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…8 Months of Steps Backwards…today, 1 Step Forward…

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

The journey of a thousand miles, or 70lbs…

A year ago, I was at 187lbs and I bought a fabulous dress in a size 8 in hopes of wearing it at my son’s high school graduation in June 2011. A month after buying the dress I was laid off…hey, extra time to really get fit right? Nope!

Today I posted the picture of my son and me at graduation, and corrected my weight information to try and get myself back on track. I have to live with that picture of me and my son, and I am so disappointed. It was a beautiful day, and I convinced myself I loved the new larger dress I ended up buying, but when I saw that photo, I just wanted to cry.

At one point after my divorce (2006), I was down to 170lbs (my heaviest while married that I know of was 245, could have been more). In 8 months I went from 187lbs to 210lbs (weighed this morning). I know I was actually heavier than that in the green dress picture.

So, after beating myself up for gaining the weight, putting myself in the position of having nothing to wear for a job interview should I get one, punishing myself by no longer dating and not going out with friends, I logged back into SparkPeople. I looked around, looked at all the time that had lapsed since I last logged in…and logged off. Sat on the couch some more, read another book (note: I stopped counting in December when I had read my 75th novel since my unemployment...no kidding).

I had broken all my rules from when I had first lost weight: tracking daily calories, not wearing elastic waist pants, stepping on the scale regularly, drinking water, getting regular exercise.

I was frustrated and miserable and kept telling everyone I was fine. One day I admitted most of this to my friend Candy, who has done amazing on SparkPeople. I told her how proud I was of her and I truly meant it. She reminded me I was the one who showed her SparkPeople, but I never really took to it like she did. She encouraged me to give it another try. I gave a lot of thought to what she said…read some more novels.

Finally I decided enough was enough when I realized that my athlete daughter is gaining weight and I’m supplying the food that is allowing it…leading her into my bad habits, and that I need to get us both out of it. She will exercise if I exercise. If she sees me putting on my walking shoes, she asks if she can join me. She eats what I prepare, and if I don’t buy processed foods and junk, she won’t eat it because it won’t be in the house. By helping myself I am helping my daughter, and that is my job as her mother. I had lost sight of that and became the parent who taught her child that food is a reward and that food can make you feel better.

I came back to SparkPeople and started all over again. Using the nutrition tracker, using the fitness tracker, but also this time using the whole site. A big step was reading blogs and really listening to everyone’s story. Learning that I am not unique, that so many people have a similar story and that I can recommit. There is no shame in saying I failed, if I am honestly willing to start over. That it is never too late to try again.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IRISHBEANERGAL 7/13/2011 11:15AM

    You could have been writing my life story in this blog...

I found your post through our mutual friend, Candy. I started in January 2011. I am divorced (2004 - I now call it "the awakening" lol). I just had a son graduate this June too. I wanted to be in "onederland" by his graduation- I didn't make it - but I was 40 pounds lighter. Someday I will be in onederland - but more importantly I am a much healthier me now.

I have a 10 year old daughter who will follow my example. And she's a healthy size. But she struggles with body image issues already. I want to be the voice of reason in her teenage years (ha!) or least a good support as she watches her body change. I don't want her to go through my experience with weight.

So, I'm doing this for my kids too. And for myself. I have added you as a friend (I hope that's ok) and hope you will add me as well. Let's support each other!

WELCOME BACK! The only failure is the failure to try.

~Irish (aka The Incredible Shrinking Mom)

**July Mantra - Plan to Work and Work your plan**

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CBAILEYC 7/13/2011 10:58AM

    You haven't failed if you're standing back up and trying again. And you are! I'm so proud of you!
You ARE responsible for pointing me in the right (this) direction. You know I'll do anything I can to help you be successful again!
emoticon emoticon
C~

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IDNAR1984 7/13/2011 4:55AM

    Welcome back, you can do this!

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First weekend away and ...the dress!

Monday, August 02, 2010

So, the kids and I went out of town this weekend to see one of my very best college friends and her family. I love them so much! Shared the Spark with her, yay!

I did my best to stick to my heathly habits. Lots of salad, vegis and being realistic about what wouldn't wipe out my three pound movement.

The dress arrived right before I left, so I told my girl friend all about what I was doing. She said, share the spark with me...heck yes!

So here is the dress...June 2011, I've got my sites set on you...!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

4MY2KIDZ 8/7/2010 7:25PM

    Thanks! Yeah, hopefully it will give me that extra I need to stay on track!

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NAOMIEVA 8/2/2010 10:16AM

    oooooh! i love the dress! that seems like a great goal/motivation! emoticon emoticon

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Trying to find motivation

Sunday, July 18, 2010

I've been on Spark for a little while now, and really have not seen any results, just haven't been able to find something to give me that humph to get it done.

My daughter graduated from 8th grade this past spring and there was a particular dress I really wanted to wear, but it didn't fit. The largest size was a 14, which should have fit, but I had been eating, eating, eating out of boardom, out of frustration. I found another dress, it was nice, but I didn't love it like I loved the other.

I started thinking about that dress again, so I went to see if it was still available. It was on sale, which was great, but they only had a size 8 left. Oh well I figured, not like I really had any place to wear it any way, it really wasn't a "work" dress. But I kept thinking of how much I liked it and how great it looked when I had tried it on back in May (if only it had zipped all the way!).

My son will be graduating from high school in June 2011. I decided to buy that dress in the size 8 and keep it hanging where I can see it. I love that dress and I will be able to celebrate my success as my son celebrates his. I'm going to wear that dress next June!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BANKER-CHUCK 7/19/2010 3:32PM

    Good to have a goal. Good luck to you and that size 8 dress.

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CBAILEYC 7/18/2010 4:47PM

    I -love- this post! Put it into writing, and then see it, be it! emoticon

I owe you my start here at Spark emoticon - you know I'm gonna cheer you on the whole way!
emoticon
C~

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AIMIE32 7/18/2010 2:46PM

    you will get in that dress. that's a great idea!!! good luck

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IAMWINNING 7/18/2010 2:41PM

    It's great to have a motivator such as that dress, but even better when you can find motivation within yourself - that's the motivation that 'sticks' with you even after you meet your 'outside' goals. I hope you find inner motivations (read some others' motivations on Spark People) so you'll be able to be healthier even after you lose the desired weight. Good luck to you! emoticon

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KRISTIEEASTWOOD 7/18/2010 2:33PM

  thats a great motivator...just keep up the hard work..god bless and smiles and hugs

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BUDDHABOI 7/18/2010 2:31PM

    emoticon Best wishes for SUCCESS in your journey! emoticon

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