Sunday, January 20, 2013
So its 3:00 a.m. and I'm up blogging. My coughing woke me up and I"m drinking tea with honey to try and soothe it. It wears you out and my MIL has been coughing since Wed and she must be exhausted. This is the third time this year I've had a cough with phlegm so maybe it is time to see the doctor on Monday. I try to muddle through it but it gets to the point of no return.
I had to forego my bootcamp at the gym yesterday because I felt no one would appreciate me being there, coughing and I also felt I should stay home with MIL. If I had felt okay I would have gone.
This Biggest Loser competition is for 3 months so I have time to get into it. Being gone at Disney for 5 days and then this has kept me from really getting going. I have lost 4.7 lbs though, at least that is what the scale said yesterday morning. I didn't over eat yesterday but I didn't eat any fruit or veg either. Had a PB and Jelly sandwich on whole wheat for lunch and macaroni and cheese for supper. And oatmeal for breakfast. And a 100 calorie bar and a few slices of sausage. That was it for the day. ANd lots of water.
And I sewed. I'm a bit overwhelmed with the events that have occured in my household. I have boxes of draperies and shades stacked in the foyer and living room, 2 boxes of upholstery fabrics, and a large and small suitcase of MIL's stuff sitting there as well. I just close my eyes and walk right past it. The sheets need to be washed in both rooms. My husband says he is helping as much as he can, and he is. But there are certain things that always fall to the woman, you know what I mean. Even though my husband participates in meal making, the ultimate responsibility falls to me. Making sure we have all the ingredients in the kitchen to cook meals and eat in a healthy fashion is key.
I'm on my second cup of tea with honey. Maybe I can go back to bed after I drink it. At least MIL is not coughing as she spent a couple of nights doing so. I told my youngest son yesterday that I would never ever ask my daughters-in-law to take care of me and change my diaper. I will go into a nursing home for veterans before I have to do that. I really resent it and yesterday, when the nurse was here, I mentioned to her that I felt MIL should have stayed at the nursing home as they were better equipped to care for her. ANd she agreed with me.
My husband last night said he didn't think she would be with us for very long but you can't predict that. THis woman is the energizer bunny, she just keeps going. I do love her and she has been a wonderful MIL for 40 years but I didn't sign up for t his. I'm not even sure I would have taken care of my own mother. She died 35 years ago. Some of us are meant to be caregivers and some of us are not.
Last night my husband said, she is "our" mother. She may be "our" mother but that doesn't mean I want to change her diaper and give her a bath and clean her teeth and dispense her meds.
I really appreciate all of you sparkers out there who are encouraging me in this time of trouble. It means so much to be able to vent. I'm going to let my husband go to church today by himself. I just need to go back to sleep. Once I finish my tea.
Saturday, January 19, 2013
I'm feeling better mentally although not physically. Cough and hack, cough and hack. MIL is too but she is better as well. Maybe we've settled in a bit. This morning I need to help her with a bath and then I am going to sew. I do need to go to the grocery so we will have something to eat. Not much in the fridge.
Friday, January 18, 2013
Okay, I admit it, I am so ugly to my MIL and my husband right now. It's a terrible thing but it is true. When MIL came home with us on WEd, she was starting to cough and now, after 2 days, she is hacking and hacking. All through the night. So, somehow, I need to get her to a doctor or take her back to the nursing home or something. I just can't handle this. Or, I am not willing to handle it.
My husband got up with her at 4:00 this morning because she was hacking and he gave her a breathing treatment. Of course, now I am fully awake and have been since 4:00. ANd when I"m tired, I"m irritable. In addition, I've started my own form of coughing with a sore throat and sneezing. Not pretty around here. My car is in the shop so I'm stuck so how to get treatment for her, I don't know. Hubby is working today. The home health nurse will come by but what if she has bronchitis? That requires an antibiotic.
I am so ugly and so resentful right now. IT is a terrible thing. Who's going to take care of me when I'm 93? They will just stick me away somewhere and forget about me.
We have found a woman who will come and sit with her and she starts tonight at 4:00 as we have somewhere to go.
I could really use a few hugs if you would be so kind as to send them my way.
Thursday, January 17, 2013
After losing it this morning, the nurse came around 11:00 and we are set up for physical therapy, occupational therapy and a social worker and a bath person as well. So once we get going on all of this, we'll see how it goes.
I have a furniture delivery coming up and that is one of those things where I usually just drop everything and go. Can't leave her too long by herself so don't know what we will do just yet.
Of course, now I have to provide meals for her as well and one thing about MIL, she will pretty much eat everything except lamb and liver. Today I had left over broccoli and some spinach to eat and so I made cream of broccoli/spinach soup for the both of us and it was quite good and she ate it. Supper will be spaghetti I guess. It will be touch and go for a while. Thanks all for your concern.
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Yesterday, we moved MIL back in with us and the realization that she requires more care than she previously did has set in. My husband does as much as he can but the personal care falls to me and I don't like it. I can't do anything about it but help her so I need to get a grip.
When she went into rehab at the nursing home in November, she could not walk or stand up. Yesterday, she proudly walked out of the place and that is a wonderful thing. But, she now wears a diaper which is awkward and she needs help putting on a new one. They aren't pull ups, they wrap around. So I guess I'll be shopping around for something easier to do. I also fix her pills and dose them. She is still asleep and when she gets up, I'll try and give her a bath. The nurse is coming today to set her up for visits.
Last night, for her first night back, I made a nice dinner of stuffed pork chops. She barely ate any of it after all that work. When we picked her up, she was all congested and my husband had to immediately go out and get a nebulizer for her. We now have to take her to the doctor next week.
So I'm feeling a bit resentful at the time it will take from my schedule of wanting to do what I want to do.
I signed up for the Biggest Loser challenge with Gold's gym and the Chamber of Commerce. I have been to the gym twice this week already and had planned to go today. However, I had to cancel my trip this morning as the nurse is coming, my car is in the shop and I can't get there, and hubby is working.
I'm venting and thanks for listening.
"Update Later, okay after thoroughly making my husband's life miserable, he actually volunteered to help her get a bath and get organized. Just that little bit was so helpful to me and I was able to get some work done. We just need to get a routine going and I know she feels she is a burden to us. Which she is. The nurse and the occupational therapist are coming today and we just need some direction and help. "
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