Sunday, January 23, 2011
The guy I talked to on the phone last night called in the middle of the night drunk asking to come to my house to 'sober up'. I didn't pick up the phone but he left this on my voicemail. That wasn't a smart idea, but whatever. He called around noon to ask about doing something later today. I offered up a movie and we planned which one at what time and I said I would meet him there. So I showered, made dinner for myself, and was starting to put on a little makeup when he called to cancel.
He said his sister and her boyfriend just got into a car accident and he had to go to the hospital to be with his family. But he would try to get out of there soon enough to come to my house before I went to bed. Well, there are some things going on here: my head is telling me this is just a joke and he was making an excuse to not go out with me... also I have to wonder after the 3am phone call if the reason he keeps asking to just come to my house is that he wants what I'm not willing to give. I keep finding ways to not have him come over because I do not want someone I just met coming to my house. Plus if he wants just a one night stand, I am worth more than that and it will not happen. Even with that, there is an honest possibility that he is a decent guy who just wants to see me so that's why he keeps asking to come over and that his sister did really get hurt and that's the real reason he cancelled.
This is one of those times I'm glad I didn't get my hopes up. I try to never get my hopes up, as I am usually let down horribly every time I do. At most I was thinking I could just spend some time with this guy to see what happens, while sticking to what I want and do not want from a guy. It's okay... I'm turning 30 this June and haven't had anything semi-resembling a date in over 5 years, and haven't had a boyfriend in going on 11 years. I've learned how to be totally independent and single (even if I don't like it), so having just having a guy ask me out is a shock.
Speaking of my birthday, I'm trying to figure out what to do for my bday, since it is supposed to be a milestone. A party is a bad idea, since no one will come and I don't have money for it anyways. But I do have the idea that I want to do some glamourshots type thing. I've wanted to since I was in my mid teens, but never did. I'm thinking I should do it this year if I can find a place to do it at. I want my hair and makeup done, possibly have wardrobe provided (if it isn't completely expensive), and have some nice pictures taken. Has anyone done something like that; if so what company did you use?
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Short and sweet:
Very lazy day today. I was able to eat my normal GP diet and got to the higher end of my goals without any problems. I slept 11 hours last night, so I've been BLAH all day and didn't do much. However...
I did spend 2 hours on the phone with a guy who seems to want to date me. Not sure about it, but I won't know unless I try, right? And I already explained a little about my GP and it didn't scare him off. Maybe...?
Saturday, January 22, 2011
It is almost unbelieveable how easily I was able to shove food in today! It felt so good to be able to eat and not have my body mad at me for it. Such a fast turn around too. The massage I got yesterday seems to have done wonders! YAY!
Not only could I eat enough to get into all of my nutrition ranges, but right now I'm finishing up the last of my 8 cups of water. I even decided to see if I was really feeling better or just not feeling the pain so much (daring, but Friday night is the time to do it if I'm going to)... I made frozen pizza for dinner, with my favorite shredded cheese added on top! I only cooked 1/2 of the 11" thin crust pizza and then only had 1/2 of that (2 of 8 slices) so it wasn't a lot, and I fit it into my nutrition goals. Well, not only did it taste so very good, but I had NO PAIN! I ate it at about 6, it is now after 11 and neither my stomach nor my intestines have complained!
In other news, the Twin Cities was officially at -16* this morning (International Falls, MN, was -46* this morning!), warming up to about +5* this evening, right before we started getting hit with more snow (should be only about 1/2"). Luckily I get out of work at 4 pm, as it started snowing around 4:45, right before rush hour. WIN!
I'm looking forward to a pretty relaxing weekend. I need to enjoy this while I can. Hope everyone is staying warm out there!
Friday, January 21, 2011
There is a possibility that my vagus nerve was pinched. No way to know for sure but pretty compelling evidence:
I got a massage today and asked her to focus on my neck, shoulders, and back (where I form stress knots all the time). While she was working on my neck, my stomach got tingly and shortly after both my stomach and intestines started grumbling. Makes me wonder if my vagus nerve (which controls the digestive system) was pinched and this released it.
Of course I didn't want to just come home and pound in food. I have to slowly start building up my diet all over again. But I did eat some stuff tonight and my body didn't scream at me. So let's hope I'm on the way up!
In the meantime, tomorrow it is supposed to be -13* in the Twin Cities, MN, tomorrow morning! Since I'm running low on both body fat and muscle, I am constantly freezing lately! At work today I had on a turtleneck, sweater, and a button up sweater but I couldn't stop shaking. Luckily I had brought a fleece blanket with me and I had that wrapped around my legs and waist most of the day. I got a lot of laughs and looks, but at least I wasn't shivering uncontrollably!
Thursday, January 20, 2011
The bad news: today I started getting severe chest pains. Now get the thought of a heart attack out of your head, because I know this feeling and hate it. It was solidified when after a little water and eating a little soft banana my throat started hurting (I have no symptoms of a cold or the flu). So what is it you ask? My eosinophilic esophagitis (EE) is back. It seems when my gastroparesis acts up it causes food to stack up in my esophagus, which causes this flawed immune response. Short explanation is white blood cells line my esophagus and close it off. The chest pain is from food or liquid getting stuck half way down and stretching it; it can last a few minutes or a few hours.
I wasn't going to call the doctor about my GP flare-up. I knew what would come of that. But when the EE hits, it only will get worse unless I get treatment. It is simple: swallow the spray from a steroid inhaler... but it is annoying since you do it 2x/day for 6-8 weeks and can't eat/drink for at least a half hour after you use it (the longer you wait, the better). So the doctor called in a prescription and I started it tonight. Hopefully, since it was caught quicker this time, it will start working sooner, instead of in a few days like last time.
Calling the doctors office is annoying. You have to tell your story to 3-5 people then wait for several different return calls as they relay messages between you and the doctor. Plus they question everything you say like you don't know what is going on in your own body. When I say my GP and EE are flaring up, give you clear symptoms, tell you I know it is from stress that I can't just make better, what is the point of asking me to explain it again when you call back , then telling me I have to drop my stress level? Seriously do you believe I am purposely stressing myself on purpose to make myself sick? If so, swallow a brick to understand what I'm going through right now and ask yourself if anyone would willingly do that to themself.
Right now I wish I had finished my human biology and biology degrees the first time I went to college. I have a theory about how an overactive fight or flight response caused by misdiagnoses and mistreatment by doctors for years probably is a huge culprit for my GP. If only I could study this possibility to see if it is something that can be corrected. (My full theory is growing bigger by the week, so I won't go into the entirety here.)
I admit I have been pushing some food in today, just a little at a time. I'm so hungry and tired from lack of food and water. I endured the pain because I had to. I'm feeling a little better tonight than I was this morning, so that is good. Now it's time to just hang in there and hope it gets better soon.
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