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Nursing HOme Visit

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

As I walked into the nursing home today to visit my mother-in-law, there was a group of women singing carols. I stopped to join in with them, the lone alto among a group of sopranos and a guitar. It was very nice. And then I went on to see MIL who was in a state of depression. Down in the dumps for the day. She was having a bad day over the fact that she couldn't put on her diaper and no one would help her. I don't know how much of that is true. At any rate, I stayed a while and the carolers came to her room and I sang with them again. I love to sing but don't do much except in church. And don't suggest I get in a group. NO thanks.
We have a few chapters left in the book HEAVEN IS FOR REAL and she just listens to every word as I read. She said, that there is so much in the book the she can relate to, like she has seen heaven, at least the angels who visit her must tell her about it. She does have angels visit her. She mentioned that we would have to get another book for me to read to her. So I just ordered PROOF OF HEAVEN, written by a neurosurgeon.
So that was my day.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

COOPQUILTLADY 12/19/2012 4:23PM

    You seem to be handling things just fine. Merry Christmas, Carol!

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LKWQUILTER 12/19/2012 7:27AM

    So glad you had a good visit and I must get that book. (((HUGS))) and have a very Merry Christmas Carol.

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LKWQUILTER 12/19/2012 7:27AM

    So glad you had a good visit and I must get that book. (((HUGS))) and have a very Merry Christmas Carol.

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KASEYCOFF 12/18/2012 6:13PM

    Reading the books aloud is a wonderful idea--!
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MAHGRET 12/18/2012 5:53PM

    So nice you are so attentive to your MIL. My sister in law was so good with my mom and it was a real gift to me because I lived so far away.

Glad you enjoyed the singing!

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A RAINY DAY!

Saturday, December 08, 2012

What better plans for today that to start off with weights and bike in the gym (check) check email, read messages and write a blog (check) refer my gym trainer to Spark (check) and have a good breakfast snack of 1 egg scrambled with 1/2 thin toasted bagel thin (check).

Now I'm ready to get the day rolling. I want to head to the sewing room and get some projects going for Christmas Gifts! What better thing to do on a rainy Day!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LKWQUILTER 12/8/2012 7:15PM

    That is a great plan Carol. Have fun!

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COOP9002 12/8/2012 12:59PM

    Sounds like a plan. Hope it goes well.

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SPUNKYDUCKY 12/8/2012 11:27AM

    Sounds like a great rainy day plan!

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KASEYCOFF 12/8/2012 10:48AM

    Wow, I need to tap into some of your energy, lol--!
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PJBONARRIGO 12/8/2012 10:42AM

    Woo hoo! It sounds like you are right on track and are ready for a great weekend! Enjoy your rainy day gift making! emoticon

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MIL's outing

Thursday, December 06, 2012

We go back and forth and we decided that if we just got her out of the nursing home periodically that she wouldn't hate it so much. So today I changed an appmt with a client so that I could take her to the church luncheon for the quilting and crafting ladies. They were so happy to see her and she had a grand time, good food, etc. She used to be a member of that group. So that was a good thing.
So on Saturday, one of the neighborhoods here has their 30th year of holiday decorating, lights, etc and we usually drive through the neighborhood. So we will take her out to Ruby Tuesdays and then through the lights. If we can just keep doing these things, maybe she won't feel so bad about being there. And we wont kill our backs.
I imagine she was worn out after being gone for the day! Thanks all for your words of encouragement and advice. So many of us are going through the same things. I will have to live with my sons as neither one of them will have any money to support me anywhere else.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JENNY888 12/7/2012 1:33AM

    I think your plan is a great one. Small steps at a time but holding firm.

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LKWQUILTER 12/6/2012 7:33PM

    Sounds like a great plain Carol. (((HUGS)))

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KASEYCOFF 12/6/2012 5:47PM

    emoticon

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ANDI571 12/6/2012 5:03PM

    I think you came up with a wonderful idea. I took my mom out to lunch etc until she got to bad to go. The nursing facility mom was in also took them to ball games etc.


I have given my daugters strict orders she is not to take me into her home. I wouldn't do that to her. Does you mom own anything. She should be able to go on Medicaid. That is how my mom was able to stay in the nursing home. All you need to do is ask the social worker there.

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Moving MIL back home, what to do

Wednesday, December 05, 2012

We have a lot of angst about this. My MIL is in total control of her mental faculties and she knows what is going on and absolutely hates being at the nursing home. However, her body is failing and therein lies the problem. She wants to come home and honestlly, we would have her home except for the nursing care that she would need. I don't mind helping her but I will not lift her and I'm not going to give her a bath if she can't get into the tub. I am not a nurse and I have my own back issues.
In additon, they had told us she can't be left alone and so, I am still busy with my work and My husband works also. Our schedules are hectic, they change every day so its not like we can plan things too much in advance. I explained to her that we would have to hire nursing help and all of the above. And she is not happy with the answer.
My husband and I are talking about it and will probably look into hiring someone to come in and help. It is just such a worry for us. She needs the care they provide but mentally it is killing her. And us too. What to do.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JIBBIE49 12/15/2012 9:30AM

    I worked as a nurse in a nursing home, and I can tell you that this is HER way of controling the family. Oh, I saw this over and over. YOU will be the one worn out if you give in and bring her back, trust me. Being in the nursing home is difficult for everyone, but when the person has health issues, it is certainly the best place to be. LOTS of the people who were in the nursing home were upbeat and happy, because they made the best of where they were. Your MIL needs to have time to adjust. I worked as a NIGHT nurse, so I know how much of the night time old people can need attention. They sleep during the day when YOU are working, and then they are up at night wanting attention. So, being in the nursing home, WE took care of that. Don't let this wear you out.

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EBURGITE 12/6/2012 1:59PM

    hugs and prayers. i know it's so hard to make a decision where you're sorta choosing what will make someone you love, or YOU, unhappy. hang in there.

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KASEYCOFF 12/6/2012 3:43AM

    In two different cases in our family - one in which the person was like your mother-in-law, in control of her mental faculties but failing physically, the other in which the person was in her 80s but terminally ill - we were able to use hospice. As one of the other commenters pointed out, they aren't as limited as they used to be, and they don't work only with end-stage patients. They don't necessarily have to be engaged full-time, either: they can work with you to find a schedule that fits both your lives and your mother-in-law's. They could take care of baths, for example, and you could arrange your appointments around when someone would be available to 'sit' with her so she's not on her own.

I like Jeannie's idea about checking with your church. When I lived in PA I worked with a local association who set up 'companions' for elderly people wanting to stay at home. They were usually frail, but together mentally, so I didn't do any kind of nursing work (my kids'd be the first to tell you I'm not a very good nurse, lol), just kept them company while their children or in one case grandchildren went out for a few hours. We played board games and talked and watched TV and just sort of visited - I enjoyed it, and I think they did, too.

As for hiring someone - well, it doesn't have to be top-qualified RNs for 24/7 care. Fortunately, she's not that ill, and your business is more flexible than 9-to-5 type office work, and your husband has a bit of flexibility (he's still part-time at the funeral home, right?) so while it's complicated, it might be doable.

Are your sons / daughters-in-law in the area? Not for nursing assistance, but to help fill in any time spans to keep her company and make sure she's not left alone with no way to summon help if needed?

It isn't easy, but where there's a will, there's a way. You're all in my thoughts and prayers, hon. Whichever way it works out, I'm sure it will be for the best, for you and for her.
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CARRAND 12/5/2012 9:15PM

    It's always a dilemma. My Dad lived with my sister for years, but it got to where he couldn't be alone all day, and my sister and her husband both worked. They tried home health care, but couldn't find anyone who was satisfactory. Finally my Dad went to a nursing home. He was unhappy at first, but is now getting along just fine. (I live too far away to be of much help, so the burden fell on my sister.) My Dad is 98, almost 99. He's pretty healthy, but needs a full time catheter and that requires nursing care. My Father-in-Law is also elderly and confused. Where he lives he was able to find reliable home care. It's expensive, but it's working out. I hope you can work things out for all concerned.

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LKWQUILTER 12/5/2012 9:11PM

    Carol, this is one time you have to do what has to be done--even if it means she has to stay in the nursing one. We had to do this with mama when she needed the medical care that we couldn't give her at home. Sending good vibes your way that things will work out. (((HUGS)))

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ANDI571 12/5/2012 7:05PM

    I know your MIL doesn't want to be in the nursing home, but unfortunately she just doesn't realize what it means being home with you. Sometimes we want something that just can't be done unless you can hire someone to come in and help. But again they aren't there 24/7. A nursing home is equipped with 24/7 staff. I know I have told you before, my daughter is a PTA in a nursing home, and she loves her patients. It's not perfect at either place I am afriad. Good luck on your decision. And always remember, Guilt is a wasted emotion.

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GINNABOOTS 12/5/2012 6:56PM

    My heart goes out to you & your family. We are dealing with the same problem with my dad. He is in a nursing home right now & wants to come home so bad. He weighs 300 lbs & is solid. We just can't lift him & he needs 24 hour care. He too has all of his mental faculties & hates being there. My mother is in the advanced stages of Alzheimer's & still at home. So it it very difficult to see our loved ones suffer the effects of aging.


My dad qualified for Hospice when he was at home, you may want to check into that. Hospice isn't what it used to be, it doesn't mean that a person is at the end of his/her life. They can come in now when a person is sick with congestive heart failure, Alzheimer's, etc.

I am so sorry that you & your family are struggling with this, I wish you all the best and hope you come to a decision that will be what is best for your MIL and family. I know how conflicting it can be. It tugs at your heart.

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LJCANNON 12/5/2012 6:06PM

    emoticon I wish I were close enough to help!! That is exactly My Kind of Job!! Maybe check with your Church to see if there is someone like me who could help out, but would not be as expensive as an Agency?

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Good things happening!

Saturday, December 01, 2012

Well my oldest son who has been struggling to find decent work for more than a year, has gotten a job with a new restaurant as Kitchen Manager. This is what he loves to do and is good at. Hopefully the place will take off and be a destination location. My other son who was laid off in October, has now registered to go back to school to attain a teaching degree in N.C. He is really excited about the 4 political science classes he is registered for and will try and do some substitute teaching in between taking classes. And my oldest son's wife looks like she is going to b e offered a decent job so things are working out a bit and hopefully will continue on.
My MIL is working hard to get her strength back. We are going to take her to brunch on Sunday and then bring her home to pick out some clothes to take back for her to wear. I'm wondering how we will get a wheelchair with her in it into the house so we will see how it goes. This is kind of a test to see how she copes with going out and getting about. And how we will cope as well. Prayer works. Now I'm adding prayer for our country as we sure need a leader and now someone who is still in campaign mode, pitting us against each other.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LKWQUILTER 12/1/2012 3:15PM

    So glad to hear the good news about your MIL. Will continue to pray that she continues to regain her strength and the outing is a positive experience. Also, great news about your sons. Financial problems affect everyone in the family. I have been praying about our leaders too--the campaign is over--now they ALL need to get to work and do something positive. If all our leaders had to deal with social security, medicare, and our salaries (not the cadillac benefits they get for life) maybe they would realize just what 99% of our country is dealing with. Oh, also if they had to obey the laws of the land like we do too. (((HUGS)))

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SANDYCRANE 12/1/2012 10:47AM

    Congratulations for your sons for working and going to school. Take care of your mother in law, as you will be able to access her health. My MIL refused to let anyone in her house and kept up in the dark about her health. She called me to take her to the hospital as she had pneumonia. She died about 2 months later. She could still been alive if she had not been so stubborn. I also worry about this country, but am thankful that the other side is not giving in. It always helps to look at the good side of things. Have a good day.


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