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Can I get a 'hell yeah?' HELL NO!

Thursday, August 08, 2013

So, for the past several months I have fallen back into the unhealthy patterns I had long before and shortly after my dad died. I have forgotten how to say no. Yes I let my brother move in with me rent free, yes I'll spend my weekends helping mom prepare to move (which keeps getting postponed), yes I'll babysit, yes I'll cancel a movie date with a guy I have a crush on to support you, yes I'll allow you to claim my kitchen as an office of sorts so you can start a new business, yes I'll tell you I no longer need the car you let me borrow (after a job change & $15k a year pay cut & a roommate who bailed on the lease) so I could save some benjies and will now have to put out money I don't have for a car, yes I can dog sit for you, yes I'll stay late at work to help you, yes I'll let you stop by unannounced when I have plans, yes, I'll supervise court ordered supervised visits for your children, yes I'll keep allow you to not speak to me until you need something from me, yes, yes, yes, please take advantage of me, because I have allowed it for sooooooo long.

So, NO!. No, I will not put you before me. No, I will not bail on my workout plans for you, we can schedule around it. No, I will not cancel plans with Mr. Hot Stuff so you feel important, we can schedule around it. No, I will not allow you to take over my kitchen for any other purpose than cooking me a healthy dinner. No, I can't stay late tonight, I have a date with a barre and leotard as well as Mr. HS. No, our relationship will not be one sided, non-existence is more like it if there isn't a healthy give and take. AAAAAAnd lastly . . .

Yes, I will dog sit for you, because dogs are awesome.


My hero, my spark.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Tomorrow would have been my dad's 61st birthday. Sadly, on September 16, 2011 he lost a short and violent battle with cancer. After he died, I truly felt that a piece of me had died with him. For several months after he passed, I fed my grief. I ate everything that was put in front of. Devoured it in a decadent, indulgent attempt to fill what was missing. Then one day, I woke up. I realized that the sorrow and emptiness I was feeling was just a small measure of the joy and inspiration that loving him and being loved by him was. I had been blessed beyond reason to have had him in my life, no matter how short that time seemed. I can't put in words the strength, independence, compassion and unconditional love that he taught me and so many others. Rembering him is what brought my spark back. I am thrilled to be on this journey and to know that he is with me every step of the way because it means I get to share my hero with others.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KA_JUN 3/27/2013 11:47AM

    Condolences to you on your loss. I think it's great that you are using your love for him to honor his memory and to be a catalyst for you achieving the great things that he would want for you!

Go for it! emoticon emoticon

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