Tuesday, July 13, 2010
LEARN TO BE CALM AND YOU WILL ALWAYS BE HAPPY!
In my blog yesterday, I was questioned by a reader as to how much did I really want this? Do I really want to lose weight or am I so happy with my current body that I just don't follow a diet plan enough to lose?
So, I asked myself, why do I want to lose and what is it about 160 lbs that makes me think I want to be there? And why do I seem to not care enough about it to stick?
My last doctor's appmt was the best I ever had for cholesterol readings and heart, etc. So I'm pretty healthy at the weight I'm at even though my BMI says I am overweight. I think viewing the pics of me on the beach in my bathing suit with my flab hanging out has given me some incentive. I'm always seeing other flabby women in 2 pieces and seeing me made me realize I'm one of them.
I've mentioned that my sister lost 60 lbs a few years ago and kept most of it off. We had breakfast together in January and when she walked in wearing a nice navy pant suit, I was really proud of her for doing that. She looked great. I would like to look great like that. I also don't want to do it the way she did. I want to do it myself, thus I'm here and on WW online.
I have this roll of flab at my abdomen that I can grab in my hand. It's a little smaller than last year but still a handful. I'd like that to be gone. Mostly I put on weight over all, evenly distributed except that fat roll.
Why 160 lbs? I used to be there and when I was, I thought I was fat then. I wanted to be 150 and so everytime I tried to lose to 150, I would put on a few pounds until I finally got up to almost 190. I don't remember how I got there but it has been within the last 10 years. I have a collection of diet books and weight loss tools lying around the house. One is a dieter's diary where I am supposed to record everything I eat. On July 16, 1993, I weighed 157. On Jan 2, 1995, I weighed 162. In June 1995 I crashed and started taking anti-depressants. On 29 Feb 96, I weighed 170 so in less than a year, I gained 8 lbs. On Dec 1, 1999 I still weighed 170 but my goal was to lose to 150. In the last 10 years it has slowly crept up to 188 when I started SP this year. I think at 160 I would be WOW! I want to hear WOW!, how much weight have you lost and how did you do it? I'm vain I guess. I also want to do it without getting help from my sister.
Enough of that. Yesterday, I was faithfully counting my WW points and I put in my proposed dinner to see where I would be at the end of the day. At 2:00 I was hungry. My stomach was growling and it HURT! I was so hungry I didn't know what to do . I really wanted to stay under my points so I had a large piece of celery and water. About an hour later I was still hungry. I came to Spark at about 4:00 and put a HELP message on the WW support team! I got a few messages of encouragement and ideas of what I could do. I finally decided to have a piece of string cheese, it was protein, and a cup of hot tea with splenda. I was able to go until 5:30 when I sat down for dinner without hubby as he was late coming home. I made 20 minute chicken creole, an SP Recipe and it was delicious!!!!! I ended up the day with 4 points into my flex points but I am real proud of myself for hanging in there.
I walked the dog twice yesterday. And this morning I went for a 3 mile walk with Pat so I'm good. I have my food planned out with plenty of healthy things to eat. Tonight we are going to our local college theater to see Grease!!!
Monday, July 12, 2010
LEARN TO BE CALM AND YOU WILL ALWAYS BE HAPPY!
Here it is day 205 on my Spark journey and I am still struggling to stay focused and lose weight. I was reading an article in the paper this morning about a recent high school graduate who lived most of her life in Madagascar and spoke no English when she came here as a teenager. She taught herself how to speak by watching Disney cartoons with English subtitles and going back and forth to the lips of the characters and reading the words. At the end of the article she said, "If you can't change the situation, you need to change your attitude about it." Wise words from an 18 year old.
So, here is my situation.
1. I'm still trying to lose weight but I too easily fall off the wagon, letting myself consume foods I'm not supposed to eat, like ice cream. How can I change my attitude about this?
2. I have an aversion to exercise, too often finding an excuse not to do anything to get myself moving. I use the heat as an excuse. We are projected to have 90+ weather all week.
3. I convince myself that I like me at the weight I am at. However, this must not be true because when I look at pictures of myself on the beach, I am flabby and overweight. I look at other people in bathing suits with fat hanging out and I don't see myself as the same person.
So, I like sweets, I hate exercise, and I'm fat and flabby. If you readers want to take a stab at helping me change my attitude in these 3 areas, I would appreciate any help offered.
Now, I did pretty well with WW points but I have a lot to learn still. I'm doing this on my own with the online version so my interaction comes from you Sparkers. I gained back a pound to 182. Have I been here before? I am starting out the week today with the determination to follow the point system. For breakfast, I took one cup of sliced strawberries, one 4 oz container of fiber one strawberry yogurt and 1/4 c of fiber one cereal all layered in a crystal brandy goblet. It was really pretty and only one point for the whole thing I think. I'll have to check that. But actually, it was very sweet and half way through, I thinned it with some skim milk. I have vegetable frittata for lunch with green beans and probably baked chicken with veg for dinner. I'll fill in with point friendly fruit or veg so I plan to have a good day. I'm on my third glass of water which is never a problem for me.
I have to catch up on some orders and customer things but I might clean out the fridge today and take stock of what's in there. I think I am going to put on some shorts and start the day with a dog walk before it gets too hot.
One thing I can say is that I keep trying and I have learned to eat much healthier and more veggies and fruit in a long time. I am healthier, just not thinner so I'm working on changing my attitude towards sweets and eating right. If I can just get through one more week, following the points and leving off sweets, beer and wine and sticking to it, I might just see some progress. Later.
Friday, July 09, 2010
LEARN TO BE CALM AND YOU WILL ALWAYS BE HAPPY!
I flunked the business mixer last night so I decided to write about my interesting life today, Some of you have commented that my life is so interesting and I never thought about it much. I grew up a shy child with a popular older sister whom I always took a back seat to. I have taken many risks in my life and I believe that is what leads to an interesting life, being willing to take risks and invest in yourself.
In 1972 I joined the Air Force when many were boycotting the military and going to Canada to avoid the draft. It is one of the biggest and best risks I ever took in my life. For you see, I never think I am going to fail at anything that I set my mind to. Having said that, I realize that I haven't achieved weight loss because I haven't set my mind to it. Until now. I think I can succeed with WW.
When I arrived at my first base of assignment, Tyndall AFB in Panama City, Fl, I forced myself to go to the Officer's Club on Friday evening, dressed in my uniform, and sit at the bar. We were actually advised to do this at OTC which in today's army, would be frowned upon. The idea was that was how we would meet people and that is how I met my husband. Two months after we met and dated, he was assigned to Thailand. We corresponded and I flew to Bangkok where we got married in the American Embassy. Reason being, with both of us in the Air Force, if we wanted to be together, we had to be married. I was scared to death but we are still married 37 years later. We went to New Mexico, then to England, and then to Hurlburt AFB in Florida where we still live today.
In 1984, my kids were in school and I needed to find a job or something to do. I read about a Decorating Den owner in a WOMAN'S DAY magazine and the rest is history. I made the plunge to buy a business. There were many people who did not think I would succeed, one being my father who said I couldn't sell anything. I consulted with a Real Estate agent I knew for her opinion and she said, "If you don't take RIsks you never get anywhere." I bought the business and never looked back, becoming the top Franchise in Retail sales for 3 years in the early 90"s. My husband also bought a business in the late 80"s becoming a partner in a Travel Agency.
With all of my success and awards for design, I was fraught with worry and stress, low self-esteem and fear of failure. I never felt good enough and was always reading self-help books to improve on my faults. That was also when I started slowly gaining weight and dieting to get it off. In 1995, I literally had a nervous breakdown. I had 3 employees and I was the top franchise in Decorating Den. I was on top of the world with success but I couldn't control myself. I was diagnosed with Major Depression and had a rocky roller coaster of a ride for the next 8 to 10 years just trying to stay on top of things and not have a breakdown. Some of this I attribute to my recall in the Air Force during Operation Desert Storm in 1991. At that time, I was assigned to Mortuary Affairs in Panama City, Fl, not far from home. My responsibility was to help the families of any deceased airmen during the war with their funeral arrangements. That is another story but as I look back, I know that experience affected me very deeply emotionally and had something to do with my breakdown.
So you see, things aren't always what they seem to others. On the surface I looked like an extremely successful business woman with incredible decorating talents and was obviously making tons of money. So far from the truth as money was always a big issue in our family. We never seemed to have enough. My husband did not make that much as a Travel Agent and we all know what happened to that industry as the internet took over. In 1998, he left the agency and took a job with the Chamber of Commerce to sell business memberships. Now listen to this, he was on commission with a very modest salary of $500 a month plus health insurance and he had to sell 12 mbrships a month and would get a 10% commission on each one he sold. That wasn''t much but we were both willing for him to take that risk and see what he could do. WE were confident that he was a great salesperson and that he believed in Chamber membership so deeply that he was incredible at his job. Today he is the Director of Membership at the Chamber, got a nice bonus and promo last year and he is well respected in the community. We still don't make tons of money but we are both retired from the AF REserve and have those pensions and I took SS this year and I still dabble so we are fine. We don't live in a fancy new house but we love what we have.
For 26 years with Dec Den, I have traveled to many states and cities for our annual convention. Foreign places we have traveled to include, Acapulco, Cancun, Guadalupe, Italy, England, A baltic Cruise from London to Russia 2 years ago, and Greece. Most of these trips were of very little cost to us as I earned winner's points through sales to go on them. Our annual conferences have taken us to Alaska, San Diego, Los Angeles, Las Vegas, Reno, New Orleans, Miami, Orlando, Dallas, Washington, D.C.and next year to Phoenix. Now you see, if I had not taken that risk in 1984 to purchase a franchise business, stepped out of my comfort zone and put forth the effort to succeed, I would never have traveled to those places. And most of it paid for through my sales winnings.
As a travel agent, my husband and I took numerous trips to lots of places including the Caribbean, Egypt, Back to London many times,Canada, Yugoslavia. As I said, we didn't have tons of money and our trips were always subsidized as a Travel agent fam trip or conference but we always took the opportunity that came our way. My sister's husband was a career Army man and they were stationed twice at SHAPE headquarters in Belgium. Twice we took our boys and went to visit them. That was really special and interesting.
One year my husband came home from work at the agency and said that there was a fam trip we could take on the Norway. It was a relocation cruise from Miami, to St. Thomas and across the Atlantic to Portugal, through the Straits of Gilbraltor to Marseilles in France. It was $25 per person per day for 10 days. He said he didn't think we could afford it as we had 2 kids in college but I said, we can't afford not to go. We went and it was a trip of a lifetime, something we will always treasure.
Well, if you have made it to the end of this reading, I applaud you. Yes, I have had an interesting life with lots of opportunity for travel and we have seized a lot of it. But at the same time, I had demons to battle, tough times, not enough money and weight gain, just like everyone else. And maybe my demons were just a little bit worse. One of the other things about me is that I have compassion for other people and I don't mind sharing. If I can tell them about my experiences and help someone then I do. I don't want to leave out the Lord, because it is in him, that I have learned to be content. I have leaned on him daily, especially when tough things are happening and he pulls me through.
So that is some of my story and someday I would like to write a book. Actually, I have written some of that book in these blogs and if someone can tell me how I can go back and save or print some of these blogs off, I wouldn't have to rewrite everything. Until next time, Have a Happy Decorating Day!
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