Monday, May 27, 2013
Not to long ago, My boss told me that I'm a positive person and I motivate people around me. I guess this is true. I am this person, at work. I've always felt, why have a bad attitude at work. Noone whole heartedly "wants" to be at work. We would all rather be doing other things. So why make it worse, why not make the best of it for yourself and those around you.
As a psych nurse, I also find myself continually encourage and trying to motivate my patients. But, Ive never been one to motivate myself....
I took my health getting to an all time low to motivate me TO MOTIVATE ME!
My blood sugars were up as high as 460. Never under 230. For those of you that don't know, thats very bad. I felt tired and grumpy all the time! Thirsty! Constantly going to the bathroom. I felt overwelmed by my own health problems. It seemed like nothing I did made any difference.
Then God moved me into a full-time position at the hospital I work at. This allowed me health insurance and the means to improve my health. I followed up with my medical doctor. I started a new medicine for my diabetes, and I got a referral to a dietitian.
When the date rolled around for my to go to the dietitian, I didn't want to get out of bed. I'm not a morning person, I never have been. But I told myself, "If I keep doing what I've always done, I'll keep getting what I've always got". Besides, what did I have to lose.
So I got out of bed and I went. Yes, alot of it was information I already knew, but I approached it with a positive attitude. It was a small class, just 3 of us. I shared how I felt, that I was sick of feeling tired all the time, that I felt overwelmed and frustrated. I also shared that I just want to be able to do things with my new husband and go places without having to sit down because I'm tired and hurting. When I left, I felt better and lighter for having shared this. I felt motivated and enpowered. I was ready to "TRY".
I did try. I started counting my carbs. I started the new medicine. Still my blood sugars weren't under 230 but the were less then 300. I just wanted one under 200! I had been on the new medicine almost a week and my readings got 203-210. Still not under 200! I was feeling better, true. I didn't feel so tired of run down. I wasn't constantly thirsty. But I still wanted a blood sugar under 200. And Finally I got it, 174! I was so happy! It was a little over a week, and I finally got it.
I also lost 10lbs the first week on the medicine. I couldn't believe it. I thought sure the scales were wrong!
Long story short, I'm feeling better! I have energy! I feel like doing things and going places. I'm making plans. I can't wait to be down to a healthy weight and to be able to do things I've always wanted to do. It all seems possible now. I believe I can! I know I can! The way I feel is motivation enough for me to keep going! I'm motivating me! The way I feel, the energy I have, it all is motivating me to keep going!
Its only been 2 weeks, but I can't wait to see what tomorrow brings!!
Sunday, December 23, 2012
I recently got married; Dec 12,12. Yes, I was part of the hype of the year. Though, I want you all to know, I put a lot of prayer and consideration into this choice before I made it. Being a child of divorce, I vowed I would only marry once in my life and that I would not say "I do" till I was 150% sure I did. I also vowed to not make this step till I felt in my heart that it was 200% God's will for me.
This being said, I have always strived to be the type of women and someday wife Solomon spoke of in Proverbs 30:10-31. I truly believe this is the framework God intended a Christian woman live by. So my intent is to break this group of scripture into smaller groups over the next couple weeks and tell you what they mean to me. I don't proclaim to be a teacher or preacher, just a new wife learning to love and care for her husband as God intended.
~10. Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies.~
~11. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.~
~12. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.~
Virtue is often referring to the physical attribute of being a virgin. For this day and age I like to think it meaning more about a spiritual and moral aspect of character. Moral virtue is a rare find in our society. Finding a morally virtuous woman is no easy task. It take a daily walk with God to maintain spiritual and moral virtue. And as the scripture states, a virtuous woman is to be highly sought after and valued.
We must maintain our virtue. Being true to God, our husband and ourselves in all that we do and say. This is true not only in the presence of others but when we are alone with our thoughts and action. Sin starts as a thought. Virtue starts as a thought. EVERY action starts as a thought! We have to guard our thoughts.
It goes on to say that by maintaining our virtue, Our husbands heart can safely trust in us. Trust is the very foundation of love and marriage. Proving ourselves true in our thoughts and actions, allows us to build that trust with our spouse. Trust is the foundation that will carry you through the hard times and though temptation. Every relationship will face both.
The second part, "so that he will have no need for spoils" refers to the financial state and way that we run our household. In biblical times, men would go to war for the spoils of war. Theses spoils would supplement their income and provide for their families.
Traditionally, women would over-see the household. I understand that this is 2012, So I won't say much on this. Only that I BELIEVE, God still expect us to be responsible stewards of our finances. Part of lovely and caring for your family is not putting more financial strain on the household then needed. I also believe that in our economy this is more important then ever.
The last scripture is the one that has been running through my head so much the last couple days. "She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life."
I love Zac with all my heart and even though we are a new couple, its not all rainbows and roses. We disagree. We get mad at each other and we snap at each other from time to time. In those moments of anger, God speaks to me and this scripture comes to mind.
Zac doesn't have a relationship with God yet. That's my miracle in waiting. So for now, I'm the Christian leader of the family. My personal walk with God leaves much to be desired as well. But in the moments when I want to strike out in anger and say or do things to hurt Zac because I'm hurt, that's when I think of this scripture and my commitment as his wife and as a Christian. Words spoken in anger can be forgive but they are never fully forgotten. Its my duty as a Christian and as his wife, to do him good; to not knowingly hurt him, and to love him, even when I'm hurt and angry.
God made Eve to be a helpmate to Adam; to assist him and aide him in the role God gave him. A wife is meant to uplift her husband, not tear him down. The kind word and actions of a loving wife can make all the difference.
We Woman have a hard job loving and caring for our families, but I wouldn't trade it for all the world. If God is the head of your household, then I think you'll be alright!
Friday, November 02, 2012
I have so much to be thankful in my life!
If you wake up in the morning, you are already very blessed. Many people are not afforded the luxury.
I'm blessed to wake up every morning with a wonderful, loving man in my life. I have a job and I live in a free nation. I'm very blessed.
I surrounded by family and friends who love me for me.
I never go to bed cold or hungry.
I was in a car accident on Oct 13th and I walked away without any major injuries. The car I was in was totalled. I am very Blessed.
But the thing that makes me feel most blessed is this; I may not have everything I want or be everything I want to be, But GOD'S NOT DONE WITH ME YET!
I AM TRUELY BLESSED!!
Sunday, March 04, 2012
I recently got my first real place of my own. Only its not my "own" cause my boyfriend lives with me. Unfornately I lost my job the same day. By God's grace I had my tax money to pay an extra month in advance to give me time to look for another job.
There are sooo many blessings in my life right now. I'm blessed with a BEAUTIFUL apartment and a man that truely loves me for me. Seriously, he's know for his saying "If they're not 280(lbs) they're not a lady."
I see all these blessings and yet I feel sooo overwelmed. I'm not happy. I know I should be, but I'm not. I just want to run from all of it. I want to find a hole to hide in. I find myself hating my boyfriend because, I know if it was just myself, I could run back home to my mom and be safe and secure till I found another job. I wouldn't feel the pressure to keep us afloat. He's in college and its hard for him to find a job because of mistakes in his past. I know he tryings to help, but not in the ways I feel he should. We snap at each other daily because of the stress.
I'm scared of the growing relationship between myself and him. I've been hurt alot in the past and its hard for me to accept love. I know I'm pushing him away because I'm scared. I know he loves he. I feel myself falling deeper in love wit him, but I'm scared to let him in. I'm scared of my past and the scars from loving. He makes me happy, and yet there are little things missing. I don't know if its me just looking for excuses or if I'm trying to make s fit that I know isn't going to work in the end.
I'm disappointed in myself for not having another job already. I feel like a failure because I can't seem to get the job I want. I worked soo hard to become a nurse. I've only got a yrs experience and yet I still feel like the hospitals are telling me that I'm not good enough. I apply over and over again and nothing. Theres nothing wrong with working long-term care, if thats what you want to do. But its not what I want. I worked so hard to prove myself and I still don't feel like I have.
I've come a long way. Being a nurse has gave me a confindence in myself I didn't use to have. I know I'm a good person and worthy of love. Better yet I KNOW I'm a BEAUTIFUL person and that this beauty goes deeper that just what you see on the surface.
But somewhere in it all, I still feel lost. I still feel like something is wrong with me. I feel like life keeps kicking me back down. I still feel like I'm not good enough or that I'm doing something wrong. Why is it soo hard for me to accept love? Success? Why do I still not feel completely worthy of these things? I can't see the forest for the TREES!
Friday, April 02, 2010
On Tuesday I hurt myself on purpose because i was hurt and angry with my mother. I spent two days in the hospital. I've had major depression all my life, I guess. I was recently diagnosed. I don't really feel depressed, I just feel unmotivated. Like it takes more energy then I can gather to do anything. The hospital Dr recommended adding a stimulant to my current medication. Having worked in Psych, I know how important adjusting and taking your medication is.
I've decided to take control of the areas of my life I need too, and let go control of the areas I should. I need to stop trying to control other people's lives just because mine seem so overwhelming and out of control. I also need to quit fearing responsibility and change. I've been dragging my feet on taking my Boards because I'm afraid to be a nurse. In clinicals I had the instructor to fall back on. I know I'll be a good nurse and I'm not afraid to ask for help when I need it. I think I'm just afraid of all the doors that I know will open up to me when I become a nurse. Its going to seem like a whole new world. I'm scared I'm not ready for it.
My mother continues to be a source of frustration in my life. She's making choices I don't like. She's not taking her medication and she's unbalanced right now. I've always tried to control her and fix her problems for her. It's time I stop doing that. Her choices are hurting her and everyone around her, but I need to let her grow up and I need to quit trying to be her parent. But I know I need to also set boundaries between me and hurt on how I'll let her treat me.
Its a hard uphill climb but I feel I'm ready to make it!!
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