100,000-149,999 SparkPoints
1STATEOFDENIAL's Recent Blog Entries

Trying to push forward.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Thank you to all of you who responded to my blog from Tuesday. I will respond with what I'm taking from your responses soon (hopefully tomorrow).

In the meantime, I traded messages with my GI doc today (through his coordinator) and he said he knows nothing about the vagus nerve affecting the digestive system. Um, okay. So he said to try a neurologist. I stopped by my primary doc's office after work to see if I could get an appt (instead of calling in - it was on my way home). Because of the irregular heartbeat and breathing problems, they wanted me to see a nurse right away. It is disturbing how difficult it is to explain what is going on to anyone in the medical community. Yes, it is a lot of information to put together, and they hate it when you 'self-diagnose', but seriously, when everything points in one direction it makes sense to follow it instead of acting stupid and waiting for them to get a clue. So a half hour of talking to her and she just sent an email to my doctor - I should hear tomorrow if my doc wants to see me before a neurologist, and hopefully she has an idea of where I could find one. I want this figured out so I can eat again, as well as stretch and move without passing out or having my heart want to explode. Gah!

Contacted the association to try to get them to pay for a massage - when I said I injured myself she immediately assumed I had fallen. Wow she is an idiot. When you shovel 20" of snow in an area as big as a car in 20 minutes when you're not used to it (add to it my medical problems and an inability to gain weight or build muscle) the damage is to soft tissue and for me it is compressed nerves. She hasn't responded if they will pay for a massage session (or several I hope!) but if she comes back that they won't, I guess I will be getting an order from my doctor for it to send to her. I can't afford another massage when I just had one last week (I usually get 1/month) and they are entirely to blame.

I'm looking forward to an incredible episode of Supernatural tomorrow night. I need a hard enough laugh to make me fall off the couch (will probably happen based on the previews). Then Saturday friends of mine have a show where they're also celebrating the guitarist's 40th birthday. Unfortunately it is on the north side (around an hour drive each way) and we're due to get about another inch of snow. Since my car is going to hell, gas is at $3.50/gal, and I can barely eat so I have no energy, I don't know if I'll make it. Really disappointing, but it seems I'm missing out on more and more of my life due to this stuff, so I should get used to it. Ugh!


If you haven't yet...

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Please read and respond to the blog I wrote yesterday. I really want to know what others on sparkpeople believe about the questions I asked. I'm trying to take these answers to heart and consider them in my own life.


Tell me if you expect good things will happen to you.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Instead of talking about me tonight, I want to see how many people will respond to a request. I would like anyone who reads this to respond with answers to 2 questions:
1) What makes you a good person?
2) Do you believe good things happen to good people and others receive their karma eventually? Or do good people suffer as bad people get away with everything?

Write a sentence, a paragraph, a huge note - whatever you would like. If I answered this for a specific friend of mine, I would answer: 1) She is always giving time, effort, and support to charities - more than anyone else I know. 2) She believes that doing positive things will bring positives effects to your life.

I was talking with some people today about this and would like to see what my fellow sparkers have to say. So give your opinion - negative, positive, neutral, whatever you have to say about this. I want to know what you think!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KAREN32862 2/24/2011 12:58AM

    I do believe in karma. I believe those who make poor choices, or do evil deeds suffer the consequences eventually. However, I also believe that life is not fair for a reason and that reason is free will. One can be a "good" person, however you want to define that. But bad things do happen to good people, because when God created us he loved us enough to give us free will. The downside to this is that someone Else's free-will poor choice or action can often roll down hill and hit the innocent head on. For example, how many times have you seen reports of a drunk driving accident where the drunk driver has barely a scratch, but in his/her stupor he/she killed some child or upstanding citizen? This obviously does not seem fair. But the bigger picture is that the alternative is slavery. And I would rather be free in an unfair-unjust world than to be in bondage being forced to live a certain way. I do believe that Karma eventually balances life out.

As far as what makes a person "good" or "bad" everyone's mileage may vary. I think generally it comes down to intent. Just because someone does "good" things doesnt make them good. It is their intent. Just as people who do bad things are not necessarily "bad" people. What differentiates good and bad behavior is intent.

Report Inappropriate Comment
BARBARII 2/23/2011 9:44PM

    I work at doing the right thing, not the easy thing, when it comes to dealing with others and with the environment, etc.

Good people may not always have good things happening to them, but they are blessed with things that "bad" people don't even know they're missing - or don't even know they have - real friends, real love in their lives, and satisfaction that the world is a better place because they're in it.

That's my two cents.

Report Inappropriate Comment
SUNNYBUNNY112 2/23/2011 7:25PM

    I think I am a good person because in my heart I think I am...and I try to be...I may not always make the right decisions, but I do try to think of my actions and how they will affect those around me.

I believe that the energy you put out there (whether positive or negative) will find a way to get back to you...if you do positive things, surround yourself with positive things...then I believe that you will feel those vibes...NOT to say that bad things do not happen to good people....or vice versa....I think things happen to us for reasons...for us to take something away (lesson) and apply it to some aspect of your life....

Report Inappropriate Comment
IVORY1825 2/23/2011 4:02PM

    1. I am helpful, sometimes to a fault of forgetting to leave time for me, and I have lots of patience with difficult people. Lots. Especially at work.

2. I am a firm believer in karma, I don't think we always get to see it all in action, but I think good things will come to good people and bad people will get theirs, somehow.

Report Inappropriate Comment
MOM2ACAT 2/23/2011 2:29PM

    1.) I try to be tolerant of all people. Even I don't like some people, I can still be polite and civil to them. I believe in having good manners, in saying please and thank you, and having respect for others.

2. I believe in karma, but I believe we have to patient for it; it doesn't always happen right away, and sometimes not even in our lifetime.

Report Inappropriate Comment
HOLLIE90038 2/23/2011 1:12PM

    1) My sister who has Down Syndrome is the light of my life. She always reminds me of how a simple life, with simple expectations and simple pleasures can be fulfilling. Because of that, I know the basics : treat others how you want to be treated and love others as you want to be loved. Don't lie, don't be mean and most of all, forgive and forget. While I can't always meet that, It is absolutely my goal. That's what makes me a good person - striving to be.

2) I believe that being positive is its own reward. Whether it is karma or divine intervention, it doesn't matter. I am happier when I look on the bright side. When I'm happy, the world is a friendlier place. Staying positive helps me achieve my goals.

Report Inappropriate Comment

What happens when someone else's incompetence threatens your health?

Monday, February 21, 2011

Because of the incompetence of my HOA, it looks like I will unfortunately have to lose several pounds (that I can't afford to lose) as my vagus nerve is once again being messed up. The really crappy part is this time it is also affecting my heart rate and my breathing.

The snow had been falling here in the Twin Cities, MN, for about 24 hours when I woke up this morning to get ready for work. The plow team had still not come through to clean the 19-20" of snow off my driveway. I called the emergency number to say they need to get someone out there - of course I was met with attitude and told 'they will get to it' which is one of the worst answers someone in customer service can give to a customer. An hour later when I had to get on the road I spent 20 minutes digging out a space just wide enough to get my car out - and cussing and screaming up a storm. When I got home they had done a half-@$$ job on my driveway, but it again had about 4" on it that I had to clean off. They still haven't come back through to clean up the common driveway. It has now been snowing for around 40 hours (still falling by the way) and they still have not dug out my walkway - which is the only way in and out of my house. I've shoveled the smallest path possible 4 times but now I have 22-24" on the rest of the path and can't do any more because the drifts are as high as my mid-chest.

Because of having to clean this up myself (even though I'm paying a lot of money to have it done for me) my vagus nerve is once again having pressure on it. Since the earliest appointment I could get with my masseuse was Sun, I'm assuming I'm going to drop around 5-10 lbs (10 lbs will put me to an underweight BMI - which I've been fighting to avoid) before I can have the ability to eat properly again - the 2400 stinking calories my body needs just to maintain my weight.

The HOA manager said they would be coming through several times through today and tonight to clean up the snow - of course, they haven't. They're under contract to clean up anything more than 1-2" (every time I try to get a straight answer they change the amount) but they won't even come through unless it is over 6" and anything over 12" they usually don't actually do it until 2-3 DAYS after the snow starts.

Honestly, I don't understand how people are so incompetent, lazy, and have no empathy for the people paying them to do a job. No matter what I've tried to get them to do their jobs, they refuse to do it. I just don't know what else to do.

So now I get to suffer severe pain, a severe lack of nutrition, and spend the next week or two (more snow is coming next weekend) worrying if I will be able to stay above being underweight and if I should be going to the hospital due to the fact that this time it isn't only my digestive system having problems, but my heart and lungs too. But before you start saying 'go to the hospital, get it checked out' please understand that I don't have the money for that, if I take off work I lose my job (can't take any leave for the first 90 days - which is mid March), and they are going to have a serious lack of answers and possible treatments, so they will feed me full of blood thinners (which will do more harm than good due to me being close to underweight, having low blood pressure, a low constant body temperature, already having problems with losing feeling in my arms and legs, etc etc) and run a bunch of tests to come back with no answer. I know the problem is my vagus nerve, but if you tell a doctor what is wrong, they will refuse to treat you (been there done that). So going to the hospital is the last thing that is going to help me. I can only suffer in hell until I can get in to my masseuse on Sun.

Seriously, I can't catch a break. No matter how much I try, something is always there to destroy me again.

No responses needed - I just want to vent because I am so livid.


Snow, snow, go away!

Monday, February 21, 2011

MN is getting dumped on by snow right now. Around 6 pm I had about 9 inches (12" on my deck due to the wind and the enclosed area). By 11, it is probably 12-13". By morning I wouldn't doubt it being around 15". I really dislike snow - and this winter is making me question why I chose to live in MN. Plus, since I have to work in the morning, if the plowers and shovelers don't get out here soon, I'm not going to get out of my driveway!

I went to the gym today to have a half hour session with a trainer. I'm seeing her just a few times to get some help with stretching, mainly yoga and pilates type stretching. Most of them I've done before, so I'll keep working on them and when I see her again she will make corrections and hopefully show me a few more. The weird thing is, some of the stretches were not doing what they should be. For example, a stretch meant for the back and ribs was actually pulling the edge of my shoulder more than anything. No idea why. One more confusing thing about me that doesn't make sense. ugh


First Page  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 Last Page