Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Well, last week I got a CPAP machine to try out for possible sleep apnea. I snore, so hubby says and now that things are quiet, except for the gentle hum of the machine, he won't let me sleep without it.
Trouble is, I can't get to sleep quickly with that thing stuffed in my nose and around my head. It bothers me. Once I go to sleep then I'm fine for the night.]
Last night, I tossed and turned and finally took the thing off. I kind of drifted off but I was completely aware that my legs were kicking themselves silly. They would cramp and I would kick. Then I started snoring I guess and hubby kicked me to put that darn thing on. So I did and then I slept. I guess I sleep well with the air being forced into my nose but I'm just not comfortable with it.
There is a little disc that goes into the machine that records whatever is happening. So in another week or two, I will be taking that disc into the doctor to see how I fared. When I took the sleep study, I stopped breathing twice an hour but kicked my legs 99 times in an hour. Doesnt' that equate to exercise? My results were not bad enough to warrant my insurance company paying for the machine so I have a loaner to test it out.
The doc said if I would lose weight I would help myself. So maybe that is what I should do. Yes, we all know that is what I should do so why don't I do it? That is the question.
I have a lot of office work to do today and now I am groggy and not rested. Hope I don't make any mistakes. Later.
Sunday, October 09, 2011
We went to a birthday party yesterday where the cake was a huge custom carrot cake!
Lunch was served at 1:00 and we were really hungry by then. After I ate a second helping of delicious baked beans and potato salad, I waited for the cake. The Top left corner of the cake, 4 inches square, 3 inches high came to me. It was a delectable piece with oodles of decorated cream cheese icing dripping down the sides. It was deliciously moist and I ate it down to the last crumb and scraped the fork over the plate to get the last bit of icing. By the time I finished, my stomach was stuffed! Why did I eat so much? I don't usually overstuff myself but I was so hungry that's what happened. So I thought I would go over all of the details and describe the cake as it was eaten.
I am a visual person and we all know it takes a month for something to become a habit. So If I want to eat less, why don't I visualize myself eating whatever is cooking before it actually lands on my plate? I can visualize the size of the portion and how much of the plate it takes up. I can watch myself eating slowly savoring each bite as it makes its way into my mouth. If I did this while dinner was cooking, I might eat less because I would have already enjoyed the food. I also need to visualize myself eating slowly, slowly, slowly. If I finish eating before hubby does, then I have eaten too quickly and too much.
After the lunch yesterday I felt as if I didn't have to eat again. But our friends had asked us to go to the German Fest so we went and had sausage and sauerkraut and a diet pepsi. No cake or dessert for me because after that carrot cake, I didn't need another piece of anything called Dessert.
And then after that we went to the Fiesta de Italiano to see friends and the booths only because I didn't want to venture near the food tent. Came home and collapsed.
So I am going to try and declutter my food and concentrate on what I'm eating and try and visualize it as it nourishes my body. Oh, there is so much work to do when you are trying to get organized. Later.
Saturday, October 08, 2011
I would put decluttering up there with exercise and weight loss. If you do anything for a month, it becomes a habit. First you have to make up your mind to do it! I think I've decided to attack the clutter in my home but it is a constant effort to remind myself not to put something down to deal with later. To keep my piles under control, I need to put it away NOW!
Kaseycoff was my first friend here on Spark and she's had to hear me grouse about not being organized, not losing weight, not sleeping, and not exercising. That would have to be a good friend to listen to all of that grousing.
I've always said that I am organized out of disorder, able to juggle many things and still have a mess to plow through. But as I age, I find that this disorder is making me crazy and it is harder to plow through. Case in point, I've been talking about cleaning off my desk in my office but it is still not done. And yesterday, while I was dealing with the wrong cushion cover for the chaise lounge, I drove myself crazy looking for my client's folder and trying to determine what the solution was. I just had that folder in my hands but it disappeared somehow. That effort was so frustrating that it convinced me that I have to do something about it, finally!
I think it is time to call in the refinforcements for help! I'll have to schedule a time for Cassandra, my organizing friend, to come over and help me with this filing. I just can't go through another year like this, or month, or day or week. Next Friday we are going away for 4 days to see our youngest son and his family so this is a busy week. But I'm going to schedule a date with her before the end of October. See, I'm giving myself at least 3 weeks to get this done! Cassandra can you hear me?
The good part of this is that it has taken the emphasis on food and dieting away. What a relief! This doesn't mean I'm chowing down. It means I've got other things to tackle first. And if I relieve the clutter, the diet will follow! Right? And the exercise too! Right? Later.
Friday, October 07, 2011
I reread my blog from yesterday and it was so petty. Bummed out over a cushion cover that didn't fit. It was partially my fault so I was more than a little mad at myself as well. And like I said, it wasn't brain surgery, just an embarrassment. Now, brain surgery is a bummer of a day. I use that term because I have a friend in my company who uses it to emphasis the silliness of some of our problems that we get so uptight about.
Many times when our attitudes stink its because we are mad at ourselves or have some issue with insecurities. We are avid church goers and there is much talk about forgiving others in the sermon content. This is so important for your health and well being but we must also learn to forgive ourselves for our shortcomings and indiscretions. That's not easy sometimes and our minds will race with talk about how bad we are or how fat or lazy.
Forgive ourselves for being fat? Now that's an issue that hasn't come up. Why are we fat? The answer is within us but we dont' want to see the real reasons. Mostly its because we eat too much. And stress causes us to eat too much. Does it? Eating too much is a personal responsibility and only we, ourselves, can control it.
I was seeing a therapist back in the 90's when I was wrestling with full blown depression. I was talking about how this person or that person affected me. She said, "We can't control other people. We can only control the way we deal with them." That was a very good lesson to learn. So if we get stressed out by another person and choose to eat to relieve the stress, we have chosen to deal with that issue with food. It's our choice. One of my favorite bible verses is Philippians 4:1-9. "Do not worry about anything but in ...prayer...let your requests be made known to god." I pray a lot when something is bothering me and it helps me to dump it out of my thoughts. It doesn't help though, if we pray to God for help and then pick up our pile of prayers and take them back. We have to give them up and mean it.
Life is so complicated isn't it? And at 63, I am still learning. I challenge you to pick something about yourself that has become an annoying pile of stuff and figure a way to dump it. You'll be much lighter! LAter.
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