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So Much, but yet so Little

Monday, May 30, 2011

I had lots and lots to talk about but then I couldn't do it at work. Just felt guilty. I'm not sure why, I wasn't doing anything at work (there's literally no work to do). But let's see if I can start this right.

Daughter calls me the day before she is to come home from college. She's wrecked her car. Not bad, but enough to kill the radiator. So I tell her to get it to a radiator shop, not even thinking about other damage (but I know she can't lift the hood). She does, we file an insurance claim and have to deal with total NON communication. During this time, my daughter has to get back to Dallas because she has a wedding. Well she's 20, can't rent a car. One of her friends bring her home, I rent a car and she drives my vehicle. Okay that works. Then we discuss what's going on back in Lubbock. She tells me another dentist approached her to work out there. She couldn't get her apartment sublet, so she has at least $1k to pay out, whether she is there or not. She's on the promo team at her other job, so she has to go back to Lubbock at least five times. This is sounding like a nightmare. She goes through all the pros and cons, finally calls her dentist here and tells him the situation. His first question is "Do you still want to be a dentist?". She answers yes, and he tells her that he knows how hard she works and that she is dedicated and yes, she still has a job at his place when things work out and if she needs anything to let them know. She is planning on coming back at the beginning of August in his busy season before school to help him out, but she is going to stay in Lubbock. The cool thing is he was originally calling her to see if she could go the dental convention in NYC and even with saying she wasn't coming back full time this summer, he still paid her way to the event. He and his wife (she's also a dentist) are great people.

So a bunch of long paragraphs to say my baby is not coming home for the summer. Her father and her brother came through with the deductible for her, so she's not out that. She's been studying so hard, she hasn't been able to work, and it's killed her disposable income.

On the job front, my husband finally got an interview at a decent warehouse. I've heard good things (it's actually my company, but it's on the good side of the company) and we are hoping that we hear something this next week. He had hoped it would have been last week, so we could have stayed at the lake today, but no nothing yet, so he had to work today. I've had some really good interviews in the last week. The commute would be a lot more, but the money is better and the growth potential is astronomical. I have a second interview with one on Wednesday and waiting for the other manager to fly in from South Carolina for my second interview with them. We shall see what happens, hopefully something this week. Things are just getting more and more insane at work in our department. I go in daily and just shake my head in disbelief at some of the stuff.

My lab was a good boy and did not destroy the house, the 36-48 hours we were gone to the lake. It was very relaxing and for a whole three days I did not have the shooting pain from under my shoulder blades through my ribs. I've been on pain killers and anti-inflammatories for this for over a month and it's getting quite old. I need a full blown massage, but of course it's not in the budget yet, not even for my health.

I'm tracking my food better. Not getting the exercise like I want because the interviews are throwing me off, but eventually I'll get back on track. I'm feeling better anyway. Not the deep despair that I was having, and the total defeat.

That's all I got.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TISHTOES 5/30/2011 6:19PM

    Nice blog! With a college girl not coming home you should join our Empty Nest team. We are small but have fun.

Keep on keeping on!

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SLIMLILA 5/30/2011 4:23PM

    Wow, never rains but it pours! You sure have a lot going on. God luck on your and dh's interviews...I guess I'll be in same position soon. Just wanted to make a point, about the pain you have... I had a pain in my left arm for a couple years, and saw nerve conduction specialist twice, had aCat Scan and an MRI. no answers.. Then I went for 1 massage and the pain was gone.... I know it seems like a lot of money with no coverage but your health is at stake and I know what it did for me...

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Did you miss me?

Thursday, May 05, 2011

Yes, I went into a DEEP depression. It was scary. I didn't get suicidal, but I didn't care.. about anything. The job thing set me back, the six month plateau set me back, even all the training I got didn't bring ME back. I'm still a little shaky, but I'm going to give some effort.

I had to go back on my happy pills. I even told my doctor that I'm going to have to finally realize that my brain is chemically challenged. I can't survive without them. Although I try and try to get off them, I keep having to go back because I lose myself in these funks.

So, yes I managed to gain five pounds. That's not too bad considering how serious things were getting. I worked out some last Sunday, but then my husband tried to cut his foot off and that threw my schedule off again. You know it's bad when your pastor's wife is saying "You have the worst luck lately".

Anyway, the job hunt has been nothing but frustrating. The recruiter for the "job that was made for me" called back stating that someone had left and since I was second choice, I was a shoo - in. Then I heard NOTHING for three weeks. Then they called on a Friday and had to have an interview on the following Monday. We set the time, then MY boss called a meeting through that schedule so I had to reschedule. Well they replied that it wasn't going to happen anyway. The client doesn't know what they want. They want my skills but don't know that they want my skills. So being patient. Had another interview somewhere else today, but I don't know how I feel about it. It seemed rather short. But, they had called me in after stating that my pay range was too high, and I didn't have my degree. Which leads me to:

I re-enrolled in college. I have approximately less than 40 hours to complete my degree so I'm going for it. If that is what is holding me back from making decent money and automatically getting looked at for jobs, then screw it, I'm going to do it. I can sacrifice for the next two years to manage it.

So back to my health. I know my knee pain will increase dramatically if I go and do something stupid like gain all my weight back, so that's not going to happen. I'm getting back in the gym, this week, and I am going to rededicate myself to myself.

Thanks for listening. I'm going to make it back to Spark. I miss the talk/chatter and camaraderie.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TEENY_BIKINI 5/29/2011 11:50PM

    Welcome back, gorgeous. You are a strong, courageous warrior. Battle on!


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5POINTED 5/9/2011 4:05PM

    I'm just getting back into the swing of things after a one year hiatus, and I remember having some nice conversations with you. Wishing you the best of luck with the job hunt, as well as offering empathy with some of the things you've been going through (have been reading through your blogs). I have adult step-children as well, and my honey definitely has a little bit of the 'my kids do no wrong' syndrome. Blessings to you :)

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PAIGESMAMA 5/6/2011 9:43AM

    Glad you are back. Remember we are here for you good or bad.

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DONNA47FMFL 5/6/2011 8:11AM

    Welcome back....we did miss you. You can do this! Remember it's just one day at a time, keep going and everything will fall into place. Remember slow and steady wins the race. Good luck with finishing your degree.

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Still here

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

So I'm not going to bore you with a long drawn out blog. I'm here, barely. Almost deleted my site yesterday through a major fit of depression. I had great hopes for a new job supposedly it was one with "my name written all over it". They notified me yesterday that I was a HARD second. Well second gets you nowhere in the job market. Things here at work are deteriorating and I'm so demoralized with that and now with the fact that I'm still just NOT good enough.

But yeah, my workouts have been slacking except I'm managing to get my leg workouts in. Today I had a small victory. A pair of pants that haven't been over my butt in 5 years actually pulled up and fastened. I could wear them. They are snug, but they are not indecently wearable. Yay, small victories. Guess I need to go do some cardio and burn off all that crap I ate last night in my emotional eating binge. See ya..

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TEENY_BIKINI 4/1/2011 6:06PM


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GINGYCAT40 3/16/2011 7:56AM

    emoticonSorry about the job, but the pants yeah ya that is a victory. emoticon
Get in that cardio and those pants will feel even better.

I know you can do it !! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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AWOLF24 3/15/2011 2:46PM

    emoticon emoticon

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PAIGESMAMA 3/15/2011 9:41AM

    Things will get better. Heep your chin up.

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The Drama Continues

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

This is a continuation of the blog from yesterday. I'm just talking to get this out of my system because unfortunately if it concerns his daughter's I can't talk to my husband, because of the rose colored glasses he has with them.

CPS (Child Protective Services) was scheduled to come at 5 p.m. yesterday to talk to the daughter supposedly about the dog bite. This was kind of news to me because I would have thought that the hospital would tell us about this, especially if this was routine. They called and rescheduled to 12 p.m. Therefore, hubby and I are not at the house when this interview takes place. Anyway, it's about more than the bite. It's about the baby leaving the house and the dog bite. Okay, that means the hospital didn't report it. hmmmm...

Unfortunately I have only tidbits of this story and I don't know really who to believe, because unfortunately the daughter has been known to lie. But, her mother and she have a love/hate relationship. Daughter told mother the events of Sunday. Well we find out mother turned daughter in to CPS. Lovely, that's a bit extreme don't you think. She actually is trying to get the baby taken away from the daughter because she thinks she's unfit. I haven't seen unfit in my house. I've seen a teenager who wants to play games sometimes instead of taking care of her child, but I've never seen total neglect and when the baby wants her mother, she is there for her. There have been a couple of times I wanted to strangle her myself for minor things, but again, she's young. Teenage mothers are hard to deal with.

Okay, back to CPS. So now we know the mother turned her daughter in. They take a drug test - twice. Positive and negative results. Okay, hugely unreliable. If it comes down to taking the child away because of drugs, we are going to request a blood or follicle test. Hubby asked her if she was doing anything and she said no. Again.. she does have a history of lying, so I'm taking it with a grain of salt. Especially after I hear about the best friend (who has been in my house by the way and takes care of the baby), having assault charges against her because she beat up her mother. Excuse me? and oh yeah, this friend got tested too and she did pop positive twice. Well long story short because I'm very confused about this set of circumstances. There's three girls in the house, two 20 year olds and a 10 year old. My house is NOT that big. Supposedly the baby is in the middle room by herself because no one saw her leave. That would put maybe someone in the bathroom and the 10 year old was in the living room watching TV and the baby would have had to pass by her on the way to the front door. Anyway, who leaves an 18 month old unattended. So the mother told CPS the friend was watching her, now the friend is forbidden from watching the baby. They want to meet with her again today, not sure where because she finally told them that she doesn't live with us.

I'm not sure what the daughter's mother is saying to start this. She is a little unstable herself. She already has a handicapped child in her home, yet she wants the stress of another little one? Hubby of course believes his daughter, but then again, she's burned him before, I'm not sure why he's totally believing everything she says. Let's just say I'm in the middle of the see saw and have no idea what's going on.

All I know is I'm going to be $120 poorer for boarding my dog because NO ONE was watching the baby.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KERRYANN67 2/25/2011 4:48PM

    I think the worst part is the utter lack of control you have over this situation. It's so sad that you're away and have no control, or no first hand knowledge, about what happened... and yet, you have to now board your dog because of them. I would be so upset because my dog is my most favorite thing in the whole world, but she could bite if under the right (or wrong) circumstances.

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PATTYKLAVER 2/23/2011 6:29PM

    How do innocent people always get the raw end of the deal in situations like this? I'm sorry to hear about your troubles.

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PAIGESMAMA 2/23/2011 9:47AM

    Wow. That is the only thing I can say.

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Small Nervous Breakdown

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

This is a long blog, mostly venting, so if you are looking for positive, yeah, it's not me.

Let me give you a little history. My husband's daughter moved in with us several years ago, right after my layoff, which put is EXTREMELY behind on bills. She has entitlement syndrome and is lazy. Anyway, we are already behind, she gets busted shop lifting and gets pregnant and miscarries. Long story short, this child tried to break up our marriage. She moved out, we finally hashed it out and have for the past two years been doing terrific. She has gotten pregnant again, had the baby, gotten married to an illegal. He has been deported and she's been working. She lived at home with her mother, her mother kicked her out, put her in an apartment, she wasn't driving, so I guess couldn't support the apartment and this leads to my story.

So we've had a little drama this week. Hubby's daughter and her baby (1 year and 7 months old) have been coming over rather regularly. At first I thought it was to keep hubby company while I was gone (was in NYC last week), but I keep getting more and more pieces of the story and am starting to piece that she is pretty much using us as a hotel. She was living on her own, but without a car, couldn't make it. So she moved in with her mother in law (the illegal who didn't get deported, can't figure that one out, oh if I didn't tell you, they deported the "husband" and baby daddy), who I am assuming lives in a trailer from the tid bits I'm getting. Anyway, I guess the MIL's sister and her husband moved into the trailer and from what I understand it's a one bedroom or two bedroom. So I hear that people are sharing beds, etc. So the daughter has been at our house where she and the baby get a whole bedroom, free cable, free water, free electricity. but yeah they are just coming to visit. (daughter is driving and does have a car now). Anyway, the baby likes to hug the animals. Our oldest dog's (11 years)arthritis has been really bad because of the weather (so he's in a little pain) and he would growl at her and let her know, back off. Well on Sunday, the daughter and her friend are in the back room, hubby's other daughter (10 years old) is in the front room with the baby and the animals.. and our dog finally had enough. He bit the baby. On the face. Hubby and I had had gone to church and are now at Costco and he gets a hysterical call that Buddy had bit the baby, etc. We go to the emergency room and of course that's what was told. So Buddy has to go to ten days quarantine because his rabies shot is over a year old. The baby gets stitches. She's fine. If her scars show, it'll be a fluke. The cuts were VERY very straight, not jagged.

Then, as we are waiting for the stitches to go, the youngest daughter proceeds to tell us, like it's a big joke. The baby can open doors. She opened the front door and walked across the street. The lady across the street brought her home. WTF??? Where's her mother? Why is no one watching her? Our house is NOT baby proofed, she has to be watched all the time.

So we go home. The front door is wide open, the screen is shut, but not locked. The youngest dog (the lab) is GONE. So now I have a dog I have to quarantine and NO dog at home. The screen door doesn't latch all the way, so he probably lied down in front of it and it popped open and off he went on a great adventure. I'm assuming he was running around for about three hours, so I had no idea where to look. I call our neighbor/friend. She made some calls, and it seems he went directly to the park (where we walk him) and some people had actually found him, leashed him and were walking him around trying to find us. We went to the street that we last heard they were on, started knocking doors and the first house that hubby went to, they knew exactly where these people lived. So we went over. They didn't answer the door, but the dogs next door were making a ruckus, so we went in the alley and they were in the backyard with him. So we got the dog back.

Yesterday I stay home because I'm trying to find out if the vet will take Buddy for quarantine (and I've got allergy issues, seems to happen every trip) and my upper back was out. So anyway, the point of that was I could have cleaned my house, but I didn't. Then I find out at BEDTIME that CPS is coming over because of the dog bite. At 5 on Tuesday. So my whole schedule is screwed up. I have a somewhat messy house (not my Mom messy, but still messy to me the obsessive compulsive who right now doesn't give a sh**).

"Blog update": Hubby just called and said that they called her and said they were coming at noon instead of 5:00. Must be nice to just rearrange a person's schedule at a whim.

So add that to the daughter borrowed the washer and dryer, okay no big deal. The same rules apply to you as to my daughter, if there is something in the dryer, you don't have to hang it up, just lie it out flat, so I don't have to rewash it or redry it to get the wrinkles out. Oh hell no, they are all wadded up on the loveseat.

So today (Tuesday) I asked hubby if his daughter was going to work today. (She's sleeping in our beds because of course she doesn't want to go back to the trailer with the baby having stitches in, so she goes to work, goes to her friends and then shows up at bedtime). He said he told her maybe since CPS was coming and she had so much stress, that she should call in. I said that cleaning the kitchen while she was home would be nice (dishwasher needs to be unloaded and reloaded, no big deal, right?). He gets all pissy and says, well you were home yesterday. Me: Well yeah, but I'm under a little stress too. Him: The kitchen was clean when you got home from New York. Me: Yes, dear it was, but we've had kids running in and out since I've been home. Him: Well that happens when your daughter is home. me: Yes and my daughter cleans around the house too. him: She lives here. (FYI: My daughter is away at college right now, so this is a non-issue).

GEEEZUS christ.... I gave up at that point. So I guess I'm supposed to treat his daughter as a hotel guest instead of a free loader. I did finally tell him that I would have cleaned if someone had told me CPS was coming yesterday during the day, not at bedtime.
So needless to say... his daughter in my house is not a good mix for my marriage.

SUPPOSEDLY, he talked to her about the whole baby leaving the house and she needed to be more careful, etc, etc. But he's not a disciplinarian with the girls. He coddles them, makes me CRAZY.

oh yeah and the youngest daughter has been lying out her a&& lately. But unfortunately her mother is the same exact way, narcissistic, victim personality.. and she's cloned her daughter into her. It's ALWAYS someone else's fault.

So I'm tense. I have a free loader in my house who brings in people constantly. She has the code to my garage and I'm afraid that she'll tell the wrong person. The last time she was with us, things just magically got damaged. I've made comments asking if she was moving in. Oh, no, she's just visiting. Just visiting is over the weekend. She's in my house now all the time. In my daughter's room which I'm sure, she'll NOT clean up and now I'll have to go clean all the stuff that I normally get to leave alone because it's unused. I'm depressed enough and having to clean on a regular basis for the two of us is bad enough, but to have to clean up after a lazy child and a baby.. is a little too much for my weary brain to handle. And I'm getting more and more work at work, with more stress.. trying to get a promotion and if I can't handle my personal life, that will go down the tubes. Stress overload is not helping my weight and I haven't worked out in a week because I've been sick again (actually had fever this time) and these schedule changes. ARGH.

But I'll end this positively.... hubby got offered a permanent position at the place he has been working as a seasonal. There is a raise involved and opportunity for three more during the year. This company is NOT known for their layoffs, so we don't have to worry about that, just the trying to get caught up.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PAIGESMAMA 2/22/2011 10:22AM

    Sorry for all of the stress in your life. Your hubby needs to be a man and talk to his daughter and tell her the way it is.

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SKINNYPANDA2015 2/22/2011 8:53AM

    My goodness!! You do have a lot going on right now! I think it is completely unfair for you to have to put up with this from the older daughter...especially now that CJS is involved. Hopefully your husband will see what's going on and back you up on getting her out of the house. Or, at the very least, maybe you can come together to lay down some ground rules.

Good luck! This is a very tough situation, I hope your husband stands up with you as a true partner.

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    Wow, you definitely have a lot going on right now. Sounds like some major ground rules need to be set up for your stepdaughter. She sounds downright disrespectful.

I hope things get better for you soon!


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