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Zero

Sunday, March 09, 2014

As of this morning, I am back to my starting weight. I have lost zero pounds. It hurt to log that in my weight tracker. Why in the world would anyone post a blog about going backward? Well, because it's my reality and I just need to be real with myself right now.

It's been a hard Winter for me and my fat. Well, it's been a good winter for my fat, I guess. It's flourished nicely. I, on the other hand, am struggling.

What happened? Did I get caught in a blizzard with no way to exercise and only junk food to eat? No. Did I have a catastrophic thing happen in my family and ate solely for comfort and had to eat casseroles with gobs of cheese in them? No.

What happened was just plain winter. I got sick. My kid got sick. My husband got sick. And again and again and again. We had travel (some planned some unexpected). The result: getting over a week behind in school (homeschooling my kiddo w/autism). While cramming to catch up, I missed 4 gym appointments (& 2 other appts) in order to do school work. And then (dunh dunh duuunnhhh) migraine. Today is day 4 of the migraine. This should mean I am done tomorrow, except that we got a weather condition today that always triggers the ugly beastie, so maybe not done.

Here's the thing with migraines for me - I can't think! I mean I can do routine stuff, but teaching lessons is pretty much ridiculous. I made it through 3 days before shutting down yesterday.

When I'm behind in schoolwork, I have a tremendous amount of guilt. And when I have guilt, guess what I do? Easy, right? I eat. Oh, and I had to do grocery shopping yesterday so what do you think I bought? Yes, things I haven't bought in years. I found out I can eat 9 Mounds bar pieces and not feel sick. How can this be? How was I not feeling physically awful? Was that all I ate? Hah. No. But you don't need a listing. The thing is, I never felt sick. I never felt like I'd had enough, and the only thing I kept thinking was, "My *#$%^&* head hurts," alternating with, "aaaauuuggghhh we were almost caught up with schoolwork!"

Yes. This binge happened when we were nearly caught up. Almost there. Isn't that the story of my weight loss journey? Going nuts when I'm "almost there?" Why? What do I fear? Do I not want to succeed? Am I sabotaging myself? Or is it coincidence? I'm not a stupid person. In fact, I'm not only pretty smart, I'm introspective, analytical, and your typical nerd. But...man, I'm sick of not being able to DO what I think.

I can think my way down to my goal weight. I can calculate it, allow for life's little gifts of reality to whack me around a bit, and arrive at a sensible, achievable goal. So why can't I achieve it? Why can't I get out of my own way to make it work? Why does a migraine = whole day of eating? And eating junk. I'm SURE the junk just adds to the headache - all those preservatives...yow.

And yet, I decided this morning to get on the scale. Oh surprise - gained all my weight back. Back at my starting weight. I thought, no, I won't log this, maybe this is just a false high, maybe this is just a momentary blip. But then I decided that I DO want to live in reality, I am NOT a mess, I am NOT a zero. I will log it, hold my head up, and live.

I will try to unravel this stupidity. I will try to figure out which lie I'm telling myself to allow this behavior. I know my family loves me no matter what size I am, but will they still feel the same way when I exit their lives early for being obese? Is that showing them how much I love them? Enter more guilt. Guilt is a HUGE trigger for me. I seem to be unable to avoid tipping from motivation (I do want to live longer for me and my family) to guilt (if I don't do this, how tragic, how senseless, how avoidable, my fault).

So how do you face reality without the guilt? How do you get back up after falling, without feeling guilty? I know Confucius was among the first to say the thing about what's important is that you get up one more time than you fall, but the thing here is, I'm pretty sick of falling. But mostly I guess I have to figure out how to whack this guilt on the head and get it out of my head. If I have another bad night I'll be a higher weight than my starting weight. I really don't want that. I need to return to mindful eating - maybe let the guilt come and just try to feel it instead of trying to shut it down? Man, I'm not sure I even know how to just feel guilt. Maybe that's at the core of my problem. Something to explore.

Today. Not tomorrow.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EDENFELL 3/15/2014 7:30PM

    I've sort of gone through the same experience where I looked in silent shock at the scale. Only thing is that I made the decision not to beat up on myself OR feel even remotely guilty. I mean, life happens..we all do the best we can and sometimes health suffers..anyway, after some positive self talk I went on a complete veggie day (only veggies..nothing else) and then decided to add an over abundance of veggies to my diet along with a serious focus on exercise. So far its going well..I'd recommend ditching the guilt, moving forward and picking just one thing to focus on that you can succeed at..like drinking 8 glasses of water a day for the next 2 days..and then adding all the other habits back in. p.s. thanks for the sesame oil and soy sauce idea with veggies..I love soy sauce stir-fry so I'm going to try the microwave version. emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 3/15/2014 7:31:23 PM

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JITZUROE 3/10/2014 9:26PM

    I'm with MAMA. You're doing the best you can with the tools you have.
And I also want to join you in this journey to mindful eating. I want to do that so badly for myself. I also want to be able to control my crazy mouth too, so we can cheer each other on, day by day.
You told me recently that we face extraordinary challenges you and I. At the time I kinda dismissed that since I was too busy blaming myself for my behavior. But you were right. You are right. It's flipping TOUGH, every single day.

Thank you for always being so honest about the struggle, but also honest about the desire to get to the finish line. And you will.
And those school lessons will be finished,even though the days will still be crazy challenging, and sometimes laden with migraines and drama.

I'm here for you, and in here WITH you!

Bren

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CANNIE50 3/9/2014 10:14PM

    Yes, I vote you sit with it. Sit quietly with the truth and reality (and good for you for facing up to it - it just adds to my respect for you). Sit with the guilt and hear what it has to say, but bear in mind, guilt is sometimes a liar. I know, for me, I don't feel guilt about my eating disorder and resulting overweight, so much as I feel regret and I feel baffled and bewildered. I have overcome a lot of things in my life, thank God, but this one has me in its grip. I, too, am struggling mightily. I don't care why so much anymore, I just feel weary weary weary from the long-a$$ed struggle. I feel compassion for you. You are not alone. It is not as if everyone is doing well, except you. You are in a rough period. You need to show yourself extra kindness, and get extra rest. If guilt and recriminations and regret and shame worked, we would not be hauling around extra weight, or shoving in food we don't need, right? I am thinking of you and praying you get a break from the pain and the struggle. emoticon

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MAMADWARF 3/9/2014 8:55PM

    First of all, you are not alone. Second, I just love you. 3rd, guilt is for doing something wrong or bad! You are struggling, you are overloaded, you are doing the best you can with your tools you have at the time...geez woman, get off your back! One day, one mi ute at a time. I'm here for you. In the same boat. I think you're brave you faced the truth. That's the first step.

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Kinda Victorious

Friday, February 07, 2014

I feel like I jumped a hurdle yesterday. I struggle some days, greatly, with the harsh realities of homeschooling my autistic son. No details because that's not what this blog is about today. No, today is about what I did differently.

Usually when things go badly:
I moon about it, I worry that it's my fault, I worry that I'm inadequate, not up to the task. I shut down. And my shut down consists of sitting on the couch, zoning out with the TV, and eating. Sometimes there's crying. Sometimes just a zombie session. It doesn't last long, doesn't spill over into the next day (although I do dread starting lessons for the day in the morning, but my own destructive behaviors don't continue). But I feel tremendous guilt for every minute I sit there zoning out, and I try to assuage that guilt with food - lots of food. I don't make dinner b/c I'm too depleted from my struggles, and b/c I feel like I've eaten too much already, and then I just snack more b/c I didn't have a meal to make my stomach satisfied - or my guilt.

What I did differently yesterday:
Things went badly. I saw the lesson through (as usual) and it depleted me (as usual) but I recognized my need to take a break as a VALID need. Not something to feel guilty about, not questioning my abilities or effectiveness. I just needed a break. So I took one. From lessons. I allowed myself to "shut down" and zone out by changing into exercise clothing and trudging on my elliptical trainer for over an hour, while watching TV. I wasn't doing a stellar workout if you look at it alone, but it was stellar that I was moving and not eating instead of sitting and eating.

What it did for me:
Beyond the obvious, it also changed my mood for the evening. It wasn't as big of a downward spiral. I didn't need to cry. I even started some laundry before the elliptical/TV session and when I heard the machines beep, I got off the elliptical and swapped stuff out, then got back on. The longer I trudged, the better I felt.

What could have happened:
(see the "usual" section) I would have felt awful all night, I'd have lain awake for hours, into the wee hours of the morning, worrying, struggling, wrestling with both the binge beast and the guilt beast and the insecurity/inadequacy beasts. I would have felt exhausted and downtrodden this morning. I'd have felt like I couldn't escape this cycle of self-abuse. I'd have thought about putting my son back in school where I know he wouldn't do any better because he just can't learn in the way schools are structured. And I'd have felt like I was considering giving up on him. And the guilt would have gotten me down on day 2, and I'd likely have made bad food choices again. I'd have stepped on the scale and been really bummed that the 2 lb loss I saw yesterday would have disappeared. I'd have spent the day kicking myself for all the coulda shoulda wouldas.

Instead:
I got to start the day luxuriating in a half hour of hanging out in bed reading email. I woke well-rested and hungry. I didn't feel bloated. I even felt how nice my fingers felt not being full of salty bloat. I thought how nice it would be to enjoy my morning coffee, knowing I could choose anything I wanted for breakfast because my stomach was empty. And then I thought, hey, maybe I'll write a blog!

I feel good. For the first time ever, after a terrible clash of wills with school lessons, I did something constructive for myself and I feel good.

Do I still dread starting lessons today? Sure. Only b/c I fear that the clash of wills will kick my butt again, but the dread is cut considerably by the knowledge that I've found a new way to deal with the adversity. I found a new way to cope. This particular struggle no longer has to equal weight gain.

So hurdle jumped: realizing I DO deserve breaks when things get hairy, and a "shutdown" doesn't have to be spent on the couch - I can zone out in other ways.

And I need to give a shout out here to a very special Sparkfriend who has been my role model in how to not let adversity stop her efforts: Jitzuroe. She's really helped me turn my attitudes around. And while I'm at it, thanks to a couple of other special Sparkfriends who have said some great things to me who kept me thinking long after the words were read: Cannie50 and Mamadwarf. I draw strength and inspiration from all of my Sparkfriends, and different things stick in my head, but lately, these 3 ladies have felt like a support structure to help me learn to treat myself decently.

Thank you ALL my wonderful Sparkfriends! You are making a difference in this girl's life.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CANNIE50 3/1/2014 1:25AM

    I don't know how I overlooked this, until now. I am so very proud of you and how you dealt with a series of difficulties and frustrations. I was particularly struck by you choosing to zone out/take a break by hitting the elliptical instead of the couch&excess food (boy do I know that routine). I love that you point out that you can take a break, and distract yourself from the struggles and it absolutely does not need to include even a bite of food. I also like that you incorporated dealing with some of "the business of daily living" i.e. laundry, while you were chasing endorphins. That is the combination that kills my compulsive eating urges - exercising, and dealing with tasks that are in front of me. I admire the Sparklers you admire (Jitzuroe, MamaDwarf, & I all met up once, in the Bay area. It was great - wish you'd been there!). I also very much admire you. You deal with a difficult and lonely job, with love and dedication. I am hoping that taking better and better care of yourself, to enable you to better deal with all the challenges you face, will become more routine. ANY time you want encouragement, let me know and I promise I will make every attempt to respond in a timely manner. emoticon

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JUSTYNA7 2/11/2014 4:13PM

    Great blog. Funny but my DD and I were just talking about me being a great Mom. Her saying it and me hesitant to believe it. I do remember the days of trying tough love with her and the behaviours it triggered for her. I too remember zoning out, shutting down, tears and not knowing how I was going to repeat the day every day forever.

It's funny that when I started looking after me more and letting her figure herself out more we started managing better. She now can sense her tolerence for people time waning and will just leave to take a break. I can sense better when I need a break too. My other daughter has a mental illness and she said her therapist said "you are not just here at University for one degree, you are here for two. One in your area of study and one to learn how to live with your illness. It made me realize that that is what we have all been doing. Learning to live with a child/adult with Asperger's and medical conditions. There is not a rule book or model to follow. We are learning those lessons on a daily basis. So hurray for getting an A for this latest "test". Sounds like you did an excellent job and have another "tool" to add to your life lessons.

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EDENFELL 2/11/2014 9:01AM

    emoticon Glad you gave yourself a very much deserved break. You are worth taking that time. Plus taking care of yourself makes you a better mom to your son who is so lucky to have you as a mom! emoticon

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JITZUROE 2/7/2014 6:55PM

    Awwww, and to think, I feel that YOU are such a pillar to me, alllll the time. I'm so glad to know that we can relit on each other. And so thankful that I joined Spark, and can call you a friend! : ))

You made a tough choice yesterday by NOT zoning out with food. I know that its so much easier to do what we know (distract with food and disappear), even though it doesn't work in the long run (or after the sodium bloat sets in, ack!).
Your difficult choice to stay engaged in your day has paid off. Not only did you make that day a successful one, you also have started to set a new pattern. That's the best part since those tough days are still before you.

I'll just be that the morning coffee and breakfast were a treat since you were nourishing your body and belly.

I'm waving my cheerleader Pom poms for you!

Bren


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MAMADWARF 2/7/2014 12:51PM

    That is a HUGE Victory! What a game Changer! So, just like that you made a choice and in doing so, felt better? That is a NOVEL idea! Why didnt I think of that? I hope today is good and I hope you remember that YOU deserve every good thing you can offer yourself. (thanks for the shout out and I am here to listen anytime! You and Cannie and Bren are my hero's too!) Have a remarkable day! HUGS!

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TURTLETALK 2/7/2014 12:40PM

    It sounds like you have figured out a way to cope. Everyday like yesterday is a victory! emoticon

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SUZIPAM1 2/7/2014 12:32PM

    thats why i love sparkies they are always there - keep pushing and my big fav PRAY a lot xx

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How?

Thursday, January 02, 2014

How in the world can I feel one day like I can take on the world and win, and the next day feel so...blah?

I mean I don't want to do diddly today. I have a lot to do, but I had even more to do yesterday and I rocked it! I mean I tackled everything. Today just feels so blah. The sun is shining, it's really warm out, and I _should_ feel fantastic.

Maybe it's because my kid is in a terrible mood. He's been whining all day long. I haven't even started doing school lessons with him yet (it's 2:30!) today because of his mood. Can his mood rub off on me? Hmm, let's see.

How did I wake this morning?
1. I got up early
2. Had just the right amount of sleep
3. Husband made me perfect cup of coffee
4. Started admin work (emails, sparking, get kitchen ready for day, etc.)
5. Kid started whining

ooh, yes, turns out I am not immune to a grumpy kid.
How do you do it, moms? How do you tune out your kid when he's grumpy for no reason?

Ok, he has a reason, but I can't do anything about it. He's sick (recovering from strep and has a heck of a head full of gunk). And he's really bummed about certain things being make believe like climbing walls, flying without an airplane, and jet packs. And he's also bummed that I won't let him jump over our indoor balcony to an exercise trampoline he dragged beneath it. He's mad that I said he'd have to go to the hospital and/or worse, danger seems to be an irritant rather than something to instill caution.

I have trouble getting him to understand these things because he has a severe communication delay with his Autism. There are a lot of things to be thankful for today, as there are every day. But today, I just feel like crawling under a pile of blankets and hiding until the unpleasantness is over. I know I can't.

And I will strive to not cover myself with a pile of food instead.

On the positive side...
(I say these to convince myself)
I'm nearly packed for our impending ski trip.
I'm not sick (didn't catch what the boy carried around for the last 2 weeks)
He's getting better and should be able to ski.
I've been exercising.
Christmas decor is all safely back in storage.
I don't have to worry about life's gigantic things today (like health and hunger).
I don't have to go anywhere today, I can stay home and get things done.
I can pick a new project from my pile of old junk I'm just starting to get through - maybe it'll be fixing the fence, creating a better storage system in my son's room, getting some check marks in my GTO app (Google Task Organizer).
The weather is beautiful and I can pick my task today. Heck, I might even get a full hour of exercising in today...what a great gift to myself.

So, when I get all freaky today, I'll try and remember to come back and read this list. And review my goals board. Yes, that should keep me positive.

And to all my Sparkly friends, and those I haven't "met" yet, Have a Happy New Year! Make 2014 what you want it to be! For me it's getting rid of stuff I don't need: attitudes, junk in the house, expired food in the pantry, clothes I hate, shoes that pinch, and creating a sense of openness and space in which to live my life! How about you?

emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JITZUROE 1/29/2014 10:49AM

    Awww, how did I miss this? So sorry.
I'm so glad to be a special gal who knows that you guys survived that trip, the long drive, and yes, even the whining!!!
I cannot imagine anyone being immune to the whining of an unhappy kiddo, but I admire you for continually trying to NOT just cave into the feelings that wily whining can bring into your front view (food food crunchy salty things!!!). You have techniques like distraction up your sleeve and pull on that often. Good for you!
In cheering you on to do that today in case you can't get a few moments to sneak away and refill your energy tank with a funny show or some light reading. Umm even if you get out for five minutes to sing/scream in the car, I say do it.

You are his rock, but to be that you need to take care of yourself too.
Perhaps some more of that perfect coffee would help? Shoot, I looooooove me some perfect coffee!!!!! Mmmmmmm

Big hugs of support for you today.
Bren

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EDENFELL 1/28/2014 2:18AM

    Hi! I like your idea of listing out the positive side. It sounds like you are dealing with a lot - I love Cannie50s advice to give yourself TLC every siingle day. emoticon

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CANNIE50 1/23/2014 1:13PM

    I came to respond to your comments on my "come along with me" blog and I discovered this wonderful blog. It really resonated with me. I have SUCH empathy for you. I have a high-needs, high-energy, high-decibel kid (the youngest of my four, by far - the others are grown and living on their own). He is a handful but he does not have autism. I have a huge amount of respect for you. You are left alone to do a very difficult job and yet you cope and you are loving and compassionate. I hope the ski trip went well and that you carved out a little time alone on the slopes. That is my hope for you, actually - that you are able to find time alone, to bask in peace and quiet and uninterrupted thoughts or an uninterrupted activity. I hope you are able to get help with your kiddo. I have gotten so much better at asking for help and realizing I do not have an endless supply of patience and energy (nor should I - those are resources that require rest to restore). I do agree that an uncluttered home is more conducive to a less stressful family life, and I think more order and less clutter are particularly helpful to kids who are wired differently and thus are more susceptible to too much stimuli. My youngest had more behavior difficulties when he was younger and there were times I felt like I just was not enough - that he required more than I had to give. I learned early on to build certain things into my day - I made sure when I went grocery shopping that I bought myself little treats, like magazines or a DVD or a book. I found a couple sitcoms that I enjoyed and I would watch a couple episodes so that I could relax, and laugh, and feel like I was living in a different world for an hour or so. I learned to go to bed early to get my rest (and lessen prime binging hours), and I learned to get up early to enjoy a peaceful and quiet house. I relied heavily on daily exercise as a way to de-stress and get endorphins. Exercise was a non-negotiable, it HAD to happen for the good of everyone involved. Endorphins are my version of "mother's little helper" since Valium and wine are no-go's for me. I hope you believe, deeply believe, that you are doing something that is very difficult and you are doing it to the best of your abilities (and that ability varies from day to day) and that you treat yourself with kindness, compassion, love, and patience, just as you do your beloved child. You deserve so much more than large quantities of fat/salt/sugar/chemicals. You deserve tender loving care, which food is incapable of providing, beyond a reasonable amount of actual nutrient filled food (and if you are anything like me, you are not bingeing on broccoli and chicken breasts!) Take care, doll. I am thinking of you.

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2WHEELEDSHARON 1/5/2014 6:12PM

    I'm sorry I can't offer anything that might help with being a mom/having a kid. I can imagine that having boundaries and keeping them no matter what would be one of my greatest challenges too. I have a friend who says she'll never forget the moment her baby/toddler started saying "me me me me" all the time because it made them both realize they weren't the same person. She says she tells herself quietly all the time "That is her. This is me. That is her. This is me..."
I love your "turnaround" and 2014 lists. Did you get your hour of exercise?
Now that you mention it, I got rid of my shoes that pinch last year so that's exciting to have that done. As for this year, I want to reduce my amount of complaining at work, run another organized 5k, do things more than I talk or think about how I want to do those things (which I've accomplished a lot of in the past few months already), and explore some of the world of social media but on my terms and conditions even if others tell me they want me to do it differently.
I hope the ski trip is fun for all.
Happy New Year!

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Recording them all

Saturday, December 14, 2013

I've decided to do something different this time around. I'm recording my weight nearly every day. This way I get to see the fluctuations that Mother Nature gives me on a chart. I get to see, ok, don't worry about that sudden 3 lb jump in one night, even without overeating or undermoving, it happens every 21 days. And a pound or two gain happens after every boxing or boot camp style workout with my trainer, followed by it dropping right back off a day later (when the muscles recover).

And, just as important: ok, don't get cocky about that sudden 2 lb drop, it also happens every 21 days, it doesn't mean you can throw caution to the winds b/c that 2lb weight loss was "easy."

Over time, I'll get to know my 2 steps forward 1 step back style of losing, but I will gain encouragement from knowing that it's my pattern, NOT that I'm doing something wrong. And I'm hoping that this time around, I'll not be thrown by a sudden 3lb gain when, "hey! I had a hard workout yesterday and ate so well! Ugh, someone predicted I wouldn't be able to do this and they were right." (In the past this would have derailed me into the "bleep it, who cares, give me some brownies!")

I'm continuing to live the way I want to live, eating the way that makes me feel good the next morning, and moving even when I don't want to, because I know it'll make me feel mentally and physically good in the morning. I keep saying, "I'll feel better if I _____________" and that blank gets filled in with things like: walk for just 5 minutes (which turns into at least 20 most days), don't eat that next slice of pizza, have an apple because I haven't had enough freggies today, listen to the voice inside my head that says I need a small break from my schedule today.

I can't really look at a month at a time for any of that stuff, if I do, it's too easy to put off my actions until "tomorrow." So I am trying to just live each day the way I'd like to (as much as possible), forget trying to be "perfect" because that's not one of my goals, and hopefully the weight will take care of itself over time. It should, because living healthy, I believe, will have it's own rewards.

Meantime, I still weigh in daily so that I can try to stay "in the game," I mentally track my calories after dinner time (my only risky time), and try to move at least 20 minutes extra 5 days a week.

I think I'm down 6.5 lbs, but today was one of those weird 3lb unexplainable days. So I logged it, and blogged it, and will wait patiently for my body to get real! All while living healthy.

Have a fantastic weekend, everyone!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JITZUROE 12/31/2013 10:45AM

    Good plan!!!

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2WHEELEDSHARON 12/16/2013 8:13PM

    You come up with the smartest tactics. Nicely done!

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MAMADWARF 12/14/2013 4:15PM

    Sounds like a great plan. One day at a time. How did we forget that along the way.

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TIME2BLOOM4ME 12/14/2013 12:56PM

    emoticon

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Just by not binge eating part 2

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

It's working. It's not lightning fast or anything, but it is working. At my age (50) I don't lose weight fast. A few years back I'd have been able to drop 5lb in a weekend by eating right. But, alas, those days are past. Now it takes longer.

But, remember my last blog? The one about just not binge eating? Well, I've gone a couple of weeks now with that philosophy and it's working.

I'm also moving more. I'm doing 20-40 minutes of cardio a day, at least 5 days a week. That 20 minutes might be "speed cleaning" where I grab a toy (my kid has junk everywhere) and speed walk or jog it back to it's home, go back, grab another, rush it back, repeat. Sometimes I do the elliptical trainer or march around while watching TV. Sometimes I walk fast around my downstairs "loop" from LR to DR to Kit, to FR, then up the stairs, through the upstairs loop or turn arounds, and back down to start again. I have one earbud in so I can still hear my son if he needs something, but can also get energy from the music I like. And sometime I wrap, glove up, and hit the heavy bag which we managed to get hung from a ceiling beam in the house.

Twice a week I take my son with me to the gym and we meet with the trainer, but I did that part before. The new stuff is the indoor quickie cardio things b/c it doesn't take as much to convince myself to do it. And I usually start out thinking, ugh, I do NOT feel like doing this, but I will feel better afterward and tomorrow. And I convince myself to do 5 minutes, then after 5, I just keep going until I have to stop to take care of something (or someone) in the house.

So that extra movement, which isn't a lot, plus no binges (I can have up to 500 cal at night for snacks - no limits on what, but that's the only time of day I log food--to stay under 500 cal), has equalled 5 lb of weight loss in about 2 weeks. It's faster than my hoped-for progress, actually, so I won't be surprised if there's a slow down, but I do know that keeping up with what I'm doing gives me more energy, makes me feel physically and mentally better, and I know I'm doing the right thing - regardless of what the scale does or doesn't say.

But my PANTS say yes! Finally, no more bursting at the seams! Hooray for living well.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CTUPTON 12/5/2013 10:43AM

    I will copy your idea of staying undr 500 cal for evening. If I do that I think it will make a difference for me--even if I don't track all day's food. Thanks for that idea!

chris emoticon

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CTUPTON 12/5/2013 10:41AM

    emoticon emoticon

chris emoticon

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MAMADWARF 11/28/2013 12:29AM

    That's awesome!!!! You're doing great and you found so ethung that works for you!

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