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My Virtual Walk - Athens, Greece to Vancouver, BC, Canada

Wednesday, June 03, 2009



Each year has been designed to be approximately 3,650,000 steps so that by walking 10,000 steps per day you can reach the goal. This is a two year program, with the first year taking you along parts of the "Silk Road", a virtual trek up Mount Everest, a journey along part of the "Great Wall of China" and many other interesting places along the way. You don't walk each virtual step of the way, as there are some parts where you double step and others where you are allowed virtual camel rides to move you ahead.

The second year continues from China and you journey up through Russia and over the Land Bridge to Alaska. The final leg of your journey takes you through many interesting places in BC before you in end up in Vancouver in 2010.

Well, I'm starting this walk now, so I definitely won't make it to Vancouver for the 2010 Olympics, but that's okay, because the journey will be so exciting. So, putting one foot in front of the other, here I go....



So, after two days I've walked 3,141 steps, not a lot, but not bad considering the surgery and the fact that I'm starting out again with light exercise.



Now, for your enjoyment, the National Animal of Greece is the Dophin. In 1991 the Tethys Research Institute started a study on common dolphins around the Greek island of Kalamos. The area has been severely overfished, resulting in prey depletion and ecosystem collapse, and only a few individuals of a formerly healthy population remain today. Bottlenose dolphins are also found around Kalamos, where they manage to survive thanks to their opportunistic and flexible behaviour.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MONEYSTRETCHER 6/4/2009 10:36PM

    I love it. Sounds like a beautiful trip. Your doing great!

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SKINNYINMYHEAD 6/4/2009 12:21AM

    Pace yourself, listen to your body... and keep it up!

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ANSING 6/3/2009 11:15PM

    Glad to see you're back on your feet, Cathie.

Sounds like a fun trip.

Annette

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The Bloating Is Horrendous

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Day 5 After Hiatus Hernia Surgery - Pureed Foods - Light Walking Permitted

Physically, the bloating and gas build up is killing me. Need to pass gas desperately. I'm wondering if the pureed foods I've added are causing the problem. I did walk up and down the hallway for 10 minutes at a slower pace, but no gas exited my body. I tried a heating pad and we saw some action, but then it all drew to a halt. Hopefully while sleeping, I'll fart away!

So, I ignored my body's pain thermometer and the result was 30 minutes of outbursts of tears and anger all because I could not find the disc for my pedometer. I wanted to throw everything in the garbage to stop my cluttering. I hated me and everything about me. I finally listened to Paul and sat down because by this point I was hyperventilating and the pain in my abdomen only intensified. After taking 2 tylenol 3 with codeine and forcing myself to relax, the panic lessened and I was able to function.

Two days in a row of letting my emotions run wild all because I am stubborn and don't take my meds as directed. I want to be strong and make my tylenol 3's last. Strange thinking there.

I didn't weigh myself today because of the severe bloating, but must admit to being curious about the numbers. Okay, just stepped on the scales and I was 228.8 lbs, so I stayed the same. Hell of a lot better than gaining, so I'll take that!

Things I Did Well Today:
1) sat outside with Paul all afternoon
2) pureed my 3 meals
3) light exercise to keep my body moving - walk in hallways 962 steps
4) total steps today:

Today I Am Grateful For:
1) all the wonderful SparkPeople friends who sent me goodies, comments on my page and blog yesterday - I feel so alone sometimes, and then to be surprised with all that support, well that was truly a gift I will always cherish - THANK YOU MY SPARK BUDDIES!!!!!
2) I was able to talk with Mal and see that everything was okay after yesterday telling her that maybe she shouldn't come this week and blubbering on about how much better she, Martina and Paul were than me - of course, must admit, that I still wonder if it's really okay or if she's mad at me, which if she is, she has a right to because I was being a jerk
3) I talked with Martina tonight and warned her how my moods are all over the place and wished her "good luck" tomorrow when she comes for a day - this made her laugh and it felt okay to make a joke about my behaviour - on this one as well, I wonder if it's really okay or if she laughed just to appease me
4) my ever patient Paul who puts up with my emotional outbursts - gosh don't know if I could be that patient

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MONEYSTRETCHER 6/4/2009 10:40PM

    So if the scale is still the same, as soon as the gas is gone you will weigh less! So you've lost weight, it just hasn't shown up yet, but it will soon.

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CAREWREN 6/3/2009 10:14AM

    Man, that stomach pain (intestinal pain) is hard to bear, isn't it. I am on pain meds that cause that kind of pain (and codeine is in that category) and it's amazing how much that can hurt. I keep thinking I must have appendicitis!

I expect you to be a good patient. You are doing great to have moved around some and to have finally taken some pain meds. Panic attacks are the pits so if you can be good enough to yourself to circumvent them happening by being a good patient, do it, do it, do it! You can, you can, you can!

Congratulations on not gaining weight through all this.

I love the "what I did well" and the "what I'm grateful for" lists. I keep forgetting to do something like that. It would just take a minute to jot down some things like that which could be very helpful.

Here's to self-love! Here's to treating ourselves the way we would treat a very good friend.




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ANSING 6/2/2009 8:10PM

    I'm glad you're on your feet. It's a sign that the doctor thinks you're getting better!

I hope these horrible side effects go away soon. I know you are just not feeling yourself, and it must be terribly frustrating.

Take care, and take your pills,
Annette

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TINA*23 6/2/2009 3:44PM

    Things will get better and I bet your family isn't taking any of it personally. Just learn and move on.

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JAYBIRDNFLIGHT 6/2/2009 12:36PM

    emoticon

I appreciate your honesty. I pray for your healing. We are here for you and supporting you.

I do not have any advice to make your recovery more bearable. Your body will heal. As you continue to your work on yourself and process, you will become stronger mentally, emotionally, and physically. I am familiar with the feelings, especially guilt. It's a fight to overcome and go through the dark spaces.

But I'm glad that you continue to blog. That is so important to our healing.

Still praying and rooting for you!

jay

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SHANM816 6/2/2009 1:57AM

    Having gone through post-surgical gas buildup (although not for a hernia, so it might be different), it does get better. Are you allowed any kind of carbonated drinks? If so, that can help some, it makes you belch and relieves some of the pressure. If not, just keep walking, that should help. Good luck! And don't worry about the moodiness, you're in pain and on pain meds, both things that can make you not quite yourself. I'm sure everyone around you understands that, and if they don't, well, that's their problem, don't worry about it.



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How Much Worse Can I Make It?

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Home this afternoon from hospital after having hiatus hernia surgery on Wednesday. Have eaten very little. Extremely emotional; can't stop crying, which then results in my saying stupid things, followed by the ever present guilt. I hate how I'm living my life or rather, not living my life. Just hope the girls will still come home this week after my telling them not to come because it just adds one more thing I owe them. They and Paul, they are so good, so nice, so helpful. Thought I'd feel better after the surgery, but I feel worse. Yeah, I'm in a lot of pain, but now when I look down, I see surgical tape over the openings where the endoscope entered my numerous layers of fat to lengthen the esophagus and tie the stomach around the esophagus. It's good though, a painful, visual reminder of how disgusting I've let myself become. As usual, even though I haven't blogged in over a week, I only write the negative.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANSING 6/1/2009 3:29PM

    Take it easy on yourself. You'll soon be good as new. Even skinny people get hernias, after all.

Just take care of yourself for now. It's time for you to put yourself first, and heal.
emoticon
Annette

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CAREWREN 6/1/2009 9:30AM

    emoticon emoticon I know you'll hang in there and pull through this.

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BEEJAY49 6/1/2009 3:42AM

    Be patient and give yourself some time, you will get through this. Right now it may be just the after effects of the surgery. We all go through not liking our lifestyle and our bodies, but those things get worse in our minds when our bodies have had such a traumatic experience. Hang in there and keep us up on how you are doing. HUGS!

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PONYFARMER 6/1/2009 12:58AM

    Cathy~
You will get through this. I know cuz I just got over a surgery that had me begging for death. I was in so much pain. I lay there, for a week or more and thought about my fat and my messy house and how my dogs hate laying around.
Try to be gentle with yourself. Allow for your body to heal. Everyday it will get a bit better and you will get stronger.

You can do this. I thougth I would never get to where I could exercise. But I did. I took it slow the first few times but once I felt better I was back in the game.

Hang in there girl. And know that when you put yourself down like that (and i am guilty of this myself), it hurts us too. We care about you.

Be patient and let your body heal itself. Thats all you have to do for now.

Hugs,
Deborah

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DAKOTASMOMMY_07 6/1/2009 12:08AM

    cathy..
please dont be so hard on urself..i have been in ,and out of the hospital so many times.YOU need to rest..dont worry about anything.i agree with all of these posts.
once u heal,and u r able to.u can work on YOU.use this time to really think about where u want to be in a few months.maybe u can plan out how u can change certain things u need to change.i know what u mean..i too have been so depressed.i am left with scar after scar on my stomach..everything is so uneven..
so just let ur body heal.everything else will come together in time.
we r all here for u.never feel like u r alone.because ur not!lots of luvv.
god bless .christina emoticon emoticon

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2BSALLYB 5/31/2009 10:34PM

    Uffda...give yourself time to heal and feel better after this ordeal. The pain will go away and these feelings will pass...Once you heal from the surgery, you can start new and focus on getting back to a new healthier lifestyle. :)

Wishing you well,

Linda

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TIFFLE52 5/31/2009 9:55PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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VLECKB 5/31/2009 9:34PM

    Rest my dear, just rest. Don't think about the now and the miserable. Rest and get ready for the future, hernia free, able to do anything.

We are behind you. You are not alone and your family still loves you. Families are great that way.

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MONEYSTRETCHER 5/31/2009 9:11PM

    I have both an anxiety and depression disorder. And I know that when I am tired and worn out, I feel worse. You sound depressed, you just went through surgery.

Be kind to yourself, try to think of one or two things positive about yourself. Like you do in some of your other blogs. What have you done well today.

Your family loves, and we are all behind you. It will get better! I hope you have a speedy recovery.

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ADONVDO1 5/31/2009 9:06PM

    emoticon I hope you continue to recover!
Now, on the other side, please don't be so hard on yourself! Surgery is a tough thing to go through, and you don't have to feel better yet, just take it one day or hour at a time and take care of yourself. And don't feel bad about writing negative things, because if that is what you feel...well, let it out. I know that family can be less than understanding sometimes, and it is nice to get an outsider's point of view, you know? These next few days try to regain your strength and try to understand that negative thoughts about yourself do not help...I understand and have thought negative things about myself several times, but it leads nowhere, and is usually self-destructive. I am sure that you do not look disgusting with the surgical tape! When you have the strength...try to remember the things that you do like about yourself. The things that do not change.
emoticon and get well soon
Rebecca

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LIVLOVELIFE68 5/31/2009 8:54PM

    Stop beating yourself up. You just had surgery so its physically, emotionally, and mentally draining. You have the right to feel this way. Just take it easy and get on the road to healing yourself, that is paramount. I have faith that you will start feeling better just You have faith too.
Camilla

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SKINNYINMYHEAD 5/31/2009 8:50PM

    First, give yourself a break for heaven's sakes! You just had surgery.. as an old RN I can tell you that Anesthesia causes high emotions FREQUENTLY not on occasion but FREQUENTLY. So, take care of YOU - and give yourself a break!

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Tue May 12/09: I Don't Feel Worthy Of His Love

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

I'm Grateful For.....
1) Paul getting the upstairs ready for the girls' visit on Wednesday
2) being able to watch the finale of the Biggest Loser when it was on and not a day later taped

I did these things well...
1) I didn't lay down in the afternoon.
2) I uploaded a bunch of photos to create a motivating collage of the girls, the puppies, the Biggest Loser
3) I went to my physio appt

Weight Watchers Summary:
27 Points Allowed (1,350 cal) 20 Points Eaten (1,000 cal) 7 Points Under (350 cal) 6 cups of water, 1 fruit, 0 veggies

Fitness:
0 Activity Points - 0 min bike (0 cal burned) 1,510 Steps

Sleep: MY GOAL IS TO GO TO BED BY 12:00 A.M.
12:30 p.m. got up, 11 hrs sleep - 10:00 p.m. went to bed - 12:00 a.m. fell asleep

Write 3 Morning Pages? no
Watch a Success Story Video? yes
Listen to Motivating Song? no
Play Mind Habits Game? no

My goal this week is to go to bed by midnight every day. My confidence level in achieving this goal is about 6/10. The reason for this goal is to get on a regular sleeping schedule which will help my mood, eating and fitness schedule. In order to meet this goal, I will set an alarm for 11:45 p.m. on my watch to let me know it's time to get ready for bed.

Goal Results:
Sun: went to bed at 10:55 p.m., but then got up at 12:20 a.m. as starving (think from not eating anything after heavy exercising) & returned to bed at 12:50 a.m.
Mon: 10:00 p.m. went to bed, fell asleep around 12:00 a.m.
Tue: 9:50 p.m. went to bed, fell asleep around 12:00 a.m.
Wed:
Thu:
Fri:
Sat:

I sat on my rear in my recliner, laptop on my lap, watching tv all friggin day. I uploaded tons of photos to Walmart so I can create collages. Thinking that if I have pics of the girls and puppies around, it will be a constant reminder of the good I have in my life. While I was doing this, I came across a video of my 4 doggies all surrounding me and wanting attention on my birthday. It was weird, but it made me feel loved seeing this.

Last night around 5 a.m., I noticed Paul wasn't in bed and I immediately wondered if he was okay. As I headed downstairs to check on him, I found myself asking "am I going to check on him for my own sake or because I truly am concerned about him?" The answer was that I was concerned about Paul. I was glad I had compassion for someone else and that indeed I do care about Paul. I know that sounds strange, cut I always think he's so good to me and I do nothing to care for him and I'm just a selfish bitch, but this showed me that I can give of myself. I was happy to see that he was just watching t.v. and felt fine. I wonder if the day will ever come where I feel equal to him. I have him on a pedestal with me at his feet. I just don't feel worthy of his love.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JAYBIRDNFLIGHT 5/17/2009 6:08PM

    You're worthy of love - PERIOD! Worthy of your own love is the biggest challenge. I know that's true of me. He sees what you don't see or can't right now. I know that feeling. I have a best friend that loves me. I question it at times, but I know he does. Just like I know God loves me. I can be the biggest bitch, whiner, tantrum-throwing Diva...but my best friend still loves me. I'm not that all the time, but the biggest hurdle for me is to trust and love myself. If I don't believe in me, then it's hard to believe anyone else when they say good things to me or about me or just sticking around.

Taking good care of myself is a step. Not beating myself up if I don't complete every task on my list is another. Having a good laugh every day is another. Singing, dancing - things that make me feel good. It's hard some days. There are days when I don't want to shower, or get out of bed, or I procrastinate. But if I am to make any progress, I've got to make things DOABLE! There has got to be something to move FOR! Why not it be for ME?

You are worthy of all things good - PERIOD!

Stay encouraged and it's okay to give yourself a break.

jay emoticon

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CAREWREN 5/14/2009 2:44PM

    Hi! What are some of your inspiring songs? I like really hokey songs like Sing Sing a Song, My latest one is Playing for Change. Also, When You're Smiling, Make Someone Happy, Zip-a-Dee-Do-Dah, Accentuate the Positive, The Impossible Dream, Let it Be, Let There be Peace on Earth, What a Wonderful World (if Louis Armstrong is singing it), I Believe, You'll Never Walk Alone, Happy Talk, From a Distance, Leader of the Band, Amazing Grace, Put on a Happy Face, Don't Worry Be Happy--these are just some that came to mind.

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SCARLETT57 5/13/2009 4:32PM

  Sometimes I think that I'm not worthy of love from anyone, but I love without hesitation not because of what they do but because they need it and I have it to give. We all need it and we all need to give it especially to the least deserving. emoticon

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Mon May 11/09: Didn't Accomplish Anything Today

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

I'm Grateful For.....
1) Paul putting up with me

I did these things well...
1) nothing

Weight Watchers Summary:
27 Points Allowed (1,350 cal) 23 Points Eaten (1,150 cal) 4 Points Under (200 cal) 8 cups of water, 1 fruit, 2 veggies

Fitness:
0 Activity Points - 0 min bike (0 cal burned) 479 Steps

Sleep: MY GOAL IS TO GO TO BED BY 12:00 A.M.
12:30 p.m. got up, 11 hrs sleep - 10:00 p.m. went to bed - 12:00 a.m. fell asleep

Write 3 Morning Pages? no
Watch a Success Story Video? no
Listen to Motivating Song? no
Play Mind Habits Game? no

My goal this week is to go to bed by midnight every day. My confidence level in achieving this goal is about 6/10. The reason for this goal is to get on a regular sleeping schedule which will help my mood, eating and fitness schedule. In order to meet this goal, I will set an alarm for 11:45 p.m. on my watch to let me know it's time to get ready for bed.

Goal Results:
Sun: went to bed at 10:55 p.m., but then got up at 12:20 a.m. as starving (think from not eating anything after heavy exercising) & returned to bed at 12:50 a.m.
Mon: 10:00 p.m. went to bed, fell asleep around 12:00 a.m.
Tue: 9:50 p.m. went to bed, fell asleep around 12:00 a.m.
Wed:
Thu:
Fri:
Sat:

Still no call back from my psychiatrist. I can feel myself getting angry; however, the logical part reminds me that she is busy and will call when she's able. Then there's the feeling worthless part that thinks she doesn't call because she's mad at us for missing last week's appointment and she's punishing us. The panicked, depressed part believes she doesn't call because she's fed up with our being depressed and if we get worse, well then, she won't have to deal with us anymore. We left another message this afternoon, so hopefully, fingers crossed, she will call.

We were to have our pre-op with our family doctor today, but we cancelled. Why bother driving all the way to Victoria, wait for 2-3 hours in her waiting room, only to have a 5 minute visit to check our blood pressure, heart etc in preparation for our hiatus hernia surgery which may or may not be in June? Whew, that was a mouthful! The truth of the matter is that we are scared to have her see us at our current weight since it's more than a year ago when we promised we would go to TOPS and lose all this weight within the year. She's so blunt and at times, rude. At one visit she walked in and said she didn't recognize us because we were so fat. I know, I know, let it go. Easier said then done. Anyway, we couldn't get through because the phone line was busy non-stop, so we faxed in our cancellation. Now we don't have to feel humiliated today.

So tired today. Shouldn't be considering we had 11 hrs sleep last night. May lay down for an hour, then get ready to do Mal's taxes, our Blue Cross, print some images and groom Lacey.

Didn't do anything we planned. Just don't want to do anything at all.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JAYBIRDNFLIGHT 5/17/2009 6:19PM

    Your honesty is amazing. I do have a comment about your doctor's rude comment. Some people actually believe that they are helping you out and others are just...well...RUDE! And it's okay to push them back and let them know you don't appreciate it. When does being a doctor mean having less tact? That's stressful and unprofessional. But that is my opinion. But I wanted to point out and recommend that it is okay to stand up for yourself. I have avoided many things, events, and people just because of the old "stings" of what they said or what they did to me before. More importantly, because of what I DIDN'T say back to defend my own honor. Why do I become a mute all of a sudden, especially when someone is saying something or doing something that makes me feel uncomfortable? When is it okay for someone to throw dirt on my character or say things that potentially destroy my spirit? I must protect and honor myself and my integrity by saying something in return. So I have practiced it and trust me, the ended friendships let me know that folks do not really like having things turned around on them. it's okay to dish it out, but when you say, "STOP. That does not feel good. I don't like it," their tone changes - either an apology and they don't it again or they are surprised that you are not that same passive person that made them feel good for making you feel bad....And, frankly, I do not miss them. I feel better, stronger, and continue to grow and progress. I am not the same person that they THINK they are talking to right now. Maybe 20 years ago, but today I've grown and less passive and protect my yard - jay's yard!

I just had to comment about that because I am learning to stand up for myself and don't have to TAKE what others give all the time.

You don't have to hide. You are seeking HELP. There should not be the feeling of your being ashamed for missing an appointment or putting on some weight. Depression will use anything to stay around your head.....any excuse to keep you down and from healing.

Stay encouraged and know you are worth the healing. Time to step out of from under the dark clouds....and see the beautiful colors and swans you've posted on your page...

jay emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 5/17/2009 6:24:30 PM

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