Tuesday, January 19, 2010
I lost 0.4 lbs this past week. Not what I had hoped for, but sure as hell better than a gain. Better than the loss is the fact I've lost weight three weeks in a row. That's huge for me.
I'm trying to do some new things this week to see if it will help.
First, I'm going to go to the pool for aqua fit every single day. I've been two days in a row, with three more to go. It wasn't as hard as I thought with getting up at 8 a.m. I really enjoyed the aqua fit and I'm going to try water running next. 21 days. That's how long it takes to build a habit. So I'm 2 days in, 19 to go. I can do this. I will do this. I am doing this!
Second, I'm journaling in a new way. I'm doing it as questions and answers. I'm being my own therapist since I can't see one personally. It's only been two days of writing in this manner, but already I'm discovering what is going on with my wanting to sleep all day. I've realized that I'm terrified of binging on food if I'm awake. It relates back to when I was young and my mother would either empty the cereal box into the garbage or mix all the cereals together in one box. We would panic, eating our favourite, hoping to get it all done before she got to it. On her part, it was definite control, and for us as kids, it was feast or famine. Now that I'm aware of this, I can reassure the little ones within that they can always have their favourite cereal so there's no need to binge. I like journaling in this way and I can feel that everyone inside like it as well. Maybe, finally, they and I will work as a co-operative team.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
For the 8 Week Battle, above is my before pic and measurements. I did it quickly so I wouldn't have to focus on the numbers or image. I'm embarrassed by how I look. I'm determined to stick with the battle this time around and to give it 100% rather than 400% for 2 weeks, then 0% for the remaining 6 weeks. I want to be a success this time. I've set my goal to lose 1 lb each week. I was realistic in my goal to reflect the effects of my medications.
I lost 2.4 lbs this week and I'm happy about that.
I went to the morning aqua fit and the 60 minutes just flew by. I'll be happy for the day when I can do the exercises without knee pain. Time and patience are called for here, but I know those are two qualities I don't use much. Better late than never is applying them to my life.
The depression hangs around and today I let it be with sleeping the afternoon away. I believe that as I exercise more, lose weight, increase my confidence, have more energy, I'll not retreat to the safety of my bedroom for refuge. I'll be actively living the life I dream of...writing my book, dog walking for income, taking my doggies to the dog park, reading, crocheting, and so much more.
Today I did well and I'm proud of myself.
Monday, January 04, 2010
2010, another new year, another opportunity for a fresh new start. Looking back at my weight losses and gains depresses me, so I'm going to focus on the here and now. I am setting monthly goals which are attainable yet still a bit of a challenge. For January my goals are to go to the pool for the shallow water aquafit Mon, Wed, Fri as well as using my Wii Fit Plus three times per week.
As I said, these goals are attainable, yet a challenge. It's the old "it's safe in the house, I don't want to leave" that traps me. I'm tired of these thoughts so I'm squashing old patterns of avoidance. I'm determined to make this the year I get healthy.
I have lost 5.4 lbs since xmas, so I'm off to a good start.
Here's to a new year, a new me!
Thursday, December 03, 2009
I've been away from SparkPeople for a bit trying to get to the root of why I can't seem to stay on track. I started thinking about how I behaved when I was a healthy weight and what I came to realize was that I ate when I was hungry, stopped when I was full, walked or biked to work and lived an active life.
So, that's what I'm doing now. I'm stopping the obsession I have with losing weight and living my life. For the past week I've eaten what I wanted when hungry and not binged at all. As well, I'm walking 20 minutes every day with Paul and the doggies. Paul continues on to have a 45 minute walk and soon I'll be doing the full walk with him. I was surprised with myself that I suggested going for the walk. A shift has happened and it feels good.
I didn't weigh myself on Monday because I want to stop the obsession with the numbers. I will know how I'm doing by how I feel. I'm putting my energy towards being active daily. Sure, I'd love to exercise 4-5 hours per day like they do on the Biggest Loser, but that's not realistic right now or probably ever.
I saw my reflection in the patio door of me sitting on the edge of the couch and was taken aback at the woman looking back at me. She was big. She was unhappy. She was angry. She wants the easy way out. She wants results right now. She is impatient. She is her own worst enemy. She wants love, but refuses to give it to herself. I need to accept her into my mind and body and nurture her so the self hatred doesn't destroy her.
Gaining all this weight has served a purpose of which I don't know yet, but I will in time. I am on a journey to get healthy and this trip doesn't have to be one of deprivation and punishment. I want to learn how to be comfortable in my own skin instead of despising every inch. I will work on this and as a result my self confidence will improve.
This week has been a low one with my sleeping a lot, but I'm not going to dwell on that because it's done and over with. Plus, tomorrow is a new day and my plan is to definitely go to the pool. I need to get in touch with my weightlessness while in the water and feel the serenity that the water on my skin brings.
So, here I go towards my new life.
Monday, November 23, 2009
I am so grateful. I lost 2 lbs this week and I couldn't be happier. This proves that indeed I CAN lose on my new meds. I wasn't expecting 2 lbs, especially since I only went to the pool twice. I did eat healthy and only had one night, last night, where I did eat from the peanut butter jar. So overall, I am stoked!
This week I commit to going to the pool Mon to Fri afternoons, drinking tons of water and eating healthy. I have this recipe from Weight Watchers called Garden Vegetable. It's okay, but a bit on the bland side. I added stewed tomatoes and corn and wow, it was awesome. I'm writing about it because I'm not a real vegetable soup lover, but with a few tweaks, I created one I really like that will become a staple in my weight loss journey.
There's something about being at the pool that totally rejuvenates me and gives me a brighter view of the world. The lighting, the calmness of the water, the activity of people and my ability to feel weightless in the water all contribute to my feeling better. It is all because of these reasons that I want to go to the pool daily. I'll wear my swimsuit under my clothes to my physio and depression group, so then I can head straight to the pool afterward. Also, being prepared will make me not have an excuse to return home to bed and avoid the pool.
I feel if I can get a couple of good weeks under my belt, my confidence will improve and this journey won't feel so daunting.
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