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so now what?

Saturday, November 20, 2010

ok

just got back from dinner with the siblings...it was fun as usual. i really wish i got to see them more often than i do. we met at an italian brick oven ristorante... yummy. i managed ziti with maranara sauce and grilled chicken.... ok, ok, ok.... i confess!!! i also indulged with 3 glasses of white zinfandel.... this is surprising, especially since i am not much of a wine drinker.... i should be proud of myself, though... hubby finished the whole bottle (it was a double sized bottle) except for my 3 little glasses.

guess it was good that i was driving.. lol... on top of that, we both had our eyes checked today and hubby had to get his eyes dialated.... so he had blurred vision to begin with.. hahahahhaha, it was funny.

my son graduates from college in december. he had applied for a job in florida working for disney, he was hoping to get in on their producing team in some kind of fashion.... knowing full well he'd have to start at the bottom of the ladder in the parks and such. today he infomed me that he got accepted and he just had to give them a date of arrival. needless to say i cried and cried and cried. i'm happy for him to be expanding his horizons and trying to get closer to his dreams of working in television production. but i feel like i am losing my only child. he lives an hour away now and i barely see him what will it be like when he lives 2,000 miles away? i can't stand it. he's my baby and i miss him now!! he just can't move further away!! what am i going to do? yeah yeah, i know, i should be proud of him and happy that he wants to make it on his own, but i feel cheated and depressed about it. now what do i do?

ok, now i am crying again and have to go.

good nite

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOCUEVAS 11/21/2010 1:06PM

    I'm thinking of you as you dela with this Kat. MY kids are younger so I haven't had to deal with it yet, but I can imagine that it is so hard. Hang in there...
And yes, your story about your husband and the wine was funny... glad you were driving!
Smiles, Mo

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DOWNTOWNJEN 11/21/2010 12:51AM

    You're doing so well with your food and WL! Congrats!! (and I did have a little giggle at your hubby's expense - wine and pupil dilation probably don't mix well!)

I know it will be hard at first when your son moves away - my thoughts are with you. Just think though that he is following his dreams which is what we should all wish for our loved ones!

Night!

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SHANNONMOMOF7 11/20/2010 10:35PM

  I know my oldest son lives an hour away and some days I miss him so much. I wlll keep you in my prayers that it gets a little easier for you and I think it is great that he was accepted and it gives you an excuse to go to disney.

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i seriously need SOMETHING to excite me!!

Friday, November 19, 2010

ok, that heading can be taken a lot of ways... don't let my hubby see it, we all know how HE will take it, LOL.

seriously, i have not blogged in a while: i felt like i have nothing important to say... i know, that sounds really bad.

and now, since i have been out of touch i have a serious case of the blaaaahs!

here's the scoop:

- i stay in my calorie range --- yayyy, but i'm not enjoying my food the way i used to... i like the foods i'm eating, but, i don't know, i feel like i need to do more to have healthier foods. i eat lots of fruits and veggies --- and drink at least 10-15 glasses of water a day -- but i just feel like something is MISSING!

- i exercise regularly but the routine is just that, a routine. and you all know as well as i do, ROUTINES GET BORING! i love the way i feel after working out but the UMPH is just not there during it. i don't know what it is..... i generally take a few days off a week from exercising, and yes, i feel guilty when i do, however, i have been rewarded with either maintaining or even losing a little poundage during my SLACKING OFF periods. i just got the wii ZUMBA fitness and my first session consisted of training in most of the steps and doing my first 20 minutes beginners session - total of about 35 minutes of zumba. it was really FUN! but i am darn sure i did not get a lot of the moves right..... but i still had fun.

- i have really missed all of you. talking to you. listening to you. reading your blogs. keeping up with your progress. i have been lacking tremendously in this area and i think that is part of the reason i am so GLUM and have no, ZILCH, ZERO, motivation. all the interaction with my spark friends helped me more than i could possibly have known. i know life is busy for all of us and that that is not a good excuse for my absence. i intend to get more involved and to keep in touch on a more regular basis. i am even going to try to blog every day, yes, even though i may not have anything interesting to say, i will try to say SOMETHING.

- i have been stuck in idle mode since my last challenge ended a few weeks ago. i am stuck between 212-214 and those numbers just do not want to move no matter what i do! it is darn tootin' frustrating. presently i have 12lbs to go until i reach 150lbs gone forever and i WILL DO IT! some way, some how. and my goal is to do it before heading to florida for christmas. although at the rate i am going, it may not happen inside of the 5 weeks i have left. heck, i can't even get past 210!!

well, suffice it to say, i feel like the little lost lamb. i feel like i am roaming around aimlessly. yeah, i have goals and stuff, but i don't really have a plan to get there other than to keep doing what i have been doing since january when i began this journey.

i need a new plan!
i need a new outlook!
i need a new meal program!
i need a new exercise regime!
i need a new ATTITUDE!!!

and now, i need to go to bed. i have to work in the morning.. then i have an eye doc appointment, then -- if i have time -- i will hit the gym but only if i have time...... i have a dinner event with my brothers and sisters (since both my parents have passed, we try to hook up several times a year just to keep in touch - along with our families) although all 7 of us won't be there, most of us will be. we are hitting an italian joint with BYO beverages.... yummy. i'm thinking of going all out with the chicken parmesan.... oh it is sooooo yummy..... (maybe i will half the cheese and get it with grilled chicken instead of the breaded!)

thanks for listening to my personal pity party i am having here. it's been a long time since i've had a major meltdown like this but hey, what the heck.. it gets things off my chest so i can move on.... and moving on is what the new plan is.

have a fabulous night one and all....

your the greatest!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOCUEVAS 11/20/2010 10:12PM

    You know what, you sound like I feel, just full of blahs...
Though you are doing better staying on your program than I am.
Maybe it is just the time of year, or the weather, or the amount of time spent on here, I don't know.

I agree that since the last challenge I haven't been nearly as motivated, and it sounds like that has been the case for you as well.

Okay Kat, we can do this. Hope your dinner went wonderfully and you enjoyed your chicken parmesan... you deserve it and you will get out of your slump. I know you will.... heck, you're probably already out!

Thinking of you!
Smiles, Mo

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Winter Blues

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

well, here where i am it is fall in full swing and winter is well on its way. i am not a big fan of winter as i hate the cold. it literally kills me. it makes me just want to curl up and hibernate for the season.

not only the cold. the dark. i really am no fan of daylight savings time and having short days. i go to work when it is dark and i get home when it is dark. makes me feel like i have no life at all. driving home from work when it is dark makes me even reconsider going to the gym. i find myself having to convince myself that it is 7:30 and i have plenty of time to go to the gym, but my body sees the darkness of night and wants to simply shut down. i know it sounds wierd, but i guess it is a side effect of hating the cold and the winter. oh, how i'd love to move to a warmer climate that had 70's year round. that would truly be a dream come true.

i had a really relaxing cruise. we have been to the same ports before so it was really interesting. at nassau, we had already been to the really big attractions so we decided we'd just walk around. we grabbed a local map and headed off toward for charlotte. we walked and walked and walked. after that we went to a place called 'the queen's staircase' which is a steep set of rock stairs. needless to say we climbed them with no problem at all. something i could NOT have said a year ago. THANK YOU SPARKPEOPLE!! after that we walked to another fort and then stopped for lunch at the 'hard rock cafe nassau' and then back to the boat. we walked for over 6 hours. and i have to say, not only was it the cheapest excursion we had off the boat, but it was the most relaxing. we just roamed around and chilled. what a nice vacation... yes, my friends, the margaritas certainly helped to make it a relaxing vacation. of course. lol.

i came back 3 lbs heavier than i left and it took me a week to get 4 lbs less than my pre cruise weight. personally, i think that was not so bad. i'll take the trade anyday. funny, this morning i was down 2 more lbs. gee, maybe i should go on vaca more often. lol

my gym routine has taken an interesting twist. i am now working on getting my heart rate up to the 150's or better for a good portion of my cardio routine and it seems to be working for me. i'd say my results in the past week have been acceptable. lol. i have also increased my weight on my strength exercises and with my leg press, i've added a fifty shot of short bursts that really do a number on my leg muscles --- but it is a good thing, not the killing kind, the kind that says 'yes, you are making progress' -- now, when i leave the gym, i am back to having a sweat soaked shirt and it feels totally awesome. i don't know about you folks, but i do not feel like i worked out if i am not drenched in sweat. i guess it adds effect. i pushed myself today, didn't feel like doing 50 cardio minutes but after the first 30 i was feeling pretty good physically -- mentally i just wanted to stop! i kept going though and it felt sooo good (yeah, i know i am weird).

i've caught up with some of your blogs, i'll admit, i have not caught up completely, but i am trying. i have not left many responses but i promise i'll work on that.

my son came over the other day and hooked me up on skype. now i can talk to him over my computer AND see him at the same time. it's a video instant messaging. it works awesome. and the best part. when hubby is out of town (like he is now) we call each other and talk FACE to FACE. it makes me feel so much better about not having him around. just seeing him calms my nerves. sounds silly doesn't it?

well, i have to run. almost time for him to be calling me and i'm off to bed after that.

hugs and well wishes to all of you!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOCUEVAS 10/28/2010 6:35PM

    You are incredible and you inspire me. I still haven't gone to a gym, just wlaking inthe living room, which is good, but probably something I need to work on.

Sorry it is getting cold and dark where you are already. We have some cold mornings, but not too bad yet.

And your trip sounds wonderful, I bet it was relaxing! Good for you!
I loved hearing about how much you walked and enjoyed it!

Keep it up girl, you're doing great!
Smiles, Mo

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CHAOTIC-KITTY 10/28/2010 10:05AM

  hibernate for the season... hahaha... that's what I keep on telling my husband that I should do. ;-) i don't like the fact that it gets dark really early in the night. :-( and, the cold... *brrrr* that's great that your son hooked you up on skype. :-)

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BAYBELIEVER 10/27/2010 10:33PM

    I am so glad you had a great time on vacation! And 3 lbs is nothing! Hope I can do that when I get one! I really enjoyed reading your info about getting your heart rate up...maybe I need to check that out and see if I can find a way to get mine up more and get off this plateau! Thanks for sharing! Love the pictures too!
emoticon

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bLAH dAY fOR mE

Wednesday, October 06, 2010

well,

today was a rather blahhhh type day

yesterday ended with me feeling really ill so i skipped the gym, came home, had some chicken soup and went to bed.

i slept for 12 hours!!!

i still felt crappy this morning, achy, dizzy, tummy twirling --- so i just lounged around all day... didn't even pack for my trip.

around 3 ish i was feeling sooo bummed out that i had not gone to the gym that i got up, changed and went to the gym.

i questioned myself all the way there... as i climbed the steps to the cardio section my legs were kinda iffy but i really wanted to do this (yes, i am sick in the head too, lol)

i climbed up onto my elliptical and forgot i was not feeling well and VOILA! 45 minutes later i was ready to do strength stuff.

that was the best medicine that i ever gave myself... i felt so much better after exercising... i'm glad i went.

then i came home and pigged out to make up for the past 2 days.... lol.. just kidding

i had soup, turkey, potatoes, green beans, blueberries and yogurt. all perfectly proportioned so as not to put me in a hole!

well, my head is still spinning a tad so i am off to bed.

hope all is well with you all!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOCUEVAS 10/6/2010 11:29PM

    Glad you enjoyed the gym so much but worried you need to be resting and being gentle with yourself if you're not feeling well, you want to be better for your vacation!
TAKE CARE OF YOU!
Smiles, Mo

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NEWHORIZONSR4ME 10/6/2010 11:09PM

    Hope you feel better quickly. Rest and fluids my friend.

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Moving on..

Sunday, October 03, 2010

well,

i joined a team that has trouble getting some really good and sound sleep. this has been a problem for me for a while..

originally, now don't laugh, i seriously thought i had early onset of altzheimer's disease. i could not remember anything short term. i could remember stuff from years ago, but stuff from last week or yesterday was a blur. my boss thought i was going crazy! i didn't remember having full conversations with him.

i was so worried about this i called my doctor, got a physical and he referred me to a psychologist who proceded to give me hours and hours of tests. they ranged from memory recall to word association, to picture association, to logic problems and on and on and on. hours i tell you. hours. and the whole time all i could think of was that i was losing my mind.

when i left, he told me i would get a letter in the mail with his findings. well, he called me to put my mind at ease and told me that there was nothing wrong with my mental faculties and that i had nothing to worry about. my next step was to have a sleep test done. lol, when i did get the letter in the mail - which i still have for proof - it was pages long and the only sentence i recall word for word is this one... I HAVE FOUND THAT YOU HAVE A SUPERIOR INTELLECT! i cracked up, just ask my hubby, i still quote that line and that was over two years ago!

i went for an overnight sleep test and found that i had sleep apnea and NEVER got a great nights sleep. so i got hooked up with a CPAP machine and things improved. but after a few months i was waking up with the machine because i would have trouble keeping my mouth closed all night with the machine. and the air that is pumps into me to keep my airway open was drying out my mouth. so i stopped and things were good for a long time.

now, with all the exercise and stuff and losing tons of weight, i do not thing sleep apnea is my problem anymore. now, i think i drink too much water and have to get up to go to the bathroom all the time. i stop earlier and earlier but it doesn't seem to help. so i joined this sleep deprived team here on spark and will see where that leads.

i find i get a better work out on the days that i actually sleep more than 7 hours straight so i definitely want to fix this issue for good. i just printed out a questionaire i'm going to fill out nightly and every am for the next 7 days to see where my issues are.... hopefully i'll see some kind of pattern that i can work on.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

on a happier note... we just booked a cruise for our 23rd anniversary! heading out of new york next sunday --- one week from today. this is just a LETS GET AWAY type thing.... since we have been on this same ship and same itinerary before. nothing new really, but we will do different things in the ports we dock in, which will make it interesting. cruising is so relaxing. there is nothing to worry about. nothing. we know where we are staying, where we are eating, where we are exercising, there are tons of activities and shows to keep us busy!! and best of all. we are away from the daily grind!! oooooh sooooo relaxing.

i do plan on brining my laptop and loging into spark daily to record my food and exercise --- i was so lost last cruise when i couldn't do this. i felt guilty all week, it was sooooooo crazy. so, having a laptop will allow me to alleviate those feelings of guilt and really RELAX!!

THANK YOU all for being such wonderful friends. this is truly the greatest website in existence. and all of the sparkers are the most caring and friendly people you can find.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHAOTIC-KITTY 10/4/2010 3:49PM

  aww.... sounds like you will have an awesome anniversary. :) just try not to stay on your laptop much on your "get away" .. ;) hopefully you will get your sleeping patterns are sorted out. :)

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MOCUEVAS 10/3/2010 9:21PM

    i so hope you can find out what is keeping you from getting a good night's sleep, I know that makes such a difference for me.

And yeah about your cruise, how fun! I am so jealous!

you are such an inspiration, I am so sure I wouldn't track anything if I were going on a cruise and you will bring your laptop so you can, what a woman! You rock!

Thanks for the support on my blog...

Keep on moving...
Smiles, Mo

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