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Rules for Humans #11 There is no right or wrong, but there are consequences.

Monday, November 07, 2011

Rule 11: There is no right or wrong, but there are consequences.
Moralizing doesn't help. Judgements only hold the patterns in place. Just do your best.

Ha. Finally another topic I can easily relate back to fitness issues.

This principle works very well with food choices. You can eat whatever you want. There should be no guilt associated with food. Just awareness about what youíre doing.

There is a woman in my Tae Kardio class who professes a love of donuts. Last week she announced that sheíd eaten six pumpkin-flavored Dunkin Donuts over the course of the week. And gained 2 pounds. She said she was there to work those donuts back off.

I went and looked up the nutrition facts on those. One pumpkin donut there is 340 calories (19g fat, 38g carbs, 19g sugar, 3g protein). Six of them is 2040 calories, which is less than a pound of fat. It is likely her gain was water and/or other foods.

In Tae Kardio I burn about 150 calories per session. To work off 6 donuts it would take 13 sessions (more than a month of 3 sessions per week).

My point here is not that donuts are bad. I personally love carrot cake (with real cream cheese frosting) and I plan on eating some at Thanksgiving for my birthday. I can eat these things if I want to. There is nothing inherently bad or good about them.

However, choosing to eat them will involve consequences. I need to measure what Iím having and be aware of how it fits into the rest of my daily and weekly nutrition.

If I choose eat a higher than usual dose of fat and sugar that means Iíll have less calories left for protein.

And those things affect how I feel. Not guilt-wise, but health-wise. Sugar and starch set off cravings for me. When I eat that birthday cake I need to be ready to fight some serious urges to binge in the following 24-48 hours. And I need to figure out how Iím going to get the usual 150g of protein per day that my body seems to like.

Maybe itíll mean I eat a little less on the days surrounding Thanksgiving to keep my average calories under 2000. Maybe itíll mean just taking the hit and stalling out for a a week on my way back down to goal.

Either way, Iím going to have my cake and Iím going to eat it too. And I will deal with the consequences before and/or afterward.

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For the past 2 weeks I have commented on the Rules for Being Human. I like their sensible approach and now that I'm transitioning back into kayaking and training for kayaking it seems like a good time to revisit them.

To see all of the blog posts I wrote in this series, go here:
docs.google.com/document/d/1Ci-bdg7_
3CEnBXkc9TxHkgRTsJJt-jL_NfhJDL_nebE/ed
it?usp=sharing


You can see all of the rules by themselves, here: rules4humans.com

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LUVMYCRAZYKIDS 11/8/2011 7:28PM

    So true...went to lunch at BJ's Brewhouse with the hub today and could not find any nutritional info on that restaurant. SO...I went with what is typically lower in calories along with a garden salad. I had flatbready Margherita pizza...I ate half, but I commented to my hub how I COULD eat the whole thing. You are correct, there isn't anything WRONG with the pizza, but there would be consequences on the other side of eating it all...consequences that I was not willing to pay. Now I am thankful I didn't give in to my compulsion...I am changing. That is a good thing!

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DDOORN 11/8/2011 8:55AM

    "Consequences" can be such a helpful way to transform our choices from guilt-inducing toward rational planning, from careening out-of-control toward having a firm grip on the wheel and taking charge of our "rig."

I don't always succeed with this, but that's all part of the learning curve...! :-)

Don

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WATERMELLEN 11/7/2011 8:10PM

    Knowing in advance what the consequences are likely to be -- eg serious food cravings when I indulge in pizza or other simple carbs -- and being prepared to cope with them: that's the ticket for sure.

I expect that you will enjoy every mouthful of that carrot cake with cream cheese frosting . . . and that you will not whinge as you battle the cravings that follow. That was part of the planning . . . emoticon . . . . although maybe not the favourite part!

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ANDALEX 11/7/2011 7:02PM

    i've been trying to capture that exact attitude-consequences, not judgment. some days i'm more successful than others, perhaps. it's made me feel better about having ice cream for breakfast now and then, though :) i just choose to fit the rest of my day's food around that choice.

i am curious about your 150 gm of protein deal. how do you get all that in? how did you discover that made you feel better?

great blog! thank you!

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VHALKYRIE 11/7/2011 6:04PM

    I don't feel guilt for things I eat anymore. Exercise is no longer a punishment for when I 'cheated' or when I ate cake. I used to dread the holidays because of the inevitable weight gain. Now that I know how to manage what I eat, I am going into the holidays guilt free. I'll simply eat less mashed potatoes, stuffing, corn and pie than I used to. If I go back for seconds, I'll have more turkey, instead.

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FISHPOND7 11/7/2011 5:34PM

    Liked your blog today. I can identify with this:
"And those things affect how I feel. Not guilt-wise, but health-wise. Sugar and starch set off cravings for me. When I eat that birthday cake I need to be ready to fight some serious urges to binge in the following 24-48 hours." Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who can't deal normally with sugar and starch. I'll try to get some inspiration from someone in the same boat I'm in.

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Rules for Humans #10 You always get what you want.

Monday, November 07, 2011

Rule 10: You always get what you want.
Your subconscious rightfully determines what energies, experiences, and people you attract - therefore, the only foolproof way to know what you want is to see what you have. There are no victims, only students.

This reminds me of Rule 9 (Your life is up to you), but in a more subtle way; I naturally tend to put my energy toward things that Iím interested in, and delaying on other things, even if subconsciously.

When Iím agitated or procrastinating about something it usually has an effect on how I see the world. And that effect can sometimes last beyond my momentary frustration. Not only am I likely to make mistakes and physically stumble while distracted by my own feelings, but I might be impatient with other people even though it has nothing to do with them. And then I might wonder why they are tiptoeing me around the next time I see them? DOH.

I have a spin instructor who also teaches the body pump class I go to. She has has a consistently sunny, upbeat attitude. People respond to that. And in return I am sure they are more positive and warm toward her than they might be otherwise. I think she actually creates the social environment that surrounds her by choosing to interact in this way. Her life has not been perfect in the past - she has overcome things and made a choice to embrace the world the way she does. And she benefits from her own kindness mirrored back by others.

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For the past 2 weeks I have commented on the Rules for Being Human. I like their sensible approach and now that I'm transitioning back into kayaking and training for kayaking it seems like a good time to revisit them.

To see all of the blog posts I wrote in this series, go here:
docs.google.com/document/d/1Ci-bdg7_
3CEnBXkc9TxHkgRTsJJt-jL_NfhJDL_nebE/ed
it?usp=sharing


You can see all of the rules by themselves, here: rules4humans.com

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SALSIFY 11/8/2011 7:50AM

    It's a wonderful thing to be blessed with a sunny disposition. I'm pleasant to people, but I'm more in touch with my inner curmudgeon than I ought to be.

This rule reminds me of the quote by Sophocles from Oedipus Rex: "The keenest sorrow is to recognize ourselves as the sole cause of all our adversities."

It also reminds me of the Rolling Stones song: 'You can't always get what you want.' - so now I'm confused - lol.

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WATERMELLEN 11/7/2011 8:12PM

    Yes indeed: if I've got it, it's because at some level I wanted it: and if I don't think I want what I've got, I'd better think hard about how it came to be that I have it . . .

Your spin instructor sounds like a wonderful role model in more ways than one!

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KAZINMICH 11/7/2011 3:35PM

    I like Fishponds Corollary! That's one of my biggest downfalls. I need to be more patient and recognize the overall picture and not the instant gratification!

In person I always strive to be upbeat, happy, cheerful, nice, pleasant, helpful, to everyone I meet and interact with. It does really go a long way. I need to remember to let this shine through in my online life and my home life as well. Sometimes I forget that because I let my guard down at home and am able to complain freely there.

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KHAYNES_WDE 11/7/2011 3:22PM

    Ouch! This one stings a bit...

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FISHPOND7 11/7/2011 12:36PM

    The corollary to this rule must be: The chief cause of failure and unhappiness is trading what we want most for what we want most in the present moment.

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DDOORN 11/7/2011 12:34PM

    So a corollary might be: You *usually* get what you give...!

Pay it forward!

Don

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MISSYREDHAIR 11/7/2011 12:34PM

  I agreed with everything I read I will have to follow these posts thanks!

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Rules for Humans #9 Your life is up to you.

Friday, November 04, 2011

Rule 9: Your life is up to you.
Life provides the canvas; you do the painting. Take charge of your life - or someone else will.

Reminds me of one of the motivational quotes I have in my collection:
"If we don't discipline ourselves, the world will do it for us."
- William Feather

It also makes me think of the principle that your life is not about whether or not youíre lucky to avoid disasters, but rather about how you handle the inevitable situations that arise.

Or a principle in Aikido that you donít wait for life (or an attack) to happen to you, but rather lead the situation to the most harmonious conclusion you can manage.

Since Iím a legal adult and not a ward of the state or something, my life IS up to me, I suppose. I can do whatever I want with it.

Right now it suits me to spend time in boats. Lots of time in boats.
www.flickr.com/photos/47911494@N06/c
ollections/72157624923446540


--------------------
For the past 2 weeks I have commented on the Rules for Being Human. I like their sensible approach and now that I'm transitioning back into kayaking and training for kayaking it seems like a good time to revisit them.

To see all of the blog posts I wrote in this series, go here:
docs.google.com/document/d/1Ci-bdg7_
3CEnBXkc9TxHkgRTsJJt-jL_NfhJDL_nebE/ed
it?usp=sharing


You can see all of the rules by themselves, here: rules4humans.com

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KHAYNES_WDE 11/7/2011 11:27AM

    A positive outlook!

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KAYOTIC 11/5/2011 1:08PM

    And it's so empowering to realize that each of us has the power to decide how we want to live our lives, and that we really can forge our own path....rather than just reacting to outside forces all the time. Or even that our reaction is up to us as well...

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L*I*T*A* 11/5/2011 12:13PM

    emoticon emoticon

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ANDALEX 11/5/2011 2:19AM

    just cruised by on ddoorn's advice and read your rules for humans series. wonderful blogging! many of these issues are ones i've grappled with...or should have. thanks for sharing your history and insights!

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BLVINBUTTERFLYS 11/5/2011 12:26AM

    emoticonit!

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WATERMELLEN 11/4/2011 8:09PM

    Yes, there are a few disasters from time to time . . . and yes, up to me how I deal with 'em! Gosh, this doing an excellent imitation of a grownup thing can be exhausting . . . so appealing to shift the responsiblity to someone else at least once in a while!

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DDOORN 11/4/2011 3:19PM

    I've spent too much time in my life being a tumbleweed and blowing whichever way the winds carry me.

I STILL have to fight sliding down the "easiest" path of least resistance because all to often it proves to be the TOUGHEST route in the long run!

Don

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SLFGOLF 11/4/2011 1:01AM

    Very true. Our attitudes can make all the difference I know. I have to go into things positively, make wise decisions, and follow through.

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Rules for Humans #8 Others are only mirrors of you.

Wednesday, November 02, 2011

Rule 8: Others are only mirrors of you.
You cannot love or hate something about another unless it reflects something you love or hate in yourself.

I have to say that yes, almost always when someone gets under my skin it is because they share some kind of trait that I donít like in myself. My innate laziness and procrastination. My tendency to try and jump ahead in a conversation and anticipate where the other person is taking it. My greedy tendencies. My insecurity about being left out of things.

I think itís harder to see the things I like about myself in others, but theyíre probably there. I enjoy folks with a gritty, insightful sense of humor, who are not afraid to be ďrealĒ about how things really are. Who can step up and deal with difficult situations when they need to. Who can lead when itís necessary, and follow when that is warranted. Who are team players and offer a hand wherever itís needed. People who are intelligent and clever and yet have a childlike ability to find amusement in simple things. Perhaps some of these are in me, too. It would be nice to think so.

I suppose the most helpful thing that can come out of this principle is to try and be aware to the qualities in others that either get under our skin or make us want to be around them. Once weíre aware, we can try to eliminate or cultivate those qualities in ourselves.

--------------------
For the past 2 weeks I have commented on the Rules for Being Human. I like their sensible approach and now that I'm transitioning back into kayaking and training for kayaking it seems like a good time to revisit them.

To see all of the blog posts I wrote in this series, go here:
docs.google.com/document/d/1Ci-bdg7_
3CEnBXkc9TxHkgRTsJJt-jL_NfhJDL_nebE/ed
it?usp=sharing


You can see all of the rules by themselves, here: rules4humans.com

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WATERMELLEN 11/3/2011 9:40PM

    You are indeed "that" person: humorous, real, a leader, intelligent, able to take pleasure in the simple childlike stuff: all of that's clear!

But: lazy? procrastinating? greedy? insecure? Hmm. Seems harsh. Not apparent from this point of view.

And: I'm never sure it's very possible to eliminate or cultivate qualities. Maybe only possible to learn how to "manage" them . . . if that. Some people have personalities that are more difficult to manage than others . . . and I'm thinking that a huge component of personality is innate/inherited like height, eye colour and the like.

But for sure: if I "manage" my own personality (difficult!) I'm more likely to evoke different responses from others! And when I don't like others . . .it's often a signal they're reflecting something I don't like about myself. Yeah.

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KAYOTIC 11/3/2011 11:03AM

    Agree! Those qualities you listed as "like" come out in your blogs and posts....

And I also try to look at qualities in others I'd like to cultivate in myself, I tend to be introverted, but then also to take on leadership roles, so it can be a bit of an internal struggle, I like to see how more extroverted folks behave and try to emulate those behaviors when I need to.



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DDOORN 11/3/2011 10:26AM

    "Perhaps some of these are in me"...? Absolutely YES! :-)

Don

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Rules for Humans #7 _There_ is no better than _here_

Wednesday, November 02, 2011

Rule 7: "There" is no better than "here"
When your "there" becomes a "here" you will simply obtain another "there" that looks better than "here".

Iím not sure the new ďhereĒ even looks better. Often it just looks *different*.

THE FOLLOWING OPINION IS AN ODD THING TO SHARE ON A WEBSITE DEVOTED TO CHANGING OUR LIVES, BUT IT REFLECTS HOW I FEEL, SO I'M GOING TO JUST LET IT FLY.

I am where I am. Even when I was at my heaviest in the mid 300s I had a pretty fulfilling life. This life now is not necessarily better, itís just different. I had a different set of priorities, and some of the new priorities have wedged out the old ones. It's not as if a door opened into a magical fairyland where my life is suddenly perfect now.

I used to enjoy eating out more because I didnít care about how much or what type of food I ate. I used to avidly play board games with other cerebral friends. I read a lot more back then. I used to play my violin and guitar more often. I donít have as much time for those things now because Iím more interested in doing active things outside or else training to stay in shape to do those active things outside.

The things I get to do now are fun, and I enjoy being able to shop in ďnormalĒ stores and fly in planes without a seat belt extender and itís an ego boost to mostly like what I see in the mirror. And I am not as concerned about mobility issues.

But Iím definitely not a better person, and Iím not sure I can say itís a better life I have now. It is more comfortable in some ways, and less comfortable in others. It just different. Really, really, really different.

And will I be happier and more fulfilled when Iím back comfortably within goal range? Probably not. Iíll be able to do the things I like even more easily and with less likelihood of injury, and my favorite clothes will fit, but there are choices I have to make in order to maintain that level of fitness, and when you pick one choice that means youíre turning down another.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not rushing to put back on the pounds in disappointment that my life is not all stardust and rainbows now that I've lost 50% of my body weight.

I do prefer the way things are now, and it's worth it to me to do the work to keep it that way.

So in the end, I think itís more about accepting wherever you are, and if there is something else youíd like to explore, work on changing it to see if you prefer it that way. But in the end YOU are still going to be essentially YOU, just in a different setting, with different habits.

--------------------
For the past 2 weeks I have commented on the Rules for Being Human. I like their sensible approach and now that I'm transitioning back into kayaking and training for kayaking it seems like a good time to revisit them.

To see all of the blog posts I wrote in this series, go here:
docs.google.com/document/d/1Ci-bdg7_
3CEnBXkc9TxHkgRTsJJt-jL_NfhJDL_nebE/ed
it?usp=sharing


You can see all of the rules by themselves, here: rules4humans.com

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KAYOTIC 11/6/2011 10:16AM

    Great blog....different yes, necessarily better, no, worth it? decidedly yes! The journey does change over time....my attitude changes over time, and here and there may change as well, but we really only ever have "here" (or "now") at any given moment, so it does pay to appreciate that when we have it! (and I really had blocked out the joy of not caring what was in the food when I could eat with abandon...it was so long ago, not that I don't enjoy eating now, I do try to go with really delicious choices, but also ones that fit into my current mindset about food, which means less processed, and more from the source...) "food" for thought.

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SALSIFY 11/3/2011 7:52AM

    I loved this blog. Thanks for posting it.

It was only when I realised that losing weight & getting fit would only solve problems in my life directly related to being overweight & unfit that I was able to start losing the weight. Before that, when I thought that life should be perfect once I was a normal weight, it was too overwhelming to think about changing.

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MOBYCARP 11/3/2011 7:30AM

    Does "there" look better than "here"? I tend to have the opposite experience, that "here" looks pretty good and "there" looks scary. Of course, that's not always true either. "There" is just different, not necessarily better or worse.

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WATERMELLEN 11/2/2011 8:02PM

    This is so candid and I appreciate that. Fact is, there are "gains" to losing . . . and losses too. It is fun sitting around being cerebral and eating whatever you like and engaging in all the other sedentary ways of passing time . . . yeah! And it's not entirely fun to be thin when you take into consideration what it costs, including eternal vigilance/tracking/expenditure of energy and all the rest of that. Plus: being thin doesn't magically solve every other problem (and does create a few new ones including loss of friends who don't care for my new priorities or don't frankly fit in to them).

On balance? worth it. Absolutely. More ease, more comfort, more pleasure in inhabiting the bodies we are. But as you say, not without cost.

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KHAYNES_WDE 11/2/2011 6:52PM

    I hadn't really thought about the whole different vs. better thing. I'm going to ponder that one. My initial instinct is that life after losing 100+ pounds is different AND better... Sounds like something for me to process. emoticon

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XNANNY 11/2/2011 6:46PM

    One of my brothers plays guitar and he has trouble with his fingers if he stays away too long! I hope you are enjoying life as it seems that you are.

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DDOORN 11/2/2011 6:13PM

    Self-acceptance is just so HUGE! For many of us (yours truly most DEFINITELY included!) the *interior* work is just as vital as the *exterior* work in reclaiming our lives!

You play guitar too! How about that! Bet your guitar is gathering as much dust as mine...lol!

I DO pick it up once every month or so to make sure I haven't TOTALLY forgotten how to play! :-)

Don

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