Tuesday, December 28, 2010
and no I don't mean the rabbit or the cat or any animal. I mean my "fluffy" body. I tried on clothes this past weekend. Yes I was one of those crazy people hitting the after Christmas sales and yes there were some VERY good bargains. But somehow it also turned into bra shopping. Well, needless to say you see a whole lot when you're bra shopping.. in yucky mirrors. I'm fluffy. I don't like fluffy.
So, this year, I'm not making "weight goals" and I'm not even making inches goals because I'm not sure where I should really be. I'm making TIGHTENING goals. Yes I would still like to be in that size 4 by March, but since I haven't lost an inch or a pound since July, I'm probably going to have to re-evaluate that one. The first goal is to try and relax and quit stressing over everything. I'm getting ready to do five week long trips in four months, so working my working out into this will be interesting. I have to get over this tendinitis in my right arm and work through it. Make sure I wear my brace.
Relax - things will work out
Strength train MORE - hit the body parts a minimum of one time per week, preferably two
More protein in the diet. (already started this with protein powders in the morning)
End my affair with Pepsi
I love the fact that I can say I'm not one of those that has to set the goal to drink more water. I drink 100 ounces a day minimum.. and that's just water, not the other liquids I put into this body.
The biggest goal - GET BACK into strength training and PUSH myself. I know when my elbow went out (with the tendinitis) I really had to pull back. I think that's when the plateau hit major drive and because I wasn't hitting the weights, the depression really, really started taking hold of my brain because cardio wasn't cutting it. So I'm going to work through that.
Anyway, what I did find out this weekend... I REALLY LIKE CLOTHES. I could be a clothes horse. My clothing is very minimalistic.. I've always been that way. Put the kids and the husband first. I asked him if he was okay with me buying what I bought this past weekend. He reminded me.. You of all people need clothes. I don't have a problem with it. Yay.. I have a great husband.
Monday, December 27, 2010
I just wanted to thank everyone who has checked in on me, given me goodies or reminded me I still have support out here. Christmas was okay. Some things are slowly working out with a little bit of discussion. NO money actually rolling in (I wish), but we're doing okay. Job is changing so I'm interested to see how that works out.
Thank you each and everyone of you who has supported me through this crisis. It's still ongoing but I"m feeling a little stronger.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Well yesterday, I picked it up. The notice of how much my bank wants and the date before they start foreclosure. I just can't seem to get ahead. I've had a lot of tears this past week. Finding out some stuff from my past that I know has affected me for my whole life. My mother finally admitting to my brother that yes she and my father were trying to live through us and I guess we failed them. At least in my mind I failed them because I was never perfect enough, didn't have the right job (although I've been gainfully employed for 31 years except for two months of my life, I'm 47 now, do the math).
The day of course started with me looking at my electric bill and thinking I'm going to see a nice low $100 or less bill and it's OVER $600. Uh, I know that little heater doesn't pull that much current. Oh no, they decided that because we were behind (screw the recession) that we needed to pay a deposit. Okay, what point of we are already behind do you think I can afford a deposit that is THREE MONTHS of average billing?
So needless to say, my mental capacity is maxed out. I'm falling into a huge depression that I'm not sure I'm going to drag myself out of. My eating was out of control yesterday. I haven't worked out in four days. So all my blah, blah, BS about it's the only thing I can control.. yes it is.. and right now I can't control it. Life has beat me...
Anyway, all that to say is I can't do Spark any more. The Good news depresses me, the bad news depresses me. As much as I want to congratulate those meeting their goals, I'm sick to death of my plateau and my stresses that I can't be a cheerleader any more. So this is farewell for now
Edit: Forgot the best end of the day.. get home from work and the puppy (well he's a lab and 18 months old, so still puppy) had pooped all over his crate. Had one of those couldn't hold it any longer moments. So the house stank, the bed had to be washed, the crate had to be washed and he had to be washed. Perfect ending to the perfect day
For those of you still at it.. keep rocking it.
Thursday, December 09, 2010
Yesterday I learned some disturbing news about my boss; that he was really the instigator in trying to get rid of me last year. Whole long story, turmoil, anyway the inbetween guy got let go because he did more than try to fire me... he was just a plain idiot.
Then someone else just kind of pissed me off royally with attitude.
Needless to say I came in today with a bad attitude. Morale is down here at my company as it is with a lot of decisions that have been made, etc, etc. Yeah I know it's everywhere. But then they turn around and say "we're all about the employees"... "we made 20% profit", "we're capping your raises or not giving any at all".. you know those kind of stories. I'm fine if you're not about the employees, just don't tell me you are and then your actions speak the opposite. Hypocrisy, I believe is the correct word anyway... I'm on a total tangent here.
Oh someone told me they would give me tickets to the Mavericks game tonight, awesome tickets.. but instead they were given away to someone else. Oh, nice, thanks for getting my hopes up for something good in my week. Bastard!! (sorry if that offends anyone).
So I ate my lunch today... at 9:00 am... now I did get to work at 5:30 am so for some people that would constitute lunch. But.. I still have to make it until 3:00. Argh. Then I'm mad, I'm hostile, I'm depressed. My husband's birthday is Sunday, I was hoping to surprise him with that game tonight.
You know you need some boots, go to DSW at lunch
No Sherri, the scale is about to break the plateau, it's actually moved a couple of pounds, you might break 170 this next week.
No it's not you stupid logical thinker. It hasn't moved in four months, why do you think her fat body is suddenly going to give up some lard now.
You stupid devil, of course it's going to give up some ill gotten pounds because she's still been working although her mental state has been a little off. She's done pretty good at maintaining her exercise for someone with so much stress.. and it's probably YOUR fault she got sick enough to miss the gym for two weeks.
Of course it was my fault. I brought all this stress on her. She can't handle it. She's just going to start drinking beer, Pepsi and eating all that pasta again because she can't control her impulses. That and Rolos, you know how she loves Rolos.
Why are you so hateful? She's trying and she hasn't had Rolos in MONTHs. She gets one package about every three months when you and TOM gang up on her. What's YOUR problem.
I don't like to lose. You know I'm her competitive side.
No you're not. You're evil and manipulative. You won't let go of her past, keep her self esteem down, made her feel fat when she wasn't, kept her from going after her dreams, now she doesn't even know what those are because she's so messed up.
I'm not sorry. That's my job.
Fine then. It's my job to step on your head and beat you down. and you know what.. she's going to the gym at lunch and she's not going to go to Whataburger or Subway or whatever and spend money on junk food because she already ate her lunch. Because she has a can of soup at her desk. She's going to eat that.
Whatever.. I'll catch her on another weak moment
Maybe, but I'll be there to protect her and with me, we will find those dreams and beat you down some more. Get over yourself you freaking devil.
ME - Went to the gym, ate my soup. On my second 100 ounces of water. I guess I win for the day?
Keep at it guys!
PS I still do need those boots and I have a coupon... but yeah, at least I didn't go at lunch
Wednesday, December 08, 2010
Wednesday, December 08, 2010
Swiped from Notabout the face.
Just a note: No, I'm not asking you to do one but if you wanna!
Have you been naughty or nice this year? For the most part nice
What do you want most for Christmas? a heart rate monitor
Do you believe in Santa Claus? uh yeah sure.
What is your favorite food at Christmas? Honey pecan balls
Have you started your Christmas shopping yet? Not going to happen
Have you finished your Christmas shopping yet? Finished before it started
What is your favorite Christmas song? I'm fairly boring, Little Drummer Boy, Silent Night
What is your favorite Christmas movie? Home Alone, Family Man
What is your best memory of Christmas? I have 2 also. The year we went to grandma's house and although there were some presents, there was a note that Santa had gone to the wrong address, not realizing we were traveling and left them at our home. 2. The year I got my mother the rocking chair that she wanted.
What do you look forward to most at Christmas? Lately I'm Scrooge. It's been a rough couple of years. so nothing
What are you doing for Christmas this year? Not sure. May go see Grandma.
Who do you want to kiss under the mistletoe? Hubby... now if Jason Statham came in that wouldn't bother me one bit tehehe
What kind of Christmas tree do you have? Artificial
Do you take part in a secret santa? Not if I can help it.
Do you go to any Christmas parties? Not invited :-(.
Have you ever had a white Christmas? Last year it was awesome 11 inches of snow in Dallas
How early do you wake up on Christmas morning? when I get up
Do you still get a stocking? You know, that's the only thing that usually has anything in it
How many Christmas cards do you normally send out? I'm not a big Christmas card person
What is your Christmas wish? That hubby gets this supervisor job that's coming up.. It would alleviate our financial stress so much
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