Wednesday, January 12, 2011
I definitely did not get enough sleep last night. By the time we finished the house projects last night, I was already late for bed and still needed to shower and eat my dessert! Therefore, I was tired at work today. But I not only pushed through being tired and having GP issues, I worked almost 3 hours extra!
I'm putting in extra time today and tomorrow because there is a huge project that needs to be done ASAP. The boss's boss decided to give me what everyone considers the hardest/worst part. I'm okay with that, as I get to use this to show that I'm a team player, I like the work and won't be put off by the annoying parts, and that I am choosing to smile and make the best of it instead of complaining!
Since they would prefer not to pay overtime, the extra time I'm putting in I get to take off on Friday. Since we are due to get more snow that afternoon/early evening, this should help get me out early enough to miss it and miss the traffic jam at rush hour!
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
My father and I got my new toilet installed, replaced a broken closet door track, and fixed the back light on my car (which I didn't even know was burnt out).
Got a lot done, now I'm exhausted and heading to bed... while feeling accomplished.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
My father is coming up for an overnight visit tomorrow (my family lives ~3 hrs away). He's going to help replace my downstairs bathroom toilet with a new one. The one there now is original to the house (25+ years old) and the inner workings aren't working well, the bowl is HUGE so it wastes a LOT of water, and the valve that shuts off water to it is broken. Since I found I could get a new one for relatively cheap (everything together should be around $125) I figured I might as well replace the whole thing. But since I definitely can't move a toilet by myself, can't install it myself, and need help with a few other little projects, I called my father and asked him to come up. He retired early (he's 57) after 38 years in the National Guard, so now he has a lot of free time... for my mother to drive him crazy. haha So when I need something, if he's not busy he'll make the drive to help me out.
Luckily for me, he's pretty level headed. He can help out with some ideas about how to approach and solve a problem. At the same time, he doesn't like to deal with arguing and doesn't do well with health problems (he will help out, but he just doesn't like to be around it if he can help it). So now that I'm not in the middle of being incredibly sick like I was this summer when he was here for a month (I couldn't be left alone and had no one else to help me), I'm going to have to suck it up and work my butt off while he's here, no complaining. At least I was able to talk my mother out of coming with him, or it would be more hurt than help. I can't stand her coming into my house and messing with everything to make it the way she wants it.
So here's to making the most of my father being here and helping me out!
Sunday, January 09, 2011
I said in my blog yesterday that I am believing that the next few days will be good. I went to bed believing it. I woke up believing it. I went to my first yoga class believing it. Then something a little strange happened.
The instructor that was supposed to be there, wasn't. It was someone else. No big deal as I had never met either one. I got there a few minutes before it started and it was pretty full, so I sat in the back. (BTW, this was an intro class, explaining what it is and what the poses are.) After about 15-20 minutes, I suddenly got this feeling that I needed to move up to a space right in the middle of the front. Normally I wouldn't move up like that, but I did. I am REALLY glad I did, and I will explain why later.
Of course, the instructor makes the moves look easy, but for a newbie with horrible flexibility (my hamstrings are disgusingly tight), no real muscle tone, and terrible balance, wow that was tougher than I thought it would be! She broke the poses down really well and took time to help us understand the whole point of the poses and movement. She also explained how doing yoga can release emotions that you've pushed down. Important for me to know.
I randomly lingered, not in a hurry to get out of there. Some of the students were talking to the instructor but then as they left her and I started talking. I had this moment where I felt like I could really talk to her and believed that she could say or do something that would benefit me. The emotions released and I started crying as I told her about the week I had just had, about my gastroparesis (which she said she's heard about from others), and then about the general lack of support from friends and family. I told her how you awesome sparkers have really helped me the past few days and that it meant so much to me. She gave me a hug and offered her support as well. She said she believes we are kindred spirits and invited me to go to church with her tomorrow.
Before some of you get excited, I need to explain something, just like I did to her. I believe in God, but I do not like organized religion because I don't want to be told how to believe and that if I don't do it a specific way then I'm a bad person. I have some arguments about what is, and is not, in the bible as well as religion in general. BUT, I am open to learning some things, as long as it is offered for consideration, not shoved down my throat. She said that her church is not about telling you that you're bad if you don't do things a certain way and is more about the message. So I agreed to give it a try. I will be meeting up with her tomorrow to check it out.
So then one must wonder, was this all supposed to happen? A bad week, a last minute instructor change, a sudden need to move to the front of the room, me randomly lingering for no reason... Whether divine intervention or monkeys on typewriters, I am going to make the best of it!!
Friday, January 07, 2011
It can be really hard pushing forward when you are against a wall that is getting pushed at you. It is incredibly draining and you feel helpless. When that happens to me, it tends to snowball. This morning brought a fender bender and my front bumper is now cracked. I could hardly focus at work; during the last few days every few minutes I feel like I'm about to burst into tears. But a few hours into work a great thing happened...
Since I have only been at my job for 4 weeks, I'm still having to learn a lot. Also, because I was an addition, not replacing someone who left the office, I didn't walk into a desk piled high with work. Instead, they are slowly giving me things to work on, but since it is end of year I'm helping everyone with things they have to have done, before I take on more regular work. Today one of my co-workers asked me to match a list of invoices to be paid with a statement, since it was problematic, she couldn't figure it out, and she was really frustrated with it. Well, I have this strange ability to pick out abnormalities in data, or look for some small item in a large stack of paperwork. (I rock at sudoku and minesweeper.) This task is the kind of thing my brain likes. So after 2 hours of reviewing page after page after page of numbers, inputting several hundred lines of data into a spreadsheet, then comparing and finding the problems, I gave it back and she was very grateful.
Then I took a short break because my brain was swimming and my eyes were dancing. And I realized something: in those 2 hours I hadn't been upset, I hadn't wanted to cry, and those 2 hours flew by without anything in my head but thousands of characters of data and the challenge of figuring it out. When I completed the challenge, I felt great, accomplished, and energized. The last hour of the day went by easily and the drive home seemed quicker (even though it was slower because of bad roads).
Then when I got home and my cat had to spend a half hour telling me about his day, it didn't annoy me as much as it normally does. See, he gets in my way, meows non-stop, gets underfoot, then follows me around and flops on his back over and over again until I either threaten to ground him or give him attention. Sometimes it is cute and I will spend a few minutes with him, but when I'm ticked off from traffic or tired from work it is just annoying. Well, he knows I've been upset so when I picked him up, he cuddled me - which he rarely does.
Even better, he gave me 'kisses' back. See, when I hold my cat, I say 'kisses' and he shows me his forehead so I can kiss it. Sometimes he wants a lot of kisses and will stay like that. Other times, he wants one then wants to go down. Every once in a great while - like today - when I give him kisses he will then stretch up and sniff my forehead back. That is his way of giving me 'kisses' back. This time, he kept sniffing my forehead over and over. He is my little boy, my family, and often he is what keeps me going.
I know I am very susceptible to outside stimuli. When people treat me horribly or say terrible things to me, it destroys me for days/weeks/months/years. When I can somehow get good things happening, then I'm doing good. I hate this, but I have yet to figure out how to stop it from happening. Nothing I have tried (affirmations, trying to ignore it, challenging it, etc) has worked. Maybe I will have to find some form of data challenges that I can do when things get bad to help me feel better.
And I'm excited to participate in my first yoga class tomorrow! I also rescheduled my massage for Sun. Plus I have an appt with my therapist on Mon (hopefully she won't cancel this one). As of this moment, I am believing that the next few days will be good.
Get An Email Alert Each Time 1STATEOFDENIAL Posts