ADEWYN   40,690
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So... My sister(half sister from my father)

Monday, September 12, 2011

went and visited my father at the end of AUgust ...She is 25 yrs old(the youngest)... She is about 115 pounds soaking wet... and she saw Dad and said He is skinnier then me... He was a 160 pound 5 ft 6in(propotioned nicely) to he says 105 pounds....She made sure she stayed at a hotel (which my father was hurt by) but i told him you have to understand that she is not handling this whole thing well... she has not lost anyone closer to her ever nor has she ever had to deal with anyone as sick as he is (which he is denying which is fine (whatever) He has lung cancer (yes this has been confirmed by his brother.. I already knew he did 2 years ago.. but Jaime (my sister needs to know) so I found out for her.. SO after speaking to my husband and talking to myself on this conversation of should I or shouldnt I.. I....... am...... going Oct 13th to the 16th to visit with him...I dont think he will make it thru the holidays ad I know he has alot to say to I might as well give him the chance (even though he says he is going to be around for a long time) *insert eye roll here* But I hav also made other decisions based on me going down now ...
I can not get into the depths of my life without a father .. and the choices he has made in his life.. I can only forgive and move on.. I have done that I have no remorse or anger only empathy for the pain he is in (like any other human) For when he passes and he will sooner then later.. I will have nothing to do with his funeral or wake or anything else he requests or doesnt request he does with his remains ( he just says everyting s taken care of ...ok)
I am going down now to see him in life...maybe not the quality tha he would have wanted but in his life I will see him once more and he can lay his eyes on his first born once more before he goes...After that I will speak with like i do now til the end...I have no plans of atteneding his arrangements if any and do not care if he leaves anything behind... I have never asked or wanted anything from him so.. hopefully he is leaving anything of value to the woman that has been by his side for the last 15 years.. that is now mowing his lawn,doing his errands.. taking him to his doctor visits.. making sure he eats,,, gets up bathes etc etc.. she is the one that deserves anything.... I cant wait to meet this wonderful selfless woman so I can thank her for being so good to him...
I know this sounds weird to some of you and if I went into detail it would take a novel to explain...I know I sound cold and I am not I am always the first to give of myelf my time my energy.. so this is my last hand...I dont hav te money to do this but my husband as let me come to this decision of seeing him once more probably for the last time.... I have to get together a few pictures to bring with me for him...he has not seen my boys since Joey was 4 and kevin was 18months... Joey remembers him kevin does not... Kevin has heard the funny stories but cant remember him.. even if I show pictures he says mom i am sorry i dont remember him.. and I say its ok Kevin :) you hadfun that day )I still give them updates on his condition and because they are like me they say aww tell him Hi and hope he feels better... He is on facebook and has access to get to know the kids but he has never reached out and Joey says should I facebook him I say only if you want too.. he has never facebooked him Joey said well i thought about it and he said I just think I am gonna leave well enough alone.. and i respect that.. i said I am glad you have made your decision he said yeah I dont know him so... and shrugs his shoulders... So...I guess i should stop rambling LOL... it is getting to be the novel I dont want..
But I am visiting him... before my Salem trip Which I am uber excited about! so October is a busy month for me I get zumba certified on the 1st trip to tampa FL the 13thru the 16th and Salem Mass Oct 19th to the 31st!! How busy am I :) HHave a great day... :)


new doctor

Friday, September 02, 2011

So I went to the doctors the other to establish myself with someone just in case i get sick or start having major issues again...So I go got a tetnus shot with whooping cough vaccine ( because of my lung issues) he was trying to talk me into flu and pnemonia shots and told him NO and dont ask again LOL said be glad you got the shot with whooping cough in it...So anyways got blood taken 6 beautiful viles full... I have thallassimia( Means I am anemic for life) and this is written in my records so I get the labs back I am just awesomely good (insert rolling eyes) except OMG I am anemic (I go thru this everytime) So I called and left a message for the doc today teling i will not be taking iron because i have thallassimia LOL.. the nurse was like good call lol... he also set me up for a mamogram...(Again insert rolling eyes) I was like whatever dude... he was when was the last time you have go to a ob/gyn LOL I said 2 years but really its been 11 years i get call a few minutes ago from a Ob Gyn office next to the doctors off LOL I am like really ugh.. FINE i will make a damn appt LOL... So the mamogram is sept 20th and the dr Duncan ob gyn is Sept 26th at 2 pm... Sighs...LOL... I am glad someone cares about my health LOL... He is concerned with my lungs issues i have had and will keep an eye on that.....he is thrilled i have lost 37 pounds and told me that it must be hard trying to get the weight off because of the meds I am on.. I said yep it is very hard but i keep trying... He doesnt think all my symptoms can be atributed to Fibromyalgia and all we can do is wait for more symptoms to come forth before looking again...he is concerned abiut the numbness on my left side and the random paralyss but cant do anytin till something more happpens and we will keep an ye on that too... he also said I know I wont be seeing you unless you are really sick lol ( i think he gets me LOL)
I guess i found a good doctor... he is obviously pro active lol...I guess i will keep him :)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RUSSELL_40 9/3/2011 12:37PM

    Yes, its hard enough losing without medical complications.. you're doing awesome.. but I kind of laugh when docs say that.. what is the other option? stay heavy, get more complications, and die.. I'll choose option

Hopefully, he can remove some of the other symptoms, maybe relieve some of them

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CAROLJ35 9/2/2011 6:20PM

    Time for all those check-ups. Had my mammogram several weeks ago and it does give some peace of mind.
Hope you have latched on to a really good doc and he can keep tabs on your health issues.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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VW_STEPH 9/2/2011 4:51PM

    Sounds good. And it's good he noticed your hard work, because you've been a trooper and a half!!! xx

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BROWNSNAPPER 9/2/2011 2:49PM

    ...when you find one youo're comfortable with ....keep him

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I finally got the call!

Monday, August 22, 2011

So it is offical I start at Jc Penneys on Sept 6th as a visual merchandiser.. part time... fantastic!!

I came home had lunc went back worked for anoter hour waited fo Dion the store manager to leave so i could talk about him to my Speciality anager Matt wo i just love...i sat him down and told him.. I have been offered a job I am taking it... he said s thsi too much for you (meaning fulltime) I said not really i can get past alot of stuff but said Dion is he person I have no respect for and hate being around him... The job i can do. he was a litle shocked but not realy at he same time... I wrote a 3 page statement to corporate about dion and his behavior....One other accosiate was giving his notice tonight oo i am sure he did it after i left... and 2 more are on there way out also..

Matt asked me if I would come back if Dion no longer worked there I said yes.. as a part timer... I said that happens call me. he tryed to suggest working thru the holidays as a part timer or even be transferred to anoher store but.. the closest store is 30 minutes away and I just dont ant to drive that far... so I wrote the statement Matt and I said our good byes an that we will se each again soon and good luck.

So I am FREEEEEEEEE til sept 4th and my friend Stacey from NH is coming for a visit while i am off.. i will find out the details tomorrow she has been dying to come down and see me :) soooo it is no better time then the present :) SHe is excited. lol she is planning our tour around the carolinias lol.. she is to funny... an she is like everything is on me its my vacation and we are gonn ahave fun lol.. I am like ooooo ok lol shrugs what the hel right :)

My big thing tomrrow is i get to go to zumba in the am AND sit by the pool AND clean the birds cages late in the day And relax :) aahhhhhh good times!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

QUADCMOM 8/26/2011 8:39AM

    AWESOME !!! Enjoy your time off.

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ERIC_ANDREW 8/24/2011 1:14PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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RUSSELL_40 8/23/2011 6:23PM

    enjoy your freedom..and congrats on the job! emoticon

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LIZABETT 8/23/2011 8:37AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

You'll do emoticon

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CHLOE453 8/23/2011 7:44AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SUZWARNR 8/23/2011 7:27AM

    Congrats on the job. Good luck! :)

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LOPEYP 8/23/2011 7:00AM


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CAROLJ35 8/22/2011 11:17PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
Hope it all works well!
Enjoy the time with your friend, too.

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ROCKYCPA 8/22/2011 9:45PM

    Good luck to you and congrats.

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MOTTAMAMALOU 8/22/2011 9:21PM

    Good for you~

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PCURRIE04 8/22/2011 9:20PM

  Congrats....hope it works for you

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Half way there and wanted to share

Monday, August 22, 2011

Ok... Since January 3rd 2011 I have ben tracking my food my fitness my weight and most importantly my inches...

The last tool really helped me get over the hurdles when the scale was not budging but the inches were coming off... Well I stepped on the scale today and I am at 173.4!

Then I thought I really havent updated my inches report in a while so ot came the tape measure... and I have to share from where I started to where I am now... I still get amazed and I still have 35 pounds stillto go.. boy i was in denial for a few years but at the same time I was to sick to care..... So now on my feet thinking of training for a 5k next year becoming a Zumba instructor this October... who would have thought!

My measurements:

January 3rd 2011 August 23 2011 how much gone

Weight 210/ 173.4 / 36.6

Arms 14 1/2" / 12" / 2.5"

Chest 40" / 37" / 3"

Waist 41" / 33" / 8"

Hip 48" / 41 1/4" / 6.75"

Thighs 28" / 22 3/4" / 5.25"

Neck 14 " / 13" / 1"

I am so glad I have kept track of these things... it really shows how much work went into this.. and how every inch counts..... and in my trackings you can see when Iwas getting frustrated with the weight not going down but when the numbers in inches are staring back at you and they are showing results.. you can argue with it and you keep going with what you are doing... it is motivating... when the scale is discouraging at times....and we know what happens when we see the scale go up a pound or not move at all we think all that work and nothing.. well there is proof right there in black and white that it is working and has been for the last 7 months...

If you havent started tracking your inches... start today and i swear it helps emotionally get thru those hurdles...the first 3- i lost 15 pounds the first 10 were the hardest to lose for me... my body was in shock what eating right size portions? exercising daily? not giving in to the pain? Crying at every zumba and toning class (my poor teacher thought she was hurting me LOL) when it was crying out of frustration at how far my body had slipped thanks to being so sick an unable to walk for 3 months... it took 3 years to get here and jan feb march was all about getting coordination flexiblity and movement back.. and it only gets better from there...still cant walk up stairs right still cant do a jumping jack or the scissor legs.. but it will come.. if i can dance move my hips wiglle shake and dance off all though inches it will come....!!!

Have a great day... my next blog hopefully later today will be about my job :D
hugs and love and thanks for letting me share.. i am a tad proud :)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ADEWYN 8/23/2011 7:13AM

    thank you all.. as i was writing this... I was in awe.. I have never been over weight till i got sick 5 years ago so.. this is a HUGE realization.. and how much hard work it takes to get it off and keep it off..!! I wish i appreciated my youths body more when i was younger :) But i do now so I guess thats all that matterrs :)

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    How wonderful! I am so happy for and proud of you. All that hard work is paying off BIG!

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VW_STEPH 8/22/2011 3:19PM

    Yayyyy it's so nice and reassuring when you get such fantastic progress numbers like that hey? That is amazing progress! Big congrats to you, the hard work has paid off indeed! x

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KELLEEH 8/22/2011 12:05PM

    Amazing progress! Congratulations!

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ANGELAYF 8/22/2011 9:53AM


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I am doing it!!!!

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Zumba Basic 1 Training

October 1, 2011, Training Time : 08:30 am to 05:30 pm

1 Day Instructor Training - English

Greenville NC - US

All signed up!! and ready to rock! This was one of my goals as i got better and semi back to Normal!! was to be certified as an instructor like i was 10 years ago... So excited!!!

And then october 19th to the 31 I will be doing my Halloween gig in Salem Mass Its going to be a GREAT October!!!

Now off to get a real job LOL Hopefully the manager is there tonight and we can have this interview and get this job! so I can quit the other and move on in life!!!!

Woot Woot!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

QUADCMOM 8/22/2011 8:00AM

    How cool to be an instructor. Way to go !!!

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KELLEEH 8/21/2011 11:06AM

    That's great!


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RUSSELL_40 8/16/2011 8:14PM

    Hope your next blog is about your fabulous new job!

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DRJJ2004 8/16/2011 7:43PM

    Fabulous!! You go girl!!

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LOVE7755 8/16/2011 6:49PM

    Awesome..Wish you the best!!

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