Sunday, October 16, 2011
I went and saw The Thing today (all because of Eric Christian Olsen) and was disappointed. It was lame. Someone needs to tell the director and producers that incredibly loud sound doesn't make something scary! I had to put my fingers in my ears a few times because it was so ridiculously loud - yet I was laughing because those scenes weren't that scary! Some of the effects were kinda cool, but most were overdone. The writing could've been better, some of the lines were pathetic, the plot needed revisions, and you don't give someone an identifying feature over everyone else then kill them off with a half hour left! It wasn't really worth the $7.50 weekend matinee ticket cost, even with ECO (the character development was lacking and his screaming didn't work for a horror movie - he's better in comedy or a bit of drama).
Today wasn't a good day either. 11 hours of sleep last night should've helped, but it really didn't. My body is screaming that it's starving but I think my stomach and intestines are actually cussing at me - they don't want ANYTHING. Even many of my go-to foods are not being appreciated. I'm craving everything fried, greasy, and melty, but I can't have any of it. Just 3 more days - I have to hang in there! Right now I'm thankful for my DVR so I can avoid as many commercials as possible because food commercials might just do me in.
To my Dean - your support is holding me up right now. I can't thank you enough for that.
Friday, October 14, 2011
I got a massage tonight. This time it wasn't an attempt to make my digestive system start working again, it was just to try to get some of the poison out of my muscles that's built up from this past week of having my intestines not working (food rotting inside body, intestines absorb the rotting material which acts like poison). When I was standing at the front desk talking to the ladies I could totally feel the poison moving around (you totally don't want to know how that felt!) so I hung around a bit until I felt better. I got home, made my 'I can't eat solid food' smoothie, and couldn't get it all down before my stomach started rejecting it. I held it down as I started craving almost every single food I can no longer have all at the same time. I AM SO HUNGRY! But when I can't even get down the most basic version of my smoothie I'm in desperate trouble. So I'm finishing off the night with several cups of hot chicken broth. I'm seriously freezing cold (yes I have the heat on) and needed the internal warmth, but I won't be able to get down soup, so broth will have to do.
In a way it's a good thing I'm this bad right now, as I only have a few more days until my initial Mayo appointment. Walking in there and saying how bad I am right now should be good for my case, yet if I get worse I'm not sure how I'm going to make the drive. Plus when it gets this bad, the pain throughout my body just gets so difficult to bear.
I am fighting and will continue to fight. I have no choice, right? I will fight this condition and fight to find someone who is willing and able to help me. I just want to be able to eat food again without pain, problems, and malnutrition!
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
I posted this to someone on a team, but wanted to blog it too.
Interesting thing today, I was talking to a guy at work who's been really nice to me and he said he can see in my face that I'm losing more weight. My weight is the same, but I think it's because of the distention I have every day and because it seems I can't take up all the nutrients I need through my intestines my body fat is being redistributed again. I knew it was happening - I've worn 4 rings for many years; they used to be so tight on my fingers I could barely get them off and now a few can almost fall right off my fingers. Even in the last few weeks when my weight has been rock steady it's getting harder to keep them on my hands. I can also see the indent in my cheeks lately but I didn't think others would notice. So I definitely need Mayo to figure something out.
Friday, October 07, 2011
It is quite windy in MN today. At some points when I was driving in my car a gust of wind would randomly hit me and I'd have to really fight it. Well, I was driving down the road and hit a huge gust (some gusts are hitting 40-50 mph) and out of the corner of my eye I saw something black in the air. I slowed down and looked over and watched a crow take off moving forward, hit the gust, then fly backwards from the wind, and as the gust calmed the bird was dropped back where it started. It was kinda funny to see a crow flying backwards.
As I was thinking about it I realized a few things:
1) I wonder if the other crows thought he was magic.
2) How frustrating would it be to not be able to move forward at all because of a little wind?
3) Maybe the crow was working out on a bird version of a treadmill!
Sometimes when we try to go forward, the winds of change will throw us back where we started. Should we stop trying? NO! If a bird is willing to have a workout on a wind-treadmill, we can dig in our heels and push forward through the tough times. The wind might win sometimes, but eventually it blows itself out - leaving those who fought it stronger and further ahead than those who sat back and watched.
Will you let the wind win, or will you be a magical crow flying backwards?
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