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A mashup of today's thoughts

Friday, February 18, 2011

I'm not sure if those who read this will think I'm strange, but I think this was creepy... About 2 hours ago I heard the wind whistling with a hard gust and looked outside. I saw this strange blue light shining in my front yard. Thinking my neighbor was doing something strange (aka illegal) again, I decided to peek my head out. A few steps outside my door I looked up and realized what it was - the clouds were racing past the almost full moon but there was a break and the moon was absolutely blue. I mean it was a form of bright baby blue. It creeped me out! I've seen a bright full moon before. I've seen a clouded moon. I've seen a halo around the moon due to ice crystals in the atmosphere. But I've never seen the moon in that shade of blue. Why did it creep me out? I have no idea - it just did.

For those of you who read my blog about my really strange dream I had a few months ago, did you catch CSI tonight? I had it on and was kinda paying attention. At the end when Bieber got himself shot and killed, I was actually cracking up laughing. I'm sorry if a fan of his reads this and gets upset, but I really don't think it was a decent dying scene. It was hurried, the blood was completely unrealistic, and his fall was ridiculous. So I hope I don't have that dream again because it will probably take a really disturbing turn. haha

As for my health issues, I realized I'm losing weight on the weekends when I sleep in, only eat about 1800 calories, and spend the day on the couch, plus I'm so much more tired when I'm under 2000 cals. During the week I've been around 2300-2500 cals/day, and I'll gain back the few pounds I lost during the weekend then maintain until the weekend comes again. Though today I've gotten over 2600 cals and I'm still hungry. Seriously, I wish I could suck out my metabolism and give it to some of my sparkfriends like a blood transfusion. I still say it makes absolutely no sense how I could go from my gastroparesis acting up and hardly being able to eat to having superhuman metabolism in such a short amount of time. My masseuse is probably part of the cause, but I'm sure that's not the only reason.

The other day I got one of these car dealership contest gimick mailings. I think I'm going to use it for an excuse to go take a short look at some cars tomorrow after work. Chances I'll win something: quite small. Chances I'll be annoyed by the salesmen: quite high. But I can use the time to get a look at some cars at least. No buying will happen though.

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MANDI99P 2/18/2011 12:58PM

    I was freaked out by the moon last night too! i was at work and looked out the drive thru window,(which faces a field) and there was this low mist hanging about 5 feet off the ground, then I looked up and the full moon was so bright with dark clouds passing by it. I swear if it was a grave yard it would have looked right out of a horror movie. I was waiting (and hoping) for Sam and Dean to come out of the mist!) lol

With your weight, look on the positive side. Atleast you are gaining it back during the week, and not just continually losing. Its good that you got your apatite back, enjoy it! lol

Hope that your weekend is great! Get some time just for you hun!


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I'm such a homebody lately.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

I was thinking about going out tonight to see my friends CherryGun at a bar just a few minutes away. Unfortunately, I was already fighting falling asleep at 6:30, so I just couldn't do it. They weren't due to take stage until 9:30 and will probably go until 1:00. Since I have to be awake at 6:00, I just couldn't do it. They have another show around an hour drive away on Sat the 26th I might go to, since it will be also be a party for the guitarist's 40th birthday.

Otherwise I'm just trying to hang in there. I'm so tired I can't think of much else to talk about. So as soon as the news ends in 20 minutes, I'll be getting in the shower then heading to bed. G'night!

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KAYE454 2/16/2011 11:22PM

  I have not been out of the house at all the past 3 months I am ready for some warmer weather soon

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I'm calling it a win for me.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

So I finally was able to answer the phone when the guy called, so I could tell him we're not compatable. He seemed to want to argue, but I was set. Everything I brought up about me that was different from him he said it didn't bother him. So I had to turn it around and point out that I needed to be around others that will support my choices and not trend me towards things that are unhealthy for me. He still didn't get him. So I brought up his partying and drinking and he said he wasn't that bad. Except he completely didn't remember drunk dialing me and asking to drive to my house to sober up. That proves he is too out of hand for me to be willing to be around him. I just hope he understand that this is the way it will be and that he won't try to argue it.

And just as I typed that I get a 4 message long text from him. He sounds too nice in it, which worries me - that's my nature. I figure I'll just see if anything happens from here. I can be friendly with him to a point if he doesn't push anything. But I think the maturity level is just too different for it to work.

I'm calling it a win because I put up with his constant attention longer than I thought I could - especially since I feel no emotional or physical attraction to him. I controlled my tendancy to throw away guys who give me way too much attention. Yeah it might suck for him thinking he was going to eventually get with me or whatever he thought, but maybe he will learn that if he wants to date women who aren't drunk party chics, he can't be a drunk party boy.

In other news, I got a massage today. I love massages. It makes me feel so great and seems to open up my nerve pathways to allow my digestive system to work better. That is, until I get in my car to drive home and have yet another car try to slam into me. Stupid young chic talking on a cell phone not paying an ounce of attention pulls out in front of me, crosses 3 lanes without so much as a glance, overshoots her lane, and nearly broadsides me. I hit my horn and she looks at me like I'm just doing it to annoy her. Then I had to sit next to her at the light - I wanted to get out, pull open her door, and throw her cell onto the interstate.


Hey PCH - come to my house pretty please!

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

People who haven't been around me long, or don't really know me don't always believe me, but this is the truth: I never get a break from stress; before I can even get 1 issue corrected or problem fixed, I have 1-3 more sprout up. Right now I've got my health issues, my car is going to die any time in the next few weeks/months and I can't really afford to replace it, I've got issues with neighbors and my homeowners association, this fall I will be forced by the city to do construction work on my house due to sump pump issues that are against code (the house was built this way), and now I'm worried that my roof is about to collapse. A few areas on the walls are buckling and the half wall upstairs (separates the kitchen from the living room) is tearing away from the ceiling. I can't afford to fix it.

My life has always been this way. There is always some huge source of stress piling onto all the others. I am so envious of people who are bored with their life because there is nothing happening outside the normal work-home-work-home etc. I don't understand how that works, as if I have 1 day where I'm not stressed out by some problem, then someone on the road tries to slam into me or push me off the interstate (I'm not even joking - apparently my car is invisible to 50% of the population).

Lately I've been trying something new - asking God, the universe, whatever and whoever is willing to help me (without hurting anyone else of course) to help me find a way to correct some of these problems, or to find some way to give me a significant influx of money that will allow me to believe I can get through all these continuous issues. When I put this request out there, I hear this little voice saying "do you really want it to be that easy?" I don't think God would say something like that. I don't think I would question myself like that, because I know how tough things are and it has been figuratively and literally beating me down for so long. So my response is "hell yes!" even though I know winning PCH or the lottery wouldn't actually be easy, as you have to manage the money and deal with thousands of requests for donations. Though I know if I won a significant amount I would be giving some to charity. At the same time, I know the chances of me winning is ridiculously slim, still it would be such a huge weight off my entire life.

In the meantime, I'm not sure how much longer my finances can stay in the black. I've worked hard to do what it takes to have a huge credit score, and the last thing I want to do is start defaulting on bills because of all these issues and problems draining what little money I have left.

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HANKENSTEIN 2/15/2011 12:24AM

    This tells an ominous tale, for sure, and sadly one too many people are facing these days. I really feel for you and can honestly say I'm often one bad event from the same boat.

But can I also say that your sense of humor through it all - my car is invisible to 50 percent of the population made me laugh out loud - is priceless and speaks to your amazing spirit and the fight that has long existed within you.

You inspire with that spirit. Every day. And some day, maybe something will make it all go away as your real reward.

Many blessings and peace your way.

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Scrapes and puncture wounds with an allergic reaction

Monday, February 14, 2011

I tried to keep myself busy today so I wouldn't think too much. Sorta worked, sorta didn't.

Right now I am full of scrapes and a few puncture wounds - my cat needed a bath. He is not good at cleaning himself so every 1 to 1 1/2 years he gets a bath; when I can smell him from halfway across a room, it is time for a bath. This means I'm sitting in the bottom of the tub with him in my lap, me with nothing on (would be a pain to get the wet hair off even a swimsuit - and his nails would ruin clothing), and using the sprayer and cat/dog shampoo. Usually he fights some, but not as bad as most cats. When he starts freaking I just set the sprayer aside, cuddle him for a minute or two, and he calms back down. Today, that didn't happen. He just fought and fought. So I'm covered in 3x as many scratches as normal, and some are pretty deep. Since I'm a little allergic to him, the scratches immediately started swelling. A good shower, scrubbing my skin, putting on antibiotic ointment (he steps in his litter box remember), and taking an allergy pill it cleared up the swelling. But wow he dug deep this time! Still, it was worth it, as now he smells fresh and clean instead of stinky! Plus, he did try to apologize to me later.

I also FINALLY got down my xmas decorations (yes, I put it off this long). When I went to the grocery store I saw the white cheddar popcorn on sale - and made myself walk away. It might not have set off my GP, but I really need to stop risking it. Besides, a girl scout came to my door today and I got a box of my favs: Samoas. I don't need another treat on top of that. They didn't have the sliced cheese that works for me, so I have to go back again tomorrow or Tues to get it. At least I had a few slices left so I could make my sandwiches for the next 3 days.

Valentine's day tomorrow - not exciting for me. I haven't had a boyfriend in 11 years... plus it is the 16th anniversary of the first time my knee was messed up - playing basketball in 8th grade. Put me on crutches and a knee immobilizer for weeks, then 2 other knee braces for weeks. I had to give up basketball and track, but couldn't give up volleyball. So while it doesn't bother me that much (not like I cry about it on the anniversary), I do remember how disappointing it was.

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MOM2ACAT 2/14/2011 4:55PM

    I miss popcorn too! I met some friends for lunch today, and a couple of them were eating popcorn while waiting for the rest to arrive; it was so tempting to try some, but I resisted!

I remember helping my mom give their cat a bath when she was kitten, and had fleas; even with gloves on, it was not a pain free experience!

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SUNNYBUNNY112 2/14/2011 2:12PM

    Omg...we are sisters...Samaos by absolute favorite and then the Trefoils...I was a cadet for goodness sakes..MUST buy cookies...and I can only eat cheese from one place...I consider "cheese" slices as a liquid but only at this particular deli...other cheese makes me sick...but not this cheese...it slides down like butter :) anyway...sorry about the whole cat thing...I am allergic to cats (I had one for 22 years...then poof...eyes swell up like coconuts)
Anyway...I hope you do okay today...despite today's reflection of some disappointments :)

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