Sunday, January 06, 2013
A huge turning point in my life came when I was a freshman in college. I was walking across campus, with my usually self-hating script running in my head, when I suddenly thought, "(several friends names from high school) love me. There HAS to be something in me to love!" I honestly couldn't imagine what they could love about me. For years I wouldn't touch anyone or hug anyone outside of family, because I hated myself so much that I felt like I would somehow contaminate them by touching them. I want to cry when I think of that teenager. And I really wasn't very overweight at all. But the actual weight really doesn't matter, does it? It's all about how we see ourselves.
Back to that walk across campus... They saw something in me, even though I couldn't. I clung to that thought for a long time - until I could start loving myself too. If they saw something to love, I forced myself to take on faith that there was something there TO love. And finally, little by little, I started believing it for myself.
Years later I finally really heard the second part of the commandment to 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' Oh! I am SUPPOSED to love myself!! God loves me, and He doesn't make mistakes. To hate myself is to hate part of His creation. Wow.
It's still a struggle. For the last couple of years, I fell WAY off the healthy bandwagon, stopped moving, and went back to eating all the crap that poisons my body and my soul. I regained all the weight I had lost. I lost all the energy I had gained. It's tempting to succumb to what I label the 'demons' - those nasty little voices that still try to lurk in my head, trying to convince me that of the absurd notion that somehow self-worth is tied to the size of my body.
But I refuse to go there. I have an amazing life. A wonderful husband, two fabulous little boys, parents and a sister I adore, a home-based Tastefully Simple business I love, enough income to pay the bills and slowly start building a little savings. I got off track with taking care of the physical me...but it such a minuscule part of who I am. Little by little, I'm working my way back to getting back on track. But I will not let it define me.
I am a beloved child of God, with whom He is well pleased. And so are you.
Life is good!
Tuesday, January 01, 2013
I've been gone, for a long, long time. I regained all the weight I lost, plus a little more. I'm feeling crappy, out-of-shape, and without energy. Sigh. But I've always known I'd be back, that I wasn't leaving SP for good. Life has been crazy, but has finally settled down. December was miserable - a nasty bout with pneumonia left me with lots of time to sit around feeling like a slug. I'm still recovering - still have the cough, no stamina, and have to sleep sitting up. Which means lousy sleep for me. And everyone is warning me not to push it, so I don't relapse. Ugh...
So, I'm working on patience... I've been easing back into SP for the past week. Trying to read a few blogs and articles. My parents gave me a Fitbit One for Christmas, and I've been wearing it ever since. I love it! Again, I'm trying to take it easy, so I'm just looking at the current numbers as a baseline, with nowhere to go but up! :-D. I have my Fitbit linked to SP...it seems to be giving me a ridiculous number of workout minutes, which is crazy. I need to figure that out... Trust me, no working out going on right now.
But. It's January 1st. I'm going to start (gulp!) tracking food again today. I despise tracking food. But I know it's the only thing that works for me. I'm not really going to try to limit with at I eat for the next couple of weeks, just track. Though tracking always makes me limit somewhat anyway. There's nothing like those numbers staring me in the face! But I have trips coming up the next two weekends - to MN on Friday for my uncle's funeral, and to San Diego the following weekend for the Tastefully Simple Leadership Conference. Tracking while traveling is hard enough when I'm already in the habit. I refuse to stress abut it when I'm just getting started again. Baby steps.
So...hi, everyone! Here's to a wonderful 2013 for all of us. One baby step at a time...
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Why is junk food so darn appealing? Sigh.
School was canceled today due to no power, so another lazy day. Though I did get quite a bit done for my business, which is good.
Monday, October 25, 2010
I know it'll get there if I just keep this up, but it's not there yet.
Went to my Rescue Squad meeting tonight (I'm a Life Member). I really miss running calls. But I've let my EMT certification lapse, so I'd have to retake the entire class. Just don't see any way I could pull that off right now. Sigh...
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Ugh. Never posted a blog yesterday. I was going to do so after my party, but got home ridiculously late, so that didn't happen. So late, in fact, that today was a total waste.
But tomorrow I'll be getting back to the gym. If I can get the kids and myself out the door early enough, I'm thinking of trying the yoga class again...yikes!
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