
Isn't that what this trip is about, anyway? Figuring out who and what we are, where we belong, physically, mentally? Yeah, I'm stumbling and bumbling now, but eventually I'll be rumbling, just a matter of fine tuning the engine of my life, finding the right fuel.
In the meantime, I suppose I'll just keep heading to the gym, eating more or less decently, trying to keep the physical side, which I do feel like I have some semblance of control over these days, in check. Today's trip to the gym was for volleyball, and accordingly, my forearms are sore tonight. Didn't wog, haven't done any of that since Tuesday, but perhaps tomorrow. Looking at the descriptions of C25K programs, they seem to feature intervals of running and walking, with increasing stretches of running. Other than the one occasion I went 9 laps (3/4th mile), I haven't run more than 6 laps in a row, so it's possible that I've only done a continuous 5 minutes on that one occasion. I think I'll try that, whenever the next time is.
For the record, the blog title is courtesy of the band King's X, it's a song from the "Faith Hope Love" album.
If you're not already familiar with this band, you owe yourself the favor of checking them out. A few links are below. As tough as it was to choose which ones to share, I just spent the last two hours listening to King's X and watching Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. Pretty solid evening, I'd say.
From their softer side, the gorgeous "Goldilox":
"The Difference": www.youtube.com/watch?v=3bxF3
On their rocking edge, "Over My Head", Went with sharing the fun official vid of the song, but if you like it, definitely check out a live version or two.
"It's Love" - ultra cheesy video, but in my book, it's between this and "Out of the Silent Planet" for the quintessential KX song, the best merger of their various facets
My two faves of theirs hail from the introspective end of the spectrum, with the tortured "Cigarettes" standing alongside the psychedelic "A Box" atop my rankings:
Friday, February 15, 2013
I’m sick of myself. For a whole host of reasons that I typed out and then erased because I don’t feel like sharing (yes, an inability to ask for help is on that list).
The job thing, that probably plays a huge role in why this is bubbling out now. Third time mentioning it in a blog this week. You know, I’m looking back over those blogs and it feels like I put something up every day, and not just a pic or a single link or one line, at least a few thoughts strung together, and I manage to never say anything useful.
This, despite striking out 90% of what I’ve typed, despite how redundantly pissed off I got while typing it out…this was almost useful. Almost. But not quite.
First three songs below illustrate and fit the thoughts described above. In the process of listening through them when I jumped onto youtube to get the links, the wretched mood of the day started dissipating.
Songs 4-7 don’t necessarily fit the theme of this blog, they’re just dark, aggressive tracks that I like, that it occurred to me to listen to while re-editing this. They’re not wrong when they say listening to music you enjoy can help alleviate bad moods. Doesn’t really alter the underlying dissatisfaction with who I am, what I am, where I am. But for the moment, at least, I feel more like curling the dumbbell I see on the floor rather than kicking it. And that’s a good thing, because I don’t think my toes would win the fight with 20 pounds of iron.
Clawfinger, “I love to hate myself”(title lyric is from this track) www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y3DLK
Clawfinger, “Sick of Myself” www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xrptv
Pantera, “War Nerve”, www.youtube.com/watch?v=j2wge
Meshuggah, “Autonomy lost/imprint of the unsaved/disenchantment” www.youtube.com/watch?v=OXoLL
Nevermore, “Engines of Hate” www.youtube.com/watch?v=pMYwP
Emperor, “I am the Black Wizards” www.youtube.com/watch?v=YgQRR
Entombed “Left hand Path” www.youtube.com/watch?v=D6exw
Thursday, February 14, 2013
No, I’m not bitter. That’s only been the case once, really, even though I’ve been unattached far more than not on Valentine’s Day, a celebration of a guy getting lynched and beheaded. Okay, maybe twice on the bitterness front. One year I got dumped just three weeks prior, so that one was a given, and the year after, there was residual angst. Anyway, I get to spend a cheap day doing nothing while other guys lay out a pretty penny on flowers (with prices jacked up 2 or 3 times) and candy and various other sundries.
I’m always amused by the tales of huge workouts and careful eating resulting in weight gains, as contrasted to laissez faire food choices and minimal exercise leading to losses. I’m pretty sure we’ve all been there, at one point or another. I’d like to think it all evens out in the end, leaving the real scale movement to the combinations that make sense (ie better food and exercise equals losses, and, I suppose, vice versa).
Today’s a “I just don’t wanna” day, in terms of exercise, or getting to the gym. Still have 4-5 hours to remedy that before the gym closes, see if I can roust myself. If I need an excuse, I’ll point to my right eye. I poked myself in it yesterday, and while no damage was incurred upon the eyeball itself, I somehow managed to scratch the outside of the eyelid in three spots. One of those, “You don’t realize how often you touch your face until you cause (very minor) injury to one of the spots that gets hit over and over and over again” incidents.
Going to the favorites well with music today, the last couple hours spent listening to Rush. Thought I’d share an instrumental with you folks, “La Villa Strangiato”. It’s subtitled “An Exercise in Self-Indulgence”, which might cause eye rolls amongst non fans who already view these Canadians’ work as self-indulgent. To which I have a 6 word rejoinder: Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. And that might be the last time you see me reference that institution positively. Although, if I ever make it down to Cleveland to check it out, I reserve the right to repeat that statement.
Last thought, it was 9 years and 1 day ago, 2/13/04, that I went skiing for the first and only time in my life. I bring this up because a couple of years ago, I found a receipt from that day, as well as liability waiver I’d signed, on which I listed my weight as 165 lbs. That’s my goal for the end of the year. Ten years after that day, 2/13/2014, I want to weigh the same as I did on 2/13/2004. Or less. I guess I wouldn’t mind that, either.
And now I’m having flashbacks to the year 2000, during physical therapy after ACL surgery, when I hopped on a scale with my withered leg, and it showed 158 lbs, and the nurse expressed surprise, saying she never would have guessed I weighed that much just looking at me. The whole skinny fatness thing, pounds hidden in the trunk while the arms/legs/face looked ok. Years later, the face, at least, had caught up with the reality, leading, in part, to my popping in here.
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Gym, tan, laundry, that's one of that show's enduring mottos. Only managed to do one of the three today, the laundry part. Didn't go to the gym, a somewhat planned omission; after all, I'd been there the previous 4 days. Bigger reason, I was sore after playing ultimate and pickleball on Tuesday. As for the tan part...glance over at my user pic, and you might understand why it's rather optional in my case.
After musing just yesterday about what getting a job might mean for gym visits, I spent a large part of today contemplating applying for employment that might mean travelling 4-5 days a week, and living out of hotels more often than sleeping in my own bed. Don't really know how good a candidate I'd be for that sort of thing, but between the compensation, and the continued unemployment, it's definitely an option. That said, it's an option fraught with challenges, as far as healthful activities and eating.
Definitely something to consider.
For the record, the scale read 175.8 this morning. I wouldn't ordinarily record it on Spark after a single reading at a new level, but since it's weigh in day for the BLC 21 thing, I entered it in the system. Realized then that I'd forgotten to put in the 178 from last week (that represented a gain of a pound from the previous week, but probably had to do as much with the fact that I failed to weigh in at the same time of day as I usually do as with the super bowl pizza splurge of the preceding weekend). As with all one day readings, haven't a clue if it's real. Didn't do myself any favors with the grocery trip I did this evening, wherein a few snackages made their way into my cart. But I will enjoy noshing on them. Did you know that with reduced fat Cheez-its, you get a whopping two more crackers per serving (29 vs 27!), with a 20 calorie deficit as compared to real Cheez-its? Sadly, they squander that advantage, and more, by just not tasting near enough to the real thing.
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
One of the things keeping me on track is the realization that losing weight is just a first step. The second, and more important step, one that is supposed to last for the rest of the life, is locking in the habits needed to keep the weight off. Not at all sure that’s occurred yet.
I’ve actually gotten in the habit of going to the gym regularly, driven first by the quest for the ugly t-shirt over the late October-mid December time frame, and then continuing after I got to Michigan. But I wonder if this is a habit that will survive either a) finding a fricking job, or b) summer months and outdoor activities.
The first factor is important because right now, I go to the gym as both a primary source of entertainment (cheap, or at least paid for up front, source of fun), as well as something to do other than scour the 21st century version of help wanted ads. The gaining of employment, while unreservedly a VERY GOOD THING, will cut into the going to the gym impulse. It will also limit when I can wander in there, thus limiting what activities I can participate in, and thus messing with the “fun” aspect of the gym thing.
The latter is something that I see every year, no matter if I’d gotten into a rudimentary habit of wandering to the gym during the winter, or not. When summer comes, and softballs and Frisbees are flying, I never went to the gym. That was mostly true even last summer, even after starting sparking. Other than a few times where I forced myself to go, the summer has been a barren times for gym visits over the years when I’ve held a membership during that time (since 2008, basically).
Right now, I’m taking advantage of the available time, and going often, at a clip surprising to myself, really. Part of it is the availability of activities that just weren’t there at my previous gym, primarily pickleball, but lately, that running track, too. After the two mile wog last night, I went back this morning at 7 AM to play ultimate with the high school team that practices there on Tuesday mornings. One of the warmup drills is running 6-8 laps throwing Frisbees all the way, and my goal is to survive that by the time they stop doing their morning sessions in a few weeks. Because the two times I’ve joined them, I had to stop before I got through that warm up. At the end of the session, the coach sends his players up to the track for a 20 lap run. I’ve stayed below to play the game both weeks, but this morning, after the kids had left, I went on the track and went another two miles , half running, half walking, in 28:06 today.
It’s a thing, I guess. But I wonder if it’s a thing that can survive the inevitable coming of summer, and of the employment thing, whenever that finally comes to pass.
Blog title from the Crimson Glory song, "Lost Reflection". Chosen not because I'm locked in any attic, but because when I thought of a title for this particular bit of reflection, that's what came to mind.
wog detail: W2 R2 W2 R2 W2 R2 W3 R4 W3 R2, time 28:06, Mile 1 in 13:49, mile 2 in 14:17. Yeah, I can be obsessive about details like that. But I’m primarily keeping track for posterity, just in case it sticks, so I can look back some day and laugh at these initial shambling shuffles. Hey, a guy can dream, can’t he?
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