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Day one of liquid Diet (Written on May 25th)

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

OMG y'all! I am soooooo freakin out! 2 more days....2 more....one-two.....omg...omg..omg...ok...
breathe.....relax, relate, release...wooo-sahhhh! LOL I started today with the liquids. It's 11:50am and I have only had 1 protein shake and nothing else. I am going to mix me up some crystal light in a few. I am so nervous!! Just the thought of being put under is making me go..."ya know what?? I can do this on my own...just exercise, don't quit...." Until my brain kicks in and says..."girl...stop being a punk and just gone and get it done.." You've invested all this money and time into yourself why do you want to waste it!??? I am trying to talk myself into it. I am just scared of going under and not coming back. I need to have more faith! Not just in man but in God...I guess my faith waivered when it came to the loss of my mom. That is just adding to my nervousness because she won't be there with me physically....Yeah I know....."smiling down from heaven..yada yada yah....." No harm, no foul...but it will be a month tomorrow and I'm not quite there at the "looking down on me thing..." I want my momma! I know I'm a grown adult woman, but there is nothing like not having your mom around. Anyhoo.....day 1....getting started, one more day of liquids to go and it will be surgery time. I am the first surgery of the day on Wednesday...gotta be there at 5:15am...surgery time 7:15am. Talked with the anesthesiologist and he informed me that I will be getting something to calm my nerves and I am definitely going to need it. I am so excited and nervous at the same time. I don't want to be a failure and I don't want to cause this tool to fail me! Just keep me in your prayers and I know that I will be fine anyway but a few extra prayers never hurt anyone!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TAMBRISTE 6/2/2009 7:10PM

  had the surgery2/27/08 was very scared myself all went well i have lost a total of 120lbs in 16 months and have no real side effects to speek of . i now just need to eat correctly so i need some more structure in my life

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ACTV4LIFE 5/26/2009 3:41PM

    Best wishes to you on your surgery tomorrow. I get nervous going under too. Try to focus on all the fun you will have.
Maria emoticon

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THRIFTYMOTHER 5/26/2009 2:02PM

    I said a prayer for you today and hope that your surgery goes well and recovery is quick and easy. I also have a friend who had this done and she looks great and is so happy that she did it. Best wishes!

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BEACHY_KEEN 5/26/2009 1:44PM

    We're here for you. You are in our thoughts and prayers. My best friend had Gastric Bypass done 3 years ago. It was a rough road in the beginning, but she is so glad she had it done.
...and now you can't tell her nothin'!

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JECAMPA71 5/26/2009 11:49AM

  I can understand you, I lost my mother in 2002 and still miss her like crazy. There are days I am just going along and she pops in my head to talk to her or go see her. It only last about a second or so but it is just that you know something just is not right. But it wont completely go away but it will get to where you can function day to day. I pray blessings over you and your surgery. I know that your mother and God will be there protecting you. just know that. it is great that you are getting a brand new start on life.

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My 2 yr Wedding Anniversary

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Two years ago today....I feel like I made the biggest mistake in my life. ~Sigh~ I'm working through it...praying, meditating...communicating and eating. It doesn't get any better than this. It all goes together. I don't know how I feel. That's all I can say for now. He wants to go out to dinner and to the movie. That is normal for me. I was hoping he would put a little more effort into it seeing as how things have been going between us. I tried. I did all I could. I was nice this weekend ya'll. I was a "Stedford Wife." LOL We went to a couples conference this weekend, where he said his eyes were opened. Of course they were...until Sunday! LOL. Just continue to keep us in your prayers...and continue to give me some ideas on how to work off this stress and to back away from the chips........

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KELSPRETTYGIRL 10/28/2008 3:54PM

    Girl, don't focus on him, you'll be let down.. focus on yourself and how you can be Christ-like towards him. It will be hard... but we can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth us!!!

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LILSHINE 10/28/2008 12:48PM

    Sorry to hear about your woes. As you said he's a man... so sometimes we have to help them along. If your husband is not the romantic, creative type - you have to make the plans that will satisfy you. If you want to be wined and dined and taken on a trip - make the plans - tell him that's what he's doing for our anniversary and enjoy thanking him for making such wonderful plans and giving you JUST what you wanted. . emoticon When you desire a certain gift, find it, get a photo of it - do the shopping around for the best price and submit the information in a timely fashion so he can get it. With this tactic you're never disappointed. I learned this the hard way (my taste and my fiance' taste are far off).

Just keep praying and allow God to fix you - while you give your husband to the Lord to change - you're changing as well. We can only fix us and nobody else. Be the good wife, and sometimes you have to close the lips and not utter a word. That's a tactic I had to learn and it keeps me peaceful and helps simmer a lot of arguments/disagreements.

Now for things to keep you busy I would think that gorgeous baby would be more than enough entertainment. Plop him in his stroller and you 2 go out for a walk. Walking is good for peace of mind and relieving stress. PUt on some music in your house and have a house party dancing and/or cleaning the house. I love jigsaw puzzles online (bigjig.com) they take up a lot of my time. Instead of eating the chips (if you're looking for a crunch) try celery, carrots, cucumbers they work for me. You're going to be ok

Comment edited on: 10/28/2008 12:49:22 PM

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LUV_BEIN_MOM2 10/28/2008 11:30AM

    I'm so sorry to hear about your problems. We all have them. I've been married 4 1/2 years and some days I just feel alone. I tell him, but he's a man! (lol) I just hope things get better for you. Let God control it and I'm sure His Will will be done.

Do you enjoy crafts? If I'm going through an emotional time and I just want to snack, I tend to scrapbook more or cross stitch, or even sit down to write (or make) a card to send to a friend I haven't talked to in a while. Just some ideas to "back away from the chips..."

Take care and stop by and chat if you need to!

PS... you were a beautiful bride!!

Comment edited on: 10/28/2008 11:28:13 AM

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2 Pounds!

Saturday, October 18, 2008

2 Pounds down! Yeah...I did 30 mins on the treadmill yesterday and it felt wonderful! I want to work up to an 1hr and eventually run...yup run...I have it in me! ( old pic from Sparking before....still look the same...but not for long!)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KELSPRETTYGIRL 10/21/2008 12:23PM

    You can do this!!!! I'm in your corner! I bet you can do another 2 lbs by your next WI!!!

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Stressed and Striving

Thursday, October 16, 2008

I am so stressed right now. Coming up on my two year wedding anniversary and my marriage is not doing so great. Really have considered packing up and shipping out. Not sure if I want to be married anymore. I wanted a large bag of lays potato chips plain yesterday. I was so mad. I was trying to make nice and take my husband out to dinner. He wanted me to go get our son. My mom is sick and he said that he didn't want her to be worried with him. I had already called her and she was ok with it. I got mad. Went and got my son, but he was saying that we could still go out. I told him that I wanted to go out with just him and he was like I was acting like Juju was a burden. I was really hot then. I started thinking those thoughts...."If I were lil miss hot to trot then I wouldn't be in this mess." I said f-it and went to the grocery store fuming. While fuming....I noticed that I was throwing all of my healthy choices in my cart. The same things that I was eating before. If I am on a mission, I will let my anger fuel the fire. I am going to get my body together. Suffer through this marriage....and then get fioned up and then leave! Ha! He will know what he's missing then..LOL Check out my nutrition...I finally fell within my calorie intake. I am so glad of that. I need for him to make me mad more often, which I'm sure will be sometime today. Any divorced sparkers out there....when did you know it was time to leave....any sparker for that matter that was in a no win relationship or marriage????? It's not like he's the loving husband that I thought he was going to be. He's been a real jerk and deceiving. It doesn't have anything to do with how I'm viewing myself. See, my husband is disabled. I feel like If I would have loved myself more, I wouldn't have married him. I will blog about that later.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KELSPRETTYGIRL 10/21/2008 12:22PM

    Pebz, I am at a loss for words. Let me tell you... I've been reading lots of blogs... but these last few ones have been really ... wow! People are going through stuff on SP and now I see why SP exists! Let's focus on the positive, shall we? You chose to let the situation fuel your desire to be your best. I'm sorry about your man... I don't know what to say... but whatever you do, don't forget you have a baby now... and you got to be your best for him!!!! I will say this... don't be quick to end the marriage.


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LILSHINE 10/16/2008 2:45PM

    I couldn't help but think that perhaps these are thoughts you have about yourself and not necessarily the way your husband sees you. Have you ever had that conversation with him? letting him know what you're feeling and thinking. Communication is so important in a relationship especially when kids are involved. Just think about that adorable son of yours. I don't know all of the ins and outs of your marriage but whether you're slim and trim or where you are right now won't change the situation if it's a communication issue. Seek counseling, prayer and at the same time continue to work on you and see yourself for the beauty you are. Your husband married a plus size woman - you and your beautiful self. Don't self sabotage be encouraged that you are loved!

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NATUREGIRL75 10/16/2008 9:51AM

    I'm sorry to hear things aren't so good-especially with your new baby in the mix.

I was married before for 4 years-but only had my heart in it for about 2.5 years of it. My situation had A LOT wrong with it including, my immaturity, looking to my hubby to define myself and a man who was just so darned self-centered.

I'm recently re-married after 6 years of being divorced and can tell you that divorce is a really bad thing to go through. It emotionally cripples people. I made very bad choices and betrayed some of my values before i snapped out of it. I wasn't able to love myself until about 3 years out and still have this shame of being "married before".

Into every marriage a little rain must fall. Just look inside and try to be objective about how you feel about your vows and the man who is your child's father. Sometimes-like in my case- it was more damaging to stay in that marriage because I was not there for him or myself. This time around-I know that no matter what, DH and I are in this together and if we don't see eye to eye or I feel like he's being unfair to me-I go toe-to-toe with him and we work it out.

Best of luck, huge hugs and good thoughts sent your way. (sorry it's so long)


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Tuesday, October 14, 2008

I went to workout on yesterday and my body definently missed it! I walked on the treadmill for 30 mins and did the stationary bike (the lower to the ground bike...can't think of the name of it..but I could hold the handles on the sides of my hips and my knees almost hit my chest...??) Ok but I did that for 15 mins. It felt good. Now I just need to work on my food again...if you look you can see that fast food has been the easy fix. But not the best fix. I'm trying to get back in guys. Thanks for working with me and thank you for your support! I go workout again tomorrow!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LILSHINE 10/14/2008 4:25PM

    Way to go! I find that because I've limited fast foods down to once a week only weight loss has been better for me and my daughter! Avoid it when you can if not choose wisely! Be blessed and gret job on the exercising!

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ACCT1908 10/14/2008 3:41PM

    emoticon Keep up the great work!

Comment edited on: 10/14/2008 3:39:26 PM

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