1STATEOFDENIAL   127,122
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Saturday, January 29, 2011

When it comes to dating guys, my problem is more of I get bored with the guy constantly wanting my attention. My life is always busy so to have to entertain a guy all the time is incredibly annoying.

When most people start a new relationship they want to spend as much time as possible together. I'm different: I DON'T want to spend all my free time with a guy. I'm too busy, I have plans, I have things that I need to do. When I've known a guy for a few months then I've had time to work him into my life and then I will see him more. It is very rare to find a guy who can understand this! That's why the last several guys I've dated were musicians who lived an hour or more away and were busy all the time as well. I didn't have to entertain them every night! But, of course, that brings its own set of complications.

Honestly, if a guy doesn't like me, so be it. I've never been jealous for a moment in my life. Either a guy wants to be with me or he doesn't. I will date a guy without a solid commitment and he can date other women too - as long as there are no solid commitments with anyone (ie no cheating - a date is going out on the town and not back to a bedroom). If he chooses someone else, fine I won't fight for him. If he wants to get serious with me, then it is a commitment. So I've never worried that a guy is going to break up with me and leave me alone. I haven't had a boyfriend in almost 11 years, and I haven't had anything even resembling a date in well over 5 years (and that wasn't exactly a date) - I know how to be single.

I also have serious trust issues. As in it takes a long time for me to even slightly trust that a guy isn't going to do really bad things. That's probably also why I would rather get to know a guy over several months before I spend so much time with them. I want to see that they are willing to put in some effort to treat me the way I should be treated, not that they just want to use me for a few weeks. I've had guys want to pretty much move in with me right away then have me pay for everything in their life! I'm not a bank, I'm not their mother, and they're not a charity case. If they have to put in the work to prove they are a decent guy with good intentions, then the users and abusers will be weeded out.

So this guy I've been talking to lately, the fact that he is constantly asking to come over is a huge red flag to me. Either he wants to see if he can move in so I can pay for his life, he just wants to convince me to sleep with him (hell no!), or something along those lines. There is a small possibility that he's just not thinking about how that request is going to be received, but probabilities weigh in against him. There are some other little flags popping up as well (I'm not going to get into them all); I have not seen anything that definitively points to him being a decent guy with good intentions. So even though I'm giving him a chance, I'm protecting myself.

Um yeah, so that is my explanation about my issues with guys.

  


Drive by blogging

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Another tough day of lugging boxes at work - I'm exhausted.

Car having more problems - gave the garage 1 more chance to do right, they didn't, I've already found a new garage to go to that advertises only by word of mouth. Says a lot when they don't have to use discount cards and huge signs to bring you in.

The guy called - talked for 40 mins and he just listened to whatever I was tossing out there (Supernatural and car stuff mainly).

Too many bills, not enough money, and dwindling savings... what else is new.

Is tomorrow really Friday? Seems too good to be true. I need to sleep in!

  


Tough day at work

Thursday, January 27, 2011

I'm sore and exhausted today! I got to work to find an email asking me to help pull files and box them up for storage, then move last year's files to a different location. I spent most of my workday (around 5-6 hours) doing that today and will do more tomorrow. I put it into my tracker as moving (carrying boxes) as 2.5 hours (since not all of it was carrying). So many calories burned - unfortunately. grr SP is 'yelling' at me again for burning too many calories.

Not much else going on today. Only talked to the guy for a few minutes today (like yesterday). This talking every day thing just annoys me. See, usually if I have to see or talk to a guy more than 3x/week for the first month or 2, I get bored and throw him away. I don't understand the idea of giving up your life and spending all the time you can with someone you just met... I need some time to actually work them into my life before I spend that much time with him. I've yet to find a guy that understands that. So yeah, I'm almost using this guy to try to break my habit of throwing guys away when they annoy me, but oh well.

Time to drag myself to bed.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

1STATEOFDENIAL 1/29/2011 12:50AM

    Check out my new blog...

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MANDI99P 1/28/2011 10:09AM

    Just like you have told me, be yourself and you will find the right guy. If they can't take that you are strong and independent, and need your own life outside of them they aren't the right guy. Just don't be too quick to throw them away. it takes time to know if they are right for you. i have found that I do the same thing, but I know that its just my fear that I will really start to like a guy, just to have him throw me away. Sometimes you just have to take a chance and let someone in. Just keep your head up, I know you will find the right one.

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SIMPLY_RAE 1/27/2011 1:11AM

    Meh sorry to hear about your tough day at work :( Hang in there!!!!!!!! emoticon

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JMIRROR 1/27/2011 12:20AM

  Sounds like a tough day all around. Hang in there. JEC

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GRANDMABETTY60 1/27/2011 12:19AM

    Don't overdo the pulling, pushing, lifting. I did and I paid for it with sacro-illiitis. sp?? It's an inflammation of the muscles of the pelvis and along the tail bone. Very painful and debilitating! Had to do physical therapy from Nov. 15th until Jan. 12 which meant no exercising in the gym during that time. So hard to go back now. Really lost muscle tone. It's not worth it. So, take it as easy as you can.

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Decisions, good news, and a thank you

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Quick note: When the guy called this evening, twice, I didn't pick up. If he asks, I "accidentally forgot to turn the ringer back on after work". In reality, I just wasn't up to talking to him tonight. He left a vm saying he will call tomorrow. Okay then.

I'm trying to decide what to do this Friday evening. I can stay at home and watch Supernatural and maybe a movie or something else, I can drive 1.5hr each way to see my friends Quietdrive (band), or I can drive a half hour each way to see my friends CherryGun (cover band). Staying home means being a little lazy but also eating properly and hanging out on SP, plus minimal stress. Going to see Quietdrive means a lot of driving, a lot of rushing, a lot of stress, not being able to eat quite like I should, and dealing with crazed fans that will squish me - but I get to see my friends and get out of the house. Going to see CherryGun would definitely be fun, wouldn't horribly mess up my eating schedule, isn't a long or bad drive, but it is a small and crowded bar with a bunch of drunks around and parking by it is usually horrible. So I've gotta decide this.

Looks like I've gained back the 2 lbs I lost last week during my GP flare-up. It is a good thing, since after health problems caused me to lose 30 lbs since the end of 2009, I'm only about 10 lbs from being underweight and can't afford to keep losing more. (Those who are here to lose weight, please don't hold this against me - having my body starve me was horrible and painful and scary and there is nothing good about that weight loss.) I'm doing my best to keep my stress down so hopefully I won't have another GP flare-up for awhile.

As a final note, I want to say I am so proud of my SP friends who have been working hard to do a little better every day and are making progress in so many different ways. You, my friends, mean a lot to me and I am PROUD to know you! It gives me joy every time I can support you. You have helped me by sharing your ups and downs and your support, as well as giving me the opportunity to support you in any way I can. THANK YOU!
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MANDI99P 1/26/2011 10:08PM

    Just want you to know that you are my biggest source of support, and I am very grateful to have met you. You truly are a beautiful person.

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MOM2ACAT 1/26/2011 3:23PM

    Have fun, whatever you decide to do!

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1STATEOFDENIAL 1/25/2011 11:28PM

    Missing Supernatural isn't as bad as it sounds. I DVR every episode, so I could watch it Saturday morning. Though sometimes it is more fun to watch it as it airs.

I'm going to debate it then see how I'm feeling on Friday. I missed CherryGun when they were 10 minutes away last week because I didn't feel well (and it was a Wednesday night). And you're right, seeing Quietdrive can be a pain. haha

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SIMPLY_RAE 1/25/2011 11:09PM

    I'm all for going out and seeing friends, but it seems like going to see Quietdrive would be kind of a pain!!! Going to see Cherrygun sounds fun but then again it IS supernatural you'd be missing hehe emoticon But on the brightside you can always watch it online on Tuesday I believe! So maybe go see Cherrygun and enjoy yourself! That sounds like a super duper blast!

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I'm making this about me.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Long day at work + already tired means I dozed on the couch for a bit during the evening news. Oops. Think I had a little too much fiber today (still trying to build back from last week) so my stomach is a little annoyed. But I'm hanging in there.

As for the guy, he was calling again tonight. He asked to come over again. I think I need to spell it out for him - I'm not ready for him to come to my house, I'm not going to sleep with him, and I am definitely not ready to have him all up in my life. At the same time, I'm pretty certain he isn't married. He's younger than me so he wants to party - I get that. In the past I throw guys away so easily because they tend to annoy me, but I want to stop doing that and at least learn how to open my life to let others in now and again. If he is bad, he will blow it soon enough and then I'll put my foot down. I'm making this about me, not about him.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STARRZ57 1/26/2011 7:46PM

    emoticon You have the right idea!

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MOM2ACAT 1/25/2011 5:33PM

    emoticon

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SIMPLY_RAE 1/25/2011 1:31AM

    That's the right attitude to have!!!! wooooooo!!!!!! emoticon

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