ADEWYN   40,187
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ADEWYN's Recent Blog Entries

had a day yesterday

Thursday, July 28, 2011

I think yesterday was just a day... I really not liking my job... well let me rephrase that love my job not liking the way they torture everyone with 12 hours shifts and thinking this is ok... on a 100% commission and they have all these rules and it is ridicukous. then my dept manager is ok i like him and the guys i work with in the dept but really have no respect for the store manager that has no people skills or managering skills.. put it plainly this man sucks at life and takes it out on others... so I am activily loking for a part time job i really have realized i can not work fulltime never mind all the extra hours these asses want me to put in...and go to the gym and fet some sleep and control my medical issues...I would even work for burger king again part time thats how much i could careless where i work.

then i go to Zumba last night with the teacher I like and was missing my gym friends... these people dont know me from the hle in the wall and have no idea what struggles i have over come to get to where they see me now if i complained they wouldnt understand it.. I almost started crying in class last night guess just need a friend just one friend to talk too...that one person you ond with the teacher knew i was having a day :) and was tring to cheer me up :) (she is so sweet) so i cryed in the car on the way home felt a bit better by the time i walked in to see hubby he knows I am upset but what do I say to him.. find me a job? a friend that understands what i went through? no i just ate dinner and went to bed...
I hae also stepped up my gm attendance and feel that I am not doing enough (LOL Yeah right) but i know i am i give it my all i sweat up a storm i burn calories.. i think my bodyis in shock from the move too lol... I miss my fiends but not enough to ever move back Reall love it here... and I am making friends but not friends.. if you know what i mean...Eh I will be fine i am just having a week perhaps :) I guess i should allow myself some slack only ben here just a month now...and eerything is fine just have to tweak a few things :)(like find another job lol) and I will be ok just hope i can find one before my body decides it cant do this anymore... hugs and love thanks for listening off to zumba I go.. wiggle wiggle wiggle

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VW_STEPH 8/14/2011 5:39PM

    Aw, I'm sending hugs your way, you really need a hug emoticon xx

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RUSSELL_40 7/28/2011 9:47AM

    friends are like employees.. you hire a bunch of potential ones, and are lucky to get one great one..that deep of friendship takes time.. Give it a year, and someone in NC will become a close friend. The rest are acquaintances. Hope you find the right job with the right hours,and people..you work to live, NOT live to work. Life will get better when you get your time divided more to your liking. You have to consider your health a part-time job also.

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i have been here before...(long and sad)

Friday, July 15, 2011

I got home frm work this evening and did my usual prowl of facebok and hotmail and sparks.. my father who lives in florida and i havent seen but talk thru facebook with(long story but the short version he is a recovering alcoholic father that never was a father) We are on friendly terms and we can at least talk with each other... He hasnt (Still) been diagnosed(says he) for lung cancer he is supposedly getting tht news august 2nd and I have been telling him for 2 years tht is what he has and needs specialists (talking to the wall) Finally all of a sudden ( or not this is his story) they (the doctors all ofa sudden think he has lung cancer ( thank you for joining us) but what I dont get and this is where his lies catch up with him because he thinks we are all stupid but forgets who dealt with my uncle with his lung cancer and my grandfather with his prostate cancer and my other grandfather with his colon cancer...(Sighs deeply)So he tells me tonight that Hospice is coming Sunday to evaluate him...(smacks her head and wants to scream) Dad you need me to come down? you need anything..? him: no no I am fine for now.. thank thou..(wants to scream at the computer) Ugh! and I wonder where I get the stubborness from!!!!
So.. as i havre known for a while I will be losing a parent.. but what comes with losing either is dealing with my brother (who i haveno use for) his wife (WHO I really have no use for) and my half sister (who is believing what what brother says because she is naive) and then the rest of the family on that side which i am indifferent to anyways...

But ther are tough questions to ask... but not sure if Dad has alredy gone over it with someone.. family friend. I hate to ask but it is coming down to the tough questions he doesnt want to talk about because he thinks i am still 8 or even 5.... or who knows what age he rememebers i just know this man has finaly realized all that he has missed n his life all that he has screwed up.. but its to late .. and how do you fix that? You cant.. you just cant fix 40 years or 37 years or even 24 years of any of our lives.. those are the choices he bad... good bad indifferent... I have been thriugh alot emotionally with this family... and have worked through alot of emotions about them....but evn stil Dad is Dad.. He is dying... the least i can do like i would for anyone and I mean anyone is help them pass peacefully to the other side.. help him realize he will see what he believe in on the other side.. he will make it because his god will forgive him.... just sad he never realy wanted to know any of us deeply.. e has 2 grandchildren 19 and 16 and he doesnt even talk to them.. the last time they saw him Joey was 4 and kevin was 1 and half and he had many opportunities to be part of the family to come and be with us for holidays or birthdays or just for te hell of it. but he up and left and moved to florida and didnt hear from him for 6 years til he contacted my mother and got my phone # and it is only because he knew he was sick... and that is what i have been dealing with for the last 3 years and 2 of it being really ill an not admitting it.... sorry this post is so sad and ranty like.. just needed to vent and get some felings sorted out. and i feel better :) thanks for reading :) Hugs and love

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VW_STEPH 7/17/2011 10:52AM

    Sending hugs and love for you.... you have some tough times ahead of you now. =(

Stay strong! xx

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RUSSELL_40 7/15/2011 10:11PM

    My mother got sick in fall of 1997, and was in the hospital for a month. She recovered and came home with no diagnosis. 2 years later she was back in a different hospital, and they diagnosed her with lung cancer AFTER they transferred the old x-rays from 2 years earlier. Doctors are afraid to be wrong, and ended up removing any chance for the chemo to work. She made it 6 more months, but it was enough for me to reconcile with her, which i thank God for. I was not a good son in my 20's. She died when I was 26. I got a heart problem the next year, and my Dad had a major stroke the next year. He is alive, and I can't really talk to him because he doesn't know who I am.

I would say that you need to just go to your Dad regardless of what he asks, or says. For YOUR sake, not his. Forgive him, and remember him for the last few years as a friend. He may not be a super-Dad, but he is yours. You only get one shot at this.

If he is not a big part of your kids life, it may be better to just leave them out of this, but since they are older, you may have to ask them. If they do not choose to go, it will probably not be a problem later.

I remember going to the hospital every day for hours. It is much harder to wait for a person you know to die, than to actually be the one dying. Emotional pain is worse than any physical pain. I hope you and your family can get through this as well as possible.

emoticon

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SETAGOAL1 7/15/2011 9:35PM

    Don't give up on yourself. You are the

only one that can make it happen for

you. You have the power to succeed or

fail.

You have choosen to succeed.

Janet emoticon

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CAROLJ35 7/15/2011 9:00PM

    Forgiveness is important. Even though he does not ask for you to forgive him, you need to forgive him so your life is in order. I don't think you need to go to see him, just ask your Superior Being to help you forgive him. And then your conscience is clear and you can go on with life.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Wow is all I can say

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Yesterday I went to starbucks to log in to all my accounts and to try and do some tax forms for my new job... but to no avail.. I couldnt do them.. so off to my Zumba class I go...If this wasnt the universes way of showing me how far I have come then I dont know what it was LOL.... Was in class and these people dont know me from a hole in the wall...in class and there is this lady that was standing to the right of me and little back and on a few songs made comments like what happens if someone falls over lol.. we all laughed and said just go down with grace and hoot it will look like you did it on purpose and was part of the party lol... then 10 minutes later she says damn i havent moved parts like that in a long time lol.. So now my ears are open...Sounding familiar....she makes a few more comments.. now I know she is in pain... she made thru the whole class and went up to her and started talking tell her it does get easier. she says Iould love to move like you do..(What?! LOL) I told her you will..and then explained since jnuary I have lots 32 pounds gained alot of confidence and mobility thanks to zumba and a great teacher up north... also told er I cryed throug many any classes the first 2 months... and never be ashamed.. half of it was from pain i was feeling andthe other half the frustration you feel because in your mind you think yiu can do it and you cant YET!.... I said ae sure you take all your measurements because when the scale is not moving the inchesare coming off... we talked about our medical issues.. ad mandid I know where she was coming from.... we chatted we lauhed and wen we said our good byes she thanke me for understanding and showing her ther is hope... ok I got something in my eye at that point and had to leave to go to my car lol...

I thanked the universe for showing me that.. and letting me help her...Still have a long way on my journe but thank you for showing me wher I am now.. and howmuch more I can achieve...

Went home changed ate ad ran out the door again to starbucks... my future boss called and told me to come in wednesday 11 -8 said sure see you then.. he calls back 15 minutes later and say nah makeit 9 - 6 ol. oh ok... whatever see you then lol.. I went thru emails answered a few and was waiting for a phone cal from a other in my national mothers group i have belonged to for 16 years running there food allergy loop online and have held various positions within in the group..

So she finally called at 3pm and we wen over some stuff she sent o me.. hey are starting a mentor program for new mothers chapters to get up and off the ground and hopefuly keep te growing numbers o chapters for stay at home and working mothers a place to go and meet with other moms...back in the day I ran one and set up 4 in the area I lived an also set up conferences on a bigger scale...
So i have the expertise for this.. but with the new move and new job and new everthing I told her would only take 2 chapters at the moment because I cant afford to get sick... so hung up from her.. packd my stff up headed home for a quick snack and get my water..
I FOUND te POST OFFICE.. lol i know little thing but damn it is hard to find things around here lol...

Went to this kickboxing class.. praying i could do this.. well i did it... never taken itbefore in my life but grew up with all boys and knew how to punch and kick well lol.. teacher kept picking me for things to show the group lol.. i am like wth... Idid jumpin jacks.. jump rope moves punching kicking sashing.. things i couldnt do before now it hurt doing them but i kne it was because t was new use of the muscle in tha area..made it thru!
she said after class i had great form.. she did notice i was weaker on the left side.. I grinned.... she said thats nothin wrong with that most people are weaker on one side then the other lol.. i said and some are even weaker then most and explained to her aout my mdical isue.. she was like OMG i am so sorry i didnt know she said you have great form i just noticed a few times your left side wasnt really working.. and I said because it wasnt lol... but i assuredher that i was happyshe noticed andwas concerned I appreciate feed back... SHe was such a great teacher... but glad someone else noticed it too..

came home showered ate dinner with hubby talked about our days and waitedfor the cable person to show up to hook up our internet and basic cable and she got there at 9pm and she still had 2 more calls to do..insane hours... so now we are all set

So i geuess even hough I feellike i have been run over with a mac truck today that my yesterday was all in all avery good eye opening day

  


Saturday July 9th

Saturday, July 09, 2011




















Here are the rest of the pictures of the place.. been decorated since July4th had the maintence people in yesterday lol and they left and you heard one of them say to the other.. "They are all unpacked already?" LOL I guess it is not the norm to be done unpacking and relaxing LOL...
I really like the gym I found so far I havent agreed to a contract yet I have 2 more days of a pass... so I am trying out as many classes as I can and going at different times of the day to see the population... always a mix of ages sizes etc... you dont feel intimadated...Which is what I like about it...

Waiting on my drug test to come back so I can offically except the job :)...

Should be up a running with my own internet by tuesday morning the latest....Cant wait .. I have been tracking my foods But it will be nice to have the tracker in front of me again and able to talk to my friends here again :)
Miss all of you!!! Hugs and Love

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ADEWYN 7/10/2011 1:37PM

    no i didnt.. I hung the rest of my curtains today in the living room (needed Hubby to help) so literally I have nothing else to do but get out and enjoy NC :) Make friends and Oh yeah Go to work LOL
Love my new gym... meeting some great people there :)

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DEECANDOITAGAIN 7/9/2011 3:20PM

    Home, sweet home! You didn't waste any time, did you?

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Sunday July 3rd

Sunday, July 03, 2011







Just a few photos LOL... Pic of Hubby and I at a VA rest stop! then all the boxes that I have gone thru and my master bedroom finished!

I have more pics I will add when I have more time!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CAROLIAN 7/9/2011 5:42AM

    Well done hope you will be happy in new house lol emoticon

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ADEWYN 7/4/2011 8:53AM

    and they are allgone as of last night :) I cracked yesterday setting the rest of the house up... I will add more pics soon!!!


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RUSSELL_40 7/3/2011 6:40PM

    wow! thats a lot of boxes

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