So Much Stuff, So Little Space and I don't feel guilty

Tuesday, September 07, 2010

Wow... summer is offiicially over. I'm sad. Another summer wasted in my life with no vacation, no time with my children, just work and stress. So in the words of Danny Glover in Lethal Weapon.. "I'm too old for this sh**".

My weekend started at the neighbors house. Went over for a "drink" that turned into several drinks and I finished my rant and hated on the world. Then I went home and gorged on pizza and then went to sleep. Got up the next morning thinking I wasn't going to work out because I figured I would feel like caca after my little binge the night before, but I did go. Spent my requisite hour in the cardio room (still not lifting yet). oh yeah.. also found out why the rage was a little extreme. Seems I had a visitor this weekend. TOM came to see me and I wasn't expecting her. Came home and packed up for the lake, went and got the stepdaughter and we went to the lake, without the dog (previously mentioned in blog prior to this). Not sure who made the SMART decision to not bring a dog but thankfully it happened.

Got there and my friend came up from the water, said You are looking good, get your a&& down here. That was the order to put on my swimsuit and come to the water I think. So I joined them. I'll have to remember that if I am late (which we were), to start drinking at home. They were so funny. Anyway, hung out on land and at sea (well lake but you get the picture).

We had a little drama. Said hostesses son was at a party where a random hunter's bullet hit one of the boys. So some of the crew was out there going to get him and the shot boy was taken to the hospital, so definitely a lot of drama with that and just plain fear. We are still keeping tabs on that issue.

Went on a nice little sunset boat ride. It was relaxing and fun.

I ATE and DRANK all weekend. I thought about calories and then I didn't care. I think I'm on a calcium withdrawal because ice cream became a fad for me this weekend. I ate more this weekend than I have ALL year. But I don't feel guilty. and I don't feel sick and I don't feel bloated. It's so weird. I ate a lot of protein, more meat than anything, but I had chips, I had ice cream and I had beer. I missed two days of working out.. well one was technically a rest day, so I really only missed one.

This week I'm going to figure out how to shake up my routine in the gym. I may start some P90X at home for my secondary workout. I really do not want to quit my lunch time workout. It ensure that I get it done and it breaks up my day from a job I despise, so I would actually be counterproductive for me to stop that workout.

The other good thing. My puppy did NOT destroy anything major this weekend. We actually left him with full reign of the house (doggie doors) and there was a minor casualty to a koozie but other than that, he was good. (he has separation issues). We have been leaving the TV on and I think that might be helping some, that and when we are gone for an overnight, we have the neighbors periodically check on him to ensure that he's not misbehaving. They had thought he had knocked a shelf down, but we told him, no that's some previous separation anxiety issue damage. Anyway, that's my weekend, how'd ya like that???

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

It's been over 45 days

Friday, September 03, 2010

Since my husband was let go from work. I've somehow managed to not lose any weight, but I've continued to work out and eat fairly well. Not sure why I'm not losing weight though. Guess the ole cortisol hormone is working overdrive because I'm still majorly stressed.

Which I know I am because I am RAGING... all the time. I'm just PISSED OFF. and I hate it. I don't like being this way. I'm having road rage screaming, well yelling a little loudly at idiots. I am frustrated as all get out with my husband and I know he's trying to get a job, but GEEEEEEEEEZ... I'm so sick of this. It's more of the stupid stuff he is doing to piss me off. Letting his daughter get by with taking a dog to another person's house without asking them (and they don't have animals), telling my supposed friends about this and they are telling me to blow it off and let him handle it... he won't that's the issue. I'm so sick of their attitude well he's with his daughters... so you don't care that one of his daughters TRIED to break our marriage up.. just as long as he sees his daughters, all is good. SCREW that.. SO I guess I'm mad at my "friends" right now too. Not like he doesn't seem to be hiding something because every time the daughter calls he ventures off into another room to avoid me hearing the conversation. That just perturbs me even more. I'm not a raging bitch, really I'm not, but yeah I have some issues with this daughter. She shoplifted, I ended up paying the fine... WHILE I was working TWO Jobs, he was unemployed and we were coming off the hardest layoff (mine) in the last five years. and he bitches at me because I get pissed off because her lazy ass can't load the dishwasher? ???? But yet he can complain about my daughter who is in school, in student council and working two jobs. and YET can still come home and clean the house while his lazy daughter is sitting on the couch watching TV?

I'm mad can you tell? and yet I'm mad at my friends so I can't even vent at them.. and you guys get it.

But... I had a good workout today. Went through it fairly painlessly with minimal foot pain. So.. to have a WONDERFUL Weekend while I put on my happy face.

ARGH and I'm dealing with a MORON at work. Brought in to do something that he has absolutely no idea how to do. I hate THOSE POSERS

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

Yay for the Small Things

Thursday, September 02, 2010

Well I wish I could say I busted through my plateau but no, that's not my news or small thing. I love to play golf. It's a passion that I've never gotten to fully invest in because it's so FREAKING expensive (did I say expensive?, yeah Expensive). Anyway the last time I played was a year ago, in between foot surgeries.

our company is a sponsor of a child advocacy center here in our county so we get two four man teams in a scramble coming up in two weeks. I played in it last year because one of my dear co-workers knew I played golf, but knew I couldn't afford it (because I told him I couldn't play in our other tournament because that was going to cost me, imagine this, husband was out of work then too) invited me. (Wow, I'm a writer and I know that sentence was fun to keep up with). Anyhoo, had a blast last year, played fairly well for someone who hasn't touched a club in three years and been on surgical hiatus.

Anyway, he sent out an email to all of those who might want to play again this year. I jumped right on it and THANKFULLY the guy in charge is letting me play. I'm so psyched. I hope the elbow doesn't cause an issue but I'm going to play. I get to play my favorite sport, eat a meal and have some camaraderie with co workers... and the BEST part..... WHEN we do the team pics.. I won't be trying to hide in the back to hide my fat bod!!!! It's not the perfect bod yet, but I'm starting to like it again.

Yay for the small things!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

Rocking the 8.. and the sporty new tendonitis band

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

It's been an interesting week and a half to say the least. We've had some changes at work that have NOT been perceived as good. We all still have our jobs, but there is going to be some movement out the door. Too many bosses demoted, too new of people promoted (because they are the big boss's buddy) and too much confusion and not enough organization around the reorganization. Nothing is getting done and lots of gossip in the halls. Unfortunately my back stepping on his way to the top boss got promoted to be seenior director over one of the directors that has now been demoted and been here about four years longer than him so he is rocking that ego. But the underlying gossip is... um... diversity. You had a black man and a woman at the top echelon and now it's... all white males, two of them known buddies of the CIO and one of them a suck up. Hmmmmmm... things that make you go hmmmmmm.

So what does that have to do with rocking the dress. Oh, absolutely NOTHING. I've been a little moody and not even hormonal moody, just going from rage to emotional tirades. True class bipolar but I don't have bipolar, just the stress manifesting it. Oh well, I'll get over it.

But, you know what I did determine, I can control ONE thing in my life. Did I say that before. Actually it's two things. My eating and my exercising. I can't control my job status other than what I do now which is perform. I can't control my husband getting a new job. I can only control which bills get paid to an extent. I can control if we have to sell the house versus foreclosure, but that's still aways away because we've actually managed to survive that pitfall so far. I can't control my children. But I can control my health. I can continue to eat well and exercise regularly. Of which, I have been doing. At this point in my stress cycle, I would have already said (excuse my french) phu ck it and gone back to my emotional eating. and since I've been on a plateau, it probably would have been a double F..IT. But I'm still out there trying. So what has this accomplished... I'm rocking a size 8 from a questionable 14. Yeah it could lie a little flatter over the tummy, but that will be next week. and it's actually the thighs and bubble pulling it up. Abs are doing pretty good. Someday I will do a pic of them.


So the attractive black band fashion accessory.. you see that huh? Yeah. I've had tendonitis in my right elbow for almost three months (which makes it VERY uncomfortable to do upper body work). I do the requisite two weeks off, attempt to go back to strength training and it flares again. Well hell.... Yeah my legs could use some work, but that requires some maneuvering of weights too so that's not healing it. Oh and don't think I am not doing strength training of the legs. Did you see the BUTT in that picture. That bubble has GOT to go down. Well actually it's the thighs that need the work. The bubble just needs firming. I like the bubble. Got no girls, but I got bubble. I digress... yes I know again. I finally went to the doc and said hey, need a shot. So, I got a cortisone shot. It felt GREAT while I was in the doctor's office... then I went back to work and yeah that flare up stuff happened. Wussed out, went home, blew off the workout, and decided me and Vicodin were good friends. But overnight, me and the arm are friends again. I can sit here without crying any more. Actually I don't cry in pain... weird that way, and a high tolerance. Oh yeah and the doc said I pretty much have to wear this stupid band ll the time now, and especially when I go back to the weight room. Now WHY aren't neoprene and bands in Flesh color. Tell me this. Black is just so THERE and it's a big "woooo look at me"... and of course I get the "what did you do now".... I didn't do anything.. I'm freaking OLD and my body hates me sometimes. Oh, digressed again... sorry.. not really.

and she wants me to do.. hahahaha, physical therapy. Yeah I love the whole physical therapy thought and wanted to be one myself, but doc ya see... I can't pay my bills, I can't add a $70-$105 a week co pay to my non existent budget. So... we are going to have to hope for the best that I'll make it without therapy and just manage my stretches.

Well, peace out all. I know this wasn't that motivational to some and it was pure venting and bragging from me. But I thank each and every one of you who actually read it and comment or not. My mood is improved today, but who knows what tomorrrow brings. I will try to keep from reverting to Debbie Downer. She's kind of a drag. I really appreciate this site because my "friends" at home just kind of blow me off at this point with my exercise habits and my rage feelings especially toward my husband. Sherri, you picked him with all his baggage. I FREAKING know that, just let me yell for a minute. And you guys let me do that.. THANK you. All better now... smile is back. Have a great sparky day.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

Our bodies are NOT machines

Friday, August 27, 2010

So I have the Spark Nutrition tracker calorie differential set for losing 1 1/2 pounds per week and the fitness tracker set for the same, burn 3500 calories minimum per week. Almost every week it yells at me that I'm over on burned calories and not eating enough, blah, blah, blah, blah. If it told me that last night I would have yelled back at it... (I was kinda moody and it's not TOM, so just pure rage).

This was for the NEW goals that I set in July after I set my goals too high in April and about dropped off my lifestyle change wagon because of frustration.

So I weigh today, hmmm, same as it was 3 weeks ago. I pull out my handy dandy spreadsheet that shows what I should be at this time (AT A POUND a week, not even 1 1/2 pounds like I've set on Spark). I'm TWO POUNDS behind already, but yet I should be two pounds ahead.

Our bodies are NOT machines. It doesn't seem to understand the calorie in and calorie out differentials. It doesn't seem to care to let me know that I'm building muscle which weighs more than fat, so the weight loss is slower. Yes I'm supposed to know that in my head but ...... the scale is not moving... Bad scale.

So should we get frustrated.. yeah sometimes, but not too much. After it has gone on for over a month, maybe we should re-evaluate everything we are putting in our tracker.. are we missing little nibbles here, little nibbles there? Did you forget that sugary soda?

and if those are good and you're strength training (which you should be by the way), just let those muscles grow (women they really don't get that big) and burn off that internal and external fat and eventually that scale will move.

Our bodies are not machines. They are cell filled organisms with truly a MIND OF THEIR OWN. Don't let those cells mutiny on you and take over your thoughts and ruin your determination. Just tell yourself, my body is not a machine, it's not a calculator, it's changing, it will let me know when it's ready to let me know.

Good luck all.

Yeah I wrote this because my plateau has been well over a month and dangit, I'm two pounds behind.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post: