Tuesday, February 18, 2014
Well, its been a bit since I've blogged again, so I figure its about time for an update....not that there's much to actually update.
My Valentine's Day was good- DW and I grilled a couple steaks, an onion, and zucchini and squash, and also had baked potatoes. Then we played some games- so it was low key, but good.
I'm still struggling to just get back on the wagon. I feel like I've been just eating constantly at night lately... I try to just have one dove chocolate square to kind of take care of my sweet tooth, but it turns into 3-4 chocolates, maybe some lemonade instead of more water, an extra piece of whatever is around, etc... I just need to tell myself "no, just drink some water". I've been feeling kinda bleh in the mornings because I'm eating crap foods, especially at night before I go to bed. I also need to get consistent with my Plexus. When I was drinking it regularly and on a daily basis I was doing really well- I wasn't craving sweets constantly, I wasn't hungry because it helped to curb my appetite so I wasn't wanting to eat so much between meals, etc. It was working- and I don't know why I stopped- I had a schedule and I stuck to it. The summer really didn't help- I was out of my normal routine and schedule and many times forgot to drink it, or forgot the mix at home if I was out and about. I was also working out consistently- it was working- I totally let go of things that were working for me...I don't even know why other than the fact that my schedule changed and I just didn't put in the effort to make it part of my new schedule. Same goes for this school year- I've been working so much that I haven't put out the effort that I need to- even if I've already had a 14 hour day and I'm tired....I need to get back into doing SOMETHING.
I'm going to be going down to Louisiana with DW at the end of June/beginning of July to meet his family (his parents and brothers and sister that I haven't met yet) and I would love to lose at lease SOME weight before then. I know I won't be anywhere near my goal weight, but I'd at least like to be moving in the right direction. I also have a wedding to go to in April, one in May, one at the beginning of June, and one in the middle of June, and the trip.... I just want to at least feel good about myself when it comes to accomplishing something when it relates to my weight loss goals.
I keep talking and writing and talking about needing to get back in gear but then I don't do it... Talk is cheap....and I need to stop talking and just start doing. I need to just map out a schedule of nights that I can just push through being exhausted and work out, then head over to DW's after I shower, since I sleep over there most nights. I could even shower over at his place- I know that wouldn't be a problem either. I have the resources, I have the ability, I just need to make myself apply all of that. I think one thing that helped last year was that my friend Meaghan and I would meet up at least a few days a week and work out together. With my current schedule, though, the times that I can work out are too late for her, and I'm tutoring when she's able to work out.
I don't know why its so hard for me to just go to the gym alone- the only two ideas that I have are that one- its more fun to have someone to go with and it helps the time go by faster, and two- I often times feel very self conscious when I go to the gym- especially when I go alone- and having someone there with me just helps me to not think about it as much, and puts my focus elsewhere.
I know that the combination of Plexus, working out, and tracking my calories closely works for me- I just need to keep the motivation and stay in the habit of following through with all of that. I can't let myself get lazy and fall behind like I have been. 2 years ago, I joined Spark and I'm basically in the same place I was 2 years ago...If I had just stuck with it and not been lazy, I could be at my goal or at least be close to it. I think that's what bothers me the most...I could be closer to where I wanted to be, but I gave up, stopped caring, and didn't stick with it.
I need to get my kiddos situated and get going for the day, but have a great week my lovely sparkies!
Until Next Time,
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
I feel like I'm still in the mindset of being healthier and doing what I need to do, but the actuality of DOING it is another thing.
Life is good- I'm happy, things with DW are GREAT, I'm loving my job, etc.. Finances/money have been tight- really tight- and I'm tutoring to help just get week to week/month to month at this point. If I didn't need the money, I probably wouldn't be tutoring. I love the girls I tutor, and they are definitely not hard to work with, but I'm SOOOO busy and stretched thin that I feel like other things (like working out, and time with my friends) have really had to take a back seat. I'm gone from 6:45a until at least 8:30/9p and by then I just need to eat something, maybe get some work done, and then go to bed just to do it all over again the next day. I don't really get a lunch because of the population of students that I work with- I eat, but its usually just as I teach/do other things. I'm trying to balance everything, but I'm just at the point where something just has to be let go, and lately that's been working out and seeing friends as often. I can't do it all, but I do have to make sure that my rent is paid, I can pay my bills and put gas in my car, which is where the additional 11-13 hours a week of tutoring is being needed. I'm also trying to decide if I just want to stay living where I am (rent is really high, but the apartment is SUPER nice, and is in a great location, etc) or if I would like to try to find another place, that might not be quite as nice, but less expensive. If I do decide to move, I will only move if I can find a place that fits a pretty specific list. If I can be spending less money on rent, I wouldn't feel like I had to tutor as much, and might be able to slowly back away from that as needed/wanted, which would give me extra time to work out, plan meals more efficiently, etc.
I am not necessarily going backwards, but I don't feel like I'm moving forward in my goals. I feel like I'm just staying in one general area, going around in a circle.
On a brighter (sparkly) note.....
This was my Christmas/New Year present from DW.... We're not planning on getting married (yet anyways) but it was a token of his commitment and so its all I really would ever want- I'm happy with how things are and I finally feel like things are really coming together/falling into place with us and knowing that things are good and going somewhere. It doesn't hurt that its pretty much my dream ring!
I don't have much else, but have a great week sparkies!!
Until Next Time,
Monday, December 23, 2013
So I just went to the Dr for my yearly physical, and I left just feeling overwhelmed and depressed...and just awful.
My blood pressure was high, again, and my doctor put me on blood pressure meds. I was really hoping that my blood pressure was going to be better this time...and it wasn't. Then, she referred me to go see the weight-management department, which is fine- I'm so frustrated with myself at this point that I just don't even know what to do....I've even started to consider something that i said I would never do- LapBand.... I feel like I'm just sinking and I can't figure out what to do. Then, because of the HBP, I can't take birth control, so she recommended that I get an IUD....Which, I'm ok with, but I'm a little afraid of the side affects and the fact that I already don't have regular cycles and I manage that by taking BC....I'm just overwhelmed with everything I need to think about/do/decide on.
I'm trying to think positively, and know that it will get better and I just have to buckle down and make better choices, etc but right now I'm just not feeling very positive. I hate feeling like this...I'm usually a positive person and have the "glass half full" type of attitude, but right now I'm crying, and just feel like I need to feel frustrated for a little while. This blog was more of a venting session....sorry its not very positive or fun...
Until Next Time
Monday, December 09, 2013
Yes, I am...I'm jealous. I try very hard to be happy for my friends, and I really am happy....but I'm also very jealous...can those two go hand in hand??
One of my best friends, Jen, whom I've known for about 13 years now, posted on Facebook yesterday....she's lost 60 pounds in the last 34 weeks. I'm very proud of her- we've both struggled with our weight every since we can both remember, and have even worked out together, helped each other with eating healthier, etc... We don't see each other very often over the last few years- she lives a good 45 mins-hour away I live east of Denver and she lives west and we just both have a million things going on- we do text and stay in touch though.
I love her dearly, and I'm so glad that she's found something that works for her- last time we talked, she was doing weight watchers and it was working for her. I've tried weight watchers...it didn't work for me-I can't afford it and honestly, I hate the meetings and I don't have a ton of free time to go to the meetings consistently (when I do have any free time I like to spend it with my friends and family and of course, DW- which i know is selfish, but when I have limited time, a meeting that only makes me feel worse about myself doesn't usually hit the top of my list), I've tried SlimGenics, that didn't work for me either- I didn't like being judged if I gained a single pound between one day and the next... I'm doing Spark....which has had its ups and downs and has worked for me when I stick to it and really hold myself accountable. I know that I honestly have no grounds to stand on when it comes to being jealous because I KNOW that I haven't been putting in the time and effort. Yes, I've been slowly getting back on track, and I'm trying very hard to drink more water, watch portion sizes, bringing lunch from home, eating healthier dinners, not grabbing fast food ALL the time...etc. But there are so many things I'm NOT doing.... I'm not working out, I don't always plan my meals/plan healthy meals during the week consistently, I'm not always eating great foods like veggies, fruits, etc. I eat them, just...I should eat more. I shouldn't be jealous....but I am....She's where I wanted to be by now and she succeeded, and I'm just....not there. I'm here in the back just trying to not gain any weight...forget losing 60 pounds.
I hate feeling jealous....I'm one of those people who genuinely loves to see my friends succeed and meet their goals (weight related, job related, etc) but this time....I feel AWFUL for feeing so jealous of someone I love and care about. I feel like I just needed to get that out today....its just been building up and I feel like its taking over a lot of my thoughts.
On another note- My parents FINALLY met DW on Saturday (only after over 3 YEARS LOL). We met for breakfast on Saturday morning and it went REALLY REALLY well. He and my dad just talked and talked and there was a lot of laughing and he was just... well- it was amazing. At one point he was talking to my parents and how he was glad he was meeting them and he just felt like it was a good time and then he starts to go on about how i'm "intelligent, bright, and beautiful..." and how he enjoys spending time with me and is glad to finally spend time with them...I seriously think I turned 100 shades of pink and red haha. I'm glad he finally felt ready to meet them. I just didn't want to be manipulative and force him into anything he wasn't ready for....and I feel like I did the right thing. I think that our relationship is a lot better, stronger, and healthier because I haven't manipulated him or tried to make him do anything he wasn't ready for, or sure of. We started off as friends and it just naturally evolved into SO much more.
On the way to bring him home, we were talking about the whole situation and he made a comment that in the past, he felt like he was pushed into meeting family/parents too soon and didn't like doing that because he feels like when you introduce someone to your family or get introduced to another person's family that it should be serious and not just a quick decision. It made me feel great that he feels that we're "serious".... I didn't really doubt that too much, but its nice to actually HEAR it... So.... after 3 long years....things seem to finally be more concrete and stable and I'm loving that feeling. I love that I'm with someone that I can trust, who trusts me and who I can totally be myself and he wants to be with me for the right reasons and I'm with him for the right reasons. I also brought up the fact that the thought of being with someone else, or him being with someone else makes me feel sick and he told me that he feels the same way, so I'm thinking that's a good sign of things to come. Right now, I can't imagine being with someone else- and I know I can't tell what's going to happen in the future, but I'm hoping its not something I have to even worry about.
Sorry this blog was a little long... But, sometimes it helps me even my emotions out just a bit by getting it out...Hope you all have a great week!!
Until Next Time
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
So I don't have a lot of time to write much, but wanted to at least write something since I haven't blogged in a while, and my last blog was kind of negative/not very happy.
I'm slowly getting back on track- I'm being more mindful about what I'm eating, and also, more importantly, how much I'm eating. I'm back drinking my Plexus almost everyday which has helped me feel more stable/in control too. I am not perfect, and I know that I'm not going to be, but I'm at least making the most of what I can and doing better than I was before.
With the holidays coming up, I'm honestly not too worried. Its funny because my mom is always talking about how much she's eating and how much weight she's gonna gain, etc etc... I don't know if its the fact that I don't want people around me to even THINK that I stuff my face, or if its really just self-control, but I don't usually have a huge problem with eating TOO much over the holidays- Yeah, I might eat more foods than usual, but I generally try to just take a little bit of everything and enjoy it, but not over-do it. I'm just always hoping my sweet tooth doesn't get the best of me!!
Speaking of the holidays, DW asked me last night if I wanted to join his family for Thanksgiving...Now, for some people, it might not seem like a very big deal- but for him (and me) it's a HUGE deal. Its been 3- yes THREE- years and I haven't ever met any of his family and he's never invited me to join any family activities- and for it to be Thanksgiving- it felt really great to have him ask me. I have to check with my parents and see what they have planned and if they'd be ok if I went with him, or see if maybe I could split my time somehow, but I'm seriously just BURSTING because I'm so excited!
I feel like I'm finally back on track, at least getting there and headed in that direction. I need to add working out into everything, but for now, I'm just glad that I'm feeling more in control of my own situation and being able to take more ownership of my actions and choices.
I hope everyone is having a lovely week and have a great Thanksgiving!!!!
Until Next Time
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