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What went wrong... and right this year.

Monday, December 29, 2008

Wow! Can't believe I haven't blogged since July. What a year. It went by so fast. Taking stock of what went right and wrong.

On the more negative side...
I am not at my goal weight and there is no healthy way to get there before the end of the year.
I am not consistent with my exercise (and logging what I have done).
Finances are tight because DH was laid off the week before Thanksgiving.

On the positive side...
I have not gained this year. I started the year where I'm ending it, right around 160 lbs.
I am more consistent than I was at this time last year.
I am stronger and more balanced than last year.
I can rock climb! Something I thought I'd never be able to do.
I found out that I enjoy cruising, and that I won't gain much weight while on the ship.
I fell in love with northern Ireland.
Most of my presents were purchased on the cruise, so I didn't spend a lot on Christmas gifts this Nov - Dec.
I was able to gift my niece and her daughter a day at Disneyland Park.
We were able to save enough even with the cruise that we will be OK for at least several months financially.
I am still working at losing the last 20 or so pounds. I haven't given up.
I made some great new Spark Friends.

So I guess, all in all, that it was a pretty good year.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BECCASINGSLEAD 12/30/2008 6:51PM

    You have way more positives than negatives to list so I think you've had a pretty good year. I hope that the new one is filled with many blessings and joy.

Best Wishes!!


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HEATHERW21 12/29/2008 9:56PM

    YOu have more postives than negatives! That in itself is a positive! I have also had a bad year. losing my Mom has been the worst. My DH has also been off since the week before Thanksgiving & with 4 little ones at home, it'a taking a toll on me emotionally. But I have everyone here & I have my health. That is a positive!
So good luck to you & you can do it! Stick with us 1 Ton's & you will reach that goal before you know it!

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July 1, 2008

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

Summer is here! Yay! I like summer. The sun stays up longer, I always feel better, more energized.

I can't believe how fast this year is going. It seems like just yesterday that it was Jan 1 and I was starting over, AGAIN. Trying to refocus on me and getting my eating habits back under control. Now 1/2 the year is gone and it's time to take stock again, see where I'm at and where I want to go from here.

Fitness - I am more active. Still not as consistent as I'd like, but getting there. I am rock climbing 2 days a week for a minimum of an hour each time. One day a week I normally participate in a yoga class as well. We bought a WiiFit in May. I spend a lot of time "playing" on it. It's fun. It's also something DH likes to do also. Although we can't play it at the same time, we watch and encourage each other. We also compete tongue in cheek with each other, trying to have the highest total amount of time on the Wii or beating each others records (or our own if we're in front).

Job - I'm in a basically dead end job that pays the bills and lets me take time to go to the Dr's as needed. I'm considering changing jobs, but, with the RA, I'm content where I'm at right now.

Weight - No change yet, but I think it's going to start coming off again soon, with the changes in exercise. I have lost 1 inch in the waist and 2 inches in my hips from Feb to today.

  


April Fool's Day 2008

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Well, today starts another month and April Fool's Day to boot. I've been a fool for a long, long time when it comes to my health. But today a friend posted in her blog about asking what if questions and thinking ahead. It got me thinking.

WWhat if I eat at an unhealthy reataurant?
(I will make the least damaging choices, and if I choose less healthy foods it won't end my new lifestyle. I'll just walk more and eat better around it.)

What if I can't walk any more?
(Don't even want to think about it. So I will do everything I can, including moving when it hurts to make sure I can walk forever.)

What if I never get to goal? (I will accept myself and love me for me, knowing I did my best, but that I am not willing to sacrifice more of my life to get to a number on a scale. If I am healthy and active at whatever weight that will be good enough.)

What if the medications stop working?
(My Dr and I will try new medications and combinations until we find something that works again.)

What if I can't work anymore?
(I will do what I can to help others. I will volunteer my time in areas that I find worthy and am capable of handling at that time. May move to Wisconsin as my husband keeps suggesting. Lower prices, so we can live on less and I wouldn't have to work. Hope that day never comes though.)

What if I can't...
The list goes on and on. But I do think about it and plan, to the best of my ability to work with, around, over or under the problem.

The last several weeks have been rough. I've been in more pain the last week and a half than I've been in in a year. What did I do? Stopped exercising and ate a lot of comfort and fast food. It's so hard to concentrate on my healthy goals when I'm not feeling healthy.

Today I did something better... ish. I walked for 2 miles before work this morning. Although I did eat out for lunch and fairly high calories, I did something I have not been able to do for some time. I threw food away. How can I do that. There are starving people all over the world who would love to have that food! So what. They aren't here, my eating those extra fries will not help them. I threw away 1/2 a small fries today, because after eating a single cheeseburger and mandarin oranges, I was still hungry, but as I was munching on the fries, I became full. I'd eaten enough. So I threw the rest away.

This is a new month. I can do anything I want with it. So what will it be?

1. This month I will walk before work 4 days a week, no matter how I feel in the morning.
2. This month I will track all my food and stay within range at least 6 days a week.
3. This month I will not drink any soda at least 3 days a week.
4. This month I will treat myself once a week. Something just for me that isn't food or exercise related.
5. This month I will be the best, most positive me that I can be. I will not let the distractions of my life get the best of me. I will put me first, because I am worth it.

What will you do with this month? Will you make it a good, positive month? Or will you play the April fool and leave the healthy stuff for later?

I'm not going to be an April Fool this year. I'm going to be the best me ever.

  


St Patricks Day 2008

Monday, March 17, 2008

Well, I haven't been on all weekend again. It's really hard to get on with hubby home. He seems to take all my time. Not that I mind, we have great fun together, but I just don't get online much.

I did better this weekend, made better food choices most of the time. And better choices even on the less healthy ones (like splitting the ice cream and chocolate chip molten lava cookie desert or choosing the healthier "sinless ice cream with fresh fruit instead of the ghiradelli chocolate and peanut butter ice cream, small instead of medium). (I won't use the term bad in conjunction with food choices. I am not bad for choosing less healthy foods.) I moved more. We went clothes shopping for him (mostly LOL!) and spent 2 hours walking around the mall, trying on clothes, and then carrying all the clothes around with us on the final lap of the mall. That was a sight I'm sure. Me with my arms full of bags, my husband looking like Santa with one huge bag on his back and two more in the other hand.

Then on Sunday we went shoe shopping! We both got new walking/exercise shoes. Spent more on them than normal, but I got a pair with better support and fit than I can remember having before so it might be worth the extra price. After that we ran more errands (left about 11 got home about 6:30.) Then I did a fast 3 mile (dvd) walk.

Yeah, we ate out a lot over the weekend, we normally do. I just made better choices. No fast food. Tilapia with steamed broccoli rather than the ultimate fondue bowl. Italian dressing rather than ranch. Little changes, nothing big. This morning I did my weigh in and was down (ok, back to 159.6) about 2 lbs from Sat morning. Yeah, I know. Don't weigh in every day. I do, but that helps keep me on track. I've tried not weighing in every day. I gained 5 lbs. in a week. I need the accountability. Just like I need my friends here to keep me honest. It's just a tool. I don't let it affect anything except my food choices.

Today I got up and did a 2-mile walk before work. Woo Hoo! This may be a permanent change. (This is my second week of trying this. I got up 3 of 5 days last week.) I am not a morning person. Really! Ask my mom. She swears even as an infant I couldn't sleep early in the evening/night, A real night owl. But work being what it is has me up by 6 every morning. Now I'm getting up at 5 to EXERCISE. Something else I don't do well, at least consistently. I have a problem with that. Maybe this will work. Not having to leave the house, get dressed up, do the hair, etc before exercising is a great boon. I remember trying this when I belonged to a gym. Never happened, because I felt I needed to shower and do my hair BEFORE I worked out.

So here's to change. And yes, today I am more positive. I can do this. I'm not normally a negative person, but I do have those thoughts and feelings occasionally. OK, more recently. This last 20/25 lbs. are really creeping off. It's really hard for me to get back into the shape I was in. Hey, in high school I used to be able to swim 5 miles without stopping. Now I can barely make it the length of a standard Olympic pool. I used to swim at least 1 hr every day. Now I can swim for maybe 15 min. (Of course I don't have daily access to a pool now and that probably has something to do with it.)

But it's getting better. In April last year I couldn't walk for more than 10 min (maybe 1/4 - 1/2 mile). Now I can walk 5 miles in an hour on my best days and 1-mile in 15 min on my worst days. I think I'm losing inches. Will check that at the end of the month when I do my monthly measurements. In 2006 I couldn’t even walk 10 min without getting winded/ sore. In 2005 I was in the emergency room because I couldn’t move at all without severe pain (RA diagnosed then). I am improving. I am more fit than I was. That is my ultimate goal, “To be healthy and fit”. That’s all I really want. The last 20, well… I guess it will come off when it comes off. I just need to look at how far I’ve come not how far I have left to go. And that’s really hard to focus on sometimes.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VETTE04 3/20/2008 9:55PM

    I am glad you had a good st Patty's day weekend! I hope this week was a good one, too. I had stopped by your page to check in and visit with a goodie, I am glad i stayed to read!

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MESACHICK 3/17/2008 2:18PM

  YEA, Cynthia!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!

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Should I stay or should I go?

Friday, March 14, 2008

So, it's the middle of March. The 1 Ton Challenge is still going strong. Well everyone is it seems except me. I've lost like 4 lbs total. For 2 1/2 months. Well. *Sigh* So it was brought up that sign-up's for next month are under for this challenge. So I had to consider do I stay? Do I keep trying, knowing how slowly I'm losing. That I'm not contributing to the loss, and at times hindering it?

I wanna quit. I really, really do. Right now! Not at the end of the month. But now before I have to admit I couldn't do it, again. It would be easier to just give up. I mean why keep going? I'm not seeing any progress. Am I really doing any good for me, for the team?

These thoughts and others like them keep running around in my head. They are the same old negatives that keep me where I am.
The demons you will that I live with, I'm not good enough. Haven't been for years and years. Doesn't matter what I do or how well I do it. These negative thoughts keep coming back. I know exactly when and how I gained them. That doesn't seem to matter much. It doesn't get rid of them. Not for long. They seem to have taken up permanent residence. They might take a vacation now and then, for a short period but they always come back.

How do I exercise them? Get rid of them for good? That is the answer I'm still looking for. But I know they will never go if I give up. I know that I haven't failed until I give up. My inner demons have had me eating way too much this week. That's why I haven't lost. I've also been exercising more. Been more active, felt great most of the time. But today...

Well, today I hurt. So I didn't get out of be and exercise first thing this morning. The weather is cool and damp, so Mr Arthur as many call him is being a very cantankerous guest and complaining about everything today.

So what should I do? Well, I know what I did.

I signed up for next month. I can do this. I can lose weight. I've lost 40 lbs. I can lose 20. And maybe, just maybe I can help someone else. Even if I don't I can at least help me. For today at least I'm winning. I won't give up.

So to all my team mates and Spark friends out there thank you for supporting me. Without you I'd have quit by now. So thanks!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VETTE04 3/20/2008 9:50PM

    Sorry, I wasn't subscribed to your blog to see you were stuggling so much. Of course you shouldn't leave!!!! You are such a great motivation, I love that you are on our team. It isn't how much you lose all at once that matters it matters that you are on the journey with us.
You are part of us! I love that you are! You give us such great motivation!!!!!

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LOWEDE 3/17/2008 12:56PM

    Hey Cynthia:

Just hang in there. Remember that you are not alone -- we're all in this together! I'm sending strong, positive, caring thoughts your way.

xxxooo, denise

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MIRACLE1971 3/15/2008 9:26AM

    awe hun i am sorry your going thru this... i recognise that pattern though... mine hits at 9 months... when i get discouraged and go on a bender and then proceed to blame myself how bad i was then cripple myself by not working out... sound familiar?

I am so glad your staing with us as your family... we understand the ups and the downs. if you need anything just let me know i do know what its like as i have been down this road many times myself.. we have to stay strong and carry each other when needed.. hugs
Sin

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MESACHICK 3/14/2008 10:12PM

  Cynthia, WHAT?! No, you should STAY. You don't have far to go. I want to talk to you more about this and say - don't get me wrong - I have a million percent MORE weight to lose than you do, so I don't think my way is better, just different, and I want to help.

I took it upon myself to look at your food and exercise log. I have some suggestions...take them or leave them, either way, just some ideas.

1) Exercise - change it up a little. Maybe - 30 minutes 4 times a week? Aerobics DVD's instead of walking? I was doing ONLY my exercise bike for a while - 30-60 minutes at a time, 5 days a week - and my weight wasn't budging. When I added some variety, the scale started to move for me.

2) Food - I see a LOT of fast food and some frozen food. You are probably really busy (I used to rely 100% on these things when I was working full-time!). I think you should take 1 hour every Saturday or Sunday to prepare breakfasts and lunches for the week. Even toaster waffles for breakfasts, granola bars for snacks, etc. would help. Frozen food has a LOT of sodium.

I would also try to add 5 fruits/vegetables per day. It is funny, because even though you have worried about high calories, you are not eating very many ITEMS at all. Fruits and veggies will help you fill up. It's hard, I'll bet, by the end of the day - you're not eating much that sticks to your ribs so I'll bet you are STARVING by the end of the day. Maybe substitute chicken, fish or ground turkey (you can precook and then heat in the microwave) to get that protein in.

I also noticed you are a dessert girl - me too. I do chocolate-covered almonds every day for a treat but within a calorie limit. My friend who is a personal trainer has whatever she wants - within 200 calories - even if it's just one spoonful of creme brulee - and then the rest of the day it's on target.

Have you ever thought of seeing a dietitian? That helped me SO much when I had gestational diabetes while pregnant with my daughter. I follow that same diet now, minus 300 calories (since I'm not pregnant!). The dietitian looked at what I liked to eat and kind of tailor-made it to fit my needs (I was working full-time at the time). It wasn't hard to do - and I even had an ice cream bar every night. I only gained 14 pounds net with my daughter - and she was 7 pounds, 11 ounces when born. I felt SO healthy then, second only to now.

3) My last piece of advice is to blog or journal EVERY day...say (1) something positive about yourself and (2) the negatives that are in your life. GET THEM OUT...or exorcise them, as you said. Get rid of them, and discard them. I do that every day and it is SO cathartic.

Cynthia, YOU CAN DO THIS! Do not give up on yourself so easily. You are worth it. There are a lot of people here who care about you, so on the days you want to give up...log in, and we'll be here.

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GRAMMYSKIDS58 3/14/2008 9:03PM

    You are doing so good and have come so far! Have you checked into reading some motivational books. One of my favorites is
'YOU CAN HEAL YOUR LIFE' BY LOUISE L HAYS. It sounds like you need to start saying something positive about yourself everyday. I wish you the best of luck in the rest of your journey!!

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