Wednesday, June 08, 2011
When you look at someone and judge them, your prejudices are showing. Also, what you choose to judge in others tends to fall in line with how you judge yourself. So when you make a judgement about someone with a comment, a joke, or even a thought, stop and consider what you are saying about yourself.
If you say 'look at that fatty', are you afraid of gaining weight and want relief from worrying about it because someone else is where you might end up? If you say 'she must be anorexic - go eat a cheeseburger!', are you covering up your insecurities by convincing yourself that thin means sick and since you're not thin you can't be sick? If you say 'what a moron' or 'how stupid can you be', are you concerned about your mental capabilities and how smart you are so if you can attempt to show you're smarter than someone else then there's no reason to worry? If you say 'God must hate them', are you actually being weighed down by your imperfections and need to believe that if you're not as bad as someone else then you'll be okay?
We know that bullies tend to use their insecurities against others to make themselves feel better, but do they consider themselves a bully? Prejudice is bullying - making a judgement without knowing someone is bullying even if it doesn't directly affect the person you are commenting about. "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone" and "people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones" are statements that remind us we shouldn't be judgemental, even though it is SO EASY to do.
I am not without prejudice, though I challenge it in myself because I've been judged by so many people in so many ways for so long. I know what it is to be called so many horrible things. The last thing I want is someone else to feel like I have. So if I say it about someone else, I had better be willing to turn the comment on myself as well!
The next time a not-so-nice comment goes though your head about someone, stop and replay it, asking yourself what makes you so perfect that you can make that judgement about someone else. Or turn the comment on yourself and it might be that you've had it said to/about you by yourself or someone else. You might be surprised what you find out about yourself when you challenge a snap judgement. Someone who is truly secure in him/herself will tend to not judge others, because they have no need to measure up to someone else.
Tuesday, June 07, 2011
Today we hit 97* in the Twin Cities (MN), a new record. My car was HORRIBLY hot so I just wanted to race home, get out of my work clothes, and into a tank top and shorts. I got home, said "wonderful air conditioning!", went downstairs, and before I could even get my clothes off the power completely went out. It was out for a half hour and my upstairs gets hot very quickly, so I just laid on my bed reading for over a half hour until it came back. Then my air ran for a few hours trying to cool the place down again. Figures, huh? Of course, now it has not only cooled down, but gotten pretty cold. Grr
Monday, June 06, 2011
I do not like my birthday. I never have. I doubt I ever will. But I'll share how my day was today.
I slept in late, skipping breakfast. Then I went to Denny's for a free grand slam for lunch. Next came laundry (which lasted all evening) and 15 mins laying out in the sun. I pulled out an old bikini I hadn't put on in probably 8 years and it didn't fit perfectly, but well enough to wear on the deck where I'm mostly hidden. (I need the vitamin D and to dry out my skin) I watched tv and movies while playing some games online. The day finished off with my mother calling - a very not good thing. She wants to 'fix' our relationship... I had to tell her that until she gets help for her drinking and other issues, we won't have a relationship.
No big 30th birthday blowout party. No one wanting to join me for lunch. I spent the day continuously reminded that I am alone... and 'I don't care'. 30 wasn't different from 29, 21, 12, or 2... every birthday sucks. It's no longer that 'I'm hoping this year will be different', but instead I just wanna make it through the day without sobbing or hating, well, everything.
Of course, everything was made worse because my weekend started off on Friday evening with me going to a bbq. Yeah, I never should've gone. I talk too much. So I pretty much ruined the bbq. I need to learn that silence is a virtue and if what I have to say could be considered less than positive by anyone I might as well tape my mouth shut. Basically I shouldn't talk around anyone who doesn't know me or they're either going to be pissed off or annoyed.
Friday, June 03, 2011
If you don't know who Drew Seeley is, go search him. He is really talented and quite good looking. His girlfriend Amy Paffrath is one of my favorite people.
I turn 30 on Sunday. I haven't had a boyfriend in 11 years (since July 00) and haven't had anything slightly resembling a date in 6 years (since Sept 05). It sucks. I go through spurts of wanting to date but not being able to figure out how to find someone (I do not want to pay for an online service) and wanting to stay totally single.
Today I took my car in for an oil change to a new garage that was recommended to me. Total shocker was that it is in the same building as a small warehouse for my company - I had no idea where it was! So after I got my oil changed I was going to leave, but decided to stop in the warehouse and check it out. I've been with my company since Dec, but I don't get out of the corporate office - we have 91 warehouse locations and I was curious. I went inside and talked to the guys for a little while. I didn't want to leave though because I didn't want to take my eyes off one of the guys. He looks strikingly like Drew Seeley and I was fighting to keep my chin off the floor. haha He is also pretty nice and was kinda funny (for the 15 or so minutes I talked to him). I walked out to my car, turned up the radio, and said "wow is he good looking!" Yes, I giggled a bit too.
I got home and realized I should have had a little backbone and asked if he was single. I have never been able to step up and ask a guy out. I'm just a fraid-y cat. Now I've been thinking that if I'm ever going to have a chance to go on a real date, I'm going to have to suck it up and ask someone. Yeah, someone who intimidates many other people without having any idea that she's doing it needs to step up and put it on the line. (Knowing my luck, not only will he be taken but somehow I will look a complete fool!)
Guess I'm going to have to come up with a reason to stop back in there at some point to see if I can do it! Wonder if I can come up with some cheap part I can replace on my car... haha
Wednesday, June 01, 2011
Today has been a weird day. Parts of the day were great, while others were not. The rollercoaster of life, huh?
I got my hair done last night. It is a little more red and a little shorter than I wanted, but the red tint will fade pretty quick and my hair grows really fast, so it's all good. Still, I wasn't totally sure about it so when I got to work I asked a few people for an opinion. Of course, I can't take a compliment, so that didn't help. What helped was the random people I don't talk to often who complimented me as they walked past me in the hallway. By the end of the day, I actually felt good about my new hairdo! I lost count of the compliments even. This was the great part of my day.
Then I ran a few errands and came home. I went to check facebook and my email quickly before starting dinner (I do this every night) but that was a bad idea tonight. Somehow fb figured out 2 people to put in my 'people you may know' that would totally pull the nostalgic card on me. Dangerous for me, I tell ya! For some reason, when I start thinking about the past too much, I end up with a MAJOR headache and get very exhausted. So after a little while I had to stop and lay down on the couch just to make the room stop spinning. I can't explain it.
I posted on my facebook that I tried to get a pic of my new hairdo and failed at getting anything I was willing to show, and grumbled about it a bit. A friend of mine responded with the link to a friend of hers who does professional photography. I checked out the page and it is $150 for 1-2 hours, 1-2 wardrobe changes, and 1-2 locations. Wow - don't think I can afford that! Still, I think I'm going to give her a call and see if she's willing to something more simple for cheaper. So I'll see what happens.
Time to watch the news then crawl into bed.
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