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This Time Around...

Monday, June 14, 2010

I reached a milestone today and I could not be happier. I've now lost 31.6 lbs! I can't believe it! I've passed the 30 lb mark. For so long now, I would lose a few pounds only to gain it back and more. This time around I feel more focused and committed. This time around I feel more in control. This time around I am losing. This time around I feel proud of myself. This time around I will do it!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DAKOTASMOMMY_07 6/17/2010 3:53PM

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OMG!! I got SO excited reading your blog!!
I know how much you have struggled in the past..So I'm extremely happy for you!!
Seems like you believe in YOURSELF..That is a beautiful blessing my friend.
God Bless~Christina

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CHOCMOM 6/17/2010 3:40PM

  Congratulations Kathy! Awesome Sparkfriend! emoticon emoticon

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VALERIENEAL 6/17/2010 2:55PM

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ASPENHUGGER 6/16/2010 2:32PM

    Wow!! That's impressive! Be sure to reward yourself for a job well done!

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ISLANDGIRL2013 6/15/2010 3:09PM

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ANSING 6/15/2010 1:54PM

    Way to go!!!
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Annette

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CJROARK 6/15/2010 7:17AM

    Good for you!!!!

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LEAKAY59 6/15/2010 6:18AM

    And this time around YOU WILL! Way to go, Cathi!

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GRANDMAMAOF3 6/14/2010 9:03PM

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EFELL123 6/14/2010 8:32PM

    Congratulations on your weight loss. You sound so determined and proud. Keep up the good work. emoticon

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This Time Around...

Monday, June 14, 2010

I reached a milestone today and I could not be happier. I've now lost 31.6 lbs! I can't believe it! I've passed the 30 lb mark. For so long now, I would lose a few pounds only to gain it back and more. This time around I feel more focused and committed. This time around I feel more in control. This time around I am losing. This time around I feel proud of myself. This time around I will do it!

  


Soaring To Freedom

Thursday, April 01, 2010

I just finished reading 'Eat Pray Love' and feel such a sense of peace and calm. It was a beautiful book and reminded me of the importance of loving all parts of oneself, good and bad, with love and acceptance. Another point that I will take away from this book is the positive effect of meditation. I've been really lazy with my meditation, so I need to give myself a kick in the butt and stop all the excuses for avoidance.

I made it to my daughter's engagement party, traveling by ferry and car to where she lives. I met my future son-in-law's parents who were so genuine and kind. I feel so grateful that Mal will have such amazing in-laws. The party was amazing and I got to meet so many of Mal's friends. It was also good to spend time with my other daughter Martina. Seeing both of them made my resolve to push through my insecurities extremely strong with the conviction that I will make the trek to see them more often.

I'm tired of living in the cataclysm of excuses of why I should avoid this or that. That's not living. It's just existing and I don't want any part of that. I want to spread my sad, frightened, shamed, angered wings and soar through the air of forgiveness and love.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

_RAMONA 4/9/2010 1:56AM

    The knowledge that you STILL have WINGS is much more important and powerful than is the condition you may feel them to be. Sometimes it is important to simply fly and just not worry about how well you navigate your flight path. Put breath beneath your wings and let it carry you. As you fill your life with the goodness you deserve, the rest will follow or fall away.

May the joy and victory of the risen Lord be yours, moment by moment, in a very personal way... may you always be overwhelmed by the grace of God, rather than by the cares of life!

{{{{{{{{{ HUGS }}}}}}}}}
Ramona



Comment edited on: 4/9/2010 2:02:16 AM

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ANSING 4/4/2010 2:19PM

    Meditation and/or journalling usually helps me see things more clearly. I hope it works for you.
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LEAKAY59 4/2/2010 8:31PM

    Examine your sad, frightened, shamed, angered thoughts, Cath. Where are they coming from? Where did they start? WHY did they start? sometimes facing the answers to these questions can open whole new vistas of ourselves. Keep battling, Warrior/Sister - we're all with you in spirit!

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ASPENHUGGER 4/2/2010 2:57PM

    Meditation really helps -- I just wish I could manage to do it on a regular basis. Another thing that really helps me get centered is Qi Gong. There are some good videos on YouTube if you're interested.

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PLATINUM755 4/1/2010 11:36PM

    Meditation is a wonderful thing...nothing like calming the mind to make it easier to see the path you are on and the one you want to be on!

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Depression Really Taking Havoc On My Body and Mind

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

I've been away for a month now, not away in the sense of travel, just away in my depression. I've been sleeping, sleeping and more sleeping. I weighed myself Monday and saw a one lb gain in the last month. Not a lot considering how much junk and high fat foods I've eaten. I actually got excited seeing the 243, knowing that I'm really close to the 230's. Going off one of my meds is going to really help. I'm being tapered off it really slow to prevent withdrawal symptoms. So far, so good. I should be off the medication completely in another month. Because of the depression worsening, I'm not going to the pool, so I'm getting on the recumbent bike daily for 20 minutes. This will help with weight loss and the depression.

It's strange how I lay in bed before falling asleep and tell myself that tomorrow I will bike, swim, do the Wii fit, eat healthy, drink tons of water, take my supplements, get up early and stay up all day. The reality is that I sleep all day, bike 20 minutes, drink some water, take my supplements. Not much of a life really, but there's still that tiny spec of hope that with a medication change and continuing to bike daily, that these will lift the depression to the point where I'm not in bed all day.

This Sunday is my daughter's engagement party. I'm going, but hate the fact that I'm so large. Also, because of my inactivity for so long, I can't stand for long or walk even a short distance without piercing pain in my hips. I'm embarrassed by this.

I want to change my behaviour, body and mind. I wish it were simple enough to go to bed and wake up changed....wouldn't that be wonderful? I'm tired of feeling so low. There's even talk of having ECT (electroconvulsive shock therapy) to lift the depression. I've been down that road before and it did help a bit, but only temporary. But temporary is okay because I could use the period to do healthy things like exercising and staying out of bed during the day, thus creating a new habit so that when the effects of ECT wear off I'll be able to continue doing these things.

In the meantime, I'll continue to taper off one of my meds and bike daily and now, make sure I journal as well. This depression is not going to win! I have enough energy and motivation to continue to fight.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VALERIENEAL 4/1/2010 9:57AM

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ANSING 3/27/2010 10:14PM

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LEAKAY59 3/25/2010 7:50AM

    Cathi, I haven't notice whether you joined the battle this time or not, but I just wanted to tell you that it doesn't matter. In my book, you are truly a Warrior! Never give up, and know that we are here for you always.

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FIKILEDM 3/25/2010 12:34AM

    Great bloggin Baswan. Too tired to write much now but I like your duck background.

Exchanging one type of workout for another is good, both emotionally & physically.

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KALIGIRL 3/24/2010 10:21PM

    Please do continue to fight and if you can, don't be so hard on yourself.
I'm sending good thoughts your way!
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The Day Turned Out Well

Monday, January 25, 2010



Up 0.4 lbs this week. Dang it all to hell!

I saw my doctor today and when I told her my total loss since Jan 11th was only 2-1/4 lbs, she said that was fine because with one of my meds, expecting 1/2 lb losses is more realistic! Did she just say what I think she did....1/2 lb loss per week! No friggin way! She told me I must really learn to love my body and myself as I am because this journey will take awhile. This was NOT the news I wanted to hear.

I need to review last week in order to see a loss this week. Water 6 cups daily - too low, get it up to 8 cups. Meals noon, then 5-8 pm - eat 3 regular meals forcing me to get out of bed to eat at normal times. Coffee 4 cups daily - too much. Exercise pool twice - too low, need to exercise daily; if I don't go to the pool at least ensure I get on the recumbent bike. Also, make sure I take my bed meds no later than 8 p.m. so I can wake up at 8 or 9 am and go to the pool. Journaling sporadic - not enough, do it daily.

Okay, that's a good plan of action.

Exercise today was riding my recumbent bike for 26 minutes while I watched The Biggest Loser Australia. Time just flew by. I journaled today as well using the question and answer method which I still find so amazing because I'm seeing a gentler, kinder side of me that I thought did not exist.

So, what started out as a crappy day, did in fact take a turn, and you know what, I chose to take that turn!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KALIGIRL 1/27/2010 3:07PM

    Sounds wonderful - have you reached your 8 glasses? Water is my downfall.

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KNITTOBETHIN 1/26/2010 9:08AM

    Good for you girl ! You will reach your goal the healthy way and that's always a plus.

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VALERIENEAL 1/26/2010 8:41AM

    What a great idea, riding while watching BL, thank you. I'm a tad bored staying indoors and going anywhere except on my newly fixed but worse off road is my only option right now. I have been doing Leslie Sansone's walking videos indoors on Exercisetv.tv and getting a tad bored so I was thinking about adding 2 bike rides a week (stationary bike) but needed something to "take me away". Thanks for the idea, I'll just get caught up on Biggest Loser, since I cannot watch it on Tuesday nights right now.

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LEAKAY59 1/26/2010 12:44AM

    Yay, Cathi! Plans are sooo good! I can't say I could argue with your doctor. My metabolism is so slow I'd love to see a half pound loss per week. I'd have lost 25 plus pounds that way, instead of the 13 in the past year! Celebrate the wins, Cathy! The last time I saw my doctor, she had just given up the battle and gone to bypass surgery instead. She looks great, but at what cost both to her wallet and her self-esteem, that she had to resort to such an extreme?

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ANSING 1/25/2010 10:31PM

    You are making some great plans. I really like your determination, you never give up!

Good job!

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