Monday, January 27, 2014
In the beginning there was me. And a mission. And the two fused at the beginning of April, 2011. My journey is 3 years in the making- a drop in the bucket, really.
Without fanfare, without celebration I got myself together, mentally ready for this journey. It was so easy not caring about what I ate, having extra free time because I was not active. But that time in my life was coming to an end. I wanted cool clothes, I wanted to turn heads like I did when I was younger, I wanted to blend into a crowd and not be the largest in a room, I didn't want to feel uncomfortably big anymore, and I wanted to be fit. My reasons were not based on health, per say.
I quietly joined a gym. I started where I knew- with cardio (treadmill walking and elliptical) and weights. I kept my blinders on, going from exercise to exercise in my own little zone. I was not intimidated by anyone or any machine. I was inspired. I was on a mission. A mission to build a better butt.
Healthy foods replaced pre-packaged foods, and I stopped going out for meals often. I weighed and measured everything. All the deliciously tasty fresh foods I prepared were fuel for my fire.
I told no one at work. Not even my friends knew (except for 1- we started a weight-loss competition a couple weeks in, but she dropped out a couple months later). I had been down this road before- losing 70 lbs and regaining it all and then some. This time there would be no regain. This time was it, I thought to myself.
I started taking a few classes- yoga and bootcamp when I was 100lbs overweight. I modified it all. I sweated like a pig. And I kept going back. I even gave my bootcamp instructor a Christmas card because I was so happy with her classes. I don't know if she ever knew how much I loved the challenge. She did comment on my weight-loss though :)
Slowly, quietly, I made a couple friends at the gym. Slowly I branched out and tried new classes. And one day in October of 2011 I decided I wanted to be able to run. To outrun the zombies in case of a zombie apocalypse. In the beginning my goal was to make it the equivalent of a room's length or so without my lungs exploding. And each week I'd tack a little extra distance on. A friend I met at the gym told me about the run 10 walk 1 method, so when I got up to 10 minutes I could walk a minute. Woohoo! A glorious break to look forward to! I never thought I'd be a runner! What an exciting surprise.
And my group of friends through exercise grew. Bootcamp friends, running friends, boxing friends, kickboxing friends. People talk easily with me again, I seem to fit right in.
When I asked a friend who never knew me before the weight loss if she could tell I lost 100lbs she said, "NO! I would have never guessed."
If I wouldn't have ever lifted, or gone to bootcamps, or run, or boxed I would not look like I do now. I have some definition going on- I look toned. Granted, I still have more jiggle than I'd like, but hello! I've lost about 100lbs. I'm never going to look 'magazine perfect'. But I'd never look like this without the exercise. I have a bit to go, but I am humbled and empowered by my journey and strength to persevere every single day.
(this picture was taken last month and I'm working on dropping the 10lbs to get back here).
I've had many ups and downs on my journey. I've had smooth sailing, and bumpy roads when my motivation to eat healthily wanes and I have dove into a pan of homemade cinnamon buns or chips. I've lost and regained and lost again these last 20-30 lbs at least three times.
But I've never given up. Because to feel and look like I do compared to before is sooooooooo worth it to me! To know I can run at least a 10k at a drop of the hat, be physically fit, and fit some pretty cool clothes in sizes I never thought possible is a dream come true. And if I'm accomplishing these dreams I never thought possible, which ones are still out there that I don't yet know are going to happen? I must stay on my game, excitement and adventure may be just around the corner.
Friday, December 20, 2013
I won my work's 10-week weight-loss competition.
I shall preface this with- I am a competitive person.
I should also add in that before I started the competition I was eating so horribly that I was riding a one-way train to Regainsville. 'One more day' was happening on repeat. My healthy world seemed to be side-lined. The eating part, anyways. The fitness part was chugging along just fine.
So in the first week, because I went back on-track and cut the cr@p out I lost 8 lbs. 8. Pretty rockin' start. Alright, I told myself, let's get this show on the road.
Lots of friendly competition, lots of saying no, lots of 'awwwwww, I waaaaant that chocolate/etc' and then not having it, lots of chicken and eating healthy (my body and my taste-buds LOVED that!), lots of strength to persevere.
I dropped a pants size. The Jessica pants say 4 (compared to my old Ricki's 8's), but really- they are as big as my new 6's from Rickis. hahahaha. Vanity sizing.
I worked my @ss off- in the gym (nothing new there) and in the kitchen (tightening up my eating). It was not easy. Then again, what weight-loss really is? But it kicked my @ss back onto the straight and narrow, and I regained my focus. If I wouldn't have won the money I still would have won because of these reasons.
I made a couple realizations or confirmations about myself:
I *like* having a goal time-frame. 'Forever' seems so far away and non-attainable.
My body doesn't like the amount of salt and sweets I've consumed since weigh-in.
The regulated eating was SO good for my body.
I can do anything if I put my mind to it.
And then I won. My percentage was higher than everyone else that was in the competition. And many people congratulated me. And I felt like a bit of a star. And I'm not generally a center of attention kind of person at work. I was, and am, on cloud 9.
And what I wasn't expecting was some genuinely cold shoulders from the 3rd place lady (who thought she was going to be within top 2) and her friend on staff.
The 3rd place lady (and/or her friend) has seen me since then have a slice of pizza, eat a couple tortilla chips (with guacamole), about 5 chips and dip, a cookie (gingersnap. OMG. I actually ate 3. And promptly felt (feel) ill), and perhaps they saw me eat another thing or two. Nothing has been in excess....except the cookies. I love a good gingersnap- one of the few cookies I like. Anyways, I can't eat much of that after 10 weeks of eating so well. At home I've eaten a bite of each cookie I made. Literally a bite. I want to make sure they are good to hand out. The rest of the cookie will wait till a later. If I ever get around to eating them.
All I get is a roll of the eyes from the one lady, and the one who came in 3rd hasn't spoken to me. I've congratulated her on her 30 lb weight-loss, because any weight-loss at this time of the year is amazing, but if I try to engage her in conversation she walks away.
I never thought that my losing weight would have a negative consequence like this, but I guess it affects people in various ways. I don't understand some people sometimes.
My biggest struggle will be minimizing holiday gain. I do feel like a puffball at the moment because I've probably doubled my salt intake, carbs and sugar. That will come off.
By participating in this competition, I have kept my indulging within a narrower window of time and have managed to LOSE weight in the beginning of December. That alone impresses me to no end.
Anyways, just a bit of 'after the win' ramblings from myself.
My after. Bear in mind I had just cut out all salt for a week previous to this picture and was probably a little dehydrated because I was waiting to drink until after the weigh-in. I am about back to where I was at the end of May/beginning of June. I weight a little more, but I fit the same clothes/fit clothes better/fit slightly smaller pants. Yes it is the middle of winter on a super cold day, and that is a shrug you see on the counter. But are you kidding me? I weighed my clothes and came up with one of the lightest combos that was legal to wear haha.
Although you can't tell in this picture, my stomach felt so flat here! That impressed me so much as well.
Merry Christmas and happy holidays!
Thursday, November 21, 2013
In the whole grand scheme of it, what is one more day, really?
I've been following my Spark friend, steph-knee's blogs and status updates. She blogs about approaching/hitting a goal and self sabotage. I've ridden those same ups and downs as she is riding right now.
What comes after we get to goal, really? Unless something out of the blue happens we are the same person we were 2 pounds ago, the same person on the inside and on the outside, driving the same car, having the same amount of time in the day to exercise, shopping at the same grocery store, dating or married to the same person, and having the same amount of money as you did 2 lbs ago to buy your closet full of new clothes you promised yourself you'd get once you are at goal. The exact same person. Weighing in at 2 pounds less.
It's true. The city will not throw you a parade in celebration of getting to your goal range, or to celebrate 100 lbs gone, even though we feel as if the world should know and celebrate with us, a trophy should be given out, and at the very least a day off of work in commemoration would be nice! (That is why we have Sparkpeople, dearest sparkly peeps- to throw us those virtual celebrations).
How do you think your world will be when you get to goal? If you are very close to goal, lets hope the answer is- it won't change much at all. Oh, 'wait wait wait!' I hear you say, 'I won't have to exercise so much! I can go back to my favourite fast food restaurants again once, twice, three times a week!'
And then, my friends, sooner than you know it you will be back at square one.
Gosh, I'm sounding rather depressing, aren't I? Bear with me, I assure you I have a couple of points to make.
If you have a ways to go you are still forming those healthy habits, and finding out what works for you. Here is where you get to plan and daydream about what you will be doing when you reach goal. 'I'm going to run 5k when I get to my goal weight! I'm going to have a closet full of new clothes! I'm going to cook fabulous yet healthy delicious foods for my family for sure!'
Honey, put down the chicken finger and get off the couch. These goals don't make themselves. Find a new healthy recipe to try. Start by jogging for 15 seconds, walk for 2 minutes, rinse and repeat. Put $10-20 away every week that you lose weight. Before you know it you will be at goal, your healthy habits are formed, and you have a new closet full of clothes. It's working for me.
Those of us who struggle with eating issues know this is not always easy. Some days I feel like superwoman with thoughts of steel and full of determination and strength, and the next moment I find myself face down in a plate of my homemade brownies, one hand in the potato chip bag, afraid to step on the scale to come face-to-face with the 10 or 20 lbs I've gained back, the anguished voice in my head calling out 'How's this happen?!'
I swear, officer, those cookie crumbs are not mine!
And then the thoughts of......what's one more bad day?
Famous last words.
I see some nods out there in spark land. You know that famous line we use to try to convince ourselves that another day of unhealthy eating/binge eating won't hurt. Besides, the scale won't budge tomorrow anyways due to what you've been eating. Or oh hey I still have 2 cinnamon buns left and I can't let them go to waste. Or ok, its my kids/husband's/mom's birthday and we are celebrating tonight, so I will get back to healthy tomorrow. Or oh, hey, I am just too tired to work out today but I will tomorrow.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say that many of us who binge eat (or who have binge ate) have fought this same battle. And not just once but many, many times. It is an epic battle. An epic battle that rages in your head. An epic battle that no one else sees and many cannot comprehend. But every time the battle is fought and won it leaves a stronger person behind.
That one day can be that one pound which is equivalent to one week of tracking food and working out like a mad woman. It can be the difference between getting to goal 1 week later then hoped for. All for 1 extra binge day. It's not worth it.
This healthy journey has provided me with many binge spirals and '1 more days'. This last 'one more bad eating day' lead to a 25ish lb weight gain. Gah. Let me tell you, it takes wayyyy longer to work off than it does to put on. I'm working on it as we speak.
Next time these thoughts start creeping in I have to try to remind myself of how far I've come and how proud of myself I will be tomorrow for making healthy choices today. I swear it won't kill me to put down that plate of brownies and to turn down the invitation to the all you can eat buffet just this once.
Make today healthy, and a day to be proud of!
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