Friday, August 06, 2010
Another week has passed. I can't say that I've had any great goals achieved. My husband is still out of work. The unemployment group is JUST now servicing his claim, so we are only three weeks behind from them. Yay.. whatever. I've struggled to stay within calorie range but I have for the most part. I've kept the emotional eating to a minimum. Had one emotional drinking day. Yes I know, it's a choice, my words. I made the WRONG choice. I've continued to work out. Yay... not as many days a week as I was, but that changes again next week. I'll be back on my 5-6 days per week. I think I needed a little time for me to recharge my brain, confuse my muscles with NO workout. I've been doing a lot of cardio though.
I'm not going to let this stop my workouts like I did in 2005. Daughter is going back to school, so there will be less pressure to be home when she is home (which is rare).
Just keep plugging away. That's what I'll do. Choo choo
Thursday, July 29, 2010
This has been definitely a test of my own words against me. I did not succumb. I actually have continued working out (unwillingly but did so) and watching my food intake. Those Little Debbie Swiss Rolls probably weren't a GOOD idea, but hey they were accounted for in the calorie range and I was still under for the day. Of course my daughter and I make an impromptu run to Best Buy and she looks at the clock.. it's after 8:00 Mom... Sonic... no, we already had dessert, no this time. So we had slurpees instead. hahahahah, still within calorie range. But I have to admit last night was probably the worst of my "bad" eating and still staying within weight loss calories, is probably pretty darn good.
Today was not the best of days. Absolutely bored at work. Go to the gym, get to the locker room, open my bag, pull out my shirt, pull out my shoes, where's my shorts? where's my sports bra? I know I picked them out and put them... oh, on the dresser. Because I was interrupted with the fact my daughter was still home. She's not supposed to be home, it's 7:00, her class starts at 7:00. Oops someone overslept. She was a lucky girl though, professor wasn't even there when she barreled in at 7:50. I don't even want to know how fast she was going.
Hubby calls me with news that someone had called him about a job. Yay.. then he told me the pay range.. not so yay. So he is still looking. Sent out some apps today, so hopefully something will come through. His daughter leaves this weekend so that will help because he won't have to worry about having to find a babysitter when he goes on an interview.
So this redirecting my life around my emotional eating.. well... it's a decision. I'm extremely stressed right now. I'm not exactly happy, but I'm not overdrinking, not threatening anybody with bodily harm, and not overeating. That sundae last night sounded really, really good. I could use some chocolate, helps the serotonins you know. No, Sherri, you've lost 20 pounds and you are still going down.
So the pros and cons come out.
Pros of controlling myself -
No weight gain
Knees continue to not hurt
Compliments coming from hubby about how I'm toning up (he's so superficial sometimes, that's another story)
Back doesn't hurt
Clothes fit looser
Old clothes starting to fit
Clothes too tight
Knees hurt again
Don't have any fat clothes, I throw them away OOPS
Ah the knees, they seem to show up on both. I kind of like that NOT HURTING. I think I'll keep my emotional eating and drinking in check. You know, we do have a punching bag at home and I have gloves... that might be the change in workout I need tonight to adjust my mood...
and the thought process continues........
Thursday, July 22, 2010
So I went and re-read my last blog. Read that part about how I have to do legs and cardio the next day (I'm assuming it was Saturday). So what did I do... I did absolutely NOTHING in the gym this weekend. I kept my food intake fairly stable, but just took a couple of days off in the gym. Guess it didn't hurt too much, still dropped two pounds.
Anyway, now I'm totally getting frustrated. We have absolutely NO extra money, no way to beg borrow or steal and ... my husband only got two weeks severance. Okay, we have one more paycheck. I asked last night if he had been out to Monster or Hotjobs to look for a job. Nah, I have plenty of time. Uh... yes babe I love having you home as a house husband and the dogs love it and all, but.......... that doesn't pay the bills. I didn't say that I thought it. What I did say is, you got two weeks severance.. this was the first week. Hellloooooooo.
So I'm really close to going ahead and logging into his monster account, updating his resume myself and applying for some jobs for him. This is ridiculous. Babe I realize you're depressed about this, but you don't want ME depressed because I'm dealing with bill collectors every day. Anyway, I'm venting because I really don't know what to do.
Top that with my toe injury.. of course I wanted to start running this week. Well that got put on hold. It's only three weeks before my daughter heads back to college and we have to come up with stuff for that. This is just insane timing.
and of course what does my preacher preach about on Sunday... dealing with life and left turns and hardship. We had another event at the church and he said something to the effect, I know that was not the sermon you wanted to hear right after a layoff. Yes of course I have tears streaming during the service... it finally hit me that life has given us yet another left turn.
Then, unfortunately my bad side brain starts thinking you know S, you've had nothing BUT hard times since you've been with him. He's a great guy and everything, but your finances have gone to hell, you're depressed all the time because of the finances, etc, etc. The IRS screwed you over for getting married late in the year. Anyway there's a long story about him and his ex and what I had to deal with in the beginning, so those negative thoughts start creeping in. I know I would never leave him, but just the resentment starts to come up. Of course then I do what I did yesterday... go workout, come home and eat the already prepared meal, watch a little baseball and go to bed.. and leave him to take care of everything (cutting the fruits, cleaning the kitchen) and he doesn't come to bed grumbling at me. I remember how great he is.
Friday, July 16, 2010
Okay I admit it, I'm an emotional eater. I've had self esteem issues of not being good enough, pretty enough, thin enough, smart enough for my whole life. Part of being brought up expected to be perfect. Therefore I expect perfection out of myself. Which leads to not making the grade and I go to food for my comfort. I've been lucky with regard to the fact that I've always played sports and for the most part exercised most of my life so I never got too heavy.. until this past year. Almost twenty pounds my pregnancy maxes.
All this to lead to.... I'm being tested. My husband got laid off yesterday. This is our fourth layoff in three years. Mine was in 2007 and the worst one because I am the primary breadwinner. We never caught up with that one and he had two more and now the third (of which we are still not caught up).
This is where I find out if I can walk the talk. Stay away from the pasta and comfort foods. Nothing I wouldn't like better right now than to make a good chicken fried steak with heart attack on a plate gravy.
Found this out last night at 5:15, went to the Grease Sing Along with my daughter and friend. Daughter and I ate asian food, barely ate a quarter, so I did fairly well there. Got home and had some calories to spare so ate some cheese and crackers. Okay, hanging in there. I packed my lunch. I have cash in my wallet, so Chick Fila could have called my name (I love the minis). I have eaten my yogurt. My emotionality right now is that I will do cardio instead of weight lifting at lunch because I just can't fathom pushing weights. Especially on leg day. Which means I have to make up leg day tomorrow and add cardio to it, so I get to work out twice as hard tomorrow. Maybe by then the tears will quit flowing and I will be angry.
But on a good note one of my daughter's friends came home from school yesterday and told me how skinny I was and what was I doing. That made me feel wonderful.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
So a couple of random things going through my mind. I heard on the radio this morning that there are more women than not out there telling people (even their DHs) "Don't touch my stomach"... Is this truly an issue? I've never said because 1. I love my stomach/abs especially when my weight is down. 2. I guess I don't really care. I didn't love the touching of the fat rolls when the pants were too tight, but I just cringed and didn't say anything. So.. are you one of those women.
Yay the scale is going down. I tried on my "skinny" pants, I'm about 5 lbs away. Exciting. Five pounds will get me in them tightly. Still aways from my goal and 16 pounds from my 2005 weight.
Working out at lunch is getting to be a bear. I don't know about you guys, but when it's 100 degrees outside and you've just worked up a sweat that won't stop, getting in the car is just ... I can't even describe it. I can't turn the a/c up enough. and I'm not really complaining because I love the heat.
So my entertainment for tonight and probably the best entertainment of the summer - I am going to the Grease Sing Along. I get to see Grease again
and I can sing along without the people next to me telling me to hush. My daughter is going with me and going with my friend and one of her other friends. Should be quite the interesting evening.
Well that's all for now. Ya'll keep exercising and moderating that food intake!!!
oh yeah, is burning 3500 calories through exercise a crazy goal? Sometimes I look at my daily number and think I'm insane, but that's not bad is it? I've pretty much hit that goal every week except last week where I missed it by 45, but.. am I putting too much pressure on myself? Hmmmmm, to ponder!!!! Can you guys tell I'm bored/?
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