Saturday, November 03, 2012
I haven't paid my mortgage since Sept 1st (for August). I'm unable to work, I have lawyers working on appealing social security disability and long term disability, but the last income I had was short term disability that ended in April. My 401(k)s are gone and I'm almost completely out of savings. I'm in a world of hurt and scared. And that's even without taking into account my ridiculous mess of medical conditions that even has my numerous specialists confused and unsure how to proceed. Think that's not enough to deal with?
Wells Fargo called me 3 times today! They woke me up at 8, called right before I had an important phone appointment at 10, and I finally picked up at 1:30. She had the nerve to say to me about 8 times "I hope you feel better soon" after I told her several of my conditions are incurable. Moron. She wants all of my financial information after I already told her I called months ago and was told there was nothing they would do to help me and that I'm basically SOL. I also explained to her that I have many doctor appointments, I could be in and out of the hospital or ER at any time, and that I feel it's more important that I work on staying alive than dealing with them calling me numerous times a day to harass me. Then she wants me to tell her how long I'm not going to be able to make my payments and if I'll just hand over the house or try to keep it. Well, let's see, I'll get out my crystal ball and see how long it is until my incurable conditions go away, find when my legal battles with people who can't even pronounce or spell half of my diagnoses will end and if it will be in my favor or not, or how long I have until I die (hoping not soon, but I'm going to be a little dramatic when I want someone to stop harassing me). Yeah, I can't say what tomorrow will bring let alone the next weeks or months!
Finally she said she'll mark down to not call me anymore and they'll send out a letter I have to sign and send back that they should only contact me by mail. I'll still probably get a letter every day, but whatever.
I'm frustrated and I'm scared. That's not a good combination. I get crap for support from my family (moving back to my parent's house is unsafe physically, mentally, and emotionally), and most of my friends can't handle the fact that I'm sick, let alone what I actually have to go through. There are not even any open waiting lists for help with housing in my entire county, so that's not an option. I think I might have to go back to the idea of moving into some type of assisted living facility, but at 31 and with severe PTSD plus hearing like a hawk, I'll be terrified every day living that close to so many other people and I'll never sleep.
So yeah, I just needed to get that out. There really aren't any good answers for me besides winning the lottery (that I don't play) or PCH (which is a long-shot). I'm really trying to believe that something good will happen, and soon before it's too late, but sometimes it's just too much at once to stay positive. I've been fighting this positive/negative battle in my head all day and I have such a raging headache now that I give up on trying to stop the worry and fear. I'm going to do all my PCH entries then try to get some sleep. If I can get some actual sleep tonight maybe tomorrow will be a little easier for me to handle.
And if I get one more phone call from Wells Fargo I'm blocking their number.