Sunday, January 12, 2014
I sat and just deleted my sparkmails. It tells a story that I am sad about. My daughter went through something starting last March. I dropped my life.. and I mean, I put everything about my life on hold to hold her, walk her through, guide her, whatever you want to call it.. through her life.
I am dealing with separation issues as she gets ready to leave the nest as well. I realized that I can't live her life for her. She will be disappointed, she will get strong, she will win and lose. She will love, and be loved, she will get her heart broken, she will make great friends and she will be used and betrayed by some of those same friends, until they get it figured out, not to treat people poorly. It all comes with age, maturity, and experience.
Back to the sparkmail. I sat there and deleted it from March of last year. The mail literally told the story of when I stopped focusing at all on myself. I just stopped caring about me at any level. I missed all the invites, all the challenges, all the motivational emails, all the WHERE ARE YOU? WHAT IS GOING ON? WE LOVE YOU... COME BACK!
I missed all of them, I missed my life. I could not see what I was doing to myself, as I focused on her. I did her no favors by doing that. I did myself no favors. I wasted almost a year of my life. 9 months. Maybe it took 9 months to have her, and 9 months for her growth at this stage. I don't know... I just know it is time to refocus, for my sake and for her sake.
I want me back. I have not lost a single pound in almost a year. That in itself tells me I need spark. I need to be back on track. I can't do it alone. I feel safe when I am doing this. Like I am not in it alone. Like I have friends that motivate and understand me. I can do this. I need to show my daughter how to really live a life based on your own choices and not being a victim by offering up excuses. I am tired of that. So very tired of that. It is not what you think.. It is what you DO!
Friday, October 11, 2013
I haven't been back to take care of myself in months. I just gave up.
I realize I was on a road to nowhere and the only way to care for others is to care for yourself. I am back now.
Saturday, March 02, 2013
I have collected quotes and posted them all over my page.
I gather quotes and pin them to my board, I print them out and I stick them on my mirror and my books. I carry them with me, I even wear them on my wrist in a silver inscribed bracelet.
Something has happened.
I am now posting them on my facebook for others. I am printing them out and leaving them for my daughter on her pillow.
I discovered, while I like the quotes, I don't lean on them like I used to when I felt lost, looking for hope, direction, motivation. I carry all of that within me.
I enjoy reading them still but I feel like my life and how I live each and every day is my very own quote on the world.
What quote would you be.. I hope it is not She never got around to being who she always wanted to be.
I hope it is more, take each and every single moment of your life and breathe it in, experiencing it as if it was a wonderful couple of coffee, a child's smile, the warmth of a hug, the surprise of flowers, the quite stillness of the early morning.
My husband said to me the other day, I want to be simple again.
I, too, want to sit on the side of the river enjoying the sound of the water rushing by, and not being stuck in rush hour.
I am eating organic, and I am cooking from scratch and I am reading more and I am moving my body, though not as fast as I once did. I am not fierce, but I am triumphant. Taking care of me. I have a long way to go, but I realize each and every one of us runs a marathon, whether we put a pair of running shoes on or not.
How do you want to get to the end? I am savoring every single sweet step, all the hills, the valleys, the rainstorms, and the sunshine.
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Around the House Workout Game!
1) Every time you visit the restroom do 15 wall pushups!
2) Every time a commercial comes on get up and do 15 knee lifts
3) Unloading dishwasher: 15 squats
4) Folding Laundry: 20 arm circles
5) Brushing teeth: calve lifts
Sunday, February 24, 2013
My Blog is actually on my sparkpage LOL. I am 45 now sigh, with two kids that run me ragged and try as I might I find myself slipping into a pattern where I continuously take care of them first.
I did this challenge days ago, and yet I didn't bother to post it until now. I use both Fitbit and the Aria Fitbit Scale so I know every single day what my percentage of fat is.
53.0% down from 53.7% last week WOO HOO 134# of fat. Can you believe that? I am willing to make a change, but I do see that it is going to happen bit by bit and not all at once. It is a journey and I want to be at the finish line. I never really got that until right now.
I am drinking more water and taking better care of myself but I have a long way to go.
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