Friday, May 14, 2010
My beautiful tree will have to be cut down, it can't be saved. They trimmed the branch that had fallen down (my neighbor is getting some awesome firewood) but when we get back from Mexico, we will have to pull it out of the ground. I'm going back and forth between sadness for the tree and wanting to kill my husband. I'm just so angry with him for NOT listening to me. I guess that and I'm mad at his double standard. If that had been me not listening to him, he would be ranting and raving about how I never listen to him, what has happened, blah, blah, blah. But I haven't said I told you so or anything but he would be put out if he actually knew HOW angry I am at him right now. Which of course lead to an emotional eating night, ... that and my body is craving carbs again, which usually means I'm pushing it at the gym.
But then again, the scale and the body are not moving in a downwardly direction. I do go see the doctor today for blood work and to have a mole removed (I'm assuming it's benign). Will get thyroid checked to see if my metabolism has gone on hiatus. I know I'm doing the right things and my occasional lapses are not that huge to make this much of a difference.
I'm pushing my mood.. I am trying not to let all this get me down.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Two weeks ago a limb fell off our Bradford Pear. Well, I had been telling my husband for two years now that the tree needed to be trimmed or it was going to start splitting in the middle because of the weight of the leaves. We are almost there. Last night another limb came down, this one was large enough to take out almost half of the trunk. Hopefully the tree will do the "I told you so" and he will trim the remaining branches to get the weight off of them and we won't lose another this summer. I'm sure the drought, flood, ice storms of the past three years haven't helped it at all. It's very sad because it's a BEAUTIFUL tree and it was actually getting ready to bloom for the second time this year (very rare). I guess the remaining limbs might bloom. I now have to go research and find out what I can put on the trunk so we don't get tree rot from the open sore. The good part of this... that side of the house will get some much needed sun. Thankfully the only thing that tree shades is our garage, so maybe when we totally lose it, we'll dig it up and just get some good bermuda going. It's still sad. I do have many other trees in my yard to be happy about though.
On the weight loss front. I managed to stay away from the scale. The next few days will be tricky though. I thought I wasn't going to be able to work out today because of meetings during lunch, but I think I will just take a very early lunch. Tomorrow is kind of the same way, taking our newly Americanized citizen to lunch to celebrate (having asian food) so I have to be careful there. and no workout. But I know I can make that up during the weekend. Thankfully we don't have to go get my daughter from college, she has a friend bringing her home. and speaking of that, she called me last night.. her apartment fridge and microwave were stolen out of her friend's truck. Those were supposed to last for six years of college, guess not now.. at least not in our possession.
Wow... my husband apologized to me for not taking me seriously about trimming the tree.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
It's another day. I managed to not get angry about weight, scales, inches, etc. I stayed off the scale today in observance of my scale addiction and won't get on it until next Tuesday. I worked out my legs today and now want to throw up. Guess I worked a little hard. I tried on some of my skinny pants and yeah, they got to my hips and said, hahahahaha... and I didn't get upset. I got stuck in my shirt (arms are still too tight) and I haven't had a fit.
So now I must attempt to do some real work (they pay me for that, go figure). Pretend that I love this place (yeah whatever) and try to keep my turkey sandwich down. I think I'm just nauseous from a too hard workout. The bad part is... I have to go do cardio with my husband after work so my stomach BETTER settle down. Thankfully I brought some energy supplies (applesauce and protein powder make an excellent pre workout meal).. gag... food.. yuck.
Oh, I am so unmotivational. Wish I had some great saying as how to do this. Just keep plugging along. Watch what you eat, track the calories and of course burn off more than you take in...
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
whooooooooosh... that would be the breath I've been holding on to for the last couple of weeks. The anger, the rage, the ups, the downs. I'm still having a few issues, but... I'm calm today. Because I had a short term goal that is falling short, I was putting way too much pressure on myself to be thin overnight. Okay, so I won't look totally awesome hot in Mexico, I will still look better. and maybe other people can't see it, but my arms are getting CUT. They are getting solid. Not as fast as I would like, but I know it will come as long as I keep working at it. Thank you all for responding and keeping me on track and trying to get me back in focus. I have to remind myself constantly that I'm not in my 30s, things have slowed down, but I can reverse some of that, it'll just be a little harder this time. and... if I can do it, then I can help others do it.... maybe with a little less rage on my part heheheheh, sorry guys. I'm really not Debbie Downer, I'm usually chirpy Sherri trying to get everyone else up.
I have no great words of wisdom. Just keep trying, keep working, keep logging, keep loving yourself. (That's a huge problem for me anyway, too much verbal abuse in my lifetime). But I'm working on it.
WARNING EDIT:::: I just read Sharon's comment and I appreciate her and her words of wisdom. Yes I am 47. Yes I have to remember that. Made me understand why I am so hard on myself. We play volleyball with 20 somethings, so I'm in constant contact with them, so I guess I've been feeling "frumpy" and I don't want that. It's bad enough I'm older than them, I want to show them that 40 something can look good too. Of course I wanted to do it yesterday and forget that I've just come off two weightbearing horrible surgeries. Patience, patience.. that should be something a 47 year old should know, right??? I can do this.
Man, it's good thing I'm not a Tweeter.. I would be going all day long. Cardio at the gym today, foot and knee hurt so bounced around on machines a little bit but still got a good 49 minutes in. Feel like I'm still sweating like a pig at a BBQ. Scale has bounced back from nacho night ( a week later), but I have made a vow not to get on the scale but once a week, not once a day. I can do this. Mood is still good. Yay...
Monday, May 10, 2010
Don't know where to start. I'm extremely frustrated with every thing right now, the scale, my life, my attitude. My husband thinks I am having anger issues. Guess let's start with the scale. I shouldn't be on a plateau or going up. I've only been on this remodification of life diet for a month. I should have lost more. Okay, well the general thought is, I am weight training, so I'm losing inches,.... NOT. So I'm working my butt off and nothing is changing. I've lost maybe an inch in my stomach but come on.. that's not even where I carry my weight. I am all butt and legs and it drastically shows.
Obviously I have some obsessive traits. I want very much in life to be GREAT at SOMETHING. I'm always coming up just a little short... softball, yeah, good but not great. Volleyball, yeah, just started that so not even average. Career skills, yeah, whatever. I get by. I have great work ethic and try hard. Losing weight, obviously not great at that either, or maintaining weight. That's just the short list. I am so tired of just falling short. I want to feel like I'm really good at something. I'm just so tired of life in general right now. I'm freaking 47 years old and still having money issues out the wazzoo... I hate my job.
I think I need to go to the doctor. Maybe I'm peri-menopausal and hormonal. I'm just tired.
Star Trek log.. I mean SparkPeople blog addendum afternoon - just got back from the gym. Angry again. scale moved up another pound. Did change up my workout, added drop sets and cardio step ups during rest period. My triceps are screaming at me, I guess that's good. I will do real cardio this afternoon and see if we start seeing some movement. I wouldn't be so angry about the scale if I saw some inch movement in the body, but it's not happening either, so I'm almost concerned that there is something medically wrong with me at this point.
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