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SCARY thoughts

Sunday, September 26, 2010

i do not know what is wrong with me lately

i have been having some very scary thoughts!!

like, what if i were to gain back a bunch of weight - even though i eat well and exercise 7 days a week? what if my body gets too used to it and just betrays me!!

then i keep wondering what if i ever went back to eating the garbage i used to eat?

what if i never reach my final destination weight? i still have 79 lbs to go to hit 150... what if that is not even possible for me?

i'm telling you, this plateau is killing me. i know i am doing good things and even though the scale has not moved, my body is becoming more fit. but all of these thoughts keep racing through my mind -- especially after i weigh myself and see no change!!!

what if this is it? what if this is all i am going to do? what if i lose it one day and just throw in the towel?

and this winter in going to literally kill me. hubby and i were talking about it last night.


i just can't stand it. what if i skip the gym because it's too cold out and i don't want to get cold going into and out of the gym? (YES, i hate cold THAT much -- in winter i just want to get home and warm up) what if we have really bad weather this season and i get home from work too late to get to the gym or i am so stressed from driving an extra hour to get home in bad weather that i can't deal with going to the gym and adding the extra time to my day (already commute is 90 minutes one way -- it can double that in inclement weather). what if this happens so much that i lose my SPARK!!

it seams that the coming of fall has brought me many issues to try to sort through before the bad weather really kicks in. and trust me, this is NEW ENGLAND... it will kick in.

i am sooooo not looking forward to the winter months. what am i going to do? i get a much better work out at the gym than i do at home.... I CAN'T MISS MY GYM TIME !!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHAOTIC-KITTY 9/29/2010 3:17PM

  i have had some of the same kind of thoughts about me as you seem to be having about yourself! you know.. you WILL get to your goal.. you have been such an inspiration... and you've done so great so far. don't let your plateau stop you and get in the way of your goals/dreams that you have made for yourself. i'm sure all of us have gone through a plateau... and, the key .. is to stick it out... mix things up a bit... most of all.. have fun doing it. i started going to the gym in winter time... a couple of times - husband and i walked up to the gym in really bad snow storms... but once you're there.. working out.. it's all worth it. if you can't make it to the gym.. i'm sure you can find other things to do at home.. like the wii... dvd's ... youtube (and, even SP) has videos of exercising you can always do at home. yes! it's not the same as the gym.. but it sure beats just not doing anything!

i hope you have banished those scary thoughts of yours. you WILL continue to succeed... because you ARE amazing! :) and you can do ANYTHING you want. :)

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MOCUEVAS 9/26/2010 9:33PM

    You can do it! Find new ways to use your Wii, or new DVD's to do, or ...
I know you can figure this out, look at all you have figred out already and how far you've come!
You go girl, just forget all of those thoughts and keep it up!
(that was your return kick...)
Smiles, Mo

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MYOWNHERO 9/26/2010 7:54PM

    You can do it! Maybe you could get some emergency back-up ideas at the ready...things you can do at home? Like a jumprope and some dumb bells.

That might make you feel more prepared for any situation? Good luck! Where there's a will, there's a way!

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Thursday, September 23, 2010


i hate em!!

i have chicken arms - you know what i mean... the upper arm has all this FLAB just hanging and jiggling all around and i can't get rid of it!!

i hate to wear sleeveless shirts because of it. it is just not very eye catching, well it is, but in an eyesore kind of way.

my upper legs are the same way. they just bulge with FLAB!!

every time i see my arms i feel like i have made no progress -- in that area.

i do lots of arm (and leg for that matter) strength exercises.. what more can i do? and do not say surgery... i vowed i would do this the natural way.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHAOTIC-KITTY 9/23/2010 7:13PM

  what kind of arm & leg strength exercises do you do and how often?

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Wednesday, September 22, 2010

BLC update = i seem to be able to do the veggies and exercise thing without fail (so far) but the loving me part is tough when you don't see any action on the scale for a week. i have been at a standstill practically since my last challenge ended. not particularly thrilled about that and not sure why this is so. i just know is doesn't feel good or very motivating to me.

i'm sure it won't last. there is always a light at the end of the tunnel... it's just a matter of making sure it is not a looooong and dragggged out tunnel. lol.

i walked into the gym yesterday and molly, one of the attendants there, was like --- oh my god kat, you look ABSOLUTELY AMAZING!!! -- and she said it, like, 3 or 4 times. it felt soooooo GOOOOD!

we are having an employee appreciation week at work this week. i organized a bunch of activities, something for each day. today was POT LUCK. employees were encouraged to bring in their favorite foods to show off thier cooking talents and culture with each other. oh my god, the food was soooo amazing (as it is every year i do this) and there was sooooo much of it. i did my best to hold myself off and i did pretty good (i broke down with the spanish rice -- yummy) and then i was saved!! one person brought it a huge FRUIT SALAD with all my favorites in it. someone, somewhere, was definitely looking out for MY BEST INTERESTS today ... LOL!!

AND i was proud of myself. i made my famous peanut butter fudge (it is DEMANDED every year) and i didn't eat any while i was making it and only had a sliver of it at work. ok, ok i may have licked the spoon once or twice after i was done making it, but that is all you are getting me to confess!!

well, i'm sure today did not help my biggest loser challenge efforts any. i am sure i gained 10 lbs just looking at all the yummy food!!

have a great night everyone -- i for one, am going to try to get more than 5 hours of sleep tonight. wish me luck!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHERRY528 9/23/2010 1:28AM

    emoticonSleep tight, Kat---I'm headed in the bedly direction myself---but wanted to come here first when I saw you were having a tough day in the Cauldron-at least in "loving you"---You're doin' SOOO MUCH BETTER than you're giving yourself credit for-just LOOK AT YOUR LAST COUPLE DAYS!---people NOTICING your efforts---then today doing ok at the wonderful potluck-those are TOUGH on ANYONE!...and ONLY a TINY bit of your yummy fudge---I'd say you "have" loved yourself well. We're always SOOO HARD on ourselves...don't let that dang scale derail you, Kat---it's sure happened to me, too, even when I said I wouldn't let it! But just keep on doing your best and IT'LL CATCH UP. Hugs and see ya on the boards...Sherry

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Wednesday, September 15, 2010

as i think back to last year, before i started my journey, i am amazed at the changes i have gone through.

my whole thought process is revamped, and now, it is not a thing i need to think about. it is natural. i used to spend all day thinking of my next meal and everything i wanted for meals, well, it was far from healthy.

how does chinese, pizza, subs, 16 oz steaks with potatoes, chips, popcorn (loaded with butter), bacon (not just one or two slices either, hubby and i could cook and consume a whole package for breakfast along with amazing amounts of other stuff). chips were my snack time weakness - yeah, i could do a bag by myself.

i could go on forever with that list. suffice it to say, things have changed. i have changed.

now - i love fruits and veggties - apples, blueberries, cantelope, strawberries, bananas, salads, cukes, tomatoes, celery, carrots, grean beans, green peppers, onions. i go nuts if i don't have these things handy for dinner and snacks. toss in healthy lean turkey breast, chicken, 4 oz cuts of filet mignon, yogurt and tons of water -- and i am in heaven.

who ever thought eating healthy could be so yummy?

and exercise --- whoooaaa, not me. i had trouble getting up the front stairs and there are only 7 of them!! i was tired just walking. i could never get enough sleep and t.v. was by big adventure for the day. i just could not wait to get home and watch my favorite t.v. shows. and that is alllllll i did besides play games on my computer. being active was nowhere in my vocabulary.

and now. i can't even describe the difference. i LOVE the gym. i LOVE exercising. i LOVE the way it makes me feel and how i feel when sweating it out. i seriously have withdrawls if i miss the gym or exercising. i literally get depressed if i don't work out for days - so needless to say -- i rarely skip more than one day at a time. i go to work, and i can't wait to leave so i can get to the gym. who cares about t.v. shows, that's what the dvr is for, lol. i record what i want to watch and watch it when i have free time. and my computer time is mostly spent on sparkpeople.

i record my food daily. i record my exercise daily. i do those without fail because those are the 2 things that really opened my eyes and gave me a fighting chance to win this battle. i was amazed at the calories i WAS eating. i eat less calories now, more healthy and feel so much more satisfied than i did before.

i really do try to keep up with my spark friends, though it does not always work out that way. i work really long hours and it takes me an hour and a half, sometimes 2 hours, to get each way ---- that is 3 to 4 hours travel time a day. that really cuts out on the time i have for myself and things i WANT to do. i leave the house at 6:30 am and get home (via the gym) around 8:30 or 9:00 pm.

i value all of you so much, i can't even tell you. you have all been here, supported me, cheered me on, gave me great advice and simply just listened to me -- good or bad. friends like you do not come around every day. i am geatful for all of you and the time you put forth for me. i hope that i have been there for you during your times of need. none of this would have been possible it i had to do it all alone. you are truly awesome friends and i thank you from the bottom of my heart.

i started this journey the last week of december 2009. i was at 352 lbs. today, 8 months later, i am down to 229 lbs. i lost 121 lbs so far --- heck, that is a whole person!!

i was at a size 34 pants -- now i am in 18/20
i was at a size 32/34 shirt - now i am between 16/18

i can climb stairs without a problem
i can go 60+ minutes on an elliptical machine
i can go forever on a treadmill
i have more energy than i did when i was in college
i can buy cloths at a normal store
i can pass up things i used to crave with no problem
i can limit myself on anything, so if i want pizza, i can have it and not go overboard
i can put my shoes on standing up
i can tie my shoes standing up
i can put my pants on standing up
i can use the seatbelt in my car, no problem
my stomach does not touch the stearing wheel anymore - heck, there is a huge space between me and the wheel now
i walk with pride in my step
i can go place myself now... i do not feel like everyone is staring at me

bottom line..... i am beginning to feel like a real person instead of a huge eyesore.

life is good


life is just beginning!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

QUEST4CHANGE 9/19/2010 11:49PM

  emoticonSparktacular transformations! Well done :)

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4-ME-TO-BE_____ 9/15/2010 6:54PM

    emoticon how wonderful you are an inspiration that it can be done. Congratulations

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CHAOTIC-KITTY 9/15/2010 6:48PM

  emoticon blog. You are (and, have done) so emoticon. Congrats on all the weight you've lost. :)

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MOCUEVAS 9/15/2010 6:41PM

    It is just beginning and you are amazing! I am so proud of you and am appreciatve that you are sharing your journey with us, for you inspire me.
Thanks for the blog, it si a great one, one that helped me to remember to stay the course so that someday, hopefully, I will be where you are....
you go girl!
Smiles, Mo

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Can every day be Sunday?

Sunday, September 12, 2010

i had a great day today.

i was up early and out of the house by 9:30

went to walmart to get some pants for work.. lol, others were beginning to sag (yayyy)

went to best buy and got a new GPS and battery charger for camera batteries since my 2 chargers disappeared. had $100 in gift cards i won at work, so that was relatively cheap on my wallet

went to b/n to see if i liked this weeks free book of the week and .... no, i did not like it so i did not download it.

went to avenue to get smaller jeans (wahhooooo again) i started back in january at a size 34.... today i bought a size 20 and an 18 !!! my shirts used to be a 32 (3 or 4xl), and depending on the type of shirt, i am buying 16 or mediums/large now.

i then went to the grocery store. needed cantelope, blueberries, cukes, salad and did NOT get tomoatoes, they were too soft for me. did get yogurt and a filet for dinner, my treat for myself since hubby is not home for dinner. still need to cut up my melon since my slicer is not here at the moment. where is he when i need him!!!

then i went to the gym and hooked up with a friend. hit the elliptical for 46 minutes and then strength training for another 44 minutes. tomorrow i am taking off from the gym.. will probably to wii or ride my bike -- i feel like i've been neglecting my dog lately so tomorrow is HER day (ya, after work, that is)

well, got things to do. thanks for stopping by. hope you are kicking butt with your goals and staying focused.

enjoy life, it is too short to do otherwise.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHAOTIC-KITTY 9/12/2010 9:06PM

  wow...sounds like you had a fantastic day. :) way to go on at the gym! :) i'm sure your doggy will love her day with you.

have a great week!

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MOCUEVAS 9/12/2010 8:55PM

    You are awseome! Great work for the day, got lots done! And it sounds like it was all pretty fun! Especially getting smaller clothes sizes, you go girl!
Smiles, Mo

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