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So Much Stuff, So Little Space and I don't feel guilty

Tuesday, September 07, 2010

Wow... summer is offiicially over. I'm sad. Another summer wasted in my life with no vacation, no time with my children, just work and stress. So in the words of Danny Glover in Lethal Weapon.. "I'm too old for this sh**".

My weekend started at the neighbors house. Went over for a "drink" that turned into several drinks and I finished my rant and hated on the world. Then I went home and gorged on pizza and then went to sleep. Got up the next morning thinking I wasn't going to work out because I figured I would feel like caca after my little binge the night before, but I did go. Spent my requisite hour in the cardio room (still not lifting yet). oh yeah.. also found out why the rage was a little extreme. Seems I had a visitor this weekend. TOM came to see me and I wasn't expecting her. Came home and packed up for the lake, went and got the stepdaughter and we went to the lake, without the dog (previously mentioned in blog prior to this). Not sure who made the SMART decision to not bring a dog but thankfully it happened.

Got there and my friend came up from the water, said You are looking good, get your a&& down here. That was the order to put on my swimsuit and come to the water I think. So I joined them. I'll have to remember that if I am late (which we were), to start drinking at home. They were so funny. Anyway, hung out on land and at sea (well lake but you get the picture).

We had a little drama. Said hostesses son was at a party where a random hunter's bullet hit one of the boys. So some of the crew was out there going to get him and the shot boy was taken to the hospital, so definitely a lot of drama with that and just plain fear. We are still keeping tabs on that issue.

Went on a nice little sunset boat ride. It was relaxing and fun.

I ATE and DRANK all weekend. I thought about calories and then I didn't care. I think I'm on a calcium withdrawal because ice cream became a fad for me this weekend. I ate more this weekend than I have ALL year. But I don't feel guilty. and I don't feel sick and I don't feel bloated. It's so weird. I ate a lot of protein, more meat than anything, but I had chips, I had ice cream and I had beer. I missed two days of working out.. well one was technically a rest day, so I really only missed one.

This week I'm going to figure out how to shake up my routine in the gym. I may start some P90X at home for my secondary workout. I really do not want to quit my lunch time workout. It ensure that I get it done and it breaks up my day from a job I despise, so I would actually be counterproductive for me to stop that workout.

The other good thing. My puppy did NOT destroy anything major this weekend. We actually left him with full reign of the house (doggie doors) and there was a minor casualty to a koozie but other than that, he was good. (he has separation issues). We have been leaving the TV on and I think that might be helping some, that and when we are gone for an overnight, we have the neighbors periodically check on him to ensure that he's not misbehaving. They had thought he had knocked a shelf down, but we told him, no that's some previous separation anxiety issue damage. Anyway, that's my weekend, how'd ya like that???

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RAYLINSTEPHENS 9/9/2010 5:14PM

    Busy!

Glad the puppy behaved!

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TEENY_BIKINI 9/9/2010 4:54PM

    What a wild weekend. Hope you enjoyed the holiday.

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PAIGESMAMA 9/7/2010 7:22PM

    Wow sounds like you had a good time. Glad to hear your doggy did good at home alone.

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40PLUSANDFIT 9/7/2010 11:25AM

    RB Thank you, that was too funny. Been so long since I saw that clip!!!

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RB5656 9/7/2010 11:11AM

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OQZ-
lIEcH-4



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It's been over 45 days

Friday, September 03, 2010

Since my husband was let go from work. I've somehow managed to not lose any weight, but I've continued to work out and eat fairly well. Not sure why I'm not losing weight though. Guess the ole cortisol hormone is working overdrive because I'm still majorly stressed.

Which I know I am because I am RAGING... all the time. I'm just PISSED OFF. and I hate it. I don't like being this way. I'm having road rage screaming, well yelling a little loudly at idiots. I am frustrated as all get out with my husband and I know he's trying to get a job, but GEEEEEEEEEZ... I'm so sick of this. It's more of the stupid stuff he is doing to piss me off. Letting his daughter get by with taking a dog to another person's house without asking them (and they don't have animals), telling my supposed friends about this and they are telling me to blow it off and let him handle it... he won't that's the issue. I'm so sick of their attitude well he's with his daughters... so you don't care that one of his daughters TRIED to break our marriage up.. just as long as he sees his daughters, all is good. SCREW that.. SO I guess I'm mad at my "friends" right now too. Not like he doesn't seem to be hiding something because every time the daughter calls he ventures off into another room to avoid me hearing the conversation. That just perturbs me even more. I'm not a raging bitch, really I'm not, but yeah I have some issues with this daughter. She shoplifted, I ended up paying the fine... WHILE I was working TWO Jobs, he was unemployed and we were coming off the hardest layoff (mine) in the last five years. and he bitches at me because I get pissed off because her lazy ass can't load the dishwasher? ???? But yet he can complain about my daughter who is in school, in student council and working two jobs. and YET can still come home and clean the house while his lazy daughter is sitting on the couch watching TV?

I'm mad can you tell? and yet I'm mad at my friends so I can't even vent at them.. and you guys get it.

But... I had a good workout today. Went through it fairly painlessly with minimal foot pain. So.. to have a WONDERFUL Weekend while I put on my happy face.

ARGH and I'm dealing with a MORON at work. Brought in to do something that he has absolutely no idea how to do. I hate THOSE POSERS

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KAREN_NY 9/6/2010 12:05AM

    I hear ya'. My ex and I had such similar frustrations when my stepdaughters were teens. The good news: 1) workouts work! keep that up!, and 2) they really do grow through it. We went to h#!! and back, and his girls are lovely adults now with families of their own.

Having said that, my ex has been unemployed for nearly 3 years, and I'm the sole support for our daughter, now 16 too. (Luckily, she's fantastic!) I sometimes find myself with the same "get up and do something!" frustration... before I remember that I'm the one who needs to GOYAAM, lol!

3rd tip... laugh when you can!
K:)

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STRONGERLEANER 9/5/2010 4:36PM

    The work-out was the best thing you could do. It helps to blow off some of the steam. I'm finding my work-outs help me through so many frustrations.

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PAIGESMAMA 9/5/2010 10:45AM

    Sorry things aren't going your way, still. It will get better. I don't know when, but it will.
Why are men so clueless when it comes to their children?

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ALISSAB2 9/4/2010 12:41PM

    Sherri, You know, I know where your at, cuz I'm there too!! I do feel like the "raging bitch"!!!! Hang in there......eventually they will grow up(kids and men!!), and hopefully things will get better!!!!!

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ANDYINBC 9/4/2010 1:53AM

    Sounds like you have got plenty of reasons to vent. I really hope things get better in your world. Time to get rid of the cortisol with some endorphins.

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Yay for the Small Things

Thursday, September 02, 2010

Well I wish I could say I busted through my plateau but no, that's not my news or small thing. I love to play golf. It's a passion that I've never gotten to fully invest in because it's so FREAKING expensive (did I say expensive?, yeah Expensive). Anyway the last time I played was a year ago, in between foot surgeries.

our company is a sponsor of a child advocacy center here in our county so we get two four man teams in a scramble coming up in two weeks. I played in it last year because one of my dear co-workers knew I played golf, but knew I couldn't afford it (because I told him I couldn't play in our other tournament because that was going to cost me, imagine this, husband was out of work then too) invited me. (Wow, I'm a writer and I know that sentence was fun to keep up with). Anyhoo, had a blast last year, played fairly well for someone who hasn't touched a club in three years and been on surgical hiatus.

Anyway, he sent out an email to all of those who might want to play again this year. I jumped right on it and THANKFULLY the guy in charge is letting me play. I'm so psyched. I hope the elbow doesn't cause an issue but I'm going to play. I get to play my favorite sport, eat a meal and have some camaraderie with co workers... and the BEST part..... WHEN we do the team pics.. I won't be trying to hide in the back to hide my fat bod!!!! It's not the perfect bod yet, but I'm starting to like it again.

Yay for the small things!!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KAREN_NY 9/6/2010 12:07AM

    How great to see you have something new & exciting going on!
K:)

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PAIGESMAMA 9/5/2010 10:40AM

    Have a great time.

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HILDABRAND 9/3/2010 2:20PM

    Wonderful things golf and liking our own bodies. Love/hate is right in both categories. I love golf, too, but find it to be too expensive time-wise. We have a number of courses (small and not professional quality) that are fairly cheap, but I have no time to play....

Congrats and getting to play and also coming to a point where you are not trying to hide yourself!

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40PLUSANDFIT 9/3/2010 11:27AM

    Golf is a love or hate relationship. You either love it or hate it.. and sometimes when you love it and then hate it, one shot makes you love it again... No wonder it's such a challenging sport.. hahahahah

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MOMMYBYCHOICE 9/3/2010 11:12AM

    I am glad you like gold I have never understood it. I wouldn't mind the walking.

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CBARRETT10 9/3/2010 1:50AM

  Enjoy!! emoticon emoticon

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SMSFUN45 9/2/2010 6:51PM

    That's so great! I played Wii golf and got beat by a 5 yr old! Enjoy yourself! I love your back ground,great blog. Go with Him, Maker of all emoticon

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AMYWALK 9/2/2010 3:56PM

    lol...following your sentence was fun! So exciting getting to play your favorite sport AND getting to memorialize how awesome you look in one shot! I've only ever played Wii golf, but here's a club for ya! emoticon

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Rocking the 8.. and the sporty new tendonitis band

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

It's been an interesting week and a half to say the least. We've had some changes at work that have NOT been perceived as good. We all still have our jobs, but there is going to be some movement out the door. Too many bosses demoted, too new of people promoted (because they are the big boss's buddy) and too much confusion and not enough organization around the reorganization. Nothing is getting done and lots of gossip in the halls. Unfortunately my back stepping on his way to the top boss got promoted to be seenior director over one of the directors that has now been demoted and been here about four years longer than him so he is rocking that ego. But the underlying gossip is... um... diversity. You had a black man and a woman at the top echelon and now it's... all white males, two of them known buddies of the CIO and one of them a suck up. Hmmmmmm... things that make you go hmmmmmm.

So what does that have to do with rocking the dress. Oh, absolutely NOTHING. I've been a little moody and not even hormonal moody, just going from rage to emotional tirades. True class bipolar but I don't have bipolar, just the stress manifesting it. Oh well, I'll get over it.

But, you know what I did determine, I can control ONE thing in my life. Did I say that before. Actually it's two things. My eating and my exercising. I can't control my job status other than what I do now which is perform. I can't control my husband getting a new job. I can only control which bills get paid to an extent. I can control if we have to sell the house versus foreclosure, but that's still aways away because we've actually managed to survive that pitfall so far. I can't control my children. But I can control my health. I can continue to eat well and exercise regularly. Of which, I have been doing. At this point in my stress cycle, I would have already said (excuse my french) phu ck it and gone back to my emotional eating. and since I've been on a plateau, it probably would have been a double F..IT. But I'm still out there trying. So what has this accomplished... I'm rocking a size 8 from a questionable 14. Yeah it could lie a little flatter over the tummy, but that will be next week. and it's actually the thighs and bubble pulling it up. Abs are doing pretty good. Someday I will do a pic of them.


So the attractive black band fashion accessory.. you see that huh? Yeah. I've had tendonitis in my right elbow for almost three months (which makes it VERY uncomfortable to do upper body work). I do the requisite two weeks off, attempt to go back to strength training and it flares again. Well hell.... Yeah my legs could use some work, but that requires some maneuvering of weights too so that's not healing it. Oh and don't think I am not doing strength training of the legs. Did you see the BUTT in that picture. That bubble has GOT to go down. Well actually it's the thighs that need the work. The bubble just needs firming. I like the bubble. Got no girls, but I got bubble. I digress... yes I know again. I finally went to the doc and said hey, need a shot. So, I got a cortisone shot. It felt GREAT while I was in the doctor's office... then I went back to work and yeah that flare up stuff happened. Wussed out, went home, blew off the workout, and decided me and Vicodin were good friends. But overnight, me and the arm are friends again. I can sit here without crying any more. Actually I don't cry in pain... weird that way, and a high tolerance. Oh yeah and the doc said I pretty much have to wear this stupid band ll the time now, and especially when I go back to the weight room. Now WHY aren't neoprene and bands in Flesh color. Tell me this. Black is just so THERE and it's a big "woooo look at me"... and of course I get the "what did you do now".... I didn't do anything.. I'm freaking OLD and my body hates me sometimes. Oh, digressed again... sorry.. not really.
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and she wants me to do.. hahahaha, physical therapy. Yeah I love the whole physical therapy thought and wanted to be one myself, but doc ya see... I can't pay my bills, I can't add a $70-$105 a week co pay to my non existent budget. So... we are going to have to hope for the best that I'll make it without therapy and just manage my stretches.

Well, peace out all. I know this wasn't that motivational to some and it was pure venting and bragging from me. But I thank each and every one of you who actually read it and comment or not. My mood is improved today, but who knows what tomorrrow brings. I will try to keep from reverting to Debbie Downer. She's kind of a drag. I really appreciate this site because my "friends" at home just kind of blow me off at this point with my exercise habits and my rage feelings especially toward my husband. Sherri, you picked him with all his baggage. I FREAKING know that, just let me yell for a minute. And you guys let me do that.. THANK you. All better now... smile is back. emoticon emoticon Have a great sparky day.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KEAMOM1510 9/2/2010 3:19PM

    I love the line, "the bills get paid to an extent". Too funny and totally relatable. You look fabulous by the way! Just remember, living well is the best revenge!!!

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TEENY_BIKINI 9/2/2010 3:15PM

    I just love your attitude and you are rocking that dress! Pink is your color for sure.

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STRONGERLEANER 9/2/2010 1:35AM

    Cool picture! Excellent attitude!

See if you can find a physical therapist that will put you on a payment plan. Sometimes there are different programs in place for that. Years ago I worked in the finance office of a doctor's office and we allowed smaller payments for special situations.

You might find that a few sessions will do the trick for you. The therapist may even be able to give you mostly exericises to do at home rather than doing them all at the office, which could also save on expenses.

Congrats on the size 8!

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SHADICAR 9/1/2010 10:39PM

    You look so good and don't you know booty is in style. At least it appears to be round and perky, mine on the other looks flat when I gain weight. Go figure. I am seriously thinking about the Brazilian Butt Lift exercise program. Great attitude about what you can control, the other stuff you can't just gives you a headache. If you can stay focused on your goal under extreme stress you are doing great, keep it up.

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PAIGESMAMA 8/31/2010 3:53PM

    Wow lovwe the picture. You look great.
You are rockin' the size 8.
Keep up the great work and yes we are always here for you. Debbie downer or not.

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40PLUSANDFIT 8/31/2010 2:20PM

    It's a great little machine. 20 minutes and I'm done. It's helped my bone healing tremendously and when my knees were giving me fits before the weight loss, I would just put it in the area to be treated. Not sure if that helped my issues or just losing 20 pounds, but hey, whatever works, I'll do it.

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AMYWALK 8/31/2010 2:18PM

    I LOVE ultrasound therapy!! I've so wanted to own one when doing my arm therapy!

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DONNA47FMFL 8/31/2010 2:04PM

    Hang in there...I'll send a prayer your way too. That's a lot of stress all at once. Great job on sticking with the eating & exercise. You look great in the dress...you are rockin!
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40PLUSANDFIT 8/31/2010 1:29PM

    UGh.. I need a salon appointment. Need a cut and some highlights... bleck


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40PLUSANDFIT 8/31/2010 1:26PM

    Well the cool thing is she mentioned ultrasound at therapy. I have an ultrasound device that I can use on the elbow. I received it as part of my foot therapy because my bones don't like to heal very quickly. (they don't break very easily but when they are forcibly cut, they don't want to repair). Anyway it's for use on the whole body, stimulates blood flow and everything she said the therapy would do. So, I'll start that tonight. Was too doped up last night to remember it.

And husbands.. aren't we supposed to vent about them a little bit? Mine for the most part is pretty good. He just has those little things. Thank you for the prayers, need them. As for the kids.. .I have a great girl and now I hear my son is applying for college, so I'm very proud. They are beautiful well adjusted for the most part kids who respect authority and don't act like total moronic spoiled brats. (so I'm a little biased)

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SHIPESTA 8/31/2010 1:20PM

    Oh man, I love it - I feel like I was working through things in my mind with you! You look amazing in the dress and I can so relate to the husband rage...although if mine were out of work, I might have to kill him for the life insurance (shhhh, you didn't hear that)

I'm bummed for you that you can't do the physical therapy, but I wonder if you could possibly look online for the same type of exercises they would recommend? I know it is doing wonders for my foot issues and I can actually run again with minimal pain now...might be worth of a shot to do a web search if you haven't already.

I'll pass a few prayers up to the big guy in the sky and see if he can't help out with the $$ issues...I know how stressful that can be and I am super proud of you for sticking with it through all the crap you are enduring! One of the best realizations I ever made was that I can only control me...my reactions, my actions...I can't do crap about the hubby smoking, chewing and drinking energy drinks like they are going out of style...I can only up the life insurance! I can't stop the kids from being idiots, I can only try to teach them lessons from their mistakes and move on...and their behavior does not reflect ME! As long as I am punishing, teaching, whatever, then what they do is not a reflection of me and my parenting, it is a reflection of having 2 teenage boys! :)

Keep the positive attitude lady and keep up the hard work...if I hear of anything that can help the elbow, I'll pass it along!

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Our bodies are NOT machines

Friday, August 27, 2010

So I have the Spark Nutrition tracker calorie differential set for losing 1 1/2 pounds per week and the fitness tracker set for the same, burn 3500 calories minimum per week. Almost every week it yells at me that I'm over on burned calories and not eating enough, blah, blah, blah, blah. If it told me that last night I would have yelled back at it... (I was kinda moody and it's not TOM, so just pure rage).

This was for the NEW goals that I set in July after I set my goals too high in April and about dropped off my lifestyle change wagon because of frustration.

So I weigh today, hmmm, same as it was 3 weeks ago. I pull out my handy dandy spreadsheet that shows what I should be at this time (AT A POUND a week, not even 1 1/2 pounds like I've set on Spark). I'm TWO POUNDS behind already, but yet I should be two pounds ahead.

Our bodies are NOT machines. It doesn't seem to understand the calorie in and calorie out differentials. It doesn't seem to care to let me know that I'm building muscle which weighs more than fat, so the weight loss is slower. Yes I'm supposed to know that in my head but ...... the scale is not moving... Bad scale.

So should we get frustrated.. yeah sometimes, but not too much. After it has gone on for over a month, maybe we should re-evaluate everything we are putting in our tracker.. are we missing little nibbles here, little nibbles there? Did you forget that sugary soda?

and if those are good and you're strength training (which you should be by the way), just let those muscles grow (women they really don't get that big) and burn off that internal and external fat and eventually that scale will move.

Our bodies are not machines. They are cell filled organisms with truly a MIND OF THEIR OWN. Don't let those cells mutiny on you and take over your thoughts and ruin your determination. Just tell yourself, my body is not a machine, it's not a calculator, it's changing, it will let me know when it's ready to let me know.

Good luck all.

Yeah I wrote this because my plateau has been well over a month and dangit, I'm two pounds behind. emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANALOGY 9/2/2010 4:32PM

    Thanks for the comment on my blog and for this post. My plateau is driving me nuts after some really fast weight loss, and I like your way of looking at it. It's true. The nutrition tracker and so on are nice tools and they've helped me lose weight instead of continuing to gain it, and it's nice to not have back pain. But there's more to this than calorie calculations. I just wish I knew what.

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PAIGESMAMA 8/29/2010 4:24PM

    If you are working the plan your body will start to lose again. It just my take some time for your bdy to decidr to move the scale again.

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ANA_BLOGGER 8/27/2010 7:00PM

    I agree with you completely. As much as we wish our bodies were machines they just aren't. They are complex structures that lose, gain, and fluctuate every minute and second of the day. The scale (or at least the ones that are affordable) don't calculate our muscle mass, fat %..etc.
All we can do is keep doing what we know WILL work, and is good for our bodies. So that's 30-60 minutes of exercise a day, and healthy eating. The scale will do what we want eventually, but until then we just have to keep keeping on :)

You're plateau will pass soon! Just stay strong, and focus on the road ahead of you. emoticon

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SHADICAR 8/27/2010 6:46PM

    That's it lady-keep it in gear til you reach your goals. My scales said I lost 6 pounds, then I gained 4, then lost it again. Now I know why scales can never be the only measure of success. If we only looked at the scale we'd go into depression mode. Thanks for the reminder.

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TKAYSMILES 8/27/2010 5:30PM

    I can relate...I was supposed to be at my goal by now, but the whole summer has been a little difficult in weight loss! Keep at it, you are doing great!! Don't be a slave to that icky scale! Have an awesome day!!

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JULIEFRANCES112 8/27/2010 3:55PM

    Thanks I really needed to hear this. It just gets so frustrating waiting, you lose one pound the next week nothing and so on...Grrr.
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MSBATMAN 8/27/2010 3:55PM

    You will get there my love have faith and keep on pluggin...

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40PLUSANDFIT 8/27/2010 3:03PM

    hahaha, I made that up. I KNOW I'm making progress, I got a compliment today. It has to be showing somewhere.. just not on the scale. Stupid CELLS... they are mutinizing on me. I will not let them win.. .I am the CAPTAIN of this ship emoticon

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AWOLF24 8/27/2010 2:57PM

    cell mutiny......that's funny!

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MOCACHOC 8/27/2010 2:54PM

    What a great way to talk it out and motivate yourself. That's what you have to do. Our bodies can run like a machine if we take of it like we take care of our car. When it's out of oil we wouldn't put Olive oil in as a replacement. So what we put it is what we get out. I truly get what you are saying and I wish you much success in getting ahead of the game with the pounds lost. You are on the right path just don't let up push that much harder we can master the body and not let the body master us, Go the the gusto.

Have a Super workout weekend.

Peace and Love

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