Friday, September 28, 2012
Todays Pisces: "You can't change the cards you are dealt, but the way you play today's hand will be nothing short of brilliant." Food for thought.
My best friend called yesterday. How did she know I needed to talk? When she moved here in 2004 with her 80 something mother and her 40 something downs syndrome sister, it was a huge change from New York City and living alone and working in a prominent career. We became fast friends and shared experiences with our mothers and what they were doing, how they were, etc. Her answer to stress was to get out and walk and she dragged me with her. Why we quit doing that I don't know. Her mom died last year and she misses her, even though living with her was a challenge. Now she is sole support of her sister who is digressing into alzheimer's. There is always someone worse off than you. So she understands what I am going through.
After my meltdown Wed night I felt kind of sheepish toward my husband. He's forgiven me of course. I took a box of stuff to Goodwill yesterday and I guess this weekend will see us carting things back and forth. Monday is moving day. It seems I can't get ahead of the mess.
Yesterday, I had a color consult appointment at a local nursing home and what a sad place. It is a non-profit and one of a few that will take medicaid so it is the home where folks go who can't afford anything else. It was a hodgepodge of left over hand me down furniture. When people died, their relatives did not want things back. I had a difficult time at first, trying to pull everything together. They had some beautiful antique furniture and I suggested they swap two sofas and move a chest into the TV room to serve as a TV stand. ANd I selected paint colors for them as that was what I was there for. I charged them a pittance for my time and the lady who had called me in there, actually paid for it from her own pocket as their funds are so tight. If they call me back, I won't charge them again.
There is no way that we would put my mother-in-law into that home. However, I know that folks must go there so maybe I can help in some way. Maybe some of her things that we don't get rid of will end up there. There is a picture with a light attached that is hanging over her sofa. It belongs to us but she has used it for many years as it almost looks like you are looking out a window at the ocean. I never really liked it, we got it free on a cruise once and it is signed by the artist. So I think I am going to donate it to them and hang it over the sofa in the TV room. The one they are moving. It would sure brighten the place up. There is no window in that room and so this would be the window. And I'm going to look through my fabric stash to see what I can offer up. Out of the ashes......
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Yesterday I had a melt down. I havent' spoken to my husband in 3 days. I'm completely depressed and stressed but after a decent nights sleep, I'm feeling some better. There is so much to do and honestly, I feel that most of the burden of taking care of MIL will fall to me. Maybe its the mother in me that makes me feel that way. My husband does help a lot, he'll do most anything I ask and we do share responsibility of her its just that being a woman, I feel responsible for the home. This is my home and my realm and its being messed with.
Trouble is, I dont' ask for help, I just assume that I have to do it all. Dont trust him to do it right I guess.
I will have to be the chief cook and shopper to make sure we have all the food and supplies we need. Now my husband does go to the grocery, I will say that. I would put it off until I'm desperate with nothing in the house. But I have to make the list or it doesn't get bought. Or gets bought twice. I have to fix her pills every week. He picks up the scrips but he wont fix them. I have to take her for a haircut and she complains everytime because it costs so much and if it isn't done right, she complains. So fussy about her hair. I guess I am too. I took her yesterday and made an appmt for 4 weeks for both of us but I realized that the stylist did not cut enough off and she will start complaining in 2 weeks about it. My husband will take her to the hairdresser if he isn't working but I have to make the arrangements.
In order to accomodate her stuff, I have to clean out all the closets and find places for whats in them. He will help but I won't let him make the decision as to where to put things or what to get rid of. Guess I am a control freak. You would think I am detailed and organized but my desk is a pile of papers and my sewing room is stacked full. Mostly I"m avoiding. And I'm just throwing my clothes in a pile instead of putting them away. I just don't want to deal with it.
This is good getting it out. I hold things in until I explode.
I am home a lot and my space is being invaded. So I get irritated at her for keeping things she will never use but look at me. I'm not much better. I'm up at 4:00 a.m. Could not sleep anymore.
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
When you are moving a 93 year old MIL into your home, you must first go through your drawers, closets and cupboards and get rid of your own hoard before you can replace it with her hoard. We went over last night and cleaned out a bookcase full of cookbooks and misc. It now fills the trunk of hubby's car and so today I have to go and bring in a load and go through it and repeat as necessary. We had a really good box I was using to transport things and hubby elected to take it to a neighbor so now we are boxless.
I will say though, as I was putting some things away, I found a piece of tupperware that I forgot I had that is perfect to use to store 2.5 inch squares of fabric! Can't remember when I've been so excited about tupperware. We used this container while stationed in England in the 70's. It was the perfect size to house a slab of English butter, doesn't get any better than that! English butter that is.
She has a small bathroom sink, single size, that is so packed full of stuff, it falls out when you open the door. So I went into our own bathroom to inspect our sink cabinet and found some containers I can use for fabric! Wow, who knew I had this stuff? So I guess there are positives. Later.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Well, I thought we were going to get a divorce yesterday, arguing in front of the sales help at Lowes, trying to find hooks to hang a pole. I already have it in my mind how we are going to move her and set up her furniture. After all, I'm an interior designer and I do this same thing for my clients and make money doing it. So I told my husband last night, leave the decorating up to me. I will hang all of her pictures and place all the furniture and orchestrate the move, just like I do for my deliveries.
I figure it will cost about $2000 just to move her from a small apartment to our house, what with all the preparations and details. Now, I'm thinking I need to put window treatments on the 3 french doors in the family room. We rarely sit in there at night and we have a protected court yard so for us, it isn't necessary. But this is where MIL will have her TV and recliner and I feel that when we have to go out at night, she will feel insecure with all that glass uncovered.
My husband goes out every Thursday for Barbershop practice and I go out on the second Thursday for quilt guild so I think I need to order some shades by then. Maybe she will feel more at home by then. I'll have to cage the dogs so she doesn't trip over them.
Hubby brought home a closet full of coats that are now hanging in our shed. We won't throw anything out unless she decides to get rid of it. We live in Florida of course and she has 2 raincoats, at least 3 overcoats, some wool jackets, sweaters, etc. Now, the time for us to wear a coat around here is pretty slim. It has to get real cold and that doesn't happen often. I have my own set of 3 coats in the closet that don't get worn much. Sigh, I've already been through that closet but I guess I can part with at least one of them. I have a cape that I made with wool I purchased in Scotland and wore when I was pregant with my second child. That cape got me through the English winters in 1977/78 so I can't throw that out. I can still wear it and do sometimes. And my husband has an equal # of coats as well. They are nice to have when it does get cold but 3 or 4 apiece, well. And its a small closet. Oh, well, tomorrow will come too.
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