Friday, July 11, 2008
I woke up in excruciating pain this morning and dragged myself to my massage appt. She focused on my quads and knee, yet it still hurt so much afterwards. I came home, ate breakfast, drank some water and gave into the urge to take 2 ativan and 3 ibuprofen regular strength. I knew I was headed for a full blown panic attack due to feeling physically exhausted from having little sleep all week and the added pain only increased my anxiety. After another ativan and 3 tylenol, I laid down at 2:30 p.m. and my husband woke me at 7:00 p.m. He suggested I not walk tonight and I must admit that I agreed, although inside I felt like a wimp and a failure. I know I should have pushed through the pain, but I can't even think straight at this moment. I see my personal trainer tomorrow and now must admit I failed by not being consistent and walking every day. Dammit, it's only day 4 and already I'm screwing up. Yeah, I'm feeling emotionally crappy.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
It was a glorious sunny day and I sat outside! Now this may not seem too big to some people, but for me, well, let me say, it was huge!!!
My day started with an hour workout guided by my personal trainer. Tough workout, but boy did I ever feel good afterwards. I was so tired beforehand and thought how I was going to nap when I got home, but that never crossed my mind again. I was hot, happy and wanted to watch my four dogs along with a puppy I was watching play in the yard. So without further thought, or in my case, intense analyzing, I grabbed my laptop and sat at my back patio table. I didn't feel panicked and just thoroughly enjoyed sitting in the shade, typing on my laptop while watching all puppies playing, sleeping and lazing in the sun.
My walk tonight was shortened to 25 minutes because the searing pain from my inner knee was making it impossible to walk without wincing. I've iced the area, and when I'm done here will have an epsom salts bath to hopefully help it along with my still very sore quads.
I'm still amazed at how exercising gives me more energy and lifts my spirits. I know the facts about this, yet I never believed it could happen to me. Who knew!
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
Okay, my quads hurt so much I don't want to move. I'm sitting on my recliner holding my pee because I know to get up I have to use my quads to press the foot rest down, then stand up, walk to the washroom, sit on toilet and finally, stand up from the toilet. Despite the pain, I did go for my 45 minute walk and it was the longest 45 minutes I've ever experienced. I did it though and that's what counts because it's a big change for me.
I've tried heat, but it didn't do anything. Thinking of getting ice to see if that does anything. I know I'm hurting from yesterday's walk and the 3 excruciating minutes on the elliptical. This is a definite reminder of why I need to keep moving.
I'm going to end now because my bitchiness is getting the better of me and going to sleep is my best recourse at this time.
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
What a great day this was!
I fretted last night about my first personal training session and it turned out just fine. I was weighed, 222 lbs, then measured and off to the workout room we went. I did 3 minutes on the elliptical and I thought I was going to die! Next we did some floor core work, balancing on the bosu balance trainer and strength training my arms, chest, upper back on machines. I could hardly breathe, was hot, sweaty and unbelievably thirsty, but I felt fantastic! I was taking the first steps to creating a healthy lifestyle.
In the afternoon I did a 7 minute video diary recording my thoughts on my weight, inactivity, why I wanted to lose weight and get in shape, why I couldn't remain as I am and more. There were some tears shed, but that was okay. It felt like a release of pent up emotions.
I DID IT!!!!!
I did the entire 45 minute walk with Paul and didn't have to stop at all! My hips, feet and left toe were in pain, but it wasn't searing, so I just pushed through it. I kept thinking of the Biggest Loser Contestants and how they would use their mind to control the pain so they could keep working. I also kept repeating what my personal trainer Karen said to me today "You're a lot stronger than you think."
I was so happy when I got home. For six months now I've been coddled and told not to walk, but Karen said the thing I need to do now is MOVE and MOVE EVERY DAY!
I feel really proud of myself!
As soon as I'm done here, I'm going to record another video diary talking about my accomplishments. Having this video diary is going to be instrumental in my being consistent as I'll have a tool to remind me why I'm doing this and also to see what has gone well.
I'm so happy at this moment because I finally believe that I CAN DO THIS!!!
Sunday, July 06, 2008
It's Sunday evening and in sixteen hours I'll meet my personal trainer for the first time. She is the trainer in the image above. I'm excited yet terrified. This first session will be humiliating in a number of ways. I'll be weighed, have my measurements and body fat percentage taken, then face the cardio, strength and flexibility assessments. I'll survive this knowing that I'll only get healthier from this point forward.
I'm watching The Biggest Loser Australia 3 as I type this. Wouldn't it be nice to lose weight as fast as they have, but I really don't want to exercise five or more hours a day to achieve it. I'll be doing it the old fashioned way, losing 1-3 lbs per week.
In the last two weeks I've binged on butter tarts, pringles, pizza, cinnamon buns, cookies and more. It's been like the final days of eating crap before I begin a healthy lifestyle. I know it's silly to have done this, but I can't say I really regret it.
My mind is racing, stomach is in knots and I just want this night to end so I can get tomorrow over with.
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