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I'm Moving In A New Direction

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

I lost 0.4 lbs this past week. Not what I had hoped for, but sure as hell better than a gain. Better than the loss is the fact I've lost weight three weeks in a row. That's huge for me.

I'm trying to do some new things this week to see if it will help.

First, I'm going to go to the pool for aqua fit every single day. I've been two days in a row, with three more to go. It wasn't as hard as I thought with getting up at 8 a.m. I really enjoyed the aqua fit and I'm going to try water running next. 21 days. That's how long it takes to build a habit. So I'm 2 days in, 19 to go. I can do this. I will do this. I am doing this!

Second, I'm journaling in a new way. I'm doing it as questions and answers. I'm being my own therapist since I can't see one personally. It's only been two days of writing in this manner, but already I'm discovering what is going on with my wanting to sleep all day. I've realized that I'm terrified of binging on food if I'm awake. It relates back to when I was young and my mother would either empty the cereal box into the garbage or mix all the cereals together in one box. We would panic, eating our favourite, hoping to get it all done before she got to it. On her part, it was definite control, and for us as kids, it was feast or famine. Now that I'm aware of this, I can reassure the little ones within that they can always have their favourite cereal so there's no need to binge. I like journaling in this way and I can feel that everyone inside like it as well. Maybe, finally, they and I will work as a co-operative team.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BIZEEMOMTO3 1/21/2010 8:19AM

    what a great idea for journaling. I have never been able to be faithful to journal entries. Maybe I will try this method.

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ANSING 1/20/2010 3:54PM

    It's great that you are finding some of your reasons for your behaviors. Hopefully this will help you find the solutions you need.

And a big WOOHOO on losing weight for 3 weeks in a row!!

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BABY-G1 1/20/2010 9:47AM

    Good job on beginning to discover yourself and to fight your inner demons....this is something that I am continuing to deal with...and I agree with the other ladies in that this new you is awesome....


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LEAKAY59 1/20/2010 7:56AM

    Cathie, I agree with Christina, I really like the new attitude you are finding, my friend! And your insights into yourself and your needs is startling - I may have to try something along those lines.

emoticon on posting a loss for three straight weeks! That's definitely something I would love to emulate!

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-CAPRICOUS 1/20/2010 6:18AM

    Sounds like you're heading in the right direction, and that you've realized a core problem to your eating habits. I know for me, it's sometimes hard to accept the facts, but once I do... it's a whole lot easier. Keep up the wonderful work!

I'm jealous that you are able to go to a pool for exercise. Keep us posted! I'm interested in what all you guys do in Aqua Fit, since I've never participated in a water class before.

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DAKOTASMOMMY_07 1/20/2010 12:55AM

    emoticonI am liking this new you!!
There's a calmness that wasn't there before..Also "A CAN DO ATTITUDE"!! emoticon You know you can do this..We ALL know you can do this.
Just try not to forget that even though YOU can do it..YOU are worth it! And worth all the hard work that goes along with it!
God Bless my friend,Christina emoticon

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MNABOY 1/20/2010 12:24AM

    Swimming was great for me and when the pool opens I will swim gain. Swimming burns more calories than walking and is easier on my joints. Keep us posted on your blog style as you may have discovered a great tool.

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CHOCMOM 1/19/2010 11:32PM

  emoticon I miss my water aerobics class. Cathie, you are doing great - keep journaling, it makes a difference. emoticon emoticon

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Before Pic for 8 Week Battle

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

For the 8 Week Battle, above is my before pic and measurements. I did it quickly so I wouldn't have to focus on the numbers or image. I'm embarrassed by how I look. I'm determined to stick with the battle this time around and to give it 100% rather than 400% for 2 weeks, then 0% for the remaining 6 weeks. I want to be a success this time. I've set my goal to lose 1 lb each week. I was realistic in my goal to reflect the effects of my medications.

I lost 2.4 lbs this week and I'm happy about that.

I went to the morning aqua fit and the 60 minutes just flew by. I'll be happy for the day when I can do the exercises without knee pain. Time and patience are called for here, but I know those are two qualities I don't use much. Better late than never is applying them to my life.

The depression hangs around and today I let it be with sleeping the afternoon away. I believe that as I exercise more, lose weight, increase my confidence, have more energy, I'll not retreat to the safety of my bedroom for refuge. I'll be actively living the life I dream of...writing my book, dog walking for income, taking my doggies to the dog park, reading, crocheting, and so much more.

Today I did well and I'm proud of myself.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DAKOTASMOMMY_07 1/19/2010 1:16AM

    Can't wait to see your after pics.You are beautiful now..Of course.BUT just wait and see after these 8 weeks are up!!
You can do this.I know you can make your goals a reality.
God Bless,Christina

Comment edited on: 1/19/2010 1:17:42 AM

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ANSING 1/12/2010 5:46PM

    Good luck, Cathie!

You have a great attitude and realistic goals. I am sure you are going to do GREAT!!!

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CHOCMOM 1/12/2010 10:02AM

  Awesome Cathie - I love the idea of posting your measurements out beside your picture - you are always so CREATIVE! I will have to copy that idea this week and get my picture up. 1 lb a week is a great, realistic goal. We all dream of 2 to 3 lbs per week for the next few months.... but we are not all the same, so even though some are able to do that, the majority of us aren't. Something that took me a long time to realize!

I battled with severe depression almost year round (for many years, especially following my divorce), took various medications, etc. until I found Spark - when I started "sparking" my life, exercising, paying attention to what I ate, getting involved with new friends, etc. the depression lessened. I am fortunate now that I only have real problems with it during the winter months (S.A.D.) but I am learning to keep that under control too (it always improves once the holidays are over!) emoticon

You will do good this battle - take it one day at a time - stay away from the bed - read, take the dogs walking, find a new recipe to experiment with, but stay away from the bed until bed time. emoticon

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VALERIENEAL 1/12/2010 8:47AM

    You say that you are embarrassed by how you look (which really you shouldn't) but look at your smile (yes, the smile thing again). You look happy, confident, and determined. Keep doing what you can and yes the energy levels with balance out. Don't be surprised if at first you find that you are even more tired, right now I am, and all that will balance out.

Have you considered volunteering at a homeless shelter? I was reading or watching (can't remember I have slept since then) about how that sometimes give those of us who battle depression a reason to get up some days, helping others helps us.

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KNITTOBETHIN 1/12/2010 8:31AM

    I'm proud of you Cathie and wish you the best of luck with your goal. You are inspiring me to do the same. emoticon

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    Love the 100% the entire time rather than 400% for two weeks... you got this girl... 1 lb a week is realistic and a worthy goal!! GO ORANGE!!

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LEAKAY59 1/12/2010 7:42AM

    Great attitude, Cathie! I know you can do this, my friend! If you need a boost, just holler - I'll be out here somewhere!

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BOOPSTER69 1/12/2010 4:25AM

    You are truly a star in my book. I am seeing your success in your blog. See it - believe it - be it! emoticon

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CAROLINA_KOUKLA 1/12/2010 1:15AM

  You can do it!!! Watch out 8 week challenge! :)

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DELWYNH 1/12/2010 12:59AM

  Well done. If you keep up the good work you will make progress over time -no doubt about that. If you check my sparkpage you will see that I don't lose lots of weight each week, no real big losses for me, but I consistently lose weight each week and it all adds up. So be strong and stick to your plans.

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PKTREKGIRL 1/12/2010 12:48AM

    Good luck with the battle challenge you are working on! I hope that you succeed and reach your goals!

Well done for not giving up - just keep on going, one day at a time!

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A New Year A New Me

Monday, January 04, 2010

2010, another new year, another opportunity for a fresh new start. Looking back at my weight losses and gains depresses me, so I'm going to focus on the here and now. I am setting monthly goals which are attainable yet still a bit of a challenge. For January my goals are to go to the pool for the shallow water aquafit Mon, Wed, Fri as well as using my Wii Fit Plus three times per week.

As I said, these goals are attainable, yet a challenge. It's the old "it's safe in the house, I don't want to leave" that traps me. I'm tired of these thoughts so I'm squashing old patterns of avoidance. I'm determined to make this the year I get healthy.

I have lost 5.4 lbs since xmas, so I'm off to a good start.

Here's to a new year, a new me!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VALERIENEAL 1/5/2010 1:38PM

    I've been offline from SP for awhile but have thought of you from time to time. I love seeing your face by the way, you look MARVELOUS DAAAARRRRLING JUST MARVELOUS!!!! I had a great New Year's, I have decided no resolutions, just a few basic obtainable goals, and if I mess up guess what (and I will) I am not waiting for the next New Year because each day-heck each moment is a gift, a do-over. Just do what you can, when you can, as you can and you will get there!!!

I like your goals you set & you CAN DO IT!!!

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KNITTOBETHIN 1/5/2010 8:21AM

    losing 5 plus pounds since Christmas is a super start ! YOu go girl, I know you can do this. emoticon

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LEAKAY59 1/5/2010 7:42AM

    emoticon on LOSING through the holidays! That's amazing! I know you can do it, and that means so can I! Best wishes to you for the New Year!

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SUGIEHEAD 1/4/2010 9:29PM

    Sounds like a plan. Keep up the positive attitude and good luck!

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A Clearer Vision Of Where I'm Going

Thursday, December 03, 2009

I've been away from SparkPeople for a bit trying to get to the root of why I can't seem to stay on track. I started thinking about how I behaved when I was a healthy weight and what I came to realize was that I ate when I was hungry, stopped when I was full, walked or biked to work and lived an active life.

So, that's what I'm doing now. I'm stopping the obsession I have with losing weight and living my life. For the past week I've eaten what I wanted when hungry and not binged at all. As well, I'm walking 20 minutes every day with Paul and the doggies. Paul continues on to have a 45 minute walk and soon I'll be doing the full walk with him. I was surprised with myself that I suggested going for the walk. A shift has happened and it feels good.

I didn't weigh myself on Monday because I want to stop the obsession with the numbers. I will know how I'm doing by how I feel. I'm putting my energy towards being active daily. Sure, I'd love to exercise 4-5 hours per day like they do on the Biggest Loser, but that's not realistic right now or probably ever.

I saw my reflection in the patio door of me sitting on the edge of the couch and was taken aback at the woman looking back at me. She was big. She was unhappy. She was angry. She wants the easy way out. She wants results right now. She is impatient. She is her own worst enemy. She wants love, but refuses to give it to herself. I need to accept her into my mind and body and nurture her so the self hatred doesn't destroy her.

Gaining all this weight has served a purpose of which I don't know yet, but I will in time. I am on a journey to get healthy and this trip doesn't have to be one of deprivation and punishment. I want to learn how to be comfortable in my own skin instead of despising every inch. I will work on this and as a result my self confidence will improve.

This week has been a low one with my sleeping a lot, but I'm not going to dwell on that because it's done and over with. Plus, tomorrow is a new day and my plan is to definitely go to the pool. I need to get in touch with my weightlessness while in the water and feel the serenity that the water on my skin brings.

So, here I go towards my new life.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DEEPGREENBEAN 12/5/2009 3:42AM

    Hi! I hear your not wanting to obsess with the numbers in tracking calories and exercise. It takes some time, effort and commitment to constantly monitor what we are eating. If I am honest with myself, I know that the only time, however, when I have lost weight and kept it off is when I was writing down everything. I also have to measure food, too. I like to lie to myself about how much I really am eating.Let me know what you think. emoticon

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ANSING 12/4/2009 3:50PM

    Cathie, I loved this blog. You sound so positive, and I think you're right. It's better to live than obsess over numbers, fussing and fretting all the time.

My dogs are a big motivator in getting me out the door walking. I hope yours, and that wonderful DH you have, will be one of yours!


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SHI-TOODLES4ME 12/4/2009 8:28AM

    You sound a lot like me, I lost a lot of weight one time doing just that, Eat when hungry, stop when full.. God intended that, that is why we have hungry and full feelings. I called it my undiet!
I too saw a stranger , but not a reflection, a photo. My Dad innocently posted it on facebook. I was at my heaviest and I was devastated! (now I secretly owe him thanks for showing me to me!) I hated her too and thought of her actually as someone else!!
I have learned a lot and now do not have regrets for having gotten so big. I learned about my own determination and how driven I can be. I learned about nutrition, health , and motivation. I learned that I can only digest certain foods and that avoiding the ones I can't feels much better and healthier to me. I learned how it "feels" to be heavy, and how people stare and judge and whisper. But mostly I learned that there are so many beautiful people here on sparks that just want to be happy and loved.
Good things come in strange (or in my case, large) packages!!
I wish you all the best and welcome you to this site!

Comment edited on: 12/4/2009 8:34:20 AM

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LEAKAY59 12/4/2009 7:33AM

    Cathie, your blog strikes a chord. My son was an overweight teen, not morbidly so like some kids I've seen on T.V., but uncomfortably heavy. He loved his video games, and not much outdoor activity (or activity, period!) When he got to college he had to walk the campus (we're very rural up here, so lots of green space) to get to all his classes and extracurriculars. He came home the first spring looking absolutely great and I asked him how he did it. His simple answer was this: "I only eat when I'm hungry." Of course, I knew he also was getting in a lot more exercise than he realized, but he had learned a valuable lesson in eating, all on his own. I am learning to do the same, but the lesson seeps in slowly at my age! I still have real difficulty at work with the concept, but am working at it daily! And so are you, my friend - good luck!

Comment edited on: 12/4/2009 7:33:56 AM

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KNITTOBETHIN 12/4/2009 6:41AM

    And I'm sending a bag full of luck and good wishes to go with your new life Cathie. I've run the game the same way you have, being successful for a length of time and then slipping off for no real reason and finding it hard to get started again. Your post makes sense to me. I think the work involved is just too much to cope with right now so I'm resisting, and at the same time frustrating myself at not being able to get with the program again. I think I'll relax a bit and just accept a pause and see what happens. Could be without obsessing about what foods I "shouldn't eat" I'll give up the desire to overeat them. emoticon

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Happy I Had A Weight Loss

Monday, November 23, 2009

I am so grateful. I lost 2 lbs this week and I couldn't be happier. This proves that indeed I CAN lose on my new meds. I wasn't expecting 2 lbs, especially since I only went to the pool twice. I did eat healthy and only had one night, last night, where I did eat from the peanut butter jar. So overall, I am stoked!

This week I commit to going to the pool Mon to Fri afternoons, drinking tons of water and eating healthy. I have this recipe from Weight Watchers called Garden Vegetable. It's okay, but a bit on the bland side. I added stewed tomatoes and corn and wow, it was awesome. I'm writing about it because I'm not a real vegetable soup lover, but with a few tweaks, I created one I really like that will become a staple in my weight loss journey.

There's something about being at the pool that totally rejuvenates me and gives me a brighter view of the world. The lighting, the calmness of the water, the activity of people and my ability to feel weightless in the water all contribute to my feeling better. It is all because of these reasons that I want to go to the pool daily. I'll wear my swimsuit under my clothes to my physio and depression group, so then I can head straight to the pool afterward. Also, being prepared will make me not have an excuse to return home to bed and avoid the pool.

I feel if I can get a couple of good weeks under my belt, my confidence will improve and this journey won't feel so daunting.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VALERIENEAL 11/27/2009 10:55AM


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MEYLOSE 11/24/2009 9:35PM

    WOO HOO, W2G!!!! VERY very PROUD of YOU!!!!!

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LEAKAY59 11/24/2009 6:28PM

    Let me add my congratulations to all the others! You've been doing a great job at this journey! You've planned the work for the week, now it's time to work the plan, as they say! I know you can do it!

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MNABOY 11/24/2009 6:05PM

    Congratulations on the loss. The pool is a great place to work out. After my back surgery,10 weeks after, the pool was where I started working out above the rehab that was given. Built up to swimming nonstop one and a half hours, really burning calories and not hurting like walking was putting on me. Keep up water work and you will continue to lose the weight.

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ANSING 11/24/2009 10:23AM

    Cathie, I did have to laugh at your soup story. My DH sometimes asks if there is anything I don't put tomatoes in! It certainly gives a big flavor boost to recipes that are a bit bland.

I am so happy for you for losing this week! Your plan for going to the pool is spot on!

I hope this week is great for you!

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KNITTOBETHIN 11/24/2009 8:09AM

    Way to go Cathy... I loved being in the water too, and for the same reasons. Congrats on the weight loss - keep it up kiddo ! emoticon

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DHAZ09 11/24/2009 7:04AM

    Great news on the weight loss! I'm happy for you. It's awesome that the pool workouts are having such a positive effect on you - make sure to keep that up!! emoticon emoticon

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FEATHERSPRINGS 11/24/2009 2:16AM

    Congratulations! Great Job! I think I would like the pool also but it isnt easily available to me ...

I love making veggie soup in the winter especially. I find if I use mostly fresh veggies I like it the most. Sometimes when I want to make it more of a meal I will add beans or a small amount of whole grain rice for a dinner.

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DAKOTASMOMMY_07 11/24/2009 1:12AM

    Cathy I am so happy for you!!
You have every right to be STOKED!!
Now I can say..I told you so,LOL! I knew you could do it all along.Keep it up my friend.Every pound gone brings you one step closer to your goal.God Bless,Christina

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STRIDERGIRL 11/24/2009 12:09AM

  emoticon emoticon

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SPARKEE 11/23/2009 11:59PM


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BETWEENUS 11/23/2009 11:58PM

    You should be happy about your weight loss this week. It sounds like you were very dedicated to your goals. The additions to your veggie soup recipe sound very good to me as well.

Continue to enjoy your week. Have fun in the pool. And all of my best for your continued success!!!!

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