Saturday, January 29, 2011
When it comes to dating guys, my problem is more of I get bored with the guy constantly wanting my attention. My life is always busy so to have to entertain a guy all the time is incredibly annoying.
When most people start a new relationship they want to spend as much time as possible together. I'm different: I DON'T want to spend all my free time with a guy. I'm too busy, I have plans, I have things that I need to do. When I've known a guy for a few months then I've had time to work him into my life and then I will see him more. It is very rare to find a guy who can understand this! That's why the last several guys I've dated were musicians who lived an hour or more away and were busy all the time as well. I didn't have to entertain them every night! But, of course, that brings its own set of complications.
Honestly, if a guy doesn't like me, so be it. I've never been jealous for a moment in my life. Either a guy wants to be with me or he doesn't. I will date a guy without a solid commitment and he can date other women too - as long as there are no solid commitments with anyone (ie no cheating - a date is going out on the town and not back to a bedroom). If he chooses someone else, fine I won't fight for him. If he wants to get serious with me, then it is a commitment. So I've never worried that a guy is going to break up with me and leave me alone. I haven't had a boyfriend in almost 11 years, and I haven't had anything even resembling a date in well over 5 years (and that wasn't exactly a date) - I know how to be single.
I also have serious trust issues. As in it takes a long time for me to even slightly trust that a guy isn't going to do really bad things. That's probably also why I would rather get to know a guy over several months before I spend so much time with them. I want to see that they are willing to put in some effort to treat me the way I should be treated, not that they just want to use me for a few weeks. I've had guys want to pretty much move in with me right away then have me pay for everything in their life! I'm not a bank, I'm not their mother, and they're not a charity case. If they have to put in the work to prove they are a decent guy with good intentions, then the users and abusers will be weeded out.
So this guy I've been talking to lately, the fact that he is constantly asking to come over is a huge red flag to me. Either he wants to see if he can move in so I can pay for his life, he just wants to convince me to sleep with him (hell no!), or something along those lines. There is a small possibility that he's just not thinking about how that request is going to be received, but probabilities weigh in against him. There are some other little flags popping up as well (I'm not going to get into them all); I have not seen anything that definitively points to him being a decent guy with good intentions. So even though I'm giving him a chance, I'm protecting myself.
Um yeah, so that is my explanation about my issues with guys.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Another tough day of lugging boxes at work - I'm exhausted.
Car having more problems - gave the garage 1 more chance to do right, they didn't, I've already found a new garage to go to that advertises only by word of mouth. Says a lot when they don't have to use discount cards and huge signs to bring you in.
The guy called - talked for 40 mins and he just listened to whatever I was tossing out there (Supernatural and car stuff mainly).
Too many bills, not enough money, and dwindling savings... what else is new.
Is tomorrow really Friday? Seems too good to be true. I need to sleep in!
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Quick note: When the guy called this evening, twice, I didn't pick up. If he asks, I "accidentally forgot to turn the ringer back on after work". In reality, I just wasn't up to talking to him tonight. He left a vm saying he will call tomorrow. Okay then.
I'm trying to decide what to do this Friday evening. I can stay at home and watch Supernatural and maybe a movie or something else, I can drive 1.5hr each way to see my friends Quietdrive (band), or I can drive a half hour each way to see my friends CherryGun (cover band). Staying home means being a little lazy but also eating properly and hanging out on SP, plus minimal stress. Going to see Quietdrive means a lot of driving, a lot of rushing, a lot of stress, not being able to eat quite like I should, and dealing with crazed fans that will squish me - but I get to see my friends and get out of the house. Going to see CherryGun would definitely be fun, wouldn't horribly mess up my eating schedule, isn't a long or bad drive, but it is a small and crowded bar with a bunch of drunks around and parking by it is usually horrible. So I've gotta decide this.
Looks like I've gained back the 2 lbs I lost last week during my GP flare-up. It is a good thing, since after health problems caused me to lose 30 lbs since the end of 2009, I'm only about 10 lbs from being underweight and can't afford to keep losing more. (Those who are here to lose weight, please don't hold this against me - having my body starve me was horrible and painful and scary and there is nothing good about that weight loss.) I'm doing my best to keep my stress down so hopefully I won't have another GP flare-up for awhile.
As a final note, I want to say I am so proud of my SP friends who have been working hard to do a little better every day and are making progress in so many different ways. You, my friends, mean a lot to me and I am PROUD to know you! It gives me joy every time I can support you. You have helped me by sharing your ups and downs and your support, as well as giving me the opportunity to support you in any way I can. THANK YOU!
Monday, January 24, 2011
Long day at work + already tired means I dozed on the couch for a bit during the evening news. Oops. Think I had a little too much fiber today (still trying to build back from last week) so my stomach is a little annoyed. But I'm hanging in there.
As for the guy, he was calling again tonight. He asked to come over again. I think I need to spell it out for him - I'm not ready for him to come to my house, I'm not going to sleep with him, and I am definitely not ready to have him all up in my life. At the same time, I'm pretty certain he isn't married. He's younger than me so he wants to party - I get that. In the past I throw guys away so easily because they tend to annoy me, but I want to stop doing that and at least learn how to open my life to let others in now and again. If he is bad, he will blow it soon enough and then I'll put my foot down. I'm making this about me, not about him.
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