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MY LIFE HAS CHANGED!

Monday, October 15, 2012

Today is two weeks that my MIL has moved in and it is okay. A bonus is that I am cooking healthier meals most nights of the week and I have to make sure I have something for her lunches. Last night I cooked stuffed peppers We each had 1/2 of a pepper and I have 3 halves left for tonight or another night. I'm not sure she liked it all that much but she eats what is put in front of her. One problem we don't have is her appetite. She is ready to eat when the food is put down and she eats it all. Today she goes for a fasting blood sugar test.
My house is still a mess with stuff that belongs to her sitting everywhere and we don't know what to do with it. She won't let us part with it so I'm trying to find places for it or pack it up and put it in the shed. We already have packed boxes that I have no clue what is in them.
One of the things I regret is not being able to plan a trip to North Carolina to see my son and family. We always go in the fall and sometimes to a football game to see FSU play one of the Carolina teams. But this year is a no go. We also go to Disneyworld the first week of January every year for the Marathon. We already have our rooms booked and my son and family meets us there with her family as well. This is about our 10th year to do this and something we look forward to. So what to do with MIL? Can't leave her alone as she can't cook. There is an assisted living place that sent us a note with info about respite care, taking a person in for a week when the caregivers had to go away. We will look into that. I've also talked with a woman who cares for seniors and maybe I can start having her come occasionally and line her up to check on her while we are gone.

One good benefit, I'm more anxious to get out of the house and exercise. Sat a.m. I went to the mall with a friend and walked for 3 miles. Went out last Tuesday and walked for 2 miles and took the dog for a walk also. This coming saturday, my ladies group at church is having a min retreat from 10 to 2 and it sounds refreshing, ending with a walk on the beach. I might go to that. I would not have normally done so but I know I need to get out and socialize. In the meantime, my business has picked up considerable. I'm booked with appmts all week. Thanks Spark friends for all your kind comments! I appreciate it.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SANDYW1945 10/15/2012 7:23PM

    So happy to see everything is all working out. Change is hard but we cope in the end.

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Sandy

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SEWINGMAMACDS 10/15/2012 7:12PM

    Those are good benefits! Definitely look at substitute care, so you will be able to go to your annual family time.

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LKWQUILTER 10/15/2012 3:18PM

    So happy that things are working out Carol and you are handling all the changes. WTG!!! ((HUGS))

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FIFIFRIZZLE 10/15/2012 12:41PM

    It sure has! Congratulations on your great attitude.
I am glad you are getting the respite care worked out and what a good idea to build a relationship with some alternative carers.
I do feel for you with the stuff everywhere , and I am wondering whether you might need to get DH to put his foot down and shift that stuff into the shed. Then he can bring it in when MIL says she needs it. It's just that it will clutter up your environment forever if you don't take a firm position on it, my fear is you will get used to having it around and that it will drag you down without you realizing the demoralizing effect it has on you. emoticon

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EBURGITE 10/15/2012 10:41AM

    what a huge life-change! good on you for all you're doing to care for yourself (one of the hardest things for us to do, sometimes!) i hope you can get the respite care thing worked out. that's all so huge. emoticon

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CELIAMINER 10/15/2012 8:37AM

    Good for you for finding ways to care for yourself as you shoulder the burden of elder care. Blessings for you and your family!

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CARLANNIE 10/15/2012 8:07AM

    Those are some unexpected benefits. I'm glad you are looking at some of the positive aspects of this whole new life changing experience. It will be good for your mind and soul!

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AFTER VENTING

Thursday, October 11, 2012

So after venting today, and hubby coming home expecting me to go to the doctor's appmt and me exploding, a lot has happened. He took MIL to the doctor and I went to a decorating appmt at the funeral home. At 11:00 I called him and he had just gotten home with her. Her blood sugar was 172, way too high, her blood pressure too low. Nurse was very concerned and he had to go off and get some new meds, etc. So she is verging on diabetes which puts another wrinkle in the mix. This may have been going on for sometime, thus her feeling so bad on many days and sleeping all the time, dry mouth, excessive thirst. Constipation. At any rate, I have an appmt at 3:00 today and then going to guild tonight. She is not going to go to guild but stay home by herself and she should be all right. Later. Carol

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JIBBIE49 10/14/2012 8:38AM

    At 176, she has diabetes since anything over 126 is diabetes, but glad she is getting medical attention and will be under control. You certainly have a lot of stress to deal with. My son's gf's grandmother has diabetes and is 93 and she does well.

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SANDYW1945 10/12/2012 2:55PM

    You are doing such a good job. Sometimes you need to take a little time for your business and that just has to be. Curious. Was this a fasting blood sugar?

Sandy emoticon

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FIFIFRIZZLE 10/12/2012 1:44AM

    What good care you are taking of MIL. Who knows with her blood sugar alright she may feel much better able to do for herself and you might feel much better about leaving her by herself. Who knows, she might feel more confident to spend time visiting independently?
We can always hope!
In the meantime you are doing great I just know you will find a way to get your alone time, you must not do without it!
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LKWQUILTER 10/11/2012 4:42PM

    Carol I do so get where you are coming from. Let hubby know that he will have to help you. You have to take care of yourself to help with her. ((HUGS)) and prayers going up for you.

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VENTING ABOUT MIL

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Okay, its been a week and a half and things are going well. My husband thinks he helps and he does, but he doesn't understand the responsibility I have with this situation. I am going to start keeping a log of the activities we share with his mother and I'm sure I will come out on top with responsibility.
Here's the thing. I treasure my solitude. I revel in the fact that he will go off to a football game for the day with his buddies and leave me to sewing and napping. But now, I'm left with his mother. I love her, don't get me wrong. But I don't want to entertain her all day.
I treasure my mornings where I sit with coffee, read the paper, watch fox news and work the crossword. This morning, he is out with his job and she has talked non stop since we got up. I've had to drop everything, get her water, get her coffee, make her toast, get her pills, find her makeup for her, find a brush so she can put on her blush, talk about the constipation she has all this week and how it finely broke forth and she was up all night with it. Last night I had to help her with her bath. And he reminds me to do it. Today she has a doctor's appmt at his request. So he decides that we are both going to go. No, I am not going to go. It is your turn and your responsibility.
Here is the weekend schedule, the weekend that I look forward to. It started last night when he went off to the Yacht Club for games night and came home 3 hours later. I don't mind him doing that but now with her homes, I don't get to enjoy myself. Today he leaves at 2:00 to go to a football game in Troy, Al with friends from the club. I am left to get dinner for her. Also, tonight is quilt guild night and I was looking forward to going as I am the speaker and I reallly enjoy guild. So yesterday, he invites her along with me. I have to get there at 5:30 because I have the key to the building which is at our church, and the meeting doesn't start until 6:30. So I have to take her with me and she sits there for an hour in uncomfortable chairs and no one talking with her and I'll have to entertain her. Then if she has to get to the bathroom, I'll have to worry about that. So my evening out is not for me anymore.
Then tomorrow, he is gone all day with his job. I have appointments so will be gone as well but I'll have to make sure I am home at noon to get her some lunch. Then tomorrow evening, we usually go to the club and get dinner but now we will have to figure out what to do about MIL and her dinner. Then Saturday, he is off to the FSU game with a friend and normally, I would love this. I would quilt and sew all day, run around town and do whatever I wanted to do, listening to the game in the background. But now, I'm going to be responsible for his mother as well, getting her lunch and dinner and entertaining her as well.
Then Sunday is church and I'll have to help her get dressed and of course get a bath Saturday night so she will be clean. And then he will start pushing me to wash her hair for her. Okay, he just came home so now the responsibility for her is his until 2:00 when he leaves to go have fun. So he just comes home and says, aren't you going with me to the doctor? Later.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KASEYCOFF 10/21/2012 4:02AM

    I can understand that it won't work for him to give her a bath, but he could wash her hair for her...
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JIBBIE49 10/14/2012 8:45AM

    I worked as a nurse in a nursing home, so I certainly know that taking care of an elderly person like her is a 24/7 job. Yes, they want to talk and talk and talk and they are like little kids. At a nursing home, we had LOTS of activities and we kept them busy all day from 5 a.m. until 8 p.m. SO, I certainly feel for you.
Have you tried to get her a "visiting nurse" who comes in and gives her her bath, and takes care of her each morning for about three hours? Our neighbor had someone like that and she made her breakfast, etc. This woman then drove her to the Senior Center and then her son picked her up when he got off of work.

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TOWHEE 10/11/2012 8:07PM

    I just read this blog after reading your later blog, so I know the result of your afternoon.

Here are my thoughts:
First off you are doing a marvelous job with your MIL. You are certainly a saint for taking on the responsibility.
Second, have you contacted your city to find out if they have a senior center or senior services and what kind of activities they have. Many cities and towns have various services for seniors and even caregiver relief programs. You should investigate.
In the county we live in there's an adult day care program. I don't know anything about it, but it's worth looking into. It would be something for your MIL to do while you are making client calls. Who knows she might even want to go there on a regular basis.
Third, your DH has to realize that his mother is his responsibility, too. Yes, he works hard, but so do you. Yes, he wants to go out with the boys, but you need to go out with the girls. Both of you need to compromise a bit and at the moment it sounds like you are doing all of the compromising.

Good luck on getting this resolved. I'm glad that your rant resulted in him talking MIL to the doctor alone. It's a good first step. Follow the advice you would give a mother of an infant or small child.

Again, you are doing an amazing job. Keep it up and feel free to rant whenever you need to.

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JAMARIGOLD 10/11/2012 3:17PM

    Bless your heart! This sure can't continue or your health will suffer. Do they have any adult day care centers in your area? What about in-home agencies that can have a caregiver come in for a few hours. We are taking care of my mother so I know how difficult it can be. I hope you and your DH can come up with a plan that will work for everyone. My thoughts are with you. I know it's tough. Be sure to take care of yourself!
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Comment edited on: 10/11/2012 3:18:02 PM

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CARLANNIE 10/11/2012 2:30PM

    Sounds like you and your dh need to sit down and have a heart-to-heart about this. And then maybe talk with mil. No one is going to be happy before too long. (((HUGS))) (I keep thinking this could be me and my mil!)

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ANDI571 10/11/2012 2:20PM

    Bless your heart. I knew it would be hard. Back in the day, people had big families and there were plenty to take some responsibility. When you decide to be the sole care giver, it all is put on your shoulders. You are doing the work of 10 I am afraid.
Venting is good for you, I am glad you are getting it out. Sounds like your husband needs a day to take care of mom, while you take the day off. He will soon find out what you are doing.

You might want to friend COPEMA. She takes care of her mom at home, and maybe she can give you some pointers.

Learn to say NO when you can. It is a powerful word. Take care of yourself. emoticon

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CHHAAR 10/11/2012 9:21AM

    I too value my solitude. Prayers go out to you. emoticon

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SETTLING IN WITH MIL DAY 17

Tuesday, October 09, 2012

Well, it's almost 8:00 a.m. and she is still in bed. Since she has been with us we notice how much she sleeps, more than she is awake. When she sits in her chair, she nods off. EVen last night during DWTS. She loves that show. Hubby called the doctor yesterday and described her as lethargic. Her home health nurse said that she may be anemic and that may be true. I don't think she has eaten a piece of red meat in 3 years. So we'll see. I am amazed at how determined she is to keep going. It takes forever to put on a bra but she persevers until it is on. And she can't stand or walk very far without having to sit down. She had her pacemaker checked and her heart a few months back and it was fine. Her kidney doctor is pleased with her condition. And she doesn't seem to have any ailments except she is just plain worn out. I know she is 93 but maybe there is something else. Who knows., At any rate, its another day of doctors.
Its amazing the tests they want to run on old people. She has a speech therapist who is suggesting an endoscopy of sorts but we can't see the need for her to go through that. I've had one and it isn't bad. I"m thinking, she saw an ent recently and he did a down her nose visit with some tube. Maybe she has had it already. So there we are. Gave her a bath last night and we've managed to figure out how to get her in and out of the tub. Hope she doesn't get a cold or sickness this year. It would take her down for sure. I'm amazing myself with the lovely cooked dinners I'm providing. She eats every bite. I walked this morning with Pat, my friend. We went over an hour and it was slow so I didn't even know what happened. We just talked and visited. Hadn't done that in a long time but I want to get back into walking. Feels good. Later.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SEWINGMAMACDS 10/10/2012 7:39PM

    Carol, glad you were able to take a walk.

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SANDYW1945 10/10/2012 6:34PM

    Hi Carol. I'm happy to see you back to walking. As for Mom, well she is 93 and perhaps at that age you tire so easily. My dad will be 91 this year and he spends many an afternoon dozing.

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Sandy

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LKWQUILTER 10/9/2012 1:47PM

    Carol, we had to put our foot down with daddy's drs as they all wanted to do "another" test on him. We knew his heart was worn out, it could not be fixed--he had a heart cath and at 91, dr said not a candidate for surgery--so there was really no need. Yes we were okay with x-rays and blood work but not colonostomy or any other invasive procedure. Praying for ya'll. ((HUGS))

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CARLANNIE 10/9/2012 9:28AM

    Getting out for a walk will be great for you, and an excellent to do something kind for yourself! Just what the doctor ordered, and see? You don't even have to pay for an office visit. That's good your mil is eating - maybe that will add some energy for her.

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MYUTMOST4HIM 10/9/2012 9:04AM

    Sounds like you're taking really good care of her - Blessings dear one~!!!

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SETTLING IN WITH MIL DAY 16

Monday, October 08, 2012

We went to church yesterday and walked in as the preacher was making his opening remarks. MIL was really wobbly and not feeling well and she hobbled to our seats with the whole congregation watching. Afterward, everyone was coming up to ask us how she was doing. One friend sat with her and talked a long time, held her hand. That friend had cared for her husband for many years and he died a year or so ago. Its been one week ago today and not too bad. I don't know how she cared for herself for so long. It takes forever for her to get dressed in the morning, just to put on a bra. And she can't walk anywhere for long. After church, she sat down in her chair and slept until about 1:00. I guess she was plumb worn out.
I never wanted for this to happen, for us to take her in. But its not so bad. And I think of her in a nursing home, we would have to go there everyday which would be a worse thing.
We have 2 dachshunds we adopted from a shelter last year. Peanut, the female, barks at her as she walks by. It took a while for Peanut to settle in with us and make friends. Now Wally, the male, he loves everyone. And last night as we watched TV, Wally laid in her lap and she just stroked and stroked him. Dog heaven it was. And good therapy for MIL.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SANDYW1945 10/9/2012 8:43AM

    It's so good to have her with you. Good for you and your husband and good for her.

Peace

Sandy


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LKWQUILTER 10/8/2012 2:53PM

    Praying for all of you Carol. ((HUGS))

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