Thursday, July 07, 2011
My company sponsors a race team (not a Nascar style car, a winged sprint car), and the team is going to be at a nearby race track next Friday. My company is offering a pair of tickets for free for any employee that wants to go. I want to go, but I have no one to go with me, I don't want to go alone (watching a race from the stands isn't much fun by yourself), and it will mess up my eating. The race starts at 7 and I highly doubt the concessions stands will have anything I can actually eat (tyvm GP! grr), so even if I eat early, I would spend several hours not eating, just to come home and shove in more food before going to bed.
That's one of the things I dislike most about gastroparesis - I always feel like it is too hard to go anywhere or do anything, especially when it is going to last all evening and I can't take my own food, so I feel totally isolated. I wish I could go back to eating nachos and hot dogs and burgers and popcorn and all that junk food; or at least that I could 'cheat' for one night. But doing that will cause a GP flare and could prevent me from eating for days after (FYI for those who don't know). So I don't go out with friends (well, if I had any left), I don't date (not like I get asked out though), and I don't travel (not like I have the money anyways).
I'm frustrated right now. I know there should be ways for me to do what I want, BUT when I try, the consequences suck. If I had people to spend time with who actually cared about me and were willing to accept that I need to do things differently, maybe I would do things.
So I'm going to just stay home. I'll spend a relaxing evening in my house, not having to worry about driving, parking, too much walking, not enough eating, and being around a lot of people while I'm alone. I have plenty of movies on my dvr I need to watch, so I'll do that instead.
Tuesday, July 05, 2011
How I 'celebrated' the 4th of July:
- Finished the rest of the laundry I didn't get to yesterday.
- That included stripping my bed, washing the sheets, and remaking the bed.
- Went to see Monte Carlo down the street. I wanted to walk the 3 mile round trip, but it was just too dang hot and humid and considering movie theaters are always FREEZING cold, I would've had to carry a change of clothes. So I drove there, wearing jeans and carrying 2 hoodies (and I needed both to keep from shivering!). It's a sweet movie with some fun laughs - a woman of any age should go see it and live vicariously for 2 hours. Katie Cassidy is incredible in her part and Sel Gomez is just amazing, playing 2 different characters (though the annoying one you don't see all that much).
- I also watched a couple movies at home while doing other things. (I'm trying to finish one up right now before heading to bed, since there are 3-4 places nearby that are setting off illegal fireworks at midnight and I can't sleep with loud noises going on.)
Of course, I also did what the day was meant for - I took a minute or two, several times today, to remember why this holiday exists. This is not a day to explode the biggest illegal fireworks in an attempt to prove how great one person is (firework injuries happen - a few years back my uncle had a bottle rocket fly into, and explode inside, his eye). This is not about hot dog eating contests or stuffing yourself full of every comfort food and dessert you can imagine. Instead, this day is about being grateful for the sacrifices our forefathers willingly gave so their descendants could have freedoms they couldn't enjoy. This is about supporting the sacrifices of those currently working to keep our freedoms, as well as their families. This is about not taking our democracy for granted.
I hope everyone had a good day and took a few minutes to be grateful.
Monday, July 04, 2011
I spent about 4 hours today doing some cleaning. I don't know how it goes on so long without me realizing how much time went by! I do not like cleaning. But once I get started, I just go and go and don't want to stop. Tonight I was extremely late eating dinner (very bad for my GP) - didn't eat from about 530 until 1030. But I wanted to finish what I was doing before 10 pm because when living in a townhouse there are quiet hours. If I had stopped for dinner, I wouldn't finished.
I didn't nearly enough done, so I will be doing more tomorrow. As long as I can get out of bed that is! If the jerks that live around me don't stop shooting off illegal fireworks I might just go crazy! I couldn't fall asleep last night (I was awake at 430 am when my paper was dropped off) and had to sleep in the living room because the longer I was in my bed the more awake I became. Now it is almost midnight and there are loud explosions not far away. Honestly, I have to wonder who ever thought up the phrase 'Minnesota nice', because it is the most ridiculous thing ever. 10% nice, 50% uncaring, and 40% wanting to hurt others is not good. But as SunnyBunny says, I digress.
I hope everyone (in America of course) is enjoying their 3 day weekend for 4th of July. Plan your meals in advance instead of going back to the huge spread multiple times and instead use the day to remember the reasons we have the holiday - celebrate our military, celebrate our freedom, and celebrate our will power to do what needs to be done.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Yes, I am a 30yo who listens to Selena Gomez. That is from the 2nd single (coming soon I believe) from her new album (released yesterday); the song is called "I Love You Like a Love Song". The first time I heard it I wasn't sure I liked it, but Oh My Cas (SPN fans are chuckling) that part just keeps going through my brain and out my mouth over and over again!
At the same time, it makes me think of something I don't like about myself. I know a lot of other people have this problem too, so I know I'm not alone - but I can't seem to break myself of the habit. See, I'm far from perfect and anyone who thinks otherwise just has no idea. I screw up plenty often, especially when I'm talking. Somehow I tend to phrase things in ways that others totally misconstrue what I was trying to say. I can restate it over and over to get them to understand, but once they think I'm saying something they don't want to hear, they don't listen when I attempt to clarify. Yet I can't seem to shut my mouth, and if I think first then I don't say anything at all because I go through so many possibilities I run out of time before I decide how to word it. Plus the longer I fumble with how to word it, the more the person thinks I'm stupid and worthless. Thus, when I screw up and can't fix it, make it worse when I try to fix it, or know I just totally ripped my head off and feel the complete idiot, whatever I said (or sometimes did) repeats in my head over and over for years and decades. It feels like utter torture to constantly want to go back and fix it and know I never can, and no matter how hard I try to forget it, I just can't.
Well this flaw in myself has been bugging me more and more lately. I've even been having dreams that wind around this problem, and when I wake up I feel deeply sad. But before anyone goes to the 'see a therapist' statement, I have one and she has run out of ways to help - yet she's done more for me than any other ever has and way more than the doctors who would rather overdose me on meds to shut me up then help me. I'm just putting this out there to see if anyone else who has/had this problem might have any advice they can give me.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Two of my diganoses are pretty much unknown to most doctors. Only about 50% of doctors have heard of gastroparesis, and only 50% of those (25% of total) know significant information about it. Very few have heard of eosinophilic esophagitis, and hardly any know what it is (which is ridiculous as any doctor should be able to figure it out just from the name!). Well, in talking to someone today at work, I found out he has EE also. Though he only did the treatment halfway for a couple days then gave up because he didn't think it did anything - you have to do the treatment 2x/day consistently for 6-8 weeks for it to do what it needs to do. He said he doesn't like to do what doctors tell him to do, but he doesn't like the fact that when he eats something it can get stuck in his esophagus. I tried to explain what it really is (since the doctors didn't do this for me, I doubt they did it for him), what the treatment really is and what it does, and give him a brief explanation of how bad it can get without treatment. I hope he takes it to heart and considers going back to the doctor.
First, it is weird that when most doctors can't figure out what it is let alone have any idea what to do about it - which makes me think that it is pretty rare - that I came across someone at work who has it. Second, how sad is it that the doctors don't tell us what we need to know, so he thought it wasn't important to correct the problem. Third, this is one of the main reasons why I want to learn about my diagnoses - I can attempt to inform others and help them, while also helping myself much more than most doctors have.
So anyone out there who has a medical diagnosis they don't really understand, do yourself a favor and research it, learn about it, and be prepared to explain it to other people and doctors when needed. It could mean making your life easier and possibly helping someone else as well.
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