Tuesday, July 01, 2008
Summer is here! Yay! I like summer. The sun stays up longer, I always feel better, more energized.
I can't believe how fast this year is going. It seems like just yesterday that it was Jan 1 and I was starting over, AGAIN. Trying to refocus on me and getting my eating habits back under control. Now 1/2 the year is gone and it's time to take stock again, see where I'm at and where I want to go from here.
Fitness - I am more active. Still not as consistent as I'd like, but getting there. I am rock climbing 2 days a week for a minimum of an hour each time. One day a week I normally participate in a yoga class as well. We bought a WiiFit in May. I spend a lot of time "playing" on it. It's fun. It's also something DH likes to do also. Although we can't play it at the same time, we watch and encourage each other. We also compete tongue in cheek with each other, trying to have the highest total amount of time on the Wii or beating each others records (or our own if we're in front).
Job - I'm in a basically dead end job that pays the bills and lets me take time to go to the Dr's as needed. I'm considering changing jobs, but, with the RA, I'm content where I'm at right now.
Weight - No change yet, but I think it's going to start coming off again soon, with the changes in exercise. I have lost 1 inch in the waist and 2 inches in my hips from Feb to today.
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
Well, today starts another month and April Fool's Day to boot. I've been a fool for a long, long time when it comes to my health. But today a friend posted in her blog about asking what if questions and thinking ahead. It got me thinking.
WWhat if I eat at an unhealthy reataurant?
(I will make the least damaging choices, and if I choose less healthy foods it won't end my new lifestyle. I'll just walk more and eat better around it.)
What if I can't walk any more?
(Don't even want to think about it. So I will do everything I can, including moving when it hurts to make sure I can walk forever.)
What if I never get to goal? (I will accept myself and love me for me, knowing I did my best, but that I am not willing to sacrifice more of my life to get to a number on a scale. If I am healthy and active at whatever weight that will be good enough.)
What if the medications stop working?
(My Dr and I will try new medications and combinations until we find something that works again.)
What if I can't work anymore?
(I will do what I can to help others. I will volunteer my time in areas that I find worthy and am capable of handling at that time. May move to Wisconsin as my husband keeps suggesting. Lower prices, so we can live on less and I wouldn't have to work. Hope that day never comes though.)
What if I can't...
The list goes on and on. But I do think about it and plan, to the best of my ability to work with, around, over or under the problem.
The last several weeks have been rough. I've been in more pain the last week and a half than I've been in in a year. What did I do? Stopped exercising and ate a lot of comfort and fast food. It's so hard to concentrate on my healthy goals when I'm not feeling healthy.
Today I did something better... ish. I walked for 2 miles before work this morning. Although I did eat out for lunch and fairly high calories, I did something I have not been able to do for some time. I threw food away. How can I do that. There are starving people all over the world who would love to have that food! So what. They aren't here, my eating those extra fries will not help them. I threw away 1/2 a small fries today, because after eating a single cheeseburger and mandarin oranges, I was still hungry, but as I was munching on the fries, I became full. I'd eaten enough. So I threw the rest away.
This is a new month. I can do anything I want with it. So what will it be?
1. This month I will walk before work 4 days a week, no matter how I feel in the morning.
2. This month I will track all my food and stay within range at least 6 days a week.
3. This month I will not drink any soda at least 3 days a week.
4. This month I will treat myself once a week. Something just for me that isn't food or exercise related.
5. This month I will be the best, most positive me that I can be. I will not let the distractions of my life get the best of me. I will put me first, because I am worth it.
What will you do with this month? Will you make it a good, positive month? Or will you play the April fool and leave the healthy stuff for later?
I'm not going to be an April Fool this year. I'm going to be the best me ever.
Monday, March 17, 2008
Well, I haven't been on all weekend again. It's really hard to get on with hubby home. He seems to take all my time. Not that I mind, we have great fun together, but I just don't get online much.
I did better this weekend, made better food choices most of the time. And better choices even on the less healthy ones (like splitting the ice cream and chocolate chip molten lava cookie desert or choosing the healthier "sinless ice cream with fresh fruit instead of the ghiradelli chocolate and peanut butter ice cream, small instead of medium). (I won't use the term bad in conjunction with food choices. I am not bad for choosing less healthy foods.) I moved more. We went clothes shopping for him (mostly LOL!) and spent 2 hours walking around the mall, trying on clothes, and then carrying all the clothes around with us on the final lap of the mall. That was a sight I'm sure. Me with my arms full of bags, my husband looking like Santa with one huge bag on his back and two more in the other hand.
Then on Sunday we went shoe shopping! We both got new walking/exercise shoes. Spent more on them than normal, but I got a pair with better support and fit than I can remember having before so it might be worth the extra price. After that we ran more errands (left about 11 got home about 6:30.) Then I did a fast 3 mile (dvd) walk.
Yeah, we ate out a lot over the weekend, we normally do. I just made better choices. No fast food. Tilapia with steamed broccoli rather than the ultimate fondue bowl. Italian dressing rather than ranch. Little changes, nothing big. This morning I did my weigh in and was down (ok, back to 159.6) about 2 lbs from Sat morning. Yeah, I know. Don't weigh in every day. I do, but that helps keep me on track. I've tried not weighing in every day. I gained 5 lbs. in a week. I need the accountability. Just like I need my friends here to keep me honest. It's just a tool. I don't let it affect anything except my food choices.
Today I got up and did a 2-mile walk before work. Woo Hoo! This may be a permanent change. (This is my second week of trying this. I got up 3 of 5 days last week.) I am not a morning person. Really! Ask my mom. She swears even as an infant I couldn't sleep early in the evening/night, A real night owl. But work being what it is has me up by 6 every morning. Now I'm getting up at 5 to EXERCISE. Something else I don't do well, at least consistently. I have a problem with that. Maybe this will work. Not having to leave the house, get dressed up, do the hair, etc before exercising is a great boon. I remember trying this when I belonged to a gym. Never happened, because I felt I needed to shower and do my hair BEFORE I worked out.
So here's to change. And yes, today I am more positive. I can do this. I'm not normally a negative person, but I do have those thoughts and feelings occasionally. OK, more recently. This last 20/25 lbs. are really creeping off. It's really hard for me to get back into the shape I was in. Hey, in high school I used to be able to swim 5 miles without stopping. Now I can barely make it the length of a standard Olympic pool. I used to swim at least 1 hr every day. Now I can swim for maybe 15 min. (Of course I don't have daily access to a pool now and that probably has something to do with it.)
But it's getting better. In April last year I couldn't walk for more than 10 min (maybe 1/4 - 1/2 mile). Now I can walk 5 miles in an hour on my best days and 1-mile in 15 min on my worst days. I think I'm losing inches. Will check that at the end of the month when I do my monthly measurements. In 2006 I couldn’t even walk 10 min without getting winded/ sore. In 2005 I was in the emergency room because I couldn’t move at all without severe pain (RA diagnosed then). I am improving. I am more fit than I was. That is my ultimate goal, “To be healthy and fit”. That’s all I really want. The last 20, well… I guess it will come off when it comes off. I just need to look at how far I’ve come not how far I have left to go. And that’s really hard to focus on sometimes.
Friday, March 14, 2008
So, it's the middle of March. The 1 Ton Challenge is still going strong. Well everyone is it seems except me. I've lost like 4 lbs total. For 2 1/2 months. Well. *Sigh* So it was brought up that sign-up's for next month are under for this challenge. So I had to consider do I stay? Do I keep trying, knowing how slowly I'm losing. That I'm not contributing to the loss, and at times hindering it?
I wanna quit. I really, really do. Right now! Not at the end of the month. But now before I have to admit I couldn't do it, again. It would be easier to just give up. I mean why keep going? I'm not seeing any progress. Am I really doing any good for me, for the team?
These thoughts and others like them keep running around in my head. They are the same old negatives that keep me where I am.
The demons you will that I live with, I'm not good enough. Haven't been for years and years. Doesn't matter what I do or how well I do it. These negative thoughts keep coming back. I know exactly when and how I gained them. That doesn't seem to matter much. It doesn't get rid of them. Not for long. They seem to have taken up permanent residence. They might take a vacation now and then, for a short period but they always come back.
How do I exercise them? Get rid of them for good? That is the answer I'm still looking for. But I know they will never go if I give up. I know that I haven't failed until I give up. My inner demons have had me eating way too much this week. That's why I haven't lost. I've also been exercising more. Been more active, felt great most of the time. But today...
Well, today I hurt. So I didn't get out of be and exercise first thing this morning. The weather is cool and damp, so Mr Arthur as many call him is being a very cantankerous guest and complaining about everything today.
So what should I do? Well, I know what I did.
I signed up for next month. I can do this. I can lose weight. I've lost 40 lbs. I can lose 20. And maybe, just maybe I can help someone else. Even if I don't I can at least help me. For today at least I'm winning. I won't give up.
So to all my team mates and Spark friends out there thank you for supporting me. Without you I'd have quit by now. So thanks!
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