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AFTER A GOOD CRY

Wednesday, September 05, 2012

After I had a good cry yesterday I felt better. I stopped for an ice cream cone for lunch and took a nap and it was okay. My husband does help a lot but you know us women, we tend to take on the household responsibilities ourselves, like raising kids. We have someone who comes to clean our home every other week so I don't have to worry about that. And yesterday, my husband called the home health company to find out what their services entailed and lined up someone to help with a bath for MIL.

You know, I don't cry, not much at all. As my friend said, "you're a strong woman" and so I pretty much deal with things. But yesterday as I was driving to a client appmt, in the driving rain and talking on the phone to my friend (not a good idea) the warm tears were just rolling down my cheeks. I had to pull over and pull myself together. It reminded me of what I went through during Desert Storm and the anniversary of Desert Storm, 10 years later. Warm tears rolling down my cheeks.

Quilting is my solace. Hubby complains that I'm always in the sewing room, sewing. And this is true. It is so restful for me to cut fabric or to sew pieces together. If you are a quilter, you know what I mean. I won't be giving that up. At any rate, I thank all of my spark friends. You mean so much to me and your kind words helped me through a difficult day. emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

Q8PRINCESS 9/6/2012 12:01PM

    Everyone needs help, just because you are a "strong women" doesn't mean YOU have to do everything. All of us need time to ourselves to "re-create" ourselves.

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COOPQUILTLADY 9/5/2012 10:16PM

    I'm glad you're feeling a bit better about the situation. Sometimes a good cry helps more than anything. emoticon

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AKELAZ 9/5/2012 9:55AM

    So sorry to hear all this - no wonder you're so upset. There's no denying it's going to be a difficult time but even with outside help you can't take it all on yourself. As someone said yesterday meals every night are a big chore - especially when you work as well. Somehow - and I don't want to be subversive here - you need to relax about the 'women's work' being all yours and persuade your husband that he really needs to help with cooking and clearing. I know - from my own experience - that it can be a big ask but it's a big change in your lives and he needs to be at your side so you can face it and deal with it together. Of course your MIL needs this help but I don't expect she would wish it to cause all this anguish and your husband shouldn't either.
Forgive me if this is too much straight talking - it's not intended that way - I just really feel for you. emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 9/5/2012 9:57:09 AM

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JAMARIGOLD 9/5/2012 9:38AM

    I'm glad you're feeling better today.
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KASEYCOFF 9/5/2012 8:59AM

    emoticon

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NERVOUS BREAKDOWN

Tuesday, September 04, 2012

So this morning I had a nervous breakdown, tears just started running out of my eyes and down my cheeks. I never cry like this but I guess the pressure was too much. My MIL moving in is going to be a challenge and my son is having trouble at work again and it was just too much for me. And my business is aggravating at imes as now. I just want to quit and runaway from home with my Viking Sapphire 875 and a pile of fabric.
I'm already under the care of a psychiatrist for major depression but I sure broke down this morning. I m usually strong and able to handle it. Guess I need a medication review. And a therapist to talk with.
I know that the bulk of caring for my MIL will fall to me. My husband does his goodly share but I will have to cook meals now, every one of them and make sure she gets her meal. And fix her pill boxes and help with a bath and getting dressed if necessary. I made my husband call the nursing company this morning to find out what help we can get from them.
It's just to much. That's why I sew, to get away from it all. emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FIFIFRIZZLE 9/5/2012 5:32AM

    emoticon
It seems natural to have a little meltdown under the circumstances.

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JAMARIGOLD 9/4/2012 9:14PM

    With all that you're dealing with, no wonder you had a melt down moment. Bless your heart, it's a lot to handle. I have depression also and sometimes I know a good cry is exactly what I need at the moment. It's a great idea to get some help in! You'll need some "me" time. Hang in there. We're all here for you.

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SHAMILTON311 9/4/2012 8:12PM

    I am so sorry. What an incredibly difficult situation. As I have gotten older, I find I hate the whole meal preparation and cleanup thing, and I don't work! Perhaps you can have cereals and juice for breakfasts, cheeses and deli meats and breads for lunch, and your husband can be responsible for dinner, even if it's bagged salad and rotisserie chicken from the supermarket. Your sparkfriends will be here for you if you need us.

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SANDYW1945 9/4/2012 6:52PM

    Carol, If it's too much then you need to back off and get help. Your MIL must also feel quite stressed. (I can't imagine having to live with my son.)

May I ask why all the work is falling on you? Can your DH take his share?

Anyway...someone here said just Keep venting. That always helps. I agree with that...so keep blogging and venting to get it off your mind...

And of course keep quilting.

I loved your idea of the Grandmother's Choice web site. Just loved it. I promise to do a block a week. Thank you for the idea. I hope you can have the time to do this too.


Take care.

Sandy
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KASEYCOFF 9/4/2012 3:58PM

    Really sorry to hear about the burden falling to you, Carol, but maybe the depth of your reaction will enable you to begin with the next part of the process - learning to cope with it and regaining your balance. I think it's a lot to do if all you worry with is caring for your MiL - added to the stresses of self-employment, general family worries, and your ongoing depression makes it almost overwhelming. Handling it may not mean just being strong, but asking for help when you need it (a counselor or therapist might be very beneficial) and even finding out where to set the limits for the outside demands and pressures on your time and energy.

I think getting in touch with 'home-help' nursing is a wonderful idea - some of the older members of my family have had people like that who worked with them, and it can be such a help to not only the patient, but to the family care-givers as well.
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COOPQUILTLADY 9/4/2012 3:36PM

    I am sure your situation is stressful. Hopefully you can find a little "me" time each day to regroup. Keep your chin up. I am rooting for you. emoticon
emoticonPam

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MAMACAT2_3 9/4/2012 3:19PM

    Oh I'm sorry, I deal with anxiety and depression on and off too....I hope you get through these trying times and life feels easier for you soon...hang in there...

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LWADE1963 9/4/2012 2:28PM

    emoticon
hang in there. you are in my prayers for strength. trust in God to get you where you need to go.

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DAARTNEY 9/4/2012 2:27PM

    This does sound like so much to deal with. I hope you can get some in-home assistance with her.

Keep venting, it helps to get it out I think.

I hope you have something good in your day to make you smile.

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ITS SEPTEMBER AND I'M MOVING

Sunday, September 02, 2012

I vow to get off my butt and walk everyday in September. I don't care if I walk ten min or 1 hour but I committ to walk everyday this month. My pants are getting tight and so moving will help and maybe even drop a few pounds. After all, isn't that why I"m here? To lose and get healthy! Can't sit all the time so get up and move! emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BABACHAN 9/3/2012 4:21PM

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I did the same thing and joined a 10 min a day exercise program. I am now walking about 45 mins a day, the weight is coming off and I even signed up for a virtual 5K in october.

I guess I just needed to get started somewhere!
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PS Patriots and Petticoats will be started in about another week, after the grandkids start back to school. emoticon

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CAROLISCIOUS 9/3/2012 11:05AM

    That's right...a little or a lot, every move counts!
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KASEYCOFF 9/3/2012 3:14AM

    emoticon

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Q8PRINCESS 9/2/2012 9:02PM

    emoticon emoticon

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BOOGITY12 9/2/2012 7:09PM

    I'll join you! emoticon

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LYNNIERN 9/2/2012 3:53PM

    emoticon

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GUCCI9300 9/2/2012 2:36PM

    emoticon

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SCRAPPINPOLLY 9/2/2012 2:29PM

    September is my favorite month of the year!! Get out, take a look around at all the fall beauty! You'll never want to stay inside again!

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LOSE4LIFE47 9/2/2012 2:25PM

    YOU CAN DO IT!!

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2016 THE MOVIE

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Every American should see this movie, 2016. Regardless of whether you are a democrat or a republican, you owe it to yourself to get a perspective on the man who is in the White House. Then make an honest decision as to whether your values are the same as his or not.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

Q8PRINCESS 8/31/2012 11:07AM

    Do we every really get a true perspective? Directors all have their own agendas as well. I'd take it with a grain of salt.

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LHLADY517 8/30/2012 9:21PM

    True

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MOVING MOTHER-IN-LAW IN

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Well, this weekend we decided to move my mother-in-law into our home. She is 93 and has fallen twice in the last two weeks and is afraid to leave her apartment for fear of falling on the way to the dining room. I didn't want this for sure but now that the decision has been made, I'm ready to make arrangements. We have to shift a lot of things in our home to accomodate her and get rid of most that she has.
At 93, she has been able to live on her own in a one bedroom apartment in a nice retirement facility for 3 years. I've been concerned because she will run out of money next year and we were going to have to contribute to her staying there. Now, the problem has resolved itself because she can no longer take care of herself as she has in 93 years.

I think that it is amazing that she has been able to achieve this independent living. She is from Maine and quite stoic and won't give up. But Saturday, after her fall on Friday, I went over to help her with a bath. At that point, I was amazed that she had been able to get in an out of the tub and bathe herself but I could see that those days were over.

My own mother died when I was 30 so she has been my mother longer than I knew my own mother. We've been married 39 years! I do love her and have gotten along with her most of the time. But we do have our disagreements and I know she would rather not be moving in with us but there is not an alternative. She asked us many years ago not to put her in a nursing home so that option is out. We couldn't do that to her. I'm almost looking forward to it.

Keep me in your thoughts and prayers. I'll need help.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SEWINGMAMACDS 8/29/2012 10:35AM

    Carol - Hugs. It will be an adjustment for sure, but praying all will go well. I think it is great that you are willing to take care of her.

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FIFIFRIZZLE 8/28/2012 1:49PM

    emoticon
Keep posting, we are here for you.

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CAROLISCIOUS 8/28/2012 12:00PM

    Blessings will come your way for doing the right thing...

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LKWQUILTER 8/28/2012 10:31AM

    Will keep all of you in my prayers Carol. (((HUGS)))

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LJCANNON 8/28/2012 10:24AM

    As Andi said, Be SURE to take time to take care of YOU!! It is NOT Selfish, it is absolutely Necessary to Take Care of You BEFORE You can take care of anyone else.
emoticonAlso, try checking with Local Home Health Agencys or Church's to see if they can help you with some of the Daily responsibilities. Home Health is ordinarily Free to the Family, but I think there are some requirements with Medicare. Never, Ever hesitate to Ask For or Accept any Assistance that is available.

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ANDI571 8/28/2012 9:49AM

    I think my mom was a caregiver to everyone in the family. She always told me that if it came down to it, not to feel guilty if we had to put her in a nursing facility. Unfortunately the day came when we had to do that. It wasn't perfect, but neither was her being at home. She had Alzheimer's, and she needed more care than what we were able to give. My daughter is a PTA in a nursing facility, and she loves her patients. I know mom had nurses that loved her.

It won't be easy, take care of yourself.

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ELRIDDICK 8/28/2012 8:23AM

  Thanks for sharing

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